Comments

  1. cartomancer says

    Not my field of business I’m afraid. Call me when it’s disappoint-other-men-in-sex day.

  2. robro says

    So today is both International Cat Day and International Female Orgasm Day…on the same day!? Amazing. Even fate is making fun of J D Vance.

  3. JimB says

    Not sure where I came across this. Might have been over on Skepchick. A long time ago. I’m just happy I finally get to pass it on…

    How To Ritually Consume Your Girlfriend in 10! Simple Steps

    1: Ask her if she wants to be consumed.
    2. If she wants to be consumed, prepare the altar. Altar here means bed, floor, couch, or whatever surface is readily available. Put your left hand on the altar and say “titties and justice” three times.
    3. Kiss her. Kiss her mouth to prepare it for soul-exiting. Kiss her neck. If you leave marks, they must be arranged in a pentagram. Kiss any other places that her spirit compels you.
    4. At this point, the thought of the fires of hell should have warmed you sufficiently to remove some clothing. So remove some.
    5. Get the tingles in a silly place.
    6. Have an appetizer of tasteful sideboob. See diagram. (sorry, text only here at pz’s place)
    7. Put your hands on her hips, waist, or general middle region and whisper “be the deviant and strange change you wish to see in the world” into her bellybutton.
    8. More kissing to prepare for soul-exiting. Maybe some more tasteful sideboob if y’all feel so inclined.
    9. Ask your girlfriend how she would like the soul-exiting and consuming process to be completed. Follow her instructions. Consume her as if your lives depend on it, because they do.
    10. Say “amen”, drink some water, and thank the void.

  4. Bekenstein Bound says

    how to properly celebrate

    Well, I would suggest either having one, if possible, or helping someone else to have one. Both alternatives sound like fun.

  5. says

    Looks like you missed National Orgasm Day, which was July 31. KEEP UP!

    Well, we wouldn’t want to celebrate it prematurely, would we?

  6. magistramarla says

    birgerjohansson @ 12
    We have a Maine Coon in our house who can open doors. After he sauntered into our bedroom a few times, my husband put hook & eye locks above the door handles on all three bedroom doors and the main bathroom door.
    Worf (husband’s cat) would open the bathroom door for my cat, Leia. She would then raid my collection of hair scrunchies and drag them all over the house.

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