I did not know that Bic made pens for women! When I first heard about ‘Bic for her’, I could not believe it really happened, Bic really made lady pens! Bic describes the pen as having a “thin barrel to fit a women’s hand,” making it an “elegant design—just for her!” The Bic website also notes that the pen features a clear tinted barrel “for visible ink supply,” as if women can’t otherwise tell when a pen has run out of ink. I was angry for a while, then I started laughing. It seems the whole world is laughing at Bic’s stupid, sexist, idiotic pens. I do not know whether Bic is a big misogynist, but I am sure Bic is a big joker.

Here are some comments on Bic’s Lady pens:

‘Apparently, some marketing genius at BIC decided that women, too delicate to grip standard BIC pens, needed a writing utensil designed specifically for their tiny, fragile hands.’

‘I was recently given a box of these as a gift from my husband, but I have no idea what to do with them! They’re too thin to make a good rolling pin. I can’t ladle out my soups with them. And the tiny point doesn’t even make a dent when I try to use one to chop veggies! I don’t get it. If I can’t use it in the kitchen, what the hell am I supposed to do with one?’

‘My excitement turned to tears when I realized that they do not come with paper-for-her.’

‘There was me thinking I didn’t need to worry about whether my writing implement sufficiently reflected my gender. Thank you so much Bic for showing me the error of my ways. Perhaps Bic will also bring out a new range of pink (or purple) feminine spanners, screwdrivers, electric drills and angle grinders so that I can carry out my job as a bicycle mechanic without further embarrassing myself? Luckily my male colleagues have managed to keep their disapproval of my use of their masculine tools to themselves. I’m so ashamed. And re-educated as to my place in society. Thanks again Bic!’

‘Hormones No Longer An Issue, and the use of the word “issue” there is Biblical, if you get my, ahem, drift. (Cute little feminine cough) I had no sooner begun writing with this adorable feminine pen than my mid-life concerns began resolving themselves! GONE is that unsightly mustache on my upper lip! GONE are the random hairs sprouting from my neck and chin! ERADICATED are those bothersome hot flashes and night sweats! No more roller coaster of emotions, and I have dropped twenty-five pounds of unsightly cellulite! Everything is now firm and fully-packed!’

‘Finally! For years I’ve had to rely on pencils, or at worst, a twig and some drops of my feminine blood to write down recipes (the only thing a lady should be writing ever)’.

‘I had despaired of ever being able to write down said recipes in a permanent manner, though my men-folk assured me that I ‘shouldn’t worry yer pretty little head.’ But, AT LAST! Bic, the great liberator, has released a womanly pen that my gentle baby hands can use without fear of unlady-like callouses and bruises. Thank you, Bic!’

‘Men, don’t stand for this. Aren’t there enough products specific to women already? First it was tampons, now these pens? What other products will I have to suffer the indignity of being unable to purchase just because I’m a male person?’

‘When I’m taking notes during the sermon at church – obviously preached by a man – I can’t think of any pen that suits my needs better than this one. I can jot down key phrases to ask my husband about later (1 Cor 14:35). I can underline Bible verses about why I need to be submissive in church (1 Cor 14:34) and a capable wife at home (Prov 31). And who needs spiritual authority when you have a package of pens in fun and feminine colors! Also very helpful for scrap-booking.’

‘Before these pens, I was nothing. I was a mere inconsequential woman, stumbling around writing nonsense with big pens that made me look ridiculous. I could barely write my name without having to sit down afterwards- it’s nine letters long and thus really takes it out of me when writing with a normal pen designed for men. But now… the whole world looks different. I cannot recommend this pen enough. It won’t just change your handwriting. It will change your life.’

‘These pens actually make me feel liberated! At last my delicate feminine needs and tastes are being considered!’

‘When I saw these I just had to have them, so I asked my Husband to buy them for me. He refused, as he said that owning a pen might make me Think, and then have Ideas Of My Own. Then I might start to Write, which would take time away from my wifely duties such as Cooking, Cleaning, and Bearing Children. Of course he was Absolutely Right, none of these tasks require a pen, and so I have to give these one star.’

‘I don’t use pens much – mostly to write the name of my crush on a piece of paper and draw hearts around it.’

‘We’re all joking about this, naturally (a woman using a pen – ridiculous!), but this could have serious implications. What’s next, ladies attending universities? Pens to encourage literacy in the lower orders? The modern world is a mad place indeed. Amazon, I do hope you’re scrupulous in only selling these to married men to give to their wives. To be used under strict supervision and with a doctor’s note of consent.’

‘BIC, I cannot thank you enough. For years now I have used classic, black or blue manly pens. Before this product, I could see no possible gender divide in the pen industry but could not quite understand the scandalised looks from strangers and the reasons why I could write no more articulate sentences than; ‘My favourite kind of kitten is…’, ‘Shoes are not as important as…’ and ‘I am on my period.’ Worse than this, I can’t even begin to imagine what people must have thought of me! Looking back on it, they must have thought I had either stolen pens from respectable gentleman or that I was receiving them in payment for services rendered, if you get my drift. Unthinkable. Now, my life has changed. I now articulate myself properly with statements such as ‘I love all Kittens’, ‘Shoes are more important than anything’ and ‘I am on my period.’ THANK YOU BIC! You have given me sense,respectability and a set of colourful new pens.’

‘The delicate shape and pretty pastel colors make it perfect for writing recipe cards, checks to my psychologist (I’m seeing him for a case of the hysterics), and tracking my monthly cycle.’

‘I bought this pen (in error, evidently) to write my reports of each day’s tree felling activities in my job as a lumberjack. It is no good. It slips from between my calloused, gnarly fingers like a gossamer thread gently descending to earth between two giant redwood trunks.’

Reviewers on Amazon poke fun at Bic’s new Pens for Her.

And we all know Ellen’s art of mocking is excellent.