It’s a full-sized statue of a buxom pirate on display at an antique shop in Girardville, Pennsylvania. It would look fabulous by the doorway to my house.
This is not just an infatuation with pirates or cleavage, however. This pirate is special. A Catholic priest in Girardville was so irritated at it that he cursed the statue.
Father Commolly commanded the owners to remove it.
“He pointed to the statue and very dictatorially and said, ‘I curse you. I curse this place. I want to see this destroyed. I want her destroyed,'” said pirate owner Peggy Kanigoski.
The madman! With one stroke, he has greatly increased the value of the object, and has probably moved it way out of my price range. Now it’s not only a pirate statue, it’s a cursed pirate statue. And it would be even more appropriate at my house.
<sigh> It would probably get me cursed by the Trophy Wife, anyway.
OMG, a cursed pirate statue!!! Frakkin’ eh! That would be so boss in my playroom. That’s right, I said boss.
Now if only I can get this wizard to curse my autographed picture of Jenna Jameson…….
Just get her a statue of Priapus to match.
(Match the buxom pirate, I mean, not – well, you know what I mean.)
Right after the Pope got done with his anti-superstition rants this priest goes and curses a pirate statue. All too funny. Anyway, everyone knows curses don’t actually hold unless they are delivered by an old hunchback woman with one eye!
Yarrrr! Ye should set up a treasure fund for yer readers to chip in so ye can buy yerself some booty.
Not boyish enough eh, mr. priest?
Hmm… pirates…captains…nelson.. makes me think of something… if only I remember what.. I’ll post tomorrow!
I have a strong suspicion that Mr. Commolly was either breastfed too long, or not nearly long enough, for his early stable emotional development. Poor little tyke is still throwing tantrums years later.
So what’s the statue cursed to do now? Maybe she’s cursed to roam the high seas shooting communion wafers from her pistol at godless pirates until the end of time.
A worthy cause for spending money if there ever was one.
I agree with SVN. I’d throw down a few bucks for the cursed lady pirate.
YYYYYYYYaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
For people who claim a designer, they certainly have a major problem with the design.
It’s like some musicians, they cultivated their “sold my soul to the devil to make me the best” image.
Well, at least his “curse” meant that we got to see it. Not that great, really. The plastic boobies of women with boob jobs are way better than these plastic boobies.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/6mb592
The priest said he won’t let the matter drop. He might visit the statue and pray for it’s removal.
Well, at least he’s not planning to do anything meaningful to get the statue removed.
Pity Father Commolly!
Pour guy is so frustrated that the he is driven around the
bend by a plaster pirate girl!
It is so hard to be a priest:(
Shiver me timber!
To be fair, it looks to be more like the design of some male (most likely) artist not getting enough, than what “God designs.” Not that I’m complaining.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/6mb592
I’ve cured the low-hanging pipes in my basement many, many times. How much do you think I can get for them?
You could always keep it in your office.
The features are not very feminine anyway. I think it’s a gay pirate with breast implants. Tell that to the priest and see if he curses it more. The priest must have something seriously wrong with his head – why is he offended by boobs? Or is he offended by boobs in pirate clothes? Does the priest also curse every dog doing its thing in the streets, or is that OK because dogs don’t wear condoms?
I’ve CURSED the pipes…. [acursed fingers!]
I don’t know . . . I think she’s more like a tranny-hooker-pirate, which would have incensed the priest even more.
I think that priest has been reading too many fantasy-horror books lately.
Oh, right. That’s his job.
Damn, it was supposed to be “than these plaster boobies.”
Glen D
http://electricconsciousness.tripod.com
Is that statue for sale? What is the asking price? If anybody has additional information please respond A.S.A.P.
Depends, did you use a wrench or the power of the Holy Spirit?
That priest should be careful. The FSM does not take lightly to people cursing pirates.
but all the nude sculpture at the Vatican is fine, right?
some idjits just don’t know when to stfu
My trouble with this sort of thing is the extremist reactions that can occur. A friend of mine in the late ’80s had some pseudo marble statues outside his business that the the locals decided were too risque.
He didn’t back down quickly enough so the statues disappeared — presumably destroyed somewhere. I’m glad the good people in this case haven’t resorted to vandalism and I hope their integrity lasts.
Re: #16
It’s “shiver me timbers” in the plural…
…wait, that’s not a typo, is it…
I just said I wanted it. Are we going to have a bidding war now?
Face and body do not match. Do not want!
George MacDonald Frasier’s The Steel Bonnets is about the border reivers. These were people living on the Anglo-Scottish border in the 1600s. They were cattle rustlers, extortionists, murderers, and thieves who indulged in generations-long blood feuds (the Kerr clan had simultaneous feuds with the Turnbulls, the Scotts, the Selbys, the Rutherfords, the Herons, the Collingwoods, and the entire town of Jedburgh). These were some really nasty people.
As an appendix to the book Frasier gives the Archbishop of Glasgow’s “Monition of Cursing” against the border reivers in the original 17th Century lowland dialect. It’s long and a bit difficult, but it’s a great curse. I’ll give you a sample:
*Wame is apparently genitals. Being a celibate clerical, the Archbishop may have been a little confused about the difference between what women have compared to men’s equipment.
*snicker*
Why was the priest offended?
Because he’s a boob,
and he felt outnumbered.
oo OO oo OO oo OO
That’s sure to be a hit with the Pastafarians.
PZ’s in the market for some aarrrt.
Sorry …
“The priest said he won’t let the matter drop. He might visit the statue and pray…”
A catlick priest praying at a statue of a busty pirate wench. If someone could get a photo of that, and post it on the Internet, I might just laugh myself to death.
“He pointed to the statue and very dictatorially and said, ‘I curse you. I curse this place. I want to see this destroyed. I want her destroyed,'” said pirate owner Peggy Kanigoski.
“Nor did I curse in the sense of putting a curse on them. In fact I did quite the opposite. I blessed them,” Father Commolly said.
Wow, so that’s what a Catholic blessing is? They bless things they want destroyed?
I tried to imagine how awesome it would be to own a cursed pirate statue. I finally regained consciousness a few minutes ago…
The main thing that strikes me about this statue is that it’s just begging for a little balloon caption. Here’s one: “What did you expect Father, rosary beads?” But I’m sure there are much better captions out there.
If you were to successfully purchase it now then the priest would claim that his curse and prayers worked! Not only that, but they worked so well that it was atheists that spent the money to ensure the statue was removed!!!
Damn crazy religious nuts!!
A war with Islam… Maybe we shouldn’t be bombing them but surely shaking hands and looking the other way while they stone people to death is not the proper reaction to injustice?
PZ Myers, a poster made this comment on one of your blog and it makes me angry. Alhazen, a great Muslim Arab guy invented the scientific method and helped spread the Arabic/Hindu number system that is regularly use in the western society. I am not advocating that you should censor this guy but I felt that as a scientist, you have an obligation to point out the benefits of Muslims who contributed to western belief, since you use the scientific method on a daily basis to get your answers in science class.
Also, Islam does not regards reasons, enlightenment and many more “western ideals as evil or the work of the devil” because they believes that reason is a gift from god, thus the Arab/Hindu numerals system and the scientific methods. Every time when one go into science class and use the scientific method or go to math class and use the Arab/Hindu numbers, they should acknowledge that all Muslims are evil or uncivilized, since it was a Muslim Arab guy who invented these things.
p.s. I think that she looks hot but very unrealistic, since I am female and don’t think that it possible to look with that without the assistance of plastic surgery because gravity always wins.
Maybe he was offended that it was lassie wench instead of a laddie.
–Jerry
It’s the Sapphic Pirate Miranda! I’m sure Father Commolly knows her well. Jealous sumbish!
I suppose since she is a statue, we can comment on how statuesque she is! She could make me give up teh gay!
*shakes head to indicate no way*
MadScientist makes a good point. It does look like a ladyboy. Maybe that’s why the priest cursed it. He’s not down with the shemales. Or maybe he is… and that’s why.
#27
To be fair, the Catholic church went around and chipped the penises off most of their roman statuary, replacing them with leaves.
Rumor has it they kept all the leftover male members…whatever for?
Maybe he’s not offended, but perhaps turned on a bit… (doesn’t work well with that old celibacy thing).
He did say he was going to keep going back to ‘pray’.
Doesn’t “cursing” something amount to sorcery? You know, the crime punishable by death according to Exodus?
Fifteen curses on a fake wench’s breast
Yo ho ho and a bottle o’ rum
Now she roams the sea, with ne’er a rest
Yo ho ho and a bottle o’ rum
Let’s see, a cursed pirate statue, Check. A mad scientist with a fondness for all things tentacley, Check. A priest running around scaring the bejesus out of everyone, Check.
Jinkies! Am I the only one waiting for Scooby Doo to show up?
There are many other places where public indecency is far worse. He should lead his parish on a crusade to the Jersey Shore. I’d like to see how his message would be welcomed there!
Arrrrrr, ’tis a fine statue, lacking only in nipplage. Let her be, says me.
Aye, tis truly a treasure chest!
Yaarrrr.
ARRRR! I agree with ye two posters that tis above me,
But I do be wantin to know…
How be the BOOTY Dr. Meyers? ARRR!
As they said in the movie Madagascar: “Darn you, darn you all to heck!” >_<
Pardon me while I beam with hometown pride. I suppose I was baptized in that character’s church.
Wait—They got antique stores in Girardville now? Never mind. I just want to know if Marrone’s Pizza’s still open.
He could be upset by the idea that the pirate lass represents a wealthy, empowered woman, having no need of a husband to support her. By the shapeliness of her belly, she obviously hasn’t borne a half-dozen babies ‘for the church’, either.
How religion poisons everything!
Well who ever wins the bidding war, that town is only ~2hours from where I live I’d be happy to act a local intermediary!
Reminds me of my daughter.
Methinks he be lookin’ fer a fight. Be it a fight he wants, it be a fight he gits!
Seriously, though. It’s so insignificant. Why waste the energy needed to pick a fight?
Something about her looks familiar…hummm…
free press/advertising = more arses/money in the pews/collection plate?
What do you bet this padre curses the statue to drive up its price, then splits the proceeds with the shop owner. The amoral sleazepot deserves a life sentence of celibacy and syrupy East Coast sacramental wine.
Your daughter is a pirate?
Because prayer at a distance never works.
Heh, at the local Pro Bass shop (we’re talking South Florida here) there is a completely naked bowsprit with shiny red nipples on display and not a single person has ever complained. Families with little children happily shop beneath it. Should I photograph it before some crazy priest sees it, curses it and has it destroyed? Maybe I should offer to buy it before the someone else starts placing bids on it.
Here is more information on the “evil, barbaric, uncivilized monster” Muslim Arab guy, Abu Ali Al – Hasan Ibn Al – Haytham Alhazen, whom a poster wanted to war against. Alhazen made significant contributions to the principles of optics, as well as anatomy, astronomy, engineering, mathematics, medicine, ophthalmology, philosophy, physics, psychology, visual perception, and science with the introduction of the scientific method.
He wrote the Book of Optics, which gives a basic understanding of how the visual, illusions, moon illusion (which describe finite speed), optical illusion, binocular vision, refraction, and reflection works.
His book about experimental psychology and his approach to optical illusions has been compare to that of Isaac Newton, and his works on gravity. His book on Optics has been theorize to have helped renaissance artist and had heavily influence the Islamic world. His invention of the scientific method is considered fundamental to modern science of today.
He wrote On the Configuration of the World (written in 1,000 CE), which is a criticism of Ptolemy. He injected that geocentric model of the universe is the norm not Helicentric. In Model on Model of the Motions of Each of the Seven Planets (an unpublished book on astronomy), he talks about the motions of the 7 planets.
He wrote On the Milky Way, where he attempted to solve the problems regarding the Milky Way galaxy and parallax after reading Aristotle arguments. He also developed the analytical geometry, which established a link between algebra and geometry.
He discovered a formula for geometry and algebra. He was a Sunni Muslim but wrote in a book that while men may be sinful and god is flawless, he reasoned that to discovered the truth in nature, one must eliminate human opinions and errors by using the scientific method and relying on natural law to explain natural things in the universe. All of this was accomplished by his death in 1040 CE.
I’d much, much rather be cursed by a priest than a wife! Skip the pirate statue.
The OP highlights something that I notice often with religious folk: They don’t seem to, hmm, get their stories straight. How can a Catholic priest, of all people, reconcile his beliefs with “cursing”?
And for others it’s ghost, reincarnation, plain old “black-cat” superstition… the list goes on and on. If we were talking fiction, well, I am but the believers obviously don’t think it is, then it’d be a break in the consistency of the universe or some stupid deus ex machine ploy.
Totally beats me.
I don’t know about the pirate, but these are rather uhm.. artistic!
Father Commolly was just trying to cast Holy.
I’m reminded of David Cross’s bit on John Ashcroft:
(at 3:25)
He had it draped, because Lady Justice has a bare breast showing….um…do you hear what I’m saying? A dirty, dirty…filthy titty. Filthy! You women should be ashamed of having those things!
I think we should have a whip-around for PZ. If everybody puts a dollar in the hat, he’d be able to afford it… and it doesn’t have to stay anywhere near the Trophy Wife. Perhaps it would look good by his UMM office door, perhaps with a cephalopod draped alluringly across her shoulders?
Arrrrr. Her booty shivers me timbers, arrrrr…
Q: Why wouldn’t the pirate let his child see the movie?
A: It was rated AAaaaarrrrrrrrrr.
That’s SO COOL!!! I want cursed stuff too!
Then my sisters can babble me about evil spirits and ghosts again and I’ll show them my CURSED STATUE OF A…sexy male pirate. I want a male pirate. And I wanna see the junk.
Had it been a statue of a scantily clad pirate cabin boy, he’d not only have blessed it, but tried to kidnap it after hours.
I’m not too sure that a priest hanging around and praying to a large breasted statue is going to look too mentally healthy. LOL
Besides, doesn’t he have anything better to do? Sounds like the RC church is Girardville is all but deserted.
‘Tis Himself @32, yeah, that is an epic curse.
Father Commolly could take lessons, there.
… what about the Sistine Chapel?
I think she is just keen!
Oh man, a cursed pirate lady statue. That’s actually really funny! Every pub and bar should have something that evil. Seriously.
#77- Pirate junk!!!!!
*Gets all trembly*
I bet that priest visits her again and again and again….
Shaden Freud:
I like Claire Braz-Valentine’s take on the Ashcroft statue-pr0n situation. An excerpt:
Whoops, that’s in verse. The line breaks disappeared.
Hey, maybe he could curse the mural outside of Madam’s Organ bar in DC.
http://www.madamsorgan.com/press.html
Just a question, but what’s the story behind the “Trophy Wife” nickname? I realize that you’re not being sexist or whatever– I assume that it’s some sort of joke.
Just curious.
Perhaps he was told he’d turn to stone if he saw such a thing…
I guess he has no problem with the gun.
I think we should have a whip-around for PZ.
I’m sure that’s a common sentiment around here, but what’s it got to do with taking up a collection to get the lady pirate for PZ?
just a guess, as I haven’t seen a photo of Mrs. Myers…. she’s good looking, and somebody made a joke that PZ married above his gene pool?
What’s most idiotic is that the guy’s a Catholic. This is the religion that routinely displays gruesome statues of some more-than-half-naked guy being tortured to death, and they do so where children are not only present, but expected to look at the statues.
Even if you could afford to buy it I predict it would not last long besides your door. It would soon be stolen – curse of no curse!
Wow, that’s an S Clay Wilson grade pirate
Trophy Wife goes back to some screed by a creationist about how scientist are lying about evolution so that they can life the good life, get boats load of money and have trophy wives. PZ and Mary have known each other since elementary school. It’s a joke.
#66
Yeah, every day is “talk like a pirate” day for my daughter.
Prime target for the pledges to “borrow”.
They seemed to have misspelled the Father’s name. Unless I’m mistaken, it’s Fr. Edward B. Connolly. He has a blog.
And she has the power to put a curse of celibacy on you. I’d take a pass on this one.
When we see a tricorn hat worn at a jaunty angle, and a greatcoat, we’re apt to see it as pirate clothing, but I wonder if it was originally intended to depict a female highwayman.
Obviously the priest had a more dastardly plan in mind. This has NOTHING to do with “soft core pornography.” It’s a blatant attempt to start a holy war against the Pastafarians.
#97
Thanks for the info, I guessed that it must’ve been a joke.
Please help this poll, we don’t what an amendment.
Somewhere in my basement are a couple of ceramic figurines of frogs with — er, some of the attributes of naked humans of both sexes. (Hey, they have sentimental value; they were given to me by a relative who has a sense of humor that’s even weirder than mine.)
Now I’m wondering if they started out as statues of half-clad pirates, and were cursed into frog-hood by the good padre.
Oh, for fuck’s sake, people. Even a bloody statue of a woman with zero body-fat, gravity-defying breasts and shampoo commercial-hair can’t escape being ridiculed for not being ‘feminine’ enough. What the hell is wrong with you all?
Do you think the Iowa Legislature should debate a constitutional amendment on same-sex marriage this session?
It’s currently:
Yes = 62.6
No = 37.4
http://www.gazetteonline.com/
I thought it originated when someone visited PZ in Morris a while back and blogged about it, revealing both the nature of the Trophy Wife (TM), and IIRC even posting a picture of PZ on his cephapodulus throne. But perhaps I misremember. My google-fu isn’t strong enough to pull it up.
Google-fu finally comes through to reveal that I did indeed mis-remember. Here’s the post I was thinking of, but clearly the title was already in place. Janine’s got the story right.
I think the fact that this story is not from “The Onion” makes it that much funnier.
Why has she no nipples?
See? My answer was a guess. I don’t know shit… logic doesn’t work on a site where creationists post… they’ll mess up the obvious.
SC, OM #112,
Erm, it was warm in the sculptor’s studio?
Hey, I was just thinking that if it was cold the question wouldn’t be being asked…..
Other explanations: unduly thick fabric, gaffer tape on the nipples, in a reverse of the Omphalos argument regarding whether or not Adam and Eve had belly buttons this pirate lady was never going to have children or sexual pleasure and thus by some freakish accident of genetics HAD NO NIPPLES!!!111oneoneeleven!!!! (Insert suitably shocking, minor key musical hook here)
Never let it be said that when a question is asked we here at Pharyngula don’t try to answer it. ;-)
Louis
Well if we each just chipped in $6 we could buy one for The PZ as a thank you for all the posts. Problem then would be getting it cursed.
http://www.bobkatgifts.net/pirates-statues-life-size-decor-95/
Besides, if a man is smart he treats his wife like a Trophy Wife. And PZ is smart.
All those nice ladies in the Victoria Secret catalog seem to be cursed with no nipples so it must be fairly common. Maybe its an evolutionary response to baby formula?
Michelle R #77: Not quiet what you were looking for but they sell life size pirate statues.
Are you thinking of the model T-HF2313?
mounting over the fireplace?
It may have caught my attention because just recently I had a conversation with (shock horror) my mother about the color of areolae. No one likes research more than she does, and it was immediately googled. We learned (“learned” – internet, after all) that they get darker when a woman becomes pregnant so the baby can find them more easily, and in women who’ve never been pregnant can just stay really pale. If true, very interesting, and I’m surprised I never knew it. Is this something everyone else knows, and I’ve just been clueless?
OMFSM Marcus, that’s hilarious. It makes me wonder if that antique shop in Girardville has it marked as an “antique”!
Good job, Father. Now not only have “your townspeople” been “offended” by it, but in one fell swoop of sheer folly, you’ve brought nationwide and international attention to it.
Just think of all of the souls in whom you’ve caused impure thoughts! I think that demands a few extra “Hail Mary”s and “Our Father”s, at least.
Does Father Commolly have a statue of a nearly naked man in a loincloth suspended on a beam in his church? If no problem with that, then why is there a problem with this?
Stephanurus
Ooo, he cursed an object. Spell fails, Bestow Curse must target a creature.
Bestow Curse
Necromancy
Level: Clr 3, Sor/Wiz 4
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Touch
Target: Creature touched
Duration: Permanent
Saving Throw: Will negates
Spell Resistance: Yes
You place a curse on the subject. Choose
one of the following three effects.
. –6 decrease to an ability score (minimum
1).
. –4 penalty on attack rolls, saves, ability
checks, and skill checks.
. Each turn, the target has a 50% chance
to act normally; otherwise, it takes no
action.
You may also invent your own curse, but it
should be no more powerful than those
described above, and the DM has final say
on the curse’s effect.
The curse bestowed by this spell cannot
be dispelled, but it can be removed with a
break enchantment, limited wish, miracle,
remove curse, or wish spell.
Bestow curse counters remove curse.
SC: I’ve had my (ten-day-old at the time) nephew latch on once.
In case the name isn’t obvious enough: I’m male. I know I’ve got a pretty good set of moobs going on, but damn. It was freaky, too… “come get this kid off of me!”
Hey, better the priest spend his time cursing busty pirate statues than molesting altar boys.
SC @ 121:
You’ve done more “legitimate” research into it than I have, but I will say that from my personal experience (over 50 mothers), women who have given birth have darker and larger areolae than from before becoming pregnant. If they’ve breastfed, they also have firmer nipples and a larger cup size.
Notice I said that the *nipples* became firmer. Not so the breasts as a whole.
For someone who is so opposed to the statue, it sure seems like he wants to spend a lot of time next to it. I wonder if he visualizes Miss Pirate while he molests altar boys, then resents himself later for his depraved acts, but blames the statue for putting the urges in him.
Arrrg! I hope someone reminds us when the next “Talk like a Pirate” day comes up.
If he didn’t kill a goat over it, it’s none binding. Sorry, PZ, but it’s not really a cursed statue, just curse-pending.
oops; non-binding, not ‘none’.
Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever tell your nephew that that happened.
@32 and @80
While that curse thoroughly curses a man, it is not really epic. To be epic, it has to really lash out, and not just in the general vicinity of what you are cursing, but at the whole universe. The following is often systematic and comprehensive on various dimensions. It is a translation of the song “Maldigo del Alto Cielo” by Violeta Parra, the first South American woman to have her art shown at the Louvre. The translation is literal and does not do justice to the poetry.
Maldigo del alto cielo
I curse from the lofty sky
The star with its reflection
I curse the tiles
Twinklings of the brook
I curse from the lowly ground
The stone with its contour
I curse the fire of the oven
Because my soul is in mourning
I curse the statutes
Of the weather with its sultriness
How great my pain must be.
I curse the Cordillera
Of the Andes and the coast
Sir, I curse the narrow
and long strip of land
Also peace and war
The frank and the fickle
I curse the fragrant
Because my dream is dead
I curse all the true
And the false along with the doubtful
How great my pain must be.
I curse the spring
With its gardens in bloom
And from the autumn the colour
I truly curse it
At the passing clouds
I curse them so very much
Because I am attended by an affliction
I curse the entire winter
With the treacherous summer
I curse the profane and holy
How great my pain must be.
I curse the solitary
Figure of the flag
I curse any emblem
The Venus and the Chile pine
The trill of the canary
The cosmos and its planets
The earth and all its cracks
Because a sorrow afflicts me
I curse from the wide sea
Its ports and inlets
How great my pain must be.
I curse moon and landscape
The valleys and the deserts
I curse corpse by corpse
And live person from king to page
And the bird with its plumage
I curse it with obstinacy
The classrooms, the sacristies
Because a pain afflicts me
I curse the word love
With all its crap
How great my pain must be.
I finally curse the white
The black with the yellow
Bishops and altar boys
Ministers and preaching
I curse them while crying
The free and the prisoner
The sweet and quarrelsome
I put upon them my curse
In Greek and Spanish
Due to the fault of a traitor
How great my pain must be.
Here you go PZ: http://www.theinteriorgallery.com/pd_pirate_girl.cfm
1. PZ Myers
2. Russ Meyers
Coincidence? I think not.
Hey! Isn’t that Greta Christina???
@107
Uh, well, I don’t know what to tell you. It looks kinda mannish and it’s only fiberglass. Not a woman. Fiberglass. Time for a pill.
“Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live… unless he’s one of ours.”
Cursed the statue, Hmmmmm, a fairly pagan thing for a catoholic priest .Wonder what Darth Ratty has to say about that?
Any truth to the rumour that he is visiting the store every 15 mins to see if it has been removed?
Not just a cursed pirate, I hope, but an _accursèd_ pirate.
Aaaarrrrhhhh!
Since when have priests been able to lob curses at things? I’m with Tyler @49, that sounds a lot more like witchcraft.
I mean it’s in Harry Potter!
What’s next? Bishops on broomsticks? The Vatican using the sorting hat to choose perishes for priests?
I’m really not that big a HP geek, I just watch the movies.. but I never thought I’d see the day that Catholics start using tricks from it.
Ya dirty dog, ya wann’er to do a Janet Jackson, eyh?
No can do, – no timberlakes in the vicinity.
|| What’s next? Bishops on broomsticks?
Them ain’t no broomsticks, – ask any choir-boy!
So what was the statue doing/for before it ended up in an antique shop?
I notice that it appears that she is holding a gun to her head. What does this priest think that cursing her will do, make her pull the trigger?
I would prefer a real one…in chains…oooh bloody ‘ell aarrgh!
She shall receive the full penalty of the law with no mercy…
She shall indeed ‘kiss the gunners daughter’…’oohh arrghh me hearties…
oops shazzbat…sorry ’bout that… got carried away…ahem…!
But should not someone tell the ‘jeebus crow’ that it is not a real statue…it is inanimate…just because in animates parts of the ‘jeebus crows’ anatomy does not mean it is any more real…it does however say a damn sight more about this ‘jeebus crow’ then it does about the appropriateness of a comely statue…
Bloody barking fool…They seem to have a very tragic problem of working out what is real and what is imaginary…sad gits!
He COMMANDED the owners to remove the pirate.
What century is the fool living in?
Re @32, and the admonition of cursing, there has been an outbreak of superstition since the curse was carved and displayed on a stone in Carlisle.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2005/mar/03/northerner.ianjgriffiths
I thought cursing was the other guy’s job, or at least those who work for him?
Isn’t it the devil’s work?
Mind you, I would not support piracy. Someone stole a life jacket from my racing skip once, which is almost the same thing.
I bet the shop owners made a deal with the priest to “curse” their statue for some attention! ;) they’re famous now!
Apparently, the curse affects my ability to blockquote as well…
brb gypsy tears
Re: Trophy Wife.
My 78-year-old mother, who has been married to my father for 53 years, responded to being the only “original” wife at a faculty party by referring to her spouse as “my first husband.”
Curses? Isn’t that satanic magic? Someone needs to get their auto da fe on that padre! Infiltrators in the ranks!
Hoist the stupid roger!! Arrr!!
Someone needs to get their auto da fe on that padre!Quote-mined as “Pharynuloids support priest-burning” in 10, 9, …
While we are on the topic of irrational clergy, in my local newspaper (the West Australian) this morning, there was an article:
http://www.thewest.com.au/default.aspx?MenuID=146&ContentID=134933
about an Anglican priest and her local parish in Wongan Hills (a small wheatbelt town) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wongan_Hills,_Western_Australia
has built out of 400 bales of hay a cross measuring 1.8 by 1.1km (I refuse to convert into miles), which is to be set on fire for an Easter service.
I still can’t see the sense of that. Besides being an unnecessary release of CO2, Victoria is still short of stock feed.
By the way, I’ll be glad when Easter is over, and we start to get some decent weather. It was stinking hot today, over 30 degrees Celsius, with clear blue skies.
A 16th century Terminatrix?
Too much silicone in the plaster me thinks Still…she’s got a nice BSH! (British Standard Handfull).
Wife-curses have way more power. Still, wouldn’t it look nice in the corner of your bedroom gazing down over the marital bed?
Hee-hee.
Me summopere delectat. Eam uolo.
We wants it.
While some of her other attributes have been thoroughly discussed, I note that nobody has commented that she has a hook instead of a right hand.
And if you want a life-size statue, why not try one of these?
If anyone believes this statue can be ‘cursed’ they must still believe in the Easter Bunny & Santa Claus! It is a work of art, has Cezanne, Picasso, Dali, etc. been cursed also for their works?
I write today to inform you of how pleased I am to have been vindicated in respect to the issue of oral sex.
I was mocked and yet what evidence, beyond this, is needed to prove that it is not only unnatural and immoral (to inflict it upon another) but also potentially very dangerous (more-so than other vices – drinking/smoking – in respect to this cancer):
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/6639461.stm?lsm
Pete that’s pretty old news. The HPV virus has been known for a while and has been suspected to possibly cause some cancers.
Do you drive your car?
Do you eat food you don’t grow your self?
There are risks in life Pete. Quit being such a wet noodle.
RevBDC:
That’s one reason I wish Gardasil were approved for use in men. (The other, more significant, reason is herd immunity; while HPV is less likely to harm me, as I’m male, I can’t pass it on to any future partners if I don’t have it.)
The best curse ever (Nell Flaherty’s Drake):
May his spade never dig, may his sow never pig,
May each hair in his wig be well thrashed with a flail;
May his turkey not hatch, may the rats eat his meal.
May every old fairy from Cork to Dunleary
Dip him smug and airy in river or lake,
That the eel and the trout, they may dine on the snout
Of the monster that murdered Nell Flaherty’s drake.
May his pig never grunt, may his cat never hunt,
May a ghost ever haunt him at dead of the night;
May his hens never lay, may his horse never neigh,
May his goat fly away like an old paper kite.
That the flies and the fleas may the wretch ever tease,
May the piercing March breeze make him shiver an shake;
May a lump of a stick raise the bumps fast and thick
Of the monster that murdered Nell Flaherty’s drake.
Is this a euphemism for “finally got a blow job?”
Sadly no, Pete remains unsucked, and unswallowed.
What on earth makes you think that anyone on this planet gives a motile sperm what you think about oral sex?
If you don’t like it, don’t have it.
You are still just a self-regarding fuckwit, aren’t you?
Well I screwed up that link; http://www.contemplator.com/ireland/neldrake.html
Pete Rooke adds yet another topic to the long list of things he remains dangerously woo-addled about.
Here are some questions for you, Pete – if something is unnatural, how can we do it? Also, if your god didn’t want us to do it, how come he made it so pleasurable?
We know the Christian god, if it existed, would be a vile monster – but you and your deluded kind like to deny that. But what kind of creature – other than a monster – makes an act enjoyable but tells you you aren’t allowed to perform it?
Wowbagger@170
The same god that made pigs and then told us not to eat the tastiest animal he created.
Join in the chorus: BACON!
And you wonder why, when certain elements of the bible were being
compiledmade up to suit the needs of the powerful, the local pig farmers were spotted loitering around the place, making generous donations to the church retirement fund – and then, when the words of Jesus are made know to all, who’d a thunk it, bacon’s okay!Coincidence? I think not.
“I write today to inform you of how pleased I am to have been vindicated in respect to the issue of oral sex. ”
Why just oral sex? HPV has been giving married women cervical cancer for years and years from having good old fashioned sex for procreation. Good thing there’s a vaccine for it now.
She would go nicely with my brawny, barrel-chested (male) pirate statute. Want!
Buffy @ #35
We Pastafarians already knew about this lass. She’s been in Playbilge Magazine and everything! Here’s the link:
http://www.venganza.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=2776&st=0&sk=t&sd=a&start=1200
Don’t know why the priest is so upset. It’s clearly an image of Saint Tura Satana, patron of pirates, highwaymen, and Cosmetic Surgeons.
(Well, somebody’s got to do it.)
@38,
Well, that explains who’s really destroying marriages!
They bless every single one they perform.
Good god, Pete! May your partners experience sex (oral and otherwise – I hear the elbow and the ear are in with the kids these days) way before they meet you so they’ll know what a misbegotten sorry example of humanity you are and promptly leave your ass the first moment your true colors are apparent. Of course if they’ve visited here they will already know. And laugh.
Unless you’re a Poe – then a curse be upon ye. (May your newborn nephew latch onto your nipple and never let go.)
Yarr!
And, BOOBIES!
I Like Bacon!
LoL, I went to the (Catholic) elementary school directly across from that antique shop, and I know the shop well. The elementary is closed now, though, so there aren’t any little kilt-clad kiddies running around near the statue.
Friday I am going back home to Schuylkill County and will have to take a picture of myself & the statue & send it in to you, Pharyngula! :)
I wonder if I should dress up in my Renaissance Faire lady pirate outfit for the picture… It does rather resemble the statue…
But then, with pics on the internet, even fairly innocent, playful pics like the one I’m proposing come back to haunt people in real life, and god knows I live in an ultra-conservative wingnut county (Lancaster, Puppy Mill Capital of the East Coast).
*sigh* Heaven forfend that young people have a silly good time and post the evidence on the internet! *eyeroll*
I would love to have her in my apt as a center piece, curse and all
@shonny (#143):
Someone must have shivered all the timberlakes…
I have always thought that all the sexual inhibitors that the religious practically jail themselves with means they are then obliged to vent this sexual frustration by invoking of some of the more frothy parts of their religious dogmas.
Take this priest and his cursing – confronted with plastic breasts this man is so overwhelmed with what to do with them he starts screaming and making an arse of himself. He demands the breasts and all be destroyed so his mind can rest but still the sexual frustration plagues his addled mind.
He does not have a clue about breasts he just knows that he should be scared shitless of them.
Take poor Pete here – never had or given oral sex due to his religious inhibitors so he seeks every opportunity to find everything wrong with it so he can work off some of that frustration.
He jumps on this site, eager for an argument, eager for ridicule that he knows he is going to get all the while probably bashing his bollocks with a hammer to discourage thoughts about what it would actually be like to do the terrible deed.
Pete – live a little and stop being so grumpy.
Philip1978 – you nailed it.
“Take poor Pete here – never had or given oral sex due to his religious inhibitors so he seeks every opportunity to find everything wrong with it so he can work off some of that frustration.”
He thinks its bad, but he really, really wants it, so it’s got to come out somehow. His computer is probably overflowing with bj porn sites. Poor thing.
Not that this statue is one of the great treasures of the universe, but it reminds me of the giant Buddhas of Bamyan the Taliban destroyed in Afghanistan back in 2001, and what a crime against history that was.
Wow, Pete has learned about STDs!
Man, he’s almost ready for 4th grade sex ed. Who wants to bet he was home-schooled?
Pete, have you heard of the flu yet? Touchin’ door knobs can kill you — you’d better remove them from you house. And for the flu, there’s no vaccine yet.
I wonder if Pete thinks that the HPV vaccine will result in lightning bolts from heaven? Reminds me of the old Ben Franklin story: after he invented the lightning rod, the clerics declared them to be evil, an attempt to ward of God’s wrath.
Well, Americans were a more sensible people back then, so everyone put up lightning rods, except the churches. Soon it became apparent that God didn’t mind taverns and brothels, but he sure was angry at the churches.
I meant a 18th century terminatrix, not 16th.
I wonder how the good clergyman would have reacted if the statue’s owner had in return cursed him in the name of Davy Jones.
Phillip: Take this priest and his cursing – confronted with plastic breasts this man is so overwhelmed with what to do with them he starts screaming and making an arse of himself.
Isn’t there an old Buddhist tale about this? Two monks come to a river and are about to ford it when a woman shows up and asks for help. One of the monks carries her on his back across the river, and they continue on.
The other monks is incensed by his brothers wanton disregard for the rules by touching a woman. He stews about it as they walk on, and about 10 miles down the road he starts to berate his brother.
The first monks says “I may have carried that woman across the river, but you’ve been carrying her for 10 miles”.
(Buddhist rimshot).
If that’s not a case for a jolly rodger, I don’t know what is! Friggin in the riggin all the way.
You’d think if the holy father wanted to pray/curse/whatever to invoke his chosen deity to improve the local environment he’d spend his effort about three miles away… in Centralia.
Or worry about the Cylon infestation in nearby Frackville. :)
The shopkeeper really needs to get a second statue: this time, a life-sized altar boy, and put a sign on it, “This one’s for you, Monsignor!”
Anne Bonny, if I’m not mistaken.
If Mr. and Mrs. Kanigoski have half a lick of sense, they’d get that statue made into a small, Buddy-Christ-sized thing suitable for a dashboard. I’d sure buy one! Heck, I might even buy two, and send one of them to PZ!
Oh Lord, I pray someone will be there with a video camera when the Good Father Commolly does a laying on of hands ceremony.
@193 – me too! Does anyone have an address to write to them and ask?
What will the P&P be to the UK do you think :)