This is really weird. Dr Imad Hassan claims to have proven Darwinian theory from the Qur’an and the Bible. Only…his version of Darwinian theory is a bit eccentric.
Then we disclosed that the word ‘Adam’ is a simple Arabic term for ‘convertible’ or ‘adaptable’. It is a collective description by God in the scriptures for a species of lower creatures which became ‘adaptable’ for radical change after long evolutionary processes.
We followed the description of modifying the ‘Adams’ and arrived at the conclusion that there were many individuals, males and females, who were converted to intelligent ‘humans’ by direct detailed divine intervention. This is the missing link in Darwin ‘s theory!
The ‘Adams’ were then given an induction period in the divine custody, in a specific garden on the earth, a few miles away from the location of conversion which was the same location where the first ever living cell was created! In their induction period, the ‘Adams’ were allowed freedom except from approaching the forbidden tree, which is ‘Shajara’ in Arabic! As a result of their failure to keep the commands, some of the female ‘Adams’ got pregnant from ‘eating’ from the Shajara! The whole group was then expelled to take the role for which they were created as intelligent beings on the Earth.
You might think this is awfully unlikely, if you didn’t know that Darwin was inspired by Muslim philosophers, that he had access to a decrypted series of messages from the Qur’an, and in fact died a Muslim, something we noisy atheists don’t recognize.
In his new delusional short-sighted religion, Richard Dawkins has adopted the work of Charles Darwin as the prophetic message on which the new dogma – ‘There is no God’ – is based. Despite the apparent respect and appreciation of his work, no one could harm Darwin as much as those who unlawfully associate his name with their atheism. The idea of Charles Darwin of the ‘Evolution and the law of natural selection’ was an ‘evolution’ of ancient Islamic theories, not innovation! In his Creation and/ Or Evolution, T O Shanavas provided enough evidence that: attributing the concept of evolution to Darwin alone is a ‘gigantic rip off’! Over 800 years ago, Ibn Arabi proposed the idea that the monkey was the last animal and first human in the evolution ladder. It was Darwin ‘s grandfather who studied these ancient Islamic theories that inspired Chares to find the proof for that. Charles Darwin was so honest that he described only what he could proof, leaving the missing link very prominent in his incomplete evolutionary work. That missing link, to the dismay of Dawkins who misused the work of Darwin , is now confidently and astonishingly proved by the very God that Dawkins struggled to deny. The process of evolution is described in a series of coded messages in the Qur’an, the divine book that somebody like Dawkins would be too reluctant to challenge, as he can only challenge the man-made, outdated misconceptions attributed to God in the translated Bibles.
It’s crazy time all the time on that site…and I haven’t even gotten to the extraterrestrial origin of cows. But I can’t go on. It’s just too much.
Looks like somebody bought a monthly pass for the crazy bus!
From the cows bit
Yikes. The author is truly nutttery buttery.
Marc Abian says
Spooky. It almost makes too much sense.
What? You mean xtians don’t have a lock on Teh Weird and teh Crazy?
Who’d a thunk?
What the hell? The Adam’s got pregnant from eating the fruit!
Somebody needs to set that boy down and have a serious talk about fruit.
Extraterrestial cattle! And the man claims to be a psychiatrist? He’s been swigging the largactil methinks.
Eric Atkinson says
I have wondered about the origin of the Adams Family. But what about cousin it?
This isn’t right. It isn’t even wrong.
And here I thought it was weird when I stumbled across this site claiming that Jesus was a parthenogenically-born natural transsexual. And “stumbled” is the right word, I was actually looking for information on snailcase bagworms (a type of parthenogenic moth).
Someone should tell this to Hugh Ross, cause he’s saying something else. Who’d have known, the bible contradicts itself even when you’re just making shit up out of it.
By the way, I’m having an interesting discussion with an IDer over there, who’s bringing the same talking points of the 23 vs. 24 pairs of chromosomes in apes that came up in the Dover trial. Still claiming the same. I was wondering if the eye was gonna come up next.
Lee Picton says
Surely, this is a satire site. The truly stupid of the world have difficulty writing sentences, not to mention paragraphs. Please tell me this is satire.
Sounds like the plot for Quatermass and the Pit. Except I would prefer to be the result of intervention by Martian insects than this B.S.
And in this week’s parthenogenic news… I wonder if we’ll get a post about this here (wink wink).
Insightful Ape says
Having been raised as Muslim, it is not the first time that I come across this sort of garbage.
Similarly, some Muslim women maintain, on the basis of the Qoranic verse saying “your wives are like your agricultural fields to you”, that the Qoran recognizes women’s rights before all feminists(??).
The only problem is that the Qoran existed long before the kook mentioned in PZ’s post or revisionist Muslim women, and no one ever took it to mean, either endorsing the evolutionary theory or women’s rights. Neither concept, obviously, started in an Islamic nation.
Could it be any more obvious that these people are making the stuff up as they go along, interpreting the Qoran to mean what they like it to mean?
I spent my childhood around cows. My family and I fed them, bathed them, and milked them daily. It was apparent that we were their servants. Now I can see that they might have been visitors from a strange planet, here to subjugate us into servitude. The part where it went wrong, though, was probably the part where we occasionally ate one of them. They didn’t figure on that!
You have to get this guy together with Adnan Oktar, the $750 Trillion transition fossil reward / thinks fishing lures are real animals guy.
Get ready to RRRRRRRRRRumble!
The right verses of the right translation of the bible can prove anything, if you interpret it right.
Thus we disclose the word God is Neanderthal for hoax. It is a collective description of Mammoths in cave paintings and has been adopted by those strange invaders with odd shaped heads, who call themselves Homo Sapiens, as a strange despotic invisible creator of the universe.
Oh how we laughed around our camp fires. I wonder how long it will take them to realise it was a joke? Surely they can’t be that daft?
“…and I haven’t even gotten to the extraterrestrial origin of cows.”
Ok, let’s see him explain the existence of Michelle Bachmann.
Whenever I think about Islam, this is the image that tells me what it is about.
Capital Dan says
Cows… in… Spaaaaaaaace!
But I can’t go on. It’s just too much.
you’re a braver man than I for even starting.
Poe’s Law, anyone?
1. It proves that all living beings on Earth evolved from one cell, the exception being the four ET creatures. Camels, cows, sheep and goats.
Wow.. there shouldn’t be traces of those 4 animals evolving from earlier species. What a coincidence that we have our own evolved ungulates that are so much like the Extraterrestrial God Ungulates.
mmmmm…. sacred ET alien meat…. *drool*
Well … I’ve heard otherwise intelligent people muse about dolphins having come here from outer space …
Though. If cows arrived on the ‘chariots of the gods’, doesn that mean that the Hindus have it right?
ThirtyFiveUp [#20], did you notice you can “see” the face of an old man in the ‘porthole’ at mecca-27.jpg? What is it, anyway? It looks kind of labial.
Everyone knows the extra-terrestial animals are mice. The whole business with the cheese and the squeaking is just a front. In fact, they are the protrusions into our dimension of hyper-intellegent pan-dimensional beings. These beings are in fact responsible for the creation of the Earth.
Who told us this? A man called Adams! Coincidence?
Oh, come on. POE!
It sounds like there was Charles Darwin, and then, 150 years later, there was Richard Dawkins, with nothing in between.
monthly pass, nuthin’.
This dude has his ass welded to the driver’s seat.
Who told us this? A man called Adams! Coincidence?
Adam spelled backwards is mad, eh?
Meh. Maybe a 7.5 on the timecube scale.
uncle frogy says
well thanks for the wonderful insightful link now I know that all that I have heard and read about history and biology is not true. That it has all been just a hallucination foisted upon us by evil people bent on world domination and human damnation thank you, thank you. I think I will now go back to bed and hope to awaken again free from these delusions.
Flying Embers says
Maybe he should shop himself around to the Mormons or the Scientologists. They’re always in need of imaginative writers, and they’ve got tons of money. Or he could ghost-write for Deepak Chopra.
Spiro Keat says
“Coded messages”, that’s handy eh?
Cat of Many Faces says
I’ve heard weird stuff like this before. I had a religious studies class in college and after one of the classes where we were learning about the muslim faith I was talking to a fellow student who was a muslim himself. He claimed that the Qu’ran (please excuse the spelling) predicted and explained all the scientific advances that were made by mankind since it was written.
Yes all of them were in there.
I just nodded and politely excused myself. I bet if I stayed this is the kind of proof he would have offered.
Somnolent Aphid says
Obviously cows could not have existed before that date, if the world is only 6000 years old.
Aaaah right, now it makes sense: at first I was scared but then I realized it’s basically yet another “gullible muslims please give me money” scheme.
Midnight Rambler says
Classic. Also, if you check that link, Hassan doesn’t say Darwin died a Muslim: he was one without knowing it himself! Gotta love the title as well: “Darwin embraces Islam 125 years after his death and visits Makka”.
It’s not a Poe.
I couldn’t resist.
“Then we disclosed that the word ‘Adam’ is a simple Arabic term for ‘convertible’ or ‘adaptable’. ”
So, when I go to UAE, I should ask the car sales man for a Adam car bomb?
I just love when somebody says “Darwin is like your prophet” or the like, when that person has a fucking prophet. The unstated premise is “prophets are dumb”
Scott M says
There are always idiots who are only too happy to go out and embarass their own religion. This is just…
At least this clown is unlikely to be taken seriously by most muslims. I’d like to think that the vast majority of humanity isn’t THAT stupid…
That mention of Ibn Arabi might be intresting though. He is a philosopher, and it´s not inconcievable that Darwin read it.
Phoenix Woman says
You just know that some zealous quote-mining, context-violating Professional Christian is going to take this and use it as further ammo in the War on Darwin.
After reading Pharyngula regularly, I am having the urge to slam my head in a car door several dozen times. The willful ignorance and pathological desire to warp reality to fit a belief in a magical deity is just beating the hell out of me. No, the rise to power and rising popularity of these Godsuckers is the problem.
I used to think I could peacefully co-exist with these deluded batshit insane wingnuts but I’m beginning to think there may be a resurgence in a Torquemadan view of the world. I wouldn’t be surprised if the most outspoken among us becomes a martyr (and NO, I’m NOT advocating Nisbet’s doormat posture as a strategy – the” drop your pants and assume the position so you don’t piss them off” stance).
The Dallas Morning News is so pro God that the article on the ID carpetbaggers/textbook board ended with the refrain from the ID-ots,” I don’t see the problem -teach ’em both or are you scaredy cats?” Plus it has an award winning Religion Section with a certain Catholic douchebag who visited here during the end of “crackergate”. The fact that he’s a married closeted self-hating gay man with a hard-on for the Pope in no way affects his ability to put forth logical arguments (yeah, riiiiight…). And then there were the religiotards at the State Fair who seem to occupy the John Birch Society Booths. Tacky Jeebus art and shitloads of crucifix ornamented crap EVERYWHERE… and I’m just fucking fed up.
Okay, I’m better now.
…another possible example of “Darwin stole our idea”
(it’s at least a bit more interesting read than the incessant “Darwin was wrong”)
no one could harm Darwin as much as those who unlawfully associate his name with their atheism
When did it become a law that you can’t express a possibly wrong opinion about some historical figure’s religious beliefs? Oh, wait a second:
Someone who writes something like that can’t be trusted to know what’s legal in any country. I haven’t read anything this funny that posed as non-fiction since the Weekly World stopped appearing on grocery store check out stands.
Having evolution tied to atheism was bad enough, now they are trying it to Islam? This is going to send fundamentalist Christians in the US into a frenzy.
Pikemann Urge says
LOL at #29 (“nothing in between”). Well said.
Yes, Kel, but the Christians will be able to see right through the claims of fundamentalist Islam. How do I know? Because it’s dead easy to see the flaws of other people’s religions.
strangest brew says
“This is going to send fundamentalist Christians in the US into a frenzy.”
Seems to be their default state…and not just in th US…they tend to the pathologically hysterical everywhere…it is ‘wot they do…!’
Yes, Kel, but the Christians will be able to see right through the claims of fundamentalist Islam
don’t underestimate the size of the big-top tent they are willing to create in order to imply that the non-religious are the “fringe” group.
The Disinformation Institute itself invited a representative from Harun Yoyo’s group to the Kansas Kanagaroo Kourt (ask if you don’t get the colorful references).
creationists of all stripes share more in common than just religious dogma.
remember that to most of them, they think it’s all about “anti-materialism” and that attitude is common among creationists from all abrahamic religions.
It would be an interesting connection, but given the European circles that Ibn Arabi ran with, decidedly not friendly to religion in general, I would doubt that Darwin would get converted. Especially if he was also reading folks like Renan.
Huh, he’s actually spontaneously come up with the plot of Neon Genesis Evangelion. Convergent evolution in action, folks.
I don’t remember there being any livestock in Evangelion.
The MadPanda says
Of course there are no alien cows in Evangelion. The Warm Water Penguin is fond of barbeque, Texas Style. Why else would Pen-Pen steal so much of a certain Major’s beer supply?
But perhaps we should dispatch a team of UN ninjas to make sure that this bloke isn’t hiding a bunch of moldy old scrolls somewhere. Just in case.
The MadPanda, FCD
lost me at “adam.”
i don’t know anything about the quran (it’s on my reading list, i swear), except that it’s a much later tradition than the torah. “adam” existed as a hebrew word before it existed in arabic. and probably a proto-semitic word before that. further, i find it quite suspicious that it would have such a different meaning in arabic than it does hebrew. though i admit that i do not know arabic, the two languages are culturally and geographically related, and this tends to produce a lot of overlap in the form of cognates. it is possible, of course, for words to pick up different meanings…
but in the earlier hebrew texts, adam means “man” or “mankind.” it’s related to adamah “dirt” and edom “red” (or “ruddy”). of course, you can see how this ties in with the genesis 2 myth: the biblical authors loved to tie stories together with related words and meanings. as far as i can tell, the quran backs up the clay story, and so does most of the surrounding dogma.
so if you’re going to make a linguistic argument (however irrelevent) try to at least get your definitions right. of course, he probably thinks adam was a muslim. which is about as ridiculous as thinking he was a christian. or a jew, for that matter — those groups are all determined at later points in history, and there are other stories in the folk mythologies about their origins after this point. so it’s not even exactly consistent with the mythology, even if islam does retroactively claim prophets.
as for whether or not ancient islamic philosophers came up with something like evolution, that might warrant some research. you never know — they were occasionally ahead of their time. and there is a marginally similar idea in some jewish commentaries on genesis 1: that god does not directly create, but commands nature to create by natural processes. however, pretty much every commentary singles man out as a special creation made personally by god for linguistic and contextual reasons.
Oh come on, this has got to be Poe’s Law.
Please… tell me it is…
Oh the humanity, I mean, ‘adams-anity’.
Don’t all aspects of all religions fit within the scope of Poe’s law? Ressurection? Transubstantiation? Life after death? It’s all equally absurd and baseless. There is no propostion too stupid to be a genuine religious belief. What possible criteria can there be to measure the difference between genuine bullshit and bullshit bullshit?
Grammar RWA says
This Jim Al-Khalili guy claims that almost 1200 years ago, abu Uthman al-Jahith wrote:
Lamarckism. But Lamarckism was important once.
We’ve “known” that in the UK for decades – c.f. the episode of The Clangers called “The Seed”.
( http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/classic/clangers/ )
Christophe Thill says
The guy is completely off the mark. Cats, not cows, are from outer space. Imagine a cat with no ears, and you get the stereotypical ET face (the ears are obviously an afterthought, added as a disguise). Isn’t that proof enough? (There are lots of other ones too).
nogbad the improbable says
I told you goats was evil but you wouldn’t listen would you!
Cows from outer space? Has anyone told Gary Larson about this…or is he behind it?
Adam is a hebrew word. not arabic. :p
Koran contain plagiarized contents from Jewish, Christian and other religious text books.
Ihab Hussein says
It is the Black Stone. And I don’t think it was really meant to look labial. :-D
#60 – TheInquisitor – Standing O brother! Well said.
The Black Stone was very likely intended to be labial; it was originally the central object of veneration by Pagan moon worshippers whose central deities were female.
Chris A. says
Are we sure this website isn’t the timecube website’s sequel?
dzd, now all we need are giant angel fighting mechas and a geofront.
Ihab Hussein says
And one of them was named Uzza.
I was under the impression that the metallic casing of the stone might be much younger than that. The Black Stone was removed from the rest of the building several times through history, and for different reasons. I made the assumption that the casing belongs to one of the recent building efforts.
I wonder if Dr. Hassan realizes that using lots of exclamation points doesn’t make him any more believable.
Oh, wow. So they’re trying to kill us by making us die laughing now? XD
But…isn’t adam a structure built across rivers to constrain the flow?. And an eve is the overhang at the top of a building. I expect adam has to have reinforcing ribs across its width for strength and the uppermost one could make an overhang.
Adam must have been designed in TurboID Pro on an Apple but with a byte missing which would cause adam to fall to the ground, causing a flood.
Its all there in the babble!
PS. Don’t the usual pictures that you see of god and of Charles Darwin look kind of…similar. Stern eyebrows, fluffy white ‘joke-shop’ beard, revered and reviled by millions and wrote a massive bestseller ‘borrowing’ other peoples ideas that continues to be published long after it lost all relevancy to the modern world.
And you never see them in the same place together…
I’m just saying