A merger in the offing for Big Church?

What a useful way to look at it: Vatican, Inc is hoping to improve their bottom line by acquiring a competitor, Church of England, Ltd. About 600 Anglican middle-managers are in talks with the Catholic Church to rip up their theological roots (which, it turns out, aren’t all that important) and rejoin the old establishment. This could get interesting, since many of those Anglican priests are married; will Catholicism suddenly change course and allow a privileged subset of their priests enjoy sex?


One has to wonder why so many Anglicans are suddenly jumping ship. It might be because Pope Palpatine has wonderful charisma, or because his mastery of the ways of the Force has compelled them to obey…but no, it’s neither of those things. Would you believe it’s because the Anglicans are insufficiently misogynistic and homophobic? The Anglicans are considering opening up their church hierarchy to women and gays, and the cranky reactionary wing is freaking out and threatening schism. And realizing that woman-fearing, gay-hating old farts have a natural home in the bosom of the Catholic Church.

It’s a charming prospect: the Anglicans, already little more than a mild force for promoting weak tea in the world, will become even feebler, while the Catholics will become a little bit more evil with the absorption of the nastier elements of Anglicanism.