Stephen Colbert pokes fun at Cardinal Dolan

TIME magazine publishes an annual list of the 100 most influential people. At a dinner given for this year’s mentions, Stephen Colbert gave a speech that included the following comments aimed at the Catholic church and Cardinal Thomas Dolan who is a smug example of Catholic homophobia and sexism. (Unfortunately I have not been able to find a video of the speech.)

Here’s a portion of his speech:

Also, Georgetown law student Sandra Fluke is here tonight. Also an instant, instant feminist icon. Famously tested, testified before Congress, that Georgetown, a Catholic institution should be required to provide insurance coverage for her birth control.

Now, TIME 100 honoree, his eminence Timothy Cardinal Dolan disagrees — sir, lovely to see you again.

Of course, now some, some critics have said in response to this that if the Catholic church’s insurance does not cover Sandra Fluke’s birth control, it shouldn’t cover Cardinal Dolan’s Viagra.

Oh, no, no, no. Oh, no, no, no, that’s called celibacy plus. That’s how the pros do it. Because chastity is one thing, but it shows true commitment to uphold your vows when you are sporting a crook you could hang a lighter on. Oh, wow, see you at mass on Sunday, sir?

I hope he doesn’t become Pope.

I’m a Catholic, it’s okay. I go to confession, it will be fine. Thank you.

But perhaps the most influential person on the list is here, Sara Blakely. The inventor of the Spanx. Give it up.

No one, no one has done more to control women’s bodies, except maybe Cardinal Dolan.

Cardinal, congratulations, sir, you are a feminist icon.

Stephen Colbert is a practicing Catholic who even teaches in Sunday school, and is yet another example of the tight grip that early Catholic indoctrination has on people who disagree with almost all the major social policies it advocates.

Incidentally, lists such as these are utterly useless but many people seem to be fascinated by them and so they serve as a publicity tool for whoever creates the lists. As Colbert said, “Anyway, it is a true honor for all of us to be on the list, and a great business decision by TIME because given the state of the publishing industry, this might be the only way to guarantee selling 100 issues of a magazine this week.”


  1. baal says

    It would be interesting to know how many priests (and equivalent held out as celibate folks) have prescriptions for the little blue pill.

  2. Reginald Selkirk says

    The text at the Time link makes more sense:

    a crook you could hang a miter on.

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