The Huffington Post has been getting a lot of grief around scienceblogs lately, since they’ve been letting some astounding woo slip through under the guise of medicine and science. Now it is partly explained: their “wellness” editor is Patricia Fitzgerald. Here are her qualifications:
Patricia Fitzgerald is a licensed acupuncturist, certified clinical nutritionist, and a homeopath. She has a Master’s Degree in Traditional Chinese Medicine and a Doctorate in Homeopathic Medicine.
Words fail me. What is a doctorate in homeopathic medicine? A blank piece of paper taped to your wall?
(via Mike the Mad Biologist)
Empty water bottle.
I don’t know, but it makes me feel stupid for going to grad school. I mean… I could be a DOCTOR already!
More propaganda from PZ.
“What is a doctorate in homeopathic medicine? ”
A blank microdot.
Now is the time to mention my brand of homeopathic whisky, “Old Bear-Hugger”. You can drink as much as you like – guaranteed no hangovers!
Wow, sounds like having a diploma from the ICR.
Good on you, HuffPo, we wouldn’t want to hear from any unqualified homeopaths.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/6mb592
No, a doctorate in homeopathic medicine would be a blank piece of paper soaked in a 1:10,000,000 tincture made from the ink of an actual doctor’s diploma.
It’s in a 6-foot tall stack of blank diploma-sized parchment leaves. Damned if anyone can find it, but it’s in there somewhere, trust me.
What is a doctorate in homeopathic medicine?
Well, I believe the thesis involves diluting writing with lots of blank pages; the more dilution the better!
A piece of paper from the bottom of a ream where one microliter of ink was used on the top layer.
(Oh, did I just use your diploma for my grocery list?)
Don’t be stupid, PZ. We both know a doctorate in homeopathic medicine is covered in crayon lettering, and is therefore not blank.
Take a doctoral degree, copy at 1% “darkness”, copy the copy at 1%, etc. for a total of 100 copies. The final one is the one taped to the wall.
A doctorate in homeopathic medicine? WTF! I can’t even get a doctorate in Art. My masters is a terminal degree. We artists did minimalism ages ago. I’m very confused.
Taped? Taped?!
She is an acupuncturist, after all.
Well she sounds like a woman I’d trust with my health!
Excuse me while I poke myself with needles and drink some water.
A real diploma printed on “draft” printer setting.
[quote]Words fail me. What is a doctorate in homeopathic medicine? A blank piece of paper taped to your wall?[/quote]
Beautiful!!!!
Alternative Medicine degrees available here: http://www.aucm.org/Programs.asp Particularly liked the “Associate of Arts degree in Asian Bodywork” which I assume teaches the student how to repair dents in Hondas and Toyotas.
Your heard about the homeopathy patient who died from an overdose?
…
…
He skipped taking his meds one day.
Yes, it is probably a blank piece of paper…
What?! No dowsing credentials? What happened to a well-rounded education for our professionals?
Where did this quack get this “doctorate” in fecking stupid woo-woo from? Or did it just jump up-and-down a few hundred times until there’s no detectable brain cells left in its head?
@ 18
PalMD is trying to organise a letter campaign because the stupid is getting dangerous.
http://scienceblogs.com/whitecoatunderground/2009/04/vendetta.php
Can I call everyone’s attention to PALMDs vendetta?
http://scienceblogs.com/whitecoatunderground/2009/04/vendetta.php
I’m sure this is what charfles has posted above, but since I can’t check at work, I give the likely transcript from Futurama:
Certified clinical nutritionist qualification appears to be a legitimate, professional qualification.
Dent, Arthur Dent,
An “Associate of Arts degree in Asian Bodywork” brings different imagery to mind for me.
Hey, didn’t the poluce just bust that place where they did the Asian Bodywork.
Seriously, when I can’t get a job as a physicist someday, I will just use my vast repertoire of fancy terms (commutator, tensor, zero-point vibrations, residual entropy) to get rich selling woo to feckin eejits.
A doctorate in homeopathy would consist of spending 2 minutes reading a textbook and then the next 4 years reading random popular magazines until that bit of knowledge had been dilluted down to nothing.
“What is a doctorate in homeopathic medicine? A blank piece of paper taped to your wall?”
Come on PZ, it’s so obvious how could you even need to ask? It’s a WET piece of paper taped to the wall.
I think it’s about learning a lot about colons and the liquids you can put in them…
i can’t call myself a doctor of homeopathic medicine… yet. but once i’ve diluted my actual knowledge out with enough medicinal alcohol, then one day…
I addressed this issue in a comment and my comment never appeared. All of my comments have always been allowed. Why this one has not is suspicious. It was precisely one of her columns regarding the vaccine-autism “controversy”.
According to another online biography of Fitzgerald, she was a faculty member at something called the Yo San University of Traditional Chinese Medicine. But I don’t know if that’s where she got that “degree”.
http://www.cancercontrolsociety.com/bio2001/fitzgerald.html
http://www.yosan.edu/
The latter site describes the history of the place, and makes an odd-sounding (to me) claim. Is it true that the Cultural Revolution tried to stamp out TCM? I thought the Maoists _liked_ those practices.
Also, Mark Crislip takes down TCM from an ecological angle: http://www.quackcast.com/spodcasts/files/ac88a85d3cbb624ed867163ebb369df7-30.html
“What is a doctorate in homeopathic medicine? A blank piece of paper taped to your wall?”
No, not quite. It is a blank piece of paper NOT taped to your wall?”
This patient requires a brain enema. Stat.
To paraphrase a HuffPo blogger: “Cleansing involves changing your internal environment and specifically, removing a bunch of the stored nonsense that most people have trapped in their brains. Most estimates are that the average person has ten or more pounds of woo just in their cerebral cortex, and I’d argue far more throughout their brain.
How many links did you have in the comment?
blf:
It came in a little box featuring a picture of a dog and a little sailor, with caramel-coated popcorn used as a packing material.
I’ve only lately started seeing people call themselves “Doctor of Naturapathy.” And my reaction is about the same.
I believe that a doctorate of homeopathy is a blank piece of paper which once had a real doctorate waved at it.
“No, a doctorate in homeopathic medicine would be a blank piece of paper soaked in a 1:10,000,000 tincture made from the ink of an actual doctor’s diploma.”
LMAO!
My vote is for a blank piece of paper made from trees cut from the same forest as trees that were used to make a diploma for someone really stupid.
Then, you see, the stupidity vibrations in the paper will cause your body to naturally rally against the stupidity, and you’ll get smarter.
This totally works, I promise.
No, no, that’s a Masters. A Doctorate is a 1:10,000,000 of that.
What is a doctorate in homeopathic medicine?
I was thinking more like a single paper fiber dipped in diluted lemon juice (poor man’s invisible ink).
“That explains a lot”? It doesn’t explain anything – it just’s move the focus to another site. How do you explain her being on the site?
The proper way to dilute a diploma would be to recycle it. Any paper product made from that batch of pulp should be just as good as the original diploma, so I’m gonna hang a paper bag on my wall and call myself a doctor!
HuffPo’s gotten worse. Now we have a guy claiming that homeopathy, colloidal silver, and all manner of other woo will stave off not just swine flu but antibiotic-resistant superbugs:
http://scienceblogs.com/insolence/2009/04/more_quackery_at_huffpo.php
Orac
I have NEVER taken any homeopathic medicine. But if I had to, I would much prefer to receive it from a doctor of that “specialty” than from an ordinary ignoramus without a Dr. Degree.
If I get a degree in embalming through a correspondence course, and pass myself off as a “doctor of preservation”, would that be on an equal basis with her exalted status?
Good grief, was bullshit.
What is a doctorate in homeopathic medicine?
It is awarded to someone who watched a lot of Johnny Carson’s “Carnac the Magnificent”.
The questions were hermetically sealed in a mayonnaise jar on Bob Howard’s porch since noon today…
It really does explain a lot. The comments on these articles have some woo amongst them but it’s much less consistent amongst commenters than bloggers there. That the bullshit is ideologically driven rather than market driven makes sense.
#48
Colloidal silver? Oh great, we’re going to have a smurf village.
Why this is surprising? I have never considered the Huffington Post to be credible in the very least. Am I missing something here?
It’s like a real degree except with all the knowledge diluted out
“I have NEVER taken any homeopathic medicine.”
What, you never drink water?
Would it be too bloody obvious if I were to send her a message saying, “Your degree in homeopathy sounds fascinating. Where can I find a copy of your dissertation so I can read about it?”
Ask me that question, and I can give you at least two sources (the school library, or Dissertation Abstracts).
OT, but speaking of cranks:
The Texas State Board of Education is appointing their expert panel to review the social studies curriculum. One of the panelists is…
*drumroll*
David Barton.
Thank you, Futurama.
I wonder if homeopaths think that the more dilute their knowledge is, the more potent their expertise become?
Hrm. Let’s try that again, with the actual link to the 10 second video:
A dog licking your face provides greater medical knowledge and benefit than the Huffington Post.
“The Texas State Board of Education is appointing their expert panel to review the social studies curriculum. One of the panelists is…
*drumroll*
David Barton.”
Christ on a cracker….
All of the proposed methods for producing a degree in homeopathy ignore the often overlooked, but critical component of homeopathy: succussion. One needs to not only dilute the recycled paper, ink, or whatever., but to shake the heck out of it following each dilution. Otherwise, the essence of the original will not be suitably increased in potency. Protocols exist for a reason, you know!
What is a doctorate in homeopathic medicine?
A sign that someone is all wet.
She was awarded her PhD by the Pacific School of Graduate Studies. She was a classmate of Don Patton.
I have done a search at Dissertation Abstracts to see if here thesis is deposited there (laugh). Mine is. PZ’s is (I found it). Bill Cosby’s is. Martin Luther King’s is. Shoot, even Laura Schlessinger’s is there.
Unfortunately, she doesn’t list a middle initial in any of her bios, so we have to look at some options. The one bio says she established a clinic in 1984, so can we assume she got her degree before then? Then again, it also says, “In 15 years of practice” which sounds like 1994. I’ll include every thesis by a Patricia Fitzgerald from 1994 or before. Which of these sounds like a homeopathic study?
.A COMPARISON OF THE VOCATIONAL EXPECTATIONS AND RELATED FACTORS OF SUBURBAN HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS AND OF THE PARENTS OF SENIOR STUDENT SUBJECTS
by FITZGERALD, PATRICIA MAY, Ph.D., Fordham University, 1963, 357 pages
HOMER DODGE MARTIN: AMERICAN LANDSCAPE PAINTER, 1836-1897
by MANDEL, PATRICIA CARROLL FITZGERALD, Ph.D., New York University, 1973, 360 pages;
VALUES OF BUSINESSMEN, BUSINESS TEACHERS, AND BUSINESS STUDENTS
by FITZGERALD, PATRICIA A., Ph.D., University of Northern Colorado, 1974, 82 pages
AGING OF MARROW DEPENDENT IMMUNE CELL FUNCTIONS IN MICE
by FITZGERALD, PATRICIA ANN, Ph.D., Boston University Graduate School, 1981, 222 pages
(a look at the abstract says nothing about homeopathy)
THERMOREGULATORY RESPONSES OF DISABLED WOMEN TO PROLONGED WHEELCHAIR EXERCISE
by FITZGERALD, PATRICIA IRENE, Ph.D., Southern Illinois University at Carbondale, 1982, 216 pages
THE PREDICTION OF POLICE PERFORMANCE USING THE MMPI AND CPI
by FITZGERALD, PATRICIA ROSE, Ph.D., Saint Louis University, 1986, 67 pages
To make a doctorate degree in homeopathy: take several sheets of tracing paper and stamp the topmost sheet. Remove the bottom sheet, frame it proudly display your new degree.
A doctorate in Homeopathy isn’t blank, it’s simply diluted. You take the diploma, copy it ten times, take one of those copies and copy it ten times, repeat about 30 times or more and you have you’re homeopathy doctorate.
Please, for the love that is all good and decent, no more “What is a doctorate in homeopathic medicine?” jokes.
@Pablo
Nice! So are we calling this busted?
This post got me curious about where one gets one of these fake degrees (hey, I like to keep my career options open, and I’m not necessarily above working the maxim of “a fool and his money are soon parted” to my advantage). The American University of Complementary Medicine may not be accredited, but they’ll be happy to take $50k off your hands for that fake doctorate. Clayton College of Natural Health is amusing because no matter what you enter on their little survey thingy, it always responds with “you are an ideal candidate for our program.”
You know, if non-accredited degrees in this BS count, I may as well just found my own “school” and print off a few degrees. I’m gonna have a few hundred letters after my name in no time!
I nearly got my horse, P-nut, a doctorate in equine massage therapy from a degree mill. But at the last minute, I had another use for the $500. I did like the idea of having his certificate hanging up in the barn, though. It’d have made him feel so smart.
You’re all being very silly.
What you’re describing aren’t doctorates in homeopathy, they’re homeopathic doctorates.
Everyone writing that her diploma is a blank piece of paper is missing the importance of the methodology for producing the paper. You must do as follows:
1) Print the diploma.
2) Mix the printed diploma with 10 blank sheets of paper.
3) Shake 10 times in each of the three spatial planes.
4) Remove one sheet and discard the rest.
5) Repeat Steps 1-4 several times in succession.
6) After several iterations, roll up the remaining sheet, wrap it in a ribbon, and present it to the graduate with a hearty handshake and accolades of a job well done.
I should also point out that turning in homework at this college involves much the same process, minus the sixth step.
I’m guessing fake degrees are some of the most impressive looking documents you could find.
Enjoy.
Huffpo also runs little turds written by Deepak Chopra. I take the time to make fun of him every time they run.
#73
Marcus,
Did you name him after the bass player of 311, by any chance?
If homeopathy works, as is suggested, by water having a ‘memory’, then I figure that homeopathy requires no practioners. All curative substances have already been in contact with the water before the homeopath even puts it into a flask.
Sorry, no, it needs the experienced practitioner to shake the water in just the right way.
I think they mean a Dr. of Naturopathy. Which begs the next question. What do those docs actually learn at Bastyr and other places? I have been in more than one conversation already where the response to my incredulity has been, “but they have to learn MORE than MDs, because they have to learn all of that coursework PLUS the naturopathic medicines, and have to do residencies and everything…” Can someone help me here? I can’t seem to find an explanation on the web that doesn’t dissolve into name-calling. Just the facts. I gotta have something solid to explain to my fiance, who has been known to come home with bruises on her back from the dang “cupping” or whatever that some acupuncturists do….
ckerst @ 77
With DeepCrap Chopper on board, they should retitle that dreck screed “Fecal Matter”, in keeping with what it attracts and emits.
The “doctoral” degree– yeah… it’s a piece of paper dipped in green tea and written on in Noni juice. ;)
@PZ
A blank piece of paper taped to your wall?
I think it has words something like this:
“The following person, having completed this course of study, is now entitled to legally steal money from the gullible….”
I was going to type: Five bucks says she refers to herself as “Dr. Fitzgerald.”
Then I clicked on the link. Sure enough, the page is titled Dr. Patricia Fitzgerald. She’s literally beyond snark.
From #62:
“A dog licking your face provides greater medical knowledge and benefit than the Huffington Post.”
Dogs lick their balls n butts, and eat feces…oh wait…
Damn, that quote is going straight on my Facebook favourite quotes, properly attributed to you Professor Myers. Absolutely brilliant, hope my friend who has become soaked in a homeopathy woonado sees it. I haven’t been able to talk to her about what she’s studying for because I just get too angry about her telling me it’s all scientifically proven to work…
“What is a doctorate in homeopathic medicine?”
You take a doctorate in Biology, shred it, take a piece of the shredded document and use it to make another piece of paper. Shred that, and repeat the process 6 times. When your done, print your Doctorate in Homeopathic Medicine on that sheet of paper.
So, was her masters thesis on the negative correlation between the medicinal value of an organism (measured as an increase in the growth of chinese man-penis) and its population size?
It’s not blank, but it’s really, really small,
in fact, it’s so small you’re just going to have to trust me that it’s actually there.
In the immortal words of Futurama:
Car w/ loudspeaker: Calling all men of science!
Man: I have a degree in homeopathic medicine!
Car w/ loudspeaker: You have a degree in bologna!
*sprays with fire hose*
The scholarship required to achieve a doctorate in homeopathic medicine:
Take one fact, and bury it in the largest set of non-facts that you can find. Submit as your thesis.
For the non-facts, I suspect a transcript of the last year’s worth of Fox News would suffice.
Besides, dog saliva may actually have some antibiotic properties.
OK, PINNED to her wall.
The Master’s Degree in Traditional Chinese Medicine got my attention more. Why exactly would someone need a Masters in something that, by definition, hasn’t changed for hundreds of years? I’d like to see that dissertation: “Chinese Medicine: Still Works”. I wonder if she ever prescribes tiger penis for anything.
HuffPo’s health/med folks are out of control. Many of them are thinly veiled infomercials. It’s getting worse.
What is a doctorate in homeopathic medicine? A blank piece of paper taped to your wall?
It’s a blank piece of paper, that has been to a university. PAPER HAS MEMORY!!!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/johann-hari/our-hunger-for-cheap-meat_b_194165.html
Or you could just grow up and overlook the woo nonsense and read the good stuff.
Wow thanks for that insightful comment.
The blank piece of paper comment made my day. Sounds like she is a know it all that thinks western medicine and science is for fuddy-duddy old people not cool hipsters like herself.
Don’t forget the degree in traditional Chinese medicine. That’s held to the wall by lots of steel needles.
You know, folks, that there is a very odd thing about traditional Chinese medicine: it works. Go figger.
@28
Nutritionist is a subset of quack
Dietitian is a subset of health professional
http://www.badscience.net/category/complementary-medicine/nutritionists/
Ok. Shut down the internet. Its been won.
New posters from the Institute for the Destruction of Tooth Fairy Medicine . . . TCM edition.
http://hellsnewsstand.blogspot.com/2009/04/new-poster-from-insitute-for_18.html
http://hellsnewsstand.blogspot.com/2009/04/new-poster-from-insitute-for.html
Post ’em liberally.
A PHD in homeopathy – the less you know and the more diluted your learning, the more qualified you become – it’s simple really!
Now this diluted doctorate joke has been diluted about 100 times, do we have homeopathic humor at 1C potency?
Diluted so much (below Avagoodjoke’s Number) that the laughs have gone?
OK, I’ll put my head in a bucket.
Macron @ #47 for the win!
Hmm… this has been like reading the comments on YouTube… I thought scientists were supposed to be open-minded. I’m not defending homeopathy, but traditional Chinese medicine should be respected for what it is. Nearly all the commenters here are simply being mean-spirited.
Granted, neither degree qualifies this person to be the Wellness Editor on a mainstream news site (if I can call HuffPo that).
You fools! You’re doing it wrong. *None* of your wet, blank diplomas will work properly.
You forgot the succussions! The diploma will only work if you tap the wet paper against a copy of the bible ten times.
Oh and Paul Wren, being a scientist means following the evidence, not preconceived opinion. People interpret the phrase “open minded” in many ways, not all of them particularly scientific. That said, I agree traditional Chinese medicine and homeopathy should both be “respected for what they are”. And, in the cases where “what they are” is evidenced to be a crock of BS, then that’s the respect they’ll get shown. Deal with it.
Medicine is medicine. Either efficacy can be demonstrated or it can’t. Giving respect or a pass to something just because it’s traditional or thousands of years old is ridiculous.
Looks like some people could use a reminder about what open mindedness means.
Open mindedness =/= uncritical acceptance of unproven claims. In fact, open mindedness and skeptical scrutiny are quite compatible!
I pronounce you all Doctors of Homeopathy.
People are always going to believe in crap. There are sound biological and psychological reasons for this – it seems humans are WIRED to believe in crap. Of course, humans can overcome their wiring – but most people aren’t interested in anything so strenuous.
The way I see it, the placebo effect has been well documented, and anything that helps people believe they’ll get better is a Good Thing. Not because it helps cure them – but because it helps them feel better. My Mom died of cancer a couple of years ago. She did the conventional things (chemo, surgery), and some homeopathic Chinese mumbo-jumbo. Nothing helped, but she believed she was doing everything she could – and that gave her some peace of mind while she was dying horribly and painfully. ::shrug:: I’ll take that any day.
I think the potential technological gains that could be made using homeopathic techniques are being overlooked.
Imagine a homeopathic car, or homeopathic nuclear power stations. All of the benefits with none of the pollution.
Tincture of plutonium anyone?
Liked the blank paper comment. Very clever. :)
HumanisticJones (#69): I was gonna say that. Sort of.
Oh…my…god.
I received my MD from Harvard.
Six months later I received a letter that my MD had been revoked because its original issuance was a clerical error.
The sad thing is that because I was in the field when it was initially awarded, I never knew I was a Doctor. I just knew about the revocation.
So, maybe I was a homeopath!!!!!
I received my MD from Harvard.
Six months later I received a letter that my MD had been revoked because its original issuance was a clerical error.
The sad thing is that because I was in the field when it was initially awarded, I never knew I was a Doctor. I just knew about the revocation.
So, maybe I was a homeopath!!!!!
To all whom it may concern: if you use Firefox and Foxmarks/Xmarks, the newest version lets you write site reviews. Use it wisely. Good luck.
http://www.xmarks.com/site/www.huffingtonpost.com/
Sorry for spamming a bit, but I’m posting this to several blogs where discussion about the HuffPo war on health takes place.