Is “celebrity” synonymous with “hemorrhoid”?

I’m beginning to think so. The latest asshat to have used his influence to engage in sexual harassment is “celebrity” chef* Mario Batali, who then issued an apology for his behavior as his business and reputation flamed out with spectacular rapidity. He’s resigned from his multiple restaurants, he’s lost his TV appearances, and Walmart and Target aren’t selling his line of crap anymore. I’m a little exasperated with the big rich guys who suddenly decide an apology after the fact will rescue their crumbling empires, but Batali took it to the next level. His apology starts out well, but then…

How can you possibly hold groping unconscious women against me? I give you pizza dough cinnamon roles! Delicious!

Do the substitution. Hemorrhoid Chef Mario Batali. You’ll never want to eat there again.


  1. Owlmirror says

    I give you pizza dough cinnamon roles!

    And now, playing the part of a pizza dough cinnamon . . .

    (It’s a celebrity hemorrhoid roll)

    (After reading the link & note)

    People complain about the recipe, and not about the fact that he apologizes to everyone except those he assaulted and harassed?

    Maybe “my team” includes those, but geez, way to be non-specific.

  2. SchreiberBike says

    I just Googled “how to apologize” and saw that there is mostly good advice out there. So many of these people don’t believe they’ve done anything really wrong, so they put some extra spin on their “apology” to show that they are special. How could we not still love you and let you abuse people if you can make a good cinnamon roll?

  3. lucifersbike says

    My haemorrhoids firmly reject any connection with perverts, gropers, rapists, flashers, child molesters, exhibitionists, and other disingenuous liars who just want us to lurve them.

  4. drken says

    The reason a lot of them don’t think they did anything wrong is while they’ve figured out it’s not something you talk about in polite company, it’s not something anybody’s going to punish you for. It’s essentially a perk of power and after a while it becomes background noise and taking it away looks like new rules are sprouting up just for you. Also, while we’re hearing about the bad celebrities, let’s not miss the big picture here. This happens everywhere, not just where the media normally reports. Remember, it’s #yesallwoman, not #yesallwomenwhoworkwithcelebrites. Power is like voltage, it’s not how much you have, it’s the difference that’s important. I’m sure a lot of college professors would not think of themselves as having a lot of power. But, compared to their students they do. It’s just that outside of places like this, you don’t hear about it that much.

  5. says

    @ 6:

    Remember, it’s #yesallwoman, not #yesallwomenwhoworkwithcelebrites.

    Amazingly enough, us women don’t need help figuring this shit out, and a mansplanation is not required.

  6. Saad says

    If your apology doesn’t even acknowledge the people on the receiving end of your actions, is it an apology?

  7. johnlee says

    Look: I said sorry, for fuck’s sake. You got your goddamn apology – what more do you want? Can’t we stop talking about sexual harrassment and focus on the cinammon rolls? Some people just can’t get over the fact that I’m a successful media celebrity. What a bunch of losers!

  8. Onamission5 says

    Wait, Smiley is angry that the PBS investigator wouldn’t name his accusers or give him information about the ongoing investigation? I don’t think he understands (or cares) how investigations into one’s behavior are supposed to work. I’m pretty sure investigators aren’t supposed to tell the subject of the investigation their findings before they’ve even finished the investigation let alone reported their findings to HR.

  9. embraceyourinnercrone says

    Dustin Hoffman too, apologies it this was already written about elsewhere:
    (please lets be clear what he did was digital rape)

    What makes me want to cry is this part: “And the thing I feel most bad about is I didn’t know what to do. I just stood there. I just froze in the situation like ‘Oh my god, what is happening?’ It’s shocking when that happens to you.” ”
    Because it’s a reaction that seems so common, this horrible thing just happened and it’s so far out of acceptable behavior your brain just shuts off..because what can you possibly do (and anyone who has brilliant advice about Oh I would have punched him in the nuts, yeah let me know how that works out for you)

  10. timothya1956 says

    The Australian Government has been conducting a Royal Commission into the institutional abuse of children (in the United States, this is roughly equivalent and has roughly the same authority as a federal Special Counsel investigation).

    The Royal Commission has released its final report.

    Here it is:

    And here is the response to the Commission’s final report from two of the main targets of the Commission: the Catholic and Anglican churches (the Anglicans are better known as Episcopalians in the USA):

    Read the churches’ responses and weep.

    I apologize for posting something so off-topic, but this may be a turning point in Australian civic life.

    I certainly hope so.

  11. eamick says

    I was never quite sure what to make of Batali, who often wore Crocs in the kitchen. If I were working in an environment with hot liquids everywhere, shoes with holes in them would not be my first choice.