They grow too bold!

Our new residents are getting a bit cocky — they strolled up to my back door and were peering into our dining room. And then when I rapped on the window, they sucked their teeth at me and went about their business.


They may be plotting a takeover.


  1. karmacat says

    Are you sure they aren’t cats? Sounds like typical cat behavior to ignore the humans and do what they want.

  2. Nerd of Redhead, Dances OM Trolls says

    Are you sure they weren’t wanting the cat to come out and play?

  3. scottbelyea says

    You’d better do something about them, or you’ll regret it when you have a new groundhogs-only bottom level on your house.

  4. says

    They sell fox urine crystals in a plastic bottle for a few bucks… if you really want to scare them away, I think that’s a nicer option… sprinkle it in the places they frequent.

    Personally I’d just keep them. I mean, a house is nowhere near as cute. I always default to maximum cute.
    We have a wonderful opossum upstairs neighbor in our house.

  5. bcwebb says

    reposted to the current thread:

    You got yerselves some whistlepigs…

    Off to the woods for to catch a groundhog.
    Oh, groundhog.
    Run here Sally with a ten foot pole, (repeat)
    To twist that whistle-pig out of his hole.
    Oh, groundhog.
    Here comes Sal with a snicker and a grin, (repeat)
    Groundhog gravy all over her chin.
    Oh, groundhog.
    Look at them fellers, they’re a-goin’ wild, (repeat)
    Eat that hog before he’s cooked or biled.
    Oh, groundhog.
    I dug down but I didn’t dig deep, (repeat)
    There laid a whistle-pig fast asleep.
    Oh, groundhog.
    Now the meat’s in the cupboard and the butter’s in the churn, (repeat)
    If that ain’t groundhog I’ll be derned.
    Oh, groundhog.
    Well you eat the meat and save the hide, (repeat)
    Make the best shoestring ever was tied.
    Oh, groundhog.
    Look at them fellers, they’re about to fall, (repeat)
    Eat till their britches won’t button at all.
    Oh, groundhog.
    Little piece of cornbread a-layin’ on the shelf, (repeat)
    If you want any more, you can sing it yerself.
    Oh, groundhog.

  6. raefn says

    If you decide to trap them and move them someplace safe for them, McDonald’s burgers make top-notch bait. I’ve had groundhogs on my property, and I’ve trapped them and moved them to a bird sanctuary about 4 miles away. Apparently, the chemical ‘enhancement’ meant to make McDonald’s food appealing to human palates works well on groundhogs too.

  7. lochaber says

    Admittedly, they can be kinda problematic.

    They sure are funny critters to watch though, especially the first time you (unexpectedly) find one in a tree…

  8. says


    They may be plotting a takeover.

    They ARE plotting a takeover. So if you are thinking of evicting them, do it before they really make themselves a home.

  9. swampfoot says

    Y’all know me. Know how I earn a livin’. I’ll catch this hog for you, but it ain’t gonna be easy. Bad hog. Not like going down to the pond and chasing bluegills and tommycocks. This hog, swallow you whole. No shakin’, no tenderizin’, down you go. And we gotta do it quick, that’ll bring back your tourists, put all your businesses on a payin’ basis. But it’s not gonna be pleasant. I value my neck a lot more than three thousand bucks, chief. I’ll find him for three, but I’ll catch him, and kill him, for ten. But you’ve gotta make up your minds. If you want to stay alive, then ante up. If you want to play it cheap, be on welfare the whole winter. I don’t want no volunteers, I don’t want no mates, there’s too many captains on this prairie. Ten thousand dollars for me by myself. For that you get the head, the tail, the whole damn thing.

  10. swampfoot says

    The thing about a groundhog, it’s got lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll’s eyes. When it comes at you it doesn’t seem to be livin’… until he bites you, and those black eyes roll over white…

  11. Artor says

    PZ, you should budget for pressure-washing your deck and giving it a good penetrating sealer. It will be much cheaper than having to rebuild the deck in a couple years. All that moss holds water, and makes it rot faster. Makes it slipperier too.

  12. Mike Mason says

    Agree with Artor. It’s not a good sign when you have little leafy plants growing out of your deck and siding. Maybe the groundhogs are telling you your house looks like a nice damp hole in the ground. A little preventative maintenance looks necessary.

  13. Trebuchet says

    Groundhogs? Meh. Although I admit I first thought “nutria”. Also Meh.

    Wait until you’ve had a ratcoon give birth in your floor, then we’ll talk about pests.

  14. Sili says

    Gently guide them to that cemetery next door and try to convince them to burrow around the chimes.

  15. lorn says

    The wet and mossy condition of the deck near the wall, and peeling paint on the shakes, suggests to me that you need to check the wall behind the ledger board the deck hangs off of. There is a good chance the wall is starting to rot. Mold, termites, saturated insulation are all serious problems that might be present. None of them, if present, are likely to get better on their own.

  16. lakitha tolbert says

    @18-19: Okay, someone’s been watching way too much AMC channel today!
    Now, cut that out!

  17. Great American Satan says

    Those things are intensely cute. Hopefully they will not need to be destroyed.

  18. Rey Fox says

    Also, if you stain the deck, then these guys probably won’t be able to chuck the wood.

  19. says

    We’ve got getting the siding completely redone at the top of our to-do list — we were supposed to have gotten that done earlier this spring, but you know…contractors. And around here all the home improvements are scheduled for about 3 months of the year, because the other 9 are kind of impossible, so they get very, very busy.

    Next on the list, maybe next year, is redoing the whole deck. Which means the groundhogs already have an eviction notice.

  20. bargearse says

    They should be introduced to the possum who recently took up residence in my roof. I’m sure they’d get along famously.

  21. birgerjohansson says

    PZ, can you evict them AFTER the current (or imminent) litter has grown up?

  22. birgerjohansson says

    If you can breed bigger versions you can use them as guardian animals!

    “Groundhogs may be raised in captivity, but their aggressive nature can pose problems. Doug Schwartz, a zookeeper and groundhog trainer at the Staten Island Zoo, has been quoted as saying “They’re known for their aggression, so you’re starting from a hard place. Their natural impulse is to kill ’em all and let God sort ’em out. You have to work to produce the sweet and cuddly.”
    Goddamit. Rodent felines.

  23. lochaber says

    ouch, that site was painfully stupid. way too much scaremongering.
    About the only way it would have been worse is if they went on a rant about the toxicity of dihydrogenmonoxide…

  24. bortedwards says

    @ vereverum (#2)
    Im a little unclear. Are the meal times for the benefit of the whistlers, or are they the subject of the meals?
    Since I discovered all my budding sunflowers had been defoliated and de-headed by (at least) one of it’s brethren last night I have been keeping an eye out for a hearty whistle-pig recipe….

  25. says


    They should be introduced to the possum who recently took up residence in my roof.

    We’ve recently acquired a raccoon, who likes the feed I put out for the birds, especially the suet. I think he’s living under our front deck.

  26. Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden says

    A classic case of adverse possession.