Revolution delayed because of rain

The great revolution called Operation American Spring that was to take place today has proven to be a bust. The plan was that 10 million to 30 million red-blooded patriots would converge on Washington DC today and when the leaders of government saw that so many opposed them, they would abdicate and would be replaced by people who would follow the constitution, which as any true patriot knows contains just five Articles:

I. Eliminate all regulations
II. Eliminate all taxes
III. Eliminate all government agencies
IV. Give away guns free to every man, woman, and child who can hold one
V. Keep the womenfolk and coloreds and homosexuals in their place

Unfortunately, even though one million militia members had promised to come, the numbers who turned up numbered only in the hundreds. [Update: Doktor Zoom has photos of the massive turnout.] Why? Organizers blame the weather.

“It’s a very dismal turnout,” said Jackie Milton, 61, a Jacksboro, Texas, resident and the head of Texans for Operation American Spring, to The Washington Times. He said hopes were high when he arrived in Alexandria, Va., a day or so ago and found motels and hotels were sold out for 30 miles around.

But weather’s dampened turnout a bit, he said.

“We were getting over two inches of rain in hour in parts of Virginia this morning,” Mr. Milton said. “Now it’s a nice sunny day. But this is a very poor turnout. It ain’t no millions. And it ain’t looking like there’s going to be millions. Hundreds is more like it.”

That’s understandable. Who would want to overthrow the government in the rain and ruin all those nifty fatigues? And the resulting mud would spoil their boots. And you might get a chill too. That sneaky Obama probably ordered NOAA (National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration) to create the rain in order to foil this plan, which is yet another reason why all government agencies should be eliminated. Except the one that hands out the guns, of course.

Organizers are hoping that as the weather improves over the weekend more will arrive. But there is another problem in that the revolutionaries also seemed a bit confused about where to go and what to do.

A group of demonstrators shown on another live stream said shortly after 11 a.m. that they started their march into Washington, but one of them moved the goalposts from the capital to anywhere supporters lived.

“Can’t get to Washington, D.C.? Not a problem,” said a man wearing a black cowboy hat and plastic rain poncho. “Go to your state representative. Can’t get to your statehouse? Not a problem. Go to your county courthouse. Can’t get to your county courthouse? Not a problem. Sit in your own front yard, holding a sign.”

One of the demonstrators suggested they sing the national anthem, and he initially led off with the opening words to “America The Beautiful” before joining the others in “The Star-Spangled Banner.”

They were also fearful that Obama would declare martial law, provoke a civil war, execute Christians, round up the militias, and put them in FEMA camps. Another reason to give everybody guns to protect themselves from tyranny.


  1. kyoseki says

    Don’t forget this guy:

    I’m so fed up with the way the government is manipulating the water with the chemtrails, I’m afraid I can’t even use my jet ski.

    (that’s a real quote, I swear I’m not making that up).

    Do you suppose any of these people will take this turnout as a sign that maybe, maybe, they don’t have the level of support they think they do?

    … unless, of course, 20 million people show up to southeastern Nevada this weekend.

  2. richardrobinson says

    I bet he’s pretty happy about the tyranny. It got him a cheap jet ski.

    “We must go forward, not backward. Upward, not downward. And always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom.” – Kodos

  3. Rob Grigjanis says

    The dandelion of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the laughter-induced tears of lefties.

  4. mikeinohio says

    Thank goodness the weather was better during the 1770’s, or we might not even be here right now. Those minutemen would have had to stay at home and we all know that Paul Revere wouldn’t have been able to ride in the rain.

  5. colnago80 says

    Well, the rain was pretty heavy here last night. However, it’s been sunny all day today.

  6. Trebuchet says

    Oh, and guess which major American TV “news” outlet doesn’t have Operation American Spring on its main web page: Fox News!

    …And CNN. And ABC. And NBC. And CBS.

    MSNBC does manage to have two stories.

  7. moarscienceplz says

    I. Eliminate all regulations
    II. Eliminate all taxes
    III. Eliminate all government agencies
    IV. Give away guns free to every man, woman, and child who can hold one

    I’ve seen this movie. It’s called Mad Max, and I don’t think they’d like living in it. Especially when the cold beer runs out.

  8. tiko says

    These guys are giving us free entertainment. FREE entertainment,there gonna hate that.

  9. smrnda says

    II. Eliminate all taxes
    III. Eliminate all government agencies
    IV. Give away guns free to every man, woman, and child who can hold one

    Without any taxes or government agencies, where are all these free guns going to come from? These people always accuse liberals of believing they can conjure up wealth from nowhere, but I’ve never read, effectively

    1. abolish all taxes.
    2. promise everyone expensive new toys.

    Totally going to work.

  10. smrnda says

    O, I figured it out. They’ll get spit out of a giant flying stone head called ZARDOZ.

  11. StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return! says

    Worst.* Revolutionaries. Evah! (/Comic Shop Guy voice.)

    * In the most pathetic, incompetent at it and unimpressive meaning of the word.

    PS. They believe their God controls the weather right? So,wonder what “message” they’ll take from that?

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