1. says

    Here’s my idea: have your confederate actually swallow the cracker, then immediately leave the church, where medical personnel will be waiting to sample the stomach contents. Neutralize the pH and whatever you have to do to stop the digestive enzymes, then see if you can recover human DNA not belonging to your friend. Think of the fun you could have sequencing it!

    Even better, if there are any viable cells, you can hire the Raelians or somebody to do SCNT and you will have brought about the second coming. Is that a million dollar idea or what?