Let that sink in. You just know she’s got to be an utterly astounding dingbat, and you wouldn’t be wrong.
Anyway, she has made an incredible claim that is testable (that last bit is probably the most astonishing part of it all — these gomers usually run away from anything that can be evaluated as fast as their little legs will take them). Owen says that if you slice an apple in two and talk lovey-dovey to one half, and spiteful meanness to the other, the loved half will stay prettier longer…or the hated half will decay faster. And what’s more, because faces are just like apples, you can make yourself prettier just by sweet-talking yourself in a mirror. Now I think that confidence and cheerfulness can improve your attractiveness, unsurprisingly, but this claim that it is a physical effect that can even impinge on non-sentient vegetables is a bit much.
Rebecca Watson is taking Nikki Owen on. She’s going to replicate the experiment, with blind assessment and a control.
This is excellent. Some people are complaining about the deviation from the Owen protocol by the addition of mustaches on the jars, but that’s irrelevant, since all of the jars get them — since we know already that mustaches make one youthful, lovely, and sexy, all they’ll do is uniformly preserve all the apple slices for a bit longer. No worries.
Rebecca also has a facebook page on the experiment. You can join in!
I have to admit that I’ve been doing a slack variant of this experiment for a while. I’ve got this stash of consecrated crackers in a baggie, and every day I tell them how much I hate them, taunt them with a nail, and tempt them with dominion over the earth, and creepily, they have stayed exactly the same. Lo, behold the power of preservatives, or perhaps the complete absence of nutritional value. Not even bacteria or mold wants a bit out of Jesus.