This is going too far. As you probably know, Apple has run a long series of ads where they personify computers: the Mac is the young, cool, hip dude, while the PC is the stodgy old loser. It has been a very successful campaign, and various other companies have tried to copy it or defuse it. But sometimes they are too slavishly following the concept and lose any credibility or any awards for creativity. Latest case: OpenBSD proposes a series of ads with their own personified operating systems. It’s never going to happen — they can’t afford the talent they want to use — and it’s also too overwrought. It’s got Vin Diesel as OpenBSD, and Yoko Ono as a Mac (yes, I am offended!), and no mention of Linux (Greg is offended!) but I still approve, because it’s got the only acceptable use of Ben Stein in a commercial, playing the role of a PC.

Ben Stein is shown knee deep in sludge at the bottom of a porta-potty tank. Stein waves up at the camera and calls cheerfully, “Hey there, OpenBSD!”

Vin Diesel wrinkles his nose and replies, “Uh, what are you doing down there, PC?”

In response, Stein cups his hands and scoops up a hearty mass of brown goop. Holding it close to his face, Stein says, “I’m trying out Vista!” He then buries his face in sewage, pulls out gasping and choking, and proceeds to vomit down the front of his shirt.

Diesel looks aghast and says, “That… doesn’t look very healthy, PC. I’ve heard some pretty bad things about Vista.”

A visibly shaken Ben Stein gathers himself and retorts sarcastically, “Yeah, Vista is bad, evolution is real, and I just traded the last unicorn for a bag of magic beans. Wake up, OpenBSD! There’s a whole wide world out here!” Stein stretches his arms wide in the dank confines of the porta-potty’s waste tank.

OpenBSD is a good OS, but I’m not excited by it…but man, I want to see this commercial made, just to get Stein frolicking in sewage. It’s never going to happen, alas.