I picked the wrong moment in history to become a vegetarian

Because here and now, in this shining moment of time, the Chthucken has been invented.


I could weep. Just a few years ago, I could have had the glory of bringing this out to serve the family on Christmas day.


  1. Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden says

    What IS this thing?

    Chicken stuffed with octopus, crab legs grafted on?

    Holy crap?

    Okay, I just have to ask:

    AC, HD, ATT/DAM, & any special qualities?

  2. some bastard on the net says

    Holy-Thor’s-balls! KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!!

    And then grab some butter and cranberry sauce!

  3. Desert Son, OM says

    Crip Dyke at #1:

    AC, HD, ATT/DAM, & any special qualities?

    And for those serving the Chaosium version this season, how much is the SAN loss?

    Still learning,


  4. Al Dente says

    After looking at that picture, I’m reminded of Lloyd Bridges’ line from “Airplane!”:

    Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.

  5. says

    my sister did an impromptu thanksgiving this year (with another vegan). I asked her what they made and she said “tofucken” XD hahaha.

  6. Alex says

    Garcon, which wine would you recommend with the roasted headhugger “a la black mesa” ?

    Hey, if there’s a trans dimensional leak filling you universe with unimaginable horrors, you might just as well make the best of it…

  7. outeast says

    I’ve seen things you wouldn’t believe – dread visions stirred from the darkest, most troubled depths of the subconscious, horrors to sear and scar the mind,. sights so awful that only the fear of the nightmares that chase me unseeing in sleep stopped my from gouging out my own eyes. But I’ve never seen anything that chilled my soul so much as this. The horror. The horror.

  8. johnlee says

    Looking at my copy of Genesis, I can state with some authority that this creature was created on the fifth day. That’s positive proof that God exists, so no more of this “Happy Holidays” bullshit.

  9. rq says

    johnlee @21
    But I’m pretty sure the bible says you can’t eat this (Leviticus somewhere?). What a shame.

  10. astro says

    anuran @3:

    The bacon strips pull it all together

    because of course, everything is good with bacon.

  11. Thumper: Token Breeder says

    Chicken, octopus, spider crab (I think), and bacon?

    I’m in. Someone pass me a fork.

  12. playonwords says

    The Christmas meal that eats you –

    Although if you are really worried you can give it a quick kick in the tentacles

  13. Louis says

    I’m relatively strong stomached but that thing is a fucking abomination…

    …oh…wait…that’s the point.


  14. lurker in a strange land says


    I work with this guy and got to see this monstrosity up close.
    No, I did not eat any of it. I hate seafood and for me there are some things that even bacon can not overcome. I lost some sanity just from the smell.

  15. robinjohnson says

    Surely a veg*an equivalent of this is possible? Sculpted nutroast centrepiece, and what’s the most tentacly-looking vegetable? Maybe those big long bean pods, if you boil them till they’re floppy enough, with little slices of onion pasted on for suckers.

    You might need a nice side dish to actually eat, though.

  16. magistramarla says

    I’m with Thumper and Unbound – Give me a seat at the table.
    I’ll try just about anything, and turkey (it looks too big to be a chicken, but chicken is good, too), crab legs, calamari and bacon? There’s nothing wrong with that combination. It’s all in the presentation!
    Add a few sauces, some garlic mashed potatoes, some nice roasted vegetables, a pumpkin and a mincemeat pie with freshly made whipped cream, a nice California wine and that’s a holiday meal that my hubby and I would enjoy.

  17. Trebuchet says

    If you click on the LA Times link, they alternate between spelling it “Cthuken” and “Cthulken”. I think I prefer it with the “L”.

  18. Thumper: Token Breeder says


    I think you’re right, that does look too big to be a chicken. But I think it would work better with chicken, flavour-wise.

  19. fernando says

    Clearly a Great Old One.

    So, he isn’t neither animal or vegetable, nor he is from this world; i think you can eat it and still be a vegetarian.

    Seems delicious, but i would eat it with some boiled potatoes (with skin), that go (after boiled) for a few minutes to a grill (with a fire made of wood) and later coated with a mixture of hot olive oil and very lightly fried garlic in the same olive oil.

  20. jamiejag says

    Tony @9

    Where’s the wish bone?

    Crushed into an unrecognizable slurry, along with the glimmer of hope and the sense of joy, by the unrelenting tentacles of despair and then discarded.

  21. Rusty NaN says

    My wife and I called it ‘cthurkey’ when we served it to our friends.
    Fortunately, they’re still friends!

  22. jamiejag says

    Fernando @46

    So, he isn’t neither animal or vegetable, nor he is from this world; i think you can eat it and still be a vegetarian.

    On what world is bacon ‘not animal?’ For that matter, what about turkey, octopus or crab?

  23. Gregory Greenwood says

    Kill it! Kill it with fire!

    This is what happens when you let Dr Frankenstein arrange the catering…

  24. Trebuchet says

    I’m somewhat surprised and disappointed that after 52 comments nobody has admitted to seeing the thread title and thinking of Lloyd Bridges. Except me, now.

  25. Marc Abian says

    Comment 7 did, Trebuchet. I’m not angry at you, just somewhat surprised, and disappointed.

  26. Dr Marcus Hill Ph.D. (arguing from his own authority) says

    jamiejag @50: It’s universally acknowledged that bacon is, in fact, a vegetable. I saw it on a T-shirt, so it must be true.