Treacherous swine

I’ve been distracted this morning — I had to put down a rebellion. Various bacteria have been staging a revolt and trying to bolt out of the confines of my gut by cunningly fleeing into the sewers; not cunningly enough, though, as I’ve dealt with the traitors by sending great chasers of hydrochloric acid after them. This is how a tyrant deals with betrayal and cowardice! Death to the disloyal! Painful slow burning death!

Now I have to go lie down.


  1. Artor says

    I feel your pain PZ. Some time back, I did battle with a few botulinum-producing critters. It took me a week to beat the bastards back, and they took 40 lbs of body mass with them. I hope you prevail in your efforts, but you may find yourself less of a man when you are done. Some people might say that’s a good thing, but after days of cyclical heaving & convulsions, I think I’d rather have kept the 40 lbs.

  2. says

    A week? No. I’m giving the bugs ONE DAY. They shall be crushed, voided, eradicated, dissolved, and destroyed before this day is done. The survivors shall quake in terror before my fury and subsist in peace forevermore, lest they reawaken my wrath.

  3. Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden says


    naturally produced by the stomach, which leaks out when things rush through the system before neutralization (while it dissolves the food it is, of course, itself chemically transformed) can occur…

  4. Blondin says

    Didn’t Johnny Cash write a song about something like this? Something about a ‘burning ring of fire’?

  5. dianne says

    Ouch! May I send sympathy and, if necessary, IVF your direction? Please do go somewhere for non-virtual IVF if you’re getting dehydrated…that can get nasty, especially if you’re still having heart issues.

  6. unclefrogy says

    sorry to here of your digestive trouble but good to see it has not effected your sense of humor I had to laugh out loud, I completely identify with your sense of furry.
    it is always so inconvenient!
    uncle frogy

  7. Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden says


    in canada (unless the law changed in teh last 6 months) it is legal to stream a video regardless of copyright ownership. The person uploading/hosting the video can get in trouble, but someone who streams without downloading is apparently not doing anything currently illegal.

    There are lots of places where you can stream movies – maybe you can stream this one, if it’s legal where you are?

  8. says

    Aye aye PZ,
    I understand thee.
    I myself am under assault,
    by the virus, gnawing in my nose and throat.
    But, I will not lie,
    For that we have the GOP.
    (Now please add the last 2 sentences from PZ’s post).

  9. RFW says

    P-zed, don’t just watch your hydration. Watch your electrolyte levels, too. Diarrhea and vomiting can mess those up too.

    You can buy oral rehydration formula that you mix with water, then drink, but when I asked my pharmacist about this, he looked in his Big Book of Pharmacy and reported that the preferred method in developed countries with clean water supplies is to dissolve a little baking soda in a glass of water, a little salt in a glass of orange juice, then sip the two alternately.

  10. M can help you with that. says

    Getting face time at the oval office is rarely pleasant. My sympathies.

  11. phiwilli says

    For my similar (but maybe somewhat less severe) problems, my doc never mentioned hydrochloric acid, only antibiotics pills. Return to normalcy seems to have been more due to a regimen of daily Greek yogurt with probiotics in it than to pills.

  12. Davros says

    And as one of the ways we say it here Driving the porcelain bus

    Australia has a large number of slang ways to say vomiting
    technicolour yawn
    the long spit
    chuck up
    throw up
    I could continue but for the sake of good taste I will stop

  13. cicely says

    Death to the rebel swine!
    Soothing visions of cephalopods doing an intricately-choreographed water ballet to PZ.

  14. rnilsson says

    Slow administration of weak* black tea, taken in sips, and small nibbles of cold boiled rice, toast or – ahem – crackers to buffer, also at intervals, is part of our traditional family remedy after the attacks have subsided somewhat.

    But adjustment of elecrolytes is also beneficial; indeed essential: one small spoon of salt and a slightly bigger spoon of sugar in boiled, lukewarm water. Maybe combined in the tea if you can stand the horrid brew.

    * Not homeopathic, only not quite ordinary strong.

  15. launcespeed says

    If German folk songs are to be believed, then Schnaps ist gut gegen Cholera. Should help quiet all sorts of rebellious scum.

    Substitution of rum, in the form of Stroh 80 (160 proof), might work, also.

  16. catlover says

    PZ — SO sorry those dratted bugs have got the upper hand for now — how DARE they? The NERVE!!

    Disclaimer: I am NOT a medical professional — just someone who cares. Please try to stay hydrated, and do please keep your electrolytes balanced. Potassium is as important as sodium. Chicken soup is always good, when you are up to it.

  17. microraptor says

    As someone who’s been subject to the same form of insurrection a couple of times in the last year, I heartily sympathize with your plight, PZ.

  18. Nick Gotts says

    Getting face time at the oval office is rarely pleasant. – M can help you with that@19

    and Davros@21,

    What colourful metaphors for the simple act of calling God on the great white telephone! (Spoiler: He never answers!)

    Get well soon, PZ.