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Boobs may not cause earthquakes, but abortions cause oil leaks

Just to remind everyone that middle-eastern Muslim clerics don’t have a monopoly on crazy wackjobbery, here’s a new supernatural hypothesis from an American Christian minister:

It has been widely broadcast that the largest Planned Parenthood abortion clinic in the nation has been built in Houston, TX. This six story tall (six is the number of the flesh man*) abortion supercenter was opened in May, just a short time before the Deepwater Horizon oil disaster began.

And because Houston has other places that provide abortion services, that’s obviously the cause of the oil leak. Yep, air-tight reasoning, right there. And while I’m pro-choice, I think testing this hypothesis scientifically may have some ethical ramifications, soooooyeah, let’s just skip right to calling this guy a loon, okay?

He also rambles a bit about how “nice” Christians like Joel Osteen are ruining Christianity, and something about hurricanes and babies, but hell if I can figure it out. I just like this graphic he uses of a hurricane baby:Aha! Proof of…um…something. Maybe an overactive imagination?

(Via Jezebel)

*WTF?

Comments

  1. Chris Merchant says

    An abortion supercenter is like a regular abortion clinic, except you can also buy your groceries while you’re there!

  2. Rain says

    I just…the whole damn “parable” post was sooo hard to drag myself through and read, and it rambles, and makes the STUPIDEST analogies. OMG. That man….*sigh* and yet, people follow him! Oh, wait, MY bad. SHEEPLE. Not people.

  3. says

    Well, at least I know it wasn’t my fault the frypan slipped after making some chips… the local abortions cause me to spill the oil

  4. says

    I think it looks more like a dragon.Then again, I’m in the middle of watching the entire run of all the Dragon Ball series.(the head is the northern ‘foot’ and the rest is a whole lot of coiled tail)

  5. says

    Ooh, is that like that picture of Jesus hidden in the dog’s anus? ;-PSeriously, Houston’s already a shitty place and has been for years. I know, I used to live there, I went to school there. The only thing it has going for it is a lesbian mayor (I’m surprised he didn’t blame it on that), a much superior trans community to the one here in Denver and it has abortion clinics. Other than that, it’s a real hellhole.

  6. Chris says

    I also found it troubling that there were people that posted thank you messages at the end… It’s bad enough he’s spewing the stuff, then there’s the people eating it up…

  7. says

    Yeah, but keep in mind that there are actually people that are stupid enough to vote Republican, be anti-choice, think that gay people threaten their marriage, think that the blood of a 2,000 year old Jewish zombie makes infidelity okay and that a woman is less important than the fetus inside of her.

  8. Chuckl says

    Well, since I believe that believing in ANY god is a sign of mental illness, this just adds more “proof” to my theory!

  9. KarateMonkey says

    You might be able to adapt boobquake methodology to this. Just have everyone donate to a pro-choice cause like Planned Parenthood, or the National Abortion Federation on the same day. The only real trick is deciding on a name for the event. I vote for slippery fetus.

  10. Chris Merchant says

    Hedonism in the French Quarter caused Katrina, which curiously largely spared the French Quarter. An abortion clinic in Houston caused an oil spill that’s killing thousands of marine animals in the Gulf.For people who insist that God is so powerful, they do seem to think he has lousy aim…

  11. Snolde says

    Did anyone notice, that it says 6671 on the Houston abortion clinic? Confused satanists? 667 – erm – minus 1? Signs over signs…

  12. Jerrous says

    Too bad he filters his comments. Didn’t exactly troll, but I did call him on his shit. I mean conservatives tend to run the bureaucracy involving drilling, conservatives tend to be pro-life, a pro-lifer probably approved or had a hand in approving the drill site and protocols in place at Deepwater Horizon. So really, pro-lifer(s) is(are) probably causally to blame for this Radicals are always dangerous. At the same time it’s impossible to get rid of them. Charismatic personalities often take people for a ride and a lot of the times they’ve got charisma in spades and about as much intelligence as a box of hammers.I figure that probably 1:100 have the qualities to be a radical (mild to severe sociopath) and maybe 1:100 has the charismatic qualities that make a leader, so 1:10,000 people are charismatic radical leader material. What can you do?

  13. Wallydkennedy says

    For gawds sake…my house just disappeared…went outside…my entire street has disappeared…then it dawned on me at the age of 61…it must be because I had sex before I got married 36 years ago…still at least I now know the reason.

  14. Introbulus says

    <insert here=”” joke=”” wal-mart=””> D; My brain isn’t firing on all cylinders today. </insert>

  15. Introbulus says

    Are you suggesting that we slap our asses at them? I don’t think they’d go for us. ;p

  16. R Jenniferd says

    The birth canal, i.e. vagina, comes out around Haiti.Haiti had an earthquake and hundreds of years of poverty.Q.E.D. Vaginas cause poverty AND earthquakes.

  17. Lucifer_hawk77 says

    lol that guy is full of shit i posted a comment but i doubt it see the light someday lol

  18. Introbulus says

    Oh my god…you are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. Dragons are coming to the Southeast Coast!

  19. Metal_Warrior says

    Six, Six-Six, The Number Of The Beast…I just can’t get that ringing off my ear. To me the termal scan looks like the invisible pink unicorn in it’s visible form. :P :DBut my real question is: Why using a hurricane pic for proofing the guilt for an oil leak? Maybe I just missed the point…(by the way – you danced naked and I didn’t feel the earth shaking. Maybe God needs a little more time due to a proper preperation…)

  20. Introbulus says

    Also remember that there are people who are very, very bad at making their own choices, and when presented with an idea, they will usually latch onto it without question, because they think it’s an answer, and as long as the people they’re listening to can’t be disproven, they will never, ever let go of it.

  21. Introbulus says

    JEN! Inquiring minds want to know: What type of dance are you doing? The hustle? The Charleston? Some sort of Loco Motion?

  22. Metal_Warrior says

    Just let time do the work – It’s the same thing we do here over in Germany with our – say special – friends… Sooner or later they’ll all face the daisies bottoms…

  23. says

    Some angel needs to tell God about electronic and social media.Communicating detailed instructions through massive indiscriminate disasters is just a little too retro. Be a Goddite, not a Luddite.

  24. Metal_Warrior says

    I’d vote for the Dark Morris, so winter will arrive soon (as in my room it’s 304 K at 00:10 am). ;)

  25. Mitchelldoit says

    boobs cause earthquakes,abortions cause oil spills,hedonism caused Katrina,hmmm is it possible that homosexuals cause tornados(even tho they always seem to happen in the bible belt)?

  26. says

    I think all the restrictions on abortion caused the oil spill! Nebraska has been trying to give eggs personhood, Oklahoma has new ultrasound laws. Yup, it’s all those women being forced to carry an unwanted pregnancy to term that caused the oil spill. Also, abortion supercentre? Really? Oh, please excuse my Canadian spelling. I can’t bring myself to invert the ‘e’ and ‘r’.

  27. Dragonlisa1 says

    And women who cured warts with herbs and floated when thrown in the local pond were witches…

  28. Smokin Joe Fission says

    This is why I believe in the Flying Spaghetti Monster! There’s an irrefutable connection between the increase in global warming and the decline of pirates that is one of the cornerstone beliefs of Pastafarianism!

  29. jeffhintx says

    Never let it be said that the Islamists have the lock on whackjobbery, it’s just that much more disturbing when our own Christiban start sounding just like them.

  30. R Jenniferd says

    NO. Homosexuals only live in San Francisco, so they cause earthquakes. Duh.Except they haven’t been gay enough to cause a damaging one for 21 years. It’s time to fruit it up!

  31. says

    I hear that if you sign the right to the stem cells from the fetus, you get a store credit too. One lady got an iPod Shuffle from her Stem Cell Store Credit!

  32. says

    I agree w/ Chris above — God’s got lousy aim (and little concern for all the poor wildlife affected by this) if this is his way of punishing people for abortion.But his claims *could* be tested empirically and ethically (just not experimentally). You could look for correlations between abortions per capita and per capita deaths due to natural disasters. But would proving him wrong make him any less crazy? I suspect not.

  33. says

    Or maybe the Flying Spaghetti Monster watching over a few pirates who mistakenly laid anchor in Galveston and choked on the smell of sulfur, which is what the water there smells like.May they be touched by his noodly appendage. ;-P

  34. says

    God always has been infamous for communicating what he has to say through the mentally disturbed. If he’s all powerful, why can’t he communicate his messages to the entire populace at once so there’s no ambiguity? He always chooses the most unstable, psychotic fucker in the camp to relay the message.

  35. says

    Well, Pride is coming up in a couple of weeks. You might want to let your concerns be known to the community organizers. I’m sure they will be more than happy to go super gay for this one Pride. ;-P

  36. MrPlaid81 says

    Pareidolia is the mental condition that allows us to see rabbits when we look at clouds or jesus in our burnt toast.

  37. says

    No, it’s the Combine Advisors pushing through the interdimensional portals created at Black Mesa to get through to the Xen borderworld for their dominion, using Dr. Breen as a puppet, of course.G-Man, we need Gordon Freeman now more than ever!

  38. Brenda Murray says

    Hi Jen,As a Christian, I’d be much happier if all wackjobbery would be committed by people who aren’t Christians. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. Oil spill is caused by abortions? That’s just embarrassing. Please know at least this about Christians: we’re not all wacked hyper-conservatives. This fellow does not speak for all Christians, he just thinks he does. :-)Cheers,Brenda L. Murray,Ontario, CanadaFellow Boobquake participant

  39. says

    This guy is not right in his head. It seems to me that weather has to do mostly with prevailing climactic conditions, and that disasters have either natural or man-based reasons, and our present disaster is totally man-based. I’m not sure why he doesn’t accept that bad business and bad science can result in total ecology-fail. Even though that’s what is happening. A lot.

  40. Matilda says

    Oh, I’m so happy to live in Sweden where there is almost no room at all in public debate for religious loons. OK, I know we Swedes are all “morally lost” (Bergman, free sex, the pill, gender equality, social security, health care systems) and that we’re all communists as well… and that, following that queer logic of religious people, something really, really bad is going to hit upon us. But until then, I can go on with my very happy life in a country comparatively free from supernatural hypothesis from people claiming to represent the only truth.

  41. Matilda says

    Wait a minute – for some reason bad things never happen to Sweden! No one sends us devastating hurricanes, floods, men with machine guns in schools… Why is that, when our “moral track record” is so bad?

  42. Metal_Warrior says

    As stated before – God has a lousy aim. A very lousy indeed. Almost a wonder that he is able to hit the earth, but maybe he just hits it accidently, like one time out of thousand. Same with Germany too…

  43. Incredulous, but not surprised says

    You know why fundamentalists don’t make love standing up, though . . . right? It’s so they don’t take the risk that God might think they’re dancing.

  44. Autochton says

    I now feel the need to write a heavy metal song about the Number of the Flesh Man.That is all.

  45. pnwgreg says

    I’m crediting God’s lousy aim at least in part due to his lack of knowledge about the rotation of the Earth — I mean he never mentioned such a significant fact to anyone back when he was regularly addressing his minions. For all we know, every untimely death of a person west of the Mississippi for the last 40 years was just another missed attempt to strike down Dolly Parton — a seemingly unmissable target.

  46. Matilda says

    The Swedish people’s worst fear now seems to be that the soccer team of their choice (whichever) should aim as lousy as God.

  47. Hebredian says

    Add to this the reprehensible Pat Robertson (the Haiti quake was because they’re all witchdoctors or something) and yes, religious leaders must have some sort of mental disease – as if telling another person you have the answers to the unanswerable wasn’t prior proof. And Madam Sideways has it pegged – why does god choose the incoherent to give us clarity? Like how the aliens always probe some back woods yokel, not a scientist or … wait a minute … does this prove god is an alien? Or just Swedish? :) Best part about being Swedish must be knowing you once WERE the wrath of god.

  48. Hilary Nelson says

    All previous statements about the hurricane image are wrong; it’s clearly a bison.Change the labels as follows, and you’ll see it immediately:Feet => lowered headRear => humpHead => rump”Boy, I got vision, and the rest of the world wears bifocals.”- from Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

  49. rhb says

    Didn’t Douglas Adams deal with this?The Babel Fish being proof that Mr G existed, He (or ‘he’ if you prefer) immediately realised that, since without faith he is nothing and since the said Fish was a dead giveaway, H/his position was untenable so he promptly vanished in a poof of logic. Or something like that.

  50. says

    I don’t see that at all. I think it is our punishment for hunting friendly dragons, or to you with a scientific incline Dinosaurs, to extinction. The ‘head’ on this picture is actually a neck. The ‘feet’ is where the mouth is, and the eyes are just slightly above and to the right. It’s looking at Texas, where all the True Americans live. I believe that it is some sort of Camarasauridae, because everyone knows that they are the friendliest of the sauropods, not like those assholes Apatosaurus. I believe my hypothesis will become clearer as the oil spreads into the atlantic ocean to form the body.

  51. Szymborskir says

    I absolutely love this blog because you always seem to point out the humor in situations with religious zealots and people who are generally just very stupid. However… It’s really saddening to me to see comments bashing anyone’s belief in any kind of God(dess) as a mental illness… I couldn’t find the actual comment again or I would have commented to that person. It’s sad when crazy people make religion look bad. All religions, not just one or two. And I kinda see it that if religious persons all group people together as “godless heathens”, and the “godless heathens” group all religious persons together as “Those with mental illnesses” or as zealots… then you’re just as bad. For the record, not a Christian, Pagan.Still reading and loving the blog, Not a big fan of some of the comments :(

  52. says

    http://posnonrel.tumblr.com/po…:DIf you’re looking for specific comments, try hitting Ctrl+F to search for them. I agree that it’s unfair to make blanket statements and say that *all* religious people have a mental illness. Realize, though, that some of those comments are facetious.

  53. skepticalmedia says

    I’m still trying to figure out why tornadoes are attracted to trailer parks.

  54. says

    Apparently they haven’t learned from Boobquake.Or maybe they have – it’s not like having an Abortionquake day is in any way feasible. :P

  55. says

    Yesterday, here in Salt Lake City, we had a 500-barrell oil spill from a broken pipeline, into a major water source right in the heart of the city. Grrrr…And yet “we” just passed some ridiculously draconian new laws restricting abortion. Therefore I conclude that God is punishing us for making abortions TOO difficult to obtain.

  56. says

    EVANGELICALS are always “reaching” when it comes to interpreting current events, or the Scriptures…ATHEISTS are also “reaching” when they try to discredit the Scriptures, Mother Teresa, or the Catholic Church, etc.Both, are polar opposite points of opinion.And ignorance.

  57. Stephan Goodwin says

    Boobquake is one of the topics on today’s Atheist Experience. If you ask me, that is WAY cooler than CNN. Of course, I might be biased in this regard…

  58. says

    Forget Houston which isn’t even on the coast. Why does god punish all those pro-republican, baptist states with this kind of torture? Maybe he is trying to send them a new message since sending them tornadoes ( http://www.randomthinking.info… ) every year hasn’t seemed to wake them up. ;)

  59. Víctor says

    Jen said:”And while I’m pro-choice, I think testing this hypothesis scientifically may have some ethical ramifications, sooooo…yeah, let’s just skip right to calling this guy a loon, okay?”What ethical ramifications are you talking about? If you think that abortion is killing a person then you should be Pro-Life. Period.

  60. Woofababy says

    And you read the article properly, the oil leak happened a few weeks BEFORE the clinic opened. God doesn’t prejudge, there are at least a dozen things about that article that I could cite as being complete and utter crap, speaking from a religious point of view, but that would have to be the biggest.

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