You know how everything Trump says should be read as pure projection? When he complains about corruption it’s because he’s about to launch a kleptocracy, etc.? You should read the poem written for his inauguration.
My god.
Oh my fucking god.
Come out for the Domhnall, ye brave men and proud,
The scion of Torquil and best of MacLeod!
With purpose and strength he came down from his tower
To snatch from a tyrant his ill-gotten power.
Now the cry has gone up with a cheer from the crowd:
“Come out for the Domhnall, the best of MacLeod!”
When freedom is threatened by slavery’s chains
And voices are silenced as misery reigns,
We’ll come out for a leader whose courage is true
Whose virtues are solid and long overdue.
For, he’ll never forget us, we men of the crowd
Who elected the Domhnall, the best of MacLeod!
When crippling corruption polluted our nation
And plunged our economy into stagnation,
As self-righteous rogues took the opulent office
And plump politicians reneged on their promise,
The forgotten continued to form a great crowd
That defended the Domhnall, the best of MacLeod!
The Domhnall’s a giver whilst others just take,
Ne’er gaining from that which his hands did not make.
A builder of buildings, employing good men,
He’s enriched many cities by factors of ten.
The honest and true gladly march with the crowd
Standing up for the Domhnall, the best of MacLeod!
True friend of the migrant from both far and near,
He welcomes the worthy, but guards our frontier,
Lest a murderous horde, for whom hell is the norm,
Should threaten our lives and our nation deform.
We immigrants hasten to swell the great crowd
Coming out for the Domhnall, the best of MacLeod!
Academe now lies dead, the old order rots,
No longer policing our words and our thoughts;
Its ignorant hirelings pretending to teach
Are backward in vision, sophomoric in speech.
Now we learnèd of mind add ourselves to the crowd
That cheers on the Domhnall, the best of MacLeod!
The black man, forgotten, in poverty dying,
The poor man, the sick man, with young children crying,
The soldier abroad and the mother who waits,
The young without work or behind prison gates,
The veterans, wounded, all welcome the crowd
That fights for the Domhnall, the best of MacLeod!
Whilst hapless old harridans flapping their traps
Teach women to look and behave like us chaps,
The Domhnall defends the defenseless forlorn;
For, a woman’s first right is the right to be born.
Now the bonnie young lassies that fly to the crowd
Have a champion in Domhnall, the best of MacLeod!
But for all his great wisdom, the braw gallant man
Is matched by his children, the handsome Trump clan,
And the flower of Europe, Melania the fair,
Adds a luster and grace with her long flowing hair.
May they flourish and prosper to form a great crowd
Around the good Domhnall, the best of MacLeod!
Is there man left in Scotland, without base alloy,
Who remembers the Wallace, the Bruce, or Rob Roy?
Or have five hundred years of a blasphemous lie
Robbed your manhood of might that you lay down and die?
Get up and walk free, all ye brave men and proud!
Long life to the Domhnall, the best of MacLeod!
JESUS, I’M BLIND! Or at least, I’ve really got a terrible headache.
Don’t tell the Cuttlefish. He’ll be whirling in his grave, moments after that poem killed him.
I’m doing him no favor, but I will acknowledge the author, Joseph Charles MacKenzie of The Society of Classical Poets, who, I think, might be related to Ewan McTeagle.
The poem might also be related to this bit. I think it ought to be read to the inauguration ‘crowds’.
Not to, you know, clutter this up with facts, but IIRC Trump is about as Scottish as BMW. Of course, having an inaugural poem in German might be taken the wrong way….
Someone hired a McGonagall?
Ewan McTeagle.
Is that Chuck Tingle’s real name?
Actually, if they had inauguration poetry by Chuck, I’d watch. Because I do sort of feel slammed in the butt by the inauguration.
Anne @3: Beat me to it. At least McGonagall was practical;
There was an offering in the comments below, on the site where the poem is posted. I like it:
“Donald, you are a putz,
I really hate your gutz”
It’s haiku-like, capturing the spirit of the times in brevity and clarity, unlike a tweet from the Trump.
You might be unable to actually read through the whole thing, but there is so much to reward you.
Obama:
Mexicans:
But just after that,
Academics:
So now people like this “poet” get to take over.
Feminists:
Truly a stunning piece of work in both form and content.
I… I couldn’t read the whole thing… but…
I’ve read some bad poetry before. I mean, I took a couple of Freshman poetry courses where we had to read our ‘work’ out loud. And I’ve played D&D with some pretty serious DMs…
But oh my god. As Mark Twain said about the Opera, “I haven’t seen anything like it since the orphanage burnt down.”
Marcus Ranum #6 Great Find. Fits my sentiments toward Trump to a tee.
I’m not sure if this is facetious or celebratory.
Adding to PZ:
There’s your pro-birth, too.
I’m not unfamiliar with Scottish poetry, and a good chunk of it, 18-19th century and whatnot, was used as exactly this kind of bad political posturing, in similar style. This honestly? is exactly in keeping with political tracts of the time. Same sort of terrible rhyming and blatant political references. It would fit right in with the canon.
So it’s a little amusing to see.
Is… is this sort of nonsense normal for a Presidential inauguration? I mean, obviously not this bad, but… is there usually a poem so eye-wateringly propagandistic it would make a North Korean information minister step back and mumble “bit much there guys…”?
And it doesn’t even scan properly!
Come gather round, children, to gaze at the Trump
oh, sorry, that’s only an elephant’s dump.
I’m not sure if this is facetious
I never even considered that it could be serious. It isn’t, is it?
What’s this bit about a “blasphemous lie” for five hundred years?
This is satire, right? Right???
Pansky @ 15
That Columbus discovered America?
I expect the plan is to print this on broadsheets and sell it at the inauguration for a penny a piece.
I can see where the poet drew inspiration and where the poet completely and utterly failed. Yes, it does indeed read like a talentless bard sucking up to the newest tyrant on the throne. Very historical, that. It would be hilarious if I didn’t think that “new tyrant on the throne looking for suckups” is exactly how Trump plans to handle the presidency.
So much love for manliness just in the horrid glimpses (I am not reading this). I want to know how much Scotland will despise this shit. Come Scots… Burn this thing down.
Ranum @4&6, I love it.
Gee, I’m so darn flattered I’d like to congratulate the er, poet, by breaking his quill and shoving his keyboard where the sun doesn’t shine. Have to keep up that harridan rep, y’know.
I did just happen across this little comparison on youtube though, which clearly shows that Donald Trump was predicted down to the last detail in the 1990s by a US rubber-suits-and-puppets comedy show called Dinosaurs. I never saw the programme myself but… ye gods if it wasn’t prophetic
Well the names mentioned before the “blasphemous lie” are two people before the 1500s who fought for the independence of Scotland:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Wallace
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_the_Bruce
and one person who came after the 1500s and fought in the Jacobite rising:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rob_Roy_MacGregor
Brian @15&23
Or maybe the reformation? Luther in 1517? Could be a Catholic nut mixed in with the others in the bag.
Obama 2009 Inaugural poem – about ordinary Americans:
https://www.poets.org/poetsorg/poem/praise-song-day
Obama 2013 inaugural poem – about America:
http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2013/01/21/richard-blanco-obama-s-historic-inauguration-poet.html
Trump 2017 inaugural poem – about Trump.
Nuff said.
Just don’t say afterwards “we couldn’t have known”.
@johnwoodford,
Der Donald’s mother was from Scotland.
And on that note, is it too late to renounce my Scottish heritage?
So, Domhnall is Donald in Gaelic?
And McLeod means son of Leod, which is derived from Ugly in Norse?
The best of Donald, the best of the son of Ugly?
I don’t get the joke. Americans do irony in ways this Aussie doesn’t get.
Brian English,
MacLeod was Trump’s mother’s name.
I think my intestines grabbed control of my eyeballs and forced them to turn away from this horror in a desperate attempt to save my life.
Brian English: His mother’s maiden name was MacLeod. There is zero cleverness involved here.
Which culture is more praised? Irish, English? I apparently have ancestors from at least those countries.
Can I have a poem written about ‘The best of Brian, bogan scion of the Angles’?
Nah, pretentious gack like that doesn’t fly around here, just be mocked for being a latte sipping wanker.
MacLeod is a real Scottish clan, and apparently Trump’s mother was Scottish (her maiden name was Mary Anne MacLeod), so I guess that’s where this comes from. Never mind that the Scots despise him and his golf courses.
I was hoping there was a funnier explanation – my partner pointed out that MacLeod is also the clan from Outlander, so we wondered if some clueless hack took inspiration from there and didn’t realise there were multiple clans in Scotland, but sadly (see above) Trump apparently has legitimate claim to that heritage.
That doesn’t make the poem any less ludicrously shite. (I’ve written published poetry so I can claim the relevant expertise to condemn it, no?)
Also, @cartomancer that dinosaur video is amazing and everyone should see it
Actually I quite liked it. I thought that some of the metaphysical imagery was really particularly effective.
What would the Sìol Tormoid think of it?
@What a maroon and @The mellow Monkey
Thanks, I feel silly thinking that that hagiography would contain some spark.
… apparently it’s Highlander, not Outlander, we mixed it up. Still would’ve been funny.
.
.
.
I take back everything I said about wishing poets used rhyme and meter like they used to.
I have a MacLeod of Lewis hunting tartan scarf. ‘Scuse me while I go burn it.
Bless Jesus Christ, O Domhnall,
With grateful lifted eyes,
Who said that not the soul alone
But body too, must rise:
For had He said, “the soul alone
From death I will deliver;”
Alas! alas! O Domhnall,
Then thou hadst slept for ever.
The best response:
http://notesfromthegeekshow.blogspot.co.uk/2017/01/from-scotland-with-love.html
Cuttlefish Bloody brilliant!
I’m washing it off with Joyce Chisale’s poem “Little by Little.”
Upon a hill,
Thur stood a coo,
It must have moved,
It’s no there noo.
@Cuttlefish, that’s poetry!
And “From Scotland With Love.”
There once was a Trump from Nantucket…
Rob Bos sez,
Here is a more entertaining example about another (fictional) Donald set to music.
Come out for The Donald, ye every last chump,
Who found yourself reasons and voted for Trump!
With gold-plated ego, his own horn a-tootin’,
He swept from his tower, assisted by Putin.
Now the cry has gone up, and grows louder each day
From the citizens: “Please, can Obama just stay?”
http://freethoughtblogs.com/cuttlefish/2017/01/17/my-inaugural-poem/
Someone in the comments there noticed it has the same rhythm as The Night Before Christmas.
At first i thought you were joking ,Bloody hell .
What a Maroon@46, Beat me too it!
(On a sad note, the brilliant singer, Andy M. Stewart, died about a year ago.)
Off topic ,having a argument online with somebody ,he says that 20 million people won’t loose their health care ,he says reports saying they will are just Democrat lies and fake news .
Could anyone tell me the facts.
projection, see the popular vote in favor of Hillary, etc.
Totally describes Trump.
Totally describes Trump.
lol, nope.
We’re sure this isn’t a joke?
At least we’ll have some lines we can re-use when the next election comes up!
Try Repealing Obamacare would leave 32m without health coverage, analysis finds: “A Republican plan to repeal key provisions of the Affordable Care Act would leave 32 million people without health coverage and double the cost of insurance premiums over the next decade, according to an analysis by the nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office […]”
There once was a man in a tower
Who lusted so much after power
To the K, K, and K
He was more than okay
And he never got clean with a shower.
You’re kidding, right? This is a joke, right? OMFG …..
That is an abuse of metonymy only possible from a person on the wrong side of reality trying to metaphor. And much more besides.
A reworking of Burns’ Such A Parcel Of Rogues In A Nation would be fitting.
The rhyme scheme of this poem made me think of “Yertle the Turtle”, which has an anti-authoritarian message.
Can someone please tell me if this is satire or sincerity, as under the incoming administration I have lost the ability to tell the difference.
It has to be satire, right? I mean nobody could write that and think, in earnest, that they had done a good job.
Cuttlefish @39, many thanks for that. I think you saved my day.
The more I read the verse, the more convinced I am that it is intended as satire. The more I read about the writer, the less so.
I did have to take another look at The Dunciad to see it done properly.
@UnknownEric the Apostate (#13):
“Come gather round, children, to gaze at the Trump
oh, sorry, that’s only an elephant’s dump.”
I can’t stop laughing at this. Perfect.
To any of you who plan to protest Trump on Saturday, hope you all stay safe as Trump supporters are already hoping for violence. Funny how they overlooked the violence at Trump rallies which was encouraged by Trump himself.
http://www.theamericanconservative.com/dreher/trump-john-lewis-and-american-dissolution/comment-page-2/#comment-8124658
Wonkette covered the poem thoroughly, with a mix of humor and disdain.
Link
Wonkette notes that on his website Charles McKenzie markets his poetry like this:
mcbender @ 33 and 36;
There can be only one!
Sadly, I doubt there will be any helpful passing Immortal prepared to get us out of this jam by making teh Trumprat a head shorter…
Wonkette is hosting an Inaugural Poetry Contest.
Link
An example is provided:
The poem to which Cuttlefish linked in comment 39 is also provided as an example of what Wonkette is seeking.
Actually, I quite liked it.
I thought some of the metaphysical imagery was particularly effective and the rhythmic devices were interesting.
Here is a more fitting poem by Hal Duncan in response to the one in PZ’s post .
http://notesfromthegeekshow.blogspot.co.uk/2017/01/from-scotland-with-love.html
Holy shit that’s some vintage racist imagery there.
If you told me this was a line from Bioshock Infinite, I’d say it was too hamfisted
Compare This
“For god and country, it is our holy duty to guard against the foreign hordes”
blf@50,
Yeah, I just learned about his passing when I found that link. Feck it all, one less noble thinker, scholar and great drinker….
Trump is horrible. However…
This is just a poem that some goofball cranked out “in honor of the inauguration”.
It is not “the inaugural poem”. It wasn’t commissioned by Trump. It will not be read at the inauguration. This guy will not be the poet laureate.
(I think some people understand this and are just enjoying being horrified that anyone could write this. Others seem misled and are asking if this kind of thing is normal at American inaugurations, etc.)
Oh, he’s completely serious. While exploring his website, I found this, one of many chunks of pomposity excreted there
For more of his truly execrable abuse of the English language – https://mackenziepoet.com/
I feel bad for clan MacLeòid, that some twit is announcing to the world that Trump is the best of their clan. Not even by a long shot. Especially not when people like Andrew MacLeod are around. http://www.africalink.org.au/index.php?id=68
And using Domhnall that way, to imply that Trump (rightfully) rules the world? Blech.
You know what, I feel bad for clan MacDomhnall too, now.
So it turns out that his arithmetic is about as good as his poetry.
I love Xian math. 1+1+1=1, pi=3, and 70*7=77.
Hey, I got a shout-out!
It’s even worse than I originally thought. Apparently the poet intended it as some sort of call and response piece. The lines that end “the best of Mcleod” are supposed to be chanted by the assembled masses as someone up front recites the rest. That sounds very similar to how prayers work in a lot of church services.
Sir, you insult Vogon poetry! I mean it. Any self-respecting Vogon would have thrown the poet out the airlock at the third line.
Say what you will about McTeagle. At least he understood the plight of the working poor.
bonzaikitten, huh. This is the Andrew McLeod I know.
Dear Joseph Charles MacKenzie:
There’s a reason some poets stick to rhyming with the colors of roses and violets.
Fuck it, while I’ve still got Andy Stewart on my mind, at least he tried.
Are you fucking kidding me? You mean that’s for real?
Do you know what keeps going through my head? The refrain of this goddamn thing (“Come out for the Domnhall, the best of MacLeod”) has exactly the same syllabary rhythm as “the hero of Canton, the man they call Jayne”.
That parallel amuses me far more than it ought, what with that song also imputing virtue to a person who intended no such thing, and the guy being played by a Baldwin on top of that…
mcbender
Nice catch.
For Vogon poetry to be properly appreciated, the victim should be tied to a chair, with methaphor amplifiers wired into the headphones.
— — —
There is a French absurdist play named “King Ubu”.
It would be appropriate to have it performed at the inauguration.
This poem would be great in an episode of Black Adder, with Baldric as performer.
Snopes says this is not his inauguration poem. It was not commissioned or approved by Trump. Someone was just really inspired by him and wrote it.
http://www.snopes.com/trumps-inauguration-poem/
Until today I assumed he would finish his speech with Hail Hydra, but I guess “There can be only one” would work too.
Seeing how Zaphod Beeblebrox got installed as POTUS nothing could be more apt than Vogon poetry.
Reminds me of “Emmeline Grangerford” in Huckleberry Finn, a parody of a real terrible poet named Julia Moore. Who was it that said that one of the hallmarks of bad poetry was how terribly sincere it is?
Reminds me of Mad Magazine at its 1971 best.
@87
Yes, but neither PZ nor the linked article claimed it was. Well, “for” can be misleading but it isn’t incorrect.
I am an actual for-real member of Clan McLeod, and I resent associating Dumpster with it in any way, shape or form, much less as any kind of “best”.
I also believe laurian @89 is insulting Zaphod Beeblebrox. Zaphod was much hoopier. And Trump may tell you he has the best towels, really amazing towels, but he doesn’t actually know where any of them are.
This inauguration should be celebrated with a song (sung by Danny Kaye in the movie) that ends with the line “And it’s all together too chilly a morn.”
http://www.snopes.com/trumps-inauguration-poem/
@94 Killjoy. Although this raises the possibility that it is a Poe.
@95
Not really.
I think it only raises the possibility that a typical reader has poor reading comprehension. That a poem was written by someone for the observance of the inauguration does not imply the poem is going to be read at the inauguration or that in any way it is an official inauguration poem. I don’t see anywhere in any of the initial sources or in PZ’s post anyone who claimed it was.
I’m a bit disappointed that Wonkette seems to have failed this basic reading comprehension test. But maybe it wasn’t them but the source they first heard this from.
That such a godawful poem was written is definite ridicule-worthy.
Vogon ship enters Earth orbit. Vogon captain is having second thoughts about blowing up inhabited planet. Is it really a good idea? Do we really need more hyperspace bypasses? Then he hears this poem. He blows the planet up and then blows any remains he can find up. “It was a mercy killing, really,” he says as the ship passes Pluto.
The proper Vogon reaction to hearing that “poem” is to blow up the rest of the Universe before it reaches them. The thing is already out there, and cannabe put back into the whatevar it escaped from…
What’s all this about academia being dead? Academics have hardly been destroyed by Trump’s election. They may have cause for worry, but that’s just motivating them to fight against the know-nothing regime.