Jacob Wohl and the lime green strap-on dildo


Excerpts from a highly believable press conference:

It’s the little details that are so convincing…that Wohl and Burkman and his ex-Marine patsy made it all up.

Comments

  1. Rich Woods says

    @laurian #3:

    The nearest store was probably far enough away that no-one wanted to go and miss all the fun.

    Full marks to the security bloke for keeping a straight face and for telling the loons he couldn’t just go and manhandle someone who wasn’t on private property.

  2. says

    So this is what passes for Journalism on the Right? Showing off scars that said marine has already admitted came from taking down a child’s swing? Nothing to see here, move along…

  3. ANB says

    I love it! Some of the best entertainment this week. Colbert, et alia, aren’t nearly as funny. Perhaps Wohl can get his own late night show.

  4. says

    Warren probably laughed her ass off for about 20 minutes straight, and then when she could breath and speak again, said “OH Yeah, I’m gonna have fun with this.”

  5. Akira MacKenzie says

    PaulBC @ 8
    I can see the title now:

    “Pounded in the Butt by an Anthropomorphic Cougar Liz Warren with a Lime Green Strap-On Dildo”

  6. DanDare says

    Its funny but also freightening. America seems to have a lot of people who don’t see through this obvious nonsense and don’t see the problem with it.

  7. says

    dontlikeusernames (#1) –

    It’s not whether you believe them. It’s whether the trumpenproles believe. Their willingness to believe and repeat lies is why Wohl and others keep repeating their twaddle.

  8. cartomancer says

    Hey, I have the fashion sense and rugged good looks of a middle-class septuagenarian lady, but I don’t get inundated by muscular twentysomethings into bondage and dildos. What gives?

  9. Fez says

    @Rich Woods #4 – the nearest store is just around the corner, a Mom’s Organic Market.

    Considering rthe price of real estate in that area I’m really curious where the money is coming from. That’s easily a $1.2M townhouse.

  10. a_ray_in_dilbert_space says

    dontlikeusernames: “Just how dumb are these assholes?”

    How dumb? Well, one of them went through a past press conference with his fly unzipped.

    Yep, these guys are literally so dumb they cannot dress themselves.

  11. slithey tove (twas brillig (stevem)) says

    I see an effect of our instantaneous media shortening everyone’s attention span.
    Decisions are now always made on first glance, without thoughtful consideration of the issue.
    Expanding the phenomenon of “impulse purchase” to issues of importance, where votes are based on first impression of a candidate rather than listening to their platform and comparing it thoroughly to all the other candidates’.
    Almost like splash damage is more than a humorous metaphor.
    Of course a party with no counter arguments resort to the splash damage effect to gain an advantage.
    sigh

  12. blf says

    The Grauniad had a hilarious write-up, ‘Go Cougars!’: Elizabeth Warren gave the classiest response to a rightwing troll’s lie:

    […]
    Jacob Wohl is just 21 years old but he has already built a dazzling career for himself as an incompetent fraudster and unhinged conspiracy theorist. He’s been banned from Twitter for operating fake accounts. He’s been charged with securities fraud. He’s admitted to promoting false news to smear Democrats. He’s tried to frame Robert Mueller and Pete Buttigieg for sexual assault. He’s attempted so much crime in such a short time that he’s basically an honorary Trump.

    This week, Wohl struck again. And by “struck” I mean “made a complete fool of himself”. On Thursday Wohl and Jack Burkman, another conservative activist, held a “press conference” in which they claimed Elizabeth Warren, 70, paid for the sexual services of a 24-year-old former marine called Kelvin Whelly. These charges will shock the conscious of the nation, a media release that went out before the event promised. Yes, that’s right, these geniuses managed to misspell “conscience”.

    Standing in front of a big sign emblazoned with the words “Elizabeth Warren Cougar?” on it, the senator’s alleged boytoy kept on cracking up as he read his statement. In between giggles he claimed that he had been hired by Warren from a gigolo agency called Cowboys4Angels for frequent sessions of BDSM. Whelly then took off his shirt to show off a scar he says was the result of Warren whipping him.

    I don’t think I need to tell you that Whelly’s story is entirely made-up. However, just in case you had any doubts, the owner and CEO of Cowboys4Angels says Whelly never worked for his agency and was “not up to caliber” to get a job as a gigolo. “I would never even hire that guy,” he told Rolling Stone. An insult which, no doubt, stung far harder than Warren’s imaginary whip ever did.

    Warren, incidentally, reacted to the fact that a vile far-right troll has been writing bad erotic fanfic about her in the best, most presidential, way possible.

    “It’s always a good day to be reminded that I got where I am because a great education was available for $50 a semester at the University of Houston (go Cougars!),” Warren tweeted on Thursday. “We need to cancel student debt and make college free for everyone who wants it.” This was accompanied with a big picture of the Houston Cougars logo. #Cougar2020 immediately started trending.

    Cougars 1; Rightwing trolls 0.

  13. jffordem says

    Elizabeth Warren may have Cougared the hell out of this young patriot. She may have taken his virginity. She may have taken his innocence. She may have even taken his very boring little soul. But, she would never take his V.A. benefits. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SoRc298lahI
    She’s unstoppable! Warren 2020!!!!!

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