1. Audley Z Darkheart says

    The fact that he doesn’t seem to grasp the fact that we been mocking “up yours, woke moralists” is endlessly hilarious to me.

  2. Akira MacKenzie says

    The mere suggestion that maybe we should be careful about how much paper we use after taking a shit is TYRANNY to these people. Meanwhile, they strip women of their reproductive rights, allow cops to murder as they see fit, seek to legally mistreat LGBTQ+ people, and erase any history or science that contradicts their white, male, cis-hetero, Christian, capitalist dogma.

  3. call me mark says

    Wait I thought it was us “woke moralists” who are just looking for things to be offended by?

  4. StevoR says

    Jordan peterson needs a bidet – with all the strength of a firehose. Or water cannon even..

    @ 3. FO : Do you really want an answer to that and how long do you have..?

  5. StevoR says me mark : I believe the answer to that is :

    Projection bigger than iMax (anyone recall Imax these days?) & every accusation is a confession coming from them. Not lines original to me but ..

  6. Akira MacKenzie says

    @ 6

    Oh no, THEY never get offended. Unlike dirty leftists and weak feeeeeeeemoids, they’re too stoic and logical for that weakness. No, their complaints are not emotional, but out of the completely rational defense of Western Christendom against the filthy foreign hordes.

  7. Randall Slonaker says

    I thought that “Waste not, want not.” was a traditional, conservative value. I guess it isn’t, if eschewing moderation helps one “Own the libs.”
    Typical right-wing hypocrisy. When some one claims to be conservative, or claims to practice “conservative values”, what does that even mean anymore?

  8. wzrd1 says

    So, he wants to either arrive at an empty paper towel dispenser, empty it and leave it empty for others and fuck up the plumbing for all, all for freedumb?
    Lemme guess, lifting the seat before pissing is also tyranny in his childish world as well?

    Likely, he thinks he has an inalienable right to a perpetually full coffeepot and if he empties it, someone and everyone else needs to make more for him or that’s tyranny too.
    Nope, that’s simply behaving like a toddler.

  9. StevoR says

    .. & wzrd1’s last sentence perfectly answers Randall Slonaker’s question in his last sentence..

    Except that even most toddlers have more restraint, self-awareness & compassion than mosrt Repugliklans these days..

  10. Sphinx of Black Quartz says

    I’m guessing Doc Lobster is one of those people who thinks unleashing a heinous cloud of flatus in a crowded elevator is a valiant expression of his free speech rights.

  11. Alverant says

    What is he a “doctor” of? Is it one of those honorary titles because he doesn’t know what tyranny is and I’m not sure how he’s defining “woke” apart from “stuff I don’t like”.

  12. ethicsgradient says

    In the words of Christopher Hitchens, “if you gave him an enema, he could be buried in a matchbox” (Falwell Sr. was the original target).

  13. raven says

    Oh look!!!
    Jordan Peterson has found another hate target!!!

    These are people who hate paper towel dispensers, recycling, composting, putting used trash in garbage cans, and trying to save our biosphere, which is our life support system.

    I wonder how much money he will make off of the pro-littering, anti-life support systems groups?

    This is actually quite the accomplishment.
    Peterson already hates almost everyone on this planet.
    He is branching out now to nonhuman targets including the environment.

    Next up, Peterson hates carbon, water, oxygen, and iron.

  14. says

    Toxic liberty says “anything that I can do, I should.” If someone suggests you don’t use a cubic yard of paper: do. If someone suggests any modification of behavior, make sure you flex your freedom to negate them. A quintessential toxic liberty play is the old “for every cheeseburger you don’t eat, I’ll eat two!”

  15. says

    As Molly Ivins said of Camille Paglia: “Sheesh, what an asshole.” People like JP, along with nearly all libertarians, are like children calling their parents “nazis” and “slave-drivers” whenever they were asked to take a bath or clean up their rooms. Been there, done that, didn’t get away with it (my parents had brains AND spines), realized chicks didn’t dig it, grew up a little and moved on already.

  16. says

    Randall Slonaker #9

    I thought that “Waste not, want not.” was a traditional, conservative value.

    No, it’s just the traditional conservative excuse for why poverty is your own damn problem.

  17. Alverant says

    That’s a paper towel dispenser for people after they wash their hands. I doubt this guy is courteous enough to do that.

  18. microraptor says

    Honesty, at this point I’m just waiting to see which red state becomes the first to establish laws governing the minimum amount of pollution things like motor vehicles must emit.

  19. euclide says

    There is only one God, and its name is Entropy. No need for prayers, that God only wants us to consume as much energy we can, no matter the cost, no matter the actual need. And the more pollution the better.

  20. moonslicer says

    And to think this guy is one of our most committed enemies. You’d have to laugh, except that there are so damn many of them, every time you turn around there’s another one at you like a flea in your armpit.

    I had the pleasure of engaging with one of them three or four days ago. Oh, he was giving me hell, he was. He struck me as a young kid who was just learning his trade, an apprentice hater, so to speak. I told him I didn’t have the time to correct all of his mistakes. I’d be at it all week. So I just touched on some of the lowlights.

    Funny thing is, I haven’t heard back from him. A mystery. Those guys don’t usually give up so easily. He obviously could use a bit of higher education so that he can become a professional nuisance. I suppose a few Jordan Peterson videos would help him along.

  21. raven says

    Peterson to no one’s surprise is pro Russian genocide of Ukraine.
    He is very predictable like all simple minded nonthinking people.

    If it something far right wingnut lunatic fringe, Peterson will support it.
    Somewhere in what passes for his life, he decided that being a maximum horrible person was the only way he could make money and pay his bills.
    If people get hurt or killed, that is just an extra feature.

    Dr Jordan B Peterson @jordanbpeterson

    The answer is “yes, the West is escalating the Russia/Ukraine war.” Make no mistake about it: We’re fighting WWIII. The only question now is “how far will we take it”?
    11:22 AM · Feb 18, 2023 from Kirkland, WA

    (Deleted, Peterson is agreeing with a Russian troll.)

  22. jenorafeuer says


    What is he a “doctor” of?

    Psychology. He got his Ph.D. from McGill University in 1991, and has worked as an associate professor of Psychology at Harvard and then a full professor at the University of Toronto.

    While he didn’t dive completely off the deep end until 2016 or so with his complaints against the bill that would allow deliberate misgendering to be considered a form of hate speech (which he grossly misrepresented as if they were going to throw him in jail just for accidentally using the wrong pronouns) people were talking about the personality cult-like status of some of his teaching all the way back to his Harvard days in the 1990s.

  23. Doc Bill says

    The soft, well-watered Peterson who has never been inconvenienced by so much as a blister on his pinkie has zero concept of tyranny. As Inigo said, “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”

    But of Peterson’s obvious decline, my uncle was a cross between Sam Kinison and Don Rickles: loud and sarcastic, but entertaining. However, he had to be sedated the last decade of his life because he went full-on Kinison rant his every waking moment. Literally stark raving mad paranoid.

  24. says

    An enema would be much simpler than the forthcoming strike from the underpaid workers who have to run around replacing early-run-out dispensers, and the underpaid workers who make the paper towels and drive the trucks to deliver them. It will result in more train derailments as more trains are needed to bring more paper towels from factories to lobster-loving consumers.

    To quote Jake Elwood, “There were locusts!”

    Oops, I forgot about the janitors who’ll go on strike cleaning up after the enemas.

    He’s still an enema of the people. Interestingly, in Ibsen’s semicognate play there were no heroes — everyone was a self-interested jerk — and Miller’s adaptation was an arch politicization in reaction to something immediate, a rather distinct change to Ibsen. I have no idea whatsoever why yet another screed from lobsterboy made me think about that sort of wrenching from context.

  25. hemidactylus says

    Given my mild OCD combined with the pandemic I wash my hands a lot and have probably taken out a forest worth of paper. So I’m not one to judge too much on this lobsterism.

    The sign is a wee bit preachy but suggestive instead of compulsory (more ought than must). Ought implies can.

    If the towel dispenser monitor were to scrutinize my every drop of water and length of paper, that would irk me. Such heavy handedness would not be “woke” however loose the definition used.

  26. woozy says

    Hmmph… if little things are slippery slope to dangerous things, then what about societal decency and the moral fabric of civility. “Up Yours” is a little rude and crude for a small offense, don’t you think? If a touchy/feely/wokey/green sign suggesting not to wast paper towels is a “petty tyranny” and a gateway to the collapse of freedom, then isn’t an “up yours” a gateway to the erosion of the societal contract?

    (Of course, at this point we really just have an old man yelling at cans)

  27. nomadiq says

    JP is just sampling his audience to figure out what will outrage them. He may be a moron, but he knows how to grift. Keep sampling random culture-war shit and see what your moron followers will get upset about. When you find a vein of gold (shit), mine it! Repeat! $$$$!

  28. says

    He’s just standing up against the oppression of Big Towel!

    Which has haunted his nightmares ever since his daddy whipped his ass with one…

  29. says

    (Of course, at this point we really just have an old man yelling at cans)

    Hey, maybe we can pair him up with Richard Dawkins and have them arguing on TV over which cloud to yell at each day! Have it on Sunday mornings, and they’ll surely beat all those tired old talking-heads shows…

  30. Pierce R. Butler says

    wzrd1 @ # 10: Lemme guess, lifting the seat before pissing is also tyranny in his childish world as well?

    REAL antiwoke patriots refuse to lift the LID!

  31. Artor says

    @38 Raging Bee, I think Peterson and Dawkins would likely agree on most topics. A pox on both of them!

  32. Tethys says

    He is partially correct about the petty bit. Tyrants do tend to be self-centered narcissists. Petty is as petty does, like whinging about being aware of your use of disposable products, which were provided free of charge in a public restroom for your convenience.

    Privileged asshat should just stay home if he is going to get so upset about being considerate of other peoples desire to minimize waste and cost.

  33. Thornapple says

    Shouldn’t Canadian & American governments consider installing bidets or bum guns in public toilets everywhere as policy?

  34. Ed Seedhouse says

    The Beaverton (Canada’s version of the Onion) tweeted “Jordan Peterson whines about paper towel in dizzying display of masculine powe”.

  35. Rob Grigjanis says

    The definition of ‘tyrant’ seems to be anyone who says “guys, don’t do that”, addressed to guys who want to do that, whatever ‘that’ is.

  36. says

    “Masculine powe?” I dunno, that “E” at the end makes it kinda feminine. If we’re doing comic-book sound effects, it should be masculine pow, feminine powe. I’m sure Peterson would strenuously object to any of that non-binary mixing about stuff…

  37. chuckonpiggott says

    @9 Randall. Yes, “Waste not, want not” was a tenet of Gerold Fords WIN button campaign.
    @10 wzrd1. That someone expected to make the coffee should definitely be female.

  38. says

    If it’s that cheap super thin paper towel that comes in most dispensers in public places then yes I do need an arms length. I wash my hands a dozen times a day and have to immediately stuff them into nitrile gloves. There are doors at my work that require a hand wash and a glove change just for walking through the door. You ever try putting those on over mildly damp hands? But hey, it’s either that or people get sick.

  39. imback says

    The petty tyranny is so strong that Peterson feels compelled to walk to the bathroom when he could just pee on the lobby carpet.

  40. birgerjohansson says

    Microraptor @ 40
    If we can spread this mene among the extreme right, they will soon run out of spouses willing to perpetuate their lineage.
    It will take some time, but when added to vaccine refusal we could be rid them in a generation or two.

    Regarding “tyranny”, as I have mentioned before I travelled to East Berlin 1981, as their government was preparing for the 20-year celebration (!) of The Wall. Lots of banners and posters celebrating the Party and the Volksarme.

    I did not see Peterson there. But even if he had been to East Germany, he is probably too narcissistic to take in external sensory input.

  41. birgerjohansson says

    Having read The Two Towers, I think maybe the dualogue between the orch captains Grishnakh and Shagrath may be the template for conversation free of woke “courtesy”.