Jaden and Willow Smith, the alien space children of Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith, have been interviewed by the New York Times. It is a phantasmagorical journey into the minds of two people who have never had to deal with reality, and spend all their time dwelling on shallow deepities. They croon about quantum physics, and how time doesn’t actually exist, because
I can make it go slow or fast, however I please, and they dismiss other people’s books because
There’re no novels that I like to read so I write my own novels, and then I read them again, and it’s the best thing. I kept reading to get to the part where their narcissism balloons to enormous size, and then gets sucked into their navels, and they disappear in a burst of solipsism, but it never happened, sadly.
I did get to read about their interpretation of development, though.
WILLOW: Breathing is meditation; life is a meditation. You have to breathe in order to live, so breathing is how you get in touch with the sacred space of your heart.
JADEN: When babies are born, their soft spots bump: It has, like, a heartbeat in it. That’s because energy is coming through their body, up and down.
WILLOW: Prana energy.
JADEN: It’s prana energy because they still breathe through their stomach. They remember. Babies remember.
WILLOW: When they’re in the stomach, they’re so aware, putting all their bones together, putting all their ligaments together. But they’re shocked by this harsh world.
JADEN: By the chemicals and things, and then slowly…
WILLOW: As they grow up, they start losing.
JADEN: You know, they become just like us.
NO! NOT LIKE YOU! ANYTHING BUT THAT!
Jaden and Willow, that throbbing in the baby’s soft spot? It’s not “prana energy,” whatever the hell that is. It’s called a pulse. You can feel it in your throat, your wrists, lots of places.
Nobody literally breathes through their stomach. You can flatten your diaphragm with little expansion of the rib cage, causing a displacement of the gut, but you’re actually drawing air into your lungs. Your lungs, Willow and Jaden. Babies and adults breathe with their lungs.
Babies don’t remember. They don’t consciously assemble their bones and ligaments. An acephalic fetus can build perfectly normal limbs, you know.
I have no idea why you’re dismayed by
the chemicals. You are made of chemicals. You are exposed to chemicals in the womb. Chemicals are what you are.
What a perfect picture of two blissfully ignorant, wealthy people who spent their childhood being constantly reassured that their every fart was perfume, and now they believe it. How sad.