The forgettable Mr Birdnow

Timothy Birdnow is one of those common wingnuts: he worships GW Bush, thinks global warming is a hoax, homosexuality is evil, evolution is a lie, and history is all about the triumphant ascent of Judeo-Christian America. I’ve laughed at him a few times before; now he’s venting his diseased, shriveled spleen at atheism. It’s funny stuff.

A lot of it is the usual ahistorical tripe which can be summed up in this cliche:

This prohibition was clearly intended to restrain governmental interference with the right of the individual to believe and worship as he sees fit. The “Wall of Separation” was put in place to secure freedom of religion, not freedom FROM religion.

So, apparently, Americans do not have a right to be godless, and we can be compelled to join some church, any church, just to keep us from marching around free FROM religion. It’s the weirdest argument, though, because at the same time he’s damning us for being free of religion and insisting that we have no right to be god-free, he’s insisting that atheism is a religion. The inconsistency doesn’t matter when your brain is as scrambled as Birdnow’s; but I am amused by his most extreme efforts to shoehorn atheism into his narrow vision of what a religion is. Behold: we are trinitarians now!

Radical Atheists hate it when their belief system is categorized as religious, but it is. What is religion after all? It is a system of beliefs about the nature of the Universe, of Man, and of the Hereafter. It generally has a moral code. It has a creation story, and often a prophecy of the end of the world. Atheism has all of these things.

Atheism is triune in nature in many ways; we have Universe the Father (Let there be light, and there was the Big Bang), Earth the Son (all life evolved from the mechanistic determinism of the Blind Watchmaker), and the Holy Spirit of Human intellect. As a result, atheism incorporates several beliefs into one system.

Atheism worships (they hate that word) the Cosmos, Evolution, and Reason. The Big Bang and Darwinian Evolution are the creation myths, and the Big Crunch the prophecied cataclysm. Oh, I know; these are scientific concepts and not simply faith-based stories. Still, the atheist has decided that he will not believe in anything that cannot be given in evidence by the senses. Of course, this means that the ultimate questions of where this random, mechanistic universe came from cannot be answered. God is as good of an answer as any, but most atheists simply insist there can be none and believe in a mechanical universe that generated spontaneously with physical laws balanced just right for the evolution of life and human consciousness.

Oh, yes. And bdelloid rotifers are our Madonna, and ichneumonid wasps our Satan. Could he possibly stretch the comparison a little further?

Why is he concerned about this? We’re destroying Western Civilization!

That is why our society is sliding down the long, greasy pole; too many believe in nothing. This is evident in every facet of our lives. All of society`s problems can ultimately be traced back to the severing of human reason from human passion, and that is the fruit of Western Civilization`s arrogant belief in himself, the material world, and his disbelief in the Divine. The looming triumph of Atheism is bringing forth the demons of the human abyss, as surely as did Stalin, Mao, Pol Pot, or the other Atheists who ruled over their kingdoms for one hour. The bell is now tolling for we.

As we all know, sliding down a long, greasy pole is the homophobe’s worst nightmare, which is why they dwell on it so much. The poor man is deranged, so I’ll just have to forgive him for his very typical, hateful attitude. Unfortunately, I have to despise him forever for “The bell is now tolling for we.”