I get a lot of crap in my email, especially since trolls love to sign me up for weird mailing lists. This morning I got something from “Christian Reader Alerts”, and this is what it said:
It’s a weird little weapon that could kickstart WWIII.
A weapon so easy to produce…that fifth graders make a small version of it for their science projects.
A weapon so powerful, that it could cause a global economic crash, mass pandemics and vicious food riots…at the same time!
And latest reports from DHS reveal that majority of our enemies are preparing to use THIS against us.
>>Click Here To Find Out More>>
So I clicked There to Find Out More.
I’m only telling you all this to spare you. It takes you to one of those stupid canned video sites — you know, where it plays a video that’s just text, with a voice reading it, and there are no controls to skip ahead. I shrugged and let it play on in the background while I got other things done.
First, he reveals the threat to our American way of life: solar flares! Our power grid is so fragile, it could be taken out any minute. Also, people can build EMP bombs that do the same thing as a solar flare! The voice assures us that this catastrophe will strike the US in the next 11 to 13 months.
Then he paints a picture of what it would be like to live through an EMP strike. You wouldn’t notice anything. You’d wake up in the morning and find the stove doesn’t work, so your wife can’t fix you breakfast (that is merely the start of the horrors to come!). Then your kids complain that their cell phones don’t work. Then you notice the neighbors milling about outside…this is the last time you will see your neighbors because…RIOTS! FAMINE! DEATH! SAVAGES RUNNING IN THE STREET! Without electricity, we collapse back into the Stone Age, the Middle Ages, the 17th century (he’s not really clear on which era we’ll occupy after the EMP.)
But, he says, you and your family can survive. We have the secret. And the secret is…>mumbles on apocalyptically for ten more minutes&hellip>< and the secret is…live like the Amish. The voice’s collaborator lived with the Amish for years studying their ways, and they’ve collected all their tips into one book that’s worth at least $500. What price on the survival of your family, after all? They thought about selling it to you for $150, but as grand humanitarians, they’ve now decided to release it at cost for only $37, plus shipping and handling. Act now. Limited time only.
It’s all so clearly aimed at the Fox News demographic: old fearful gullible Christians. And it makes no sense. Losing the power grid and having your cell phone stop working is so disastrous that all your survivalist gear and your basement packed with canned food won’t save you, unless you learn from the Amish how to live without electricity or cell phones.
You know what? I wouldn’t want to live like the Amish anyway.