I don’t think this is the message he wanted me to come away with

Christianity is like sticking a fork in your face and your rectum and plugging them into a wall socket. Your insides will smoke and sizzle, you’ll glow, sparks will shoot out of you, and you’ll become a cooked vegetable.

At the end, he says, “don’t try to do this at home, because it can be very dangerous”. That’s the honest part of his example. Kids, don’t do religion! It’s very, very bad for you!


  1. Louis Irving says

    Ahh, the joys of living in Japan and drinking till 3 – you see this kind of stuff while you sit eating ramen…..

    Anyhoo, I seriously don’t want to be Christian if it7s going to set my head or ass on fire. Who would? God cooks you from the inside – I can see the adverts now…

    And, of course, that guy either ignores, or knows nothing about, simple physics.

  2. dave says

    Was anyone else creeped out when Granpa John said he has a great big, old pickle?

  3. Alexander says

    I especially like when he’s got the light up again and he plugs it back in to the wall, and all you can see is steam shooting out both ends of the pickle. And it begins to bubble.

  4. Qwerty says

    At the end of his demonstartion when the lights came up, that pickle was shooting off steam. I guess religion can get some people steamed, too.

    Personally, I wouldn’t relish getting forked for Jesus.

  5. sfatheist says

    When the video started I thought it was going to be a parody on christianity….but this guy is serious! How do people believe this stuff?

  6. says

    I notice he claims that “plugging in” the pickle enables it “to do things it couldn’t before” or some such rubbish.

    Has he tried sticking a copper rod and a zinc rod into a pickle?

    It’s a miracle! And the pickle did it without any help at all.

  7. Michelle says

    …I dared not watch the full thing. But seeing the straps hanging from a mini hanging station and the pickles… I got very very scared and ran away.

  8. Qwerty says

    Is that another Veggie Tales?

    Posted by: CortxVortx

    Great question. Maybe you do have to be a vegtable to believe.

  9. Andy says

    It is a Veggie Tale but it is what happens after Larry the Cucumber get sentenced for turning Bob the tomato into ketchup and using it on Junior Aspragus.

  10. H.H. says

    Best YouTube comment:

    “But does the pickle literally become the penis of Christ or is it an analogy?”

  11. uncle frogy says

    I do not know why I should be amazed at the images, metaphors, similes and other literary devices that the cristians use to try and convince you to believe their mythology but it still does.
    I once heard an argument for god concerning how wonderful god was who made the beauty of the bird song. he got real irate when I asked him if he had ever heard a flock of Macaws “singing”
    just pathetic

  12. says

    Just more “believe us when we say this happens, even though you won’t ever see evidence of it” from the Christians.

    If the godbots that infect Pharyngula are any indication, Christianity leaves you less like a glowing, electrified pickle and more like an old 9-volt entombed in a Coleco Electronic Quarterback game sitting in a box in your uncle’s attic, burned out and leaking acid.

  13. CortxVortx says

    Sounds like a variation of the game “Shake Hands With Jesus,” which involves a metal fork and an electrical outlet.

  14. Max Verret says

    There are a couple of marvelous and colorful blogs I’ve come across. I must say they do not seem to be particularly enamored with PZ. One, in fact, is an atheist/pagan blog called Witches and Scientists. The author quotes PZ’s request for “chackers” to desecrate and goes on to note: “This is the sparkling truth of atheism”!
    He assures his friends that PZ’s views do not represent the ordinary view of atheism.

    He points out the PZ has asked his followers to flood the University with support letters because PZ is “feeling the heat”. He notes that PZ has asked supporters in writing to be “rational and polite” and he goes on to say the the polite and reational thing to do would be for PZ to apologize.

    He does seem annoyed that PZ’s minions are now saying that this was a “joke” and he wishes that they would stop using that old defense ploy which is so typical of “right-wing ideologues like Ann Coulter or Rush Limbaugh”.

  15. says

    Stunning. Simply stunning. I am now convinced. Until now, no argument, no apologetic, no personal testimony of faith, has touched my cold heart. But now that I have seen electrical current illuminate a pickle, I am convinced of the divinity of our dear Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

    No, really.

  16. Sven DiMilo says

    Hey, is that Bill Dembski’s Grandpa?
    If not, where did he get Bill’s sweater?

  17. says

    Ummm… it’s a contest, right? And this guy’s on the judge’s shortlist for weirdest/least convincing apologetic?

    Man, achievement of this calibre, it is always so inspiring. The finalists in these competitions, like professional athletes, they’re like a breed apart. So dedicated to their craft. It’s like they’re somewhere beyond human… From some other world…

    Inspired, even.

  18. dubiquiabs says

    Nah, you got it all wrong. The message is that when you fart and belch, that’s when you know you are connected to god.

    OOps, what happend to my hard-earned atheism just now…?

  19. Canuck says

    Well, that was a fatuous bit of drivel if ever I saw one.

    I’ve lit up the dill pickle several times in class, but not once did I ever consider that it had any relationship to Christianity. It’s a lot better to speak of it as a kind of limp Sodium lamp (note the same colour spectrum as the ones on street light poles).

    The big downside to this demonstration is if you pick the wrong metal for electrodes (copper is bad) you will get an unholy stink going. The copper electrodes corrode very quickly when heated in the presence of the acid and when contact becomes poor, you get intense local heating at the electrode surface and then the pickle starts to burn at the electrode. It’s pretty offensive to the nose. Stainless electrodes are better. Platinum is good. He should have specified the electrode material for the Jesus pickle, otherwise folks might try this with copper and think that being a Xtian makes you stink.

  20. S. Fisher says

    The take away lesson here is that he ruined a perfectly good pickle, much as religion has ruined many perfectly good people.

  21. BMS says



    (And I must say, I don’t much care for how he pointed his big ol’ pickle at me, from the elevation of his old man crotch.)

  22. Beowulff says

    So if you connect to Christ you’ll see interesting things happen, as long as you keep yourself in the dark? Sounds about right.

  23. Pierce R. Butler says

    Oh, no, no. The educational way to do this requires burning a cross into the pickle with a Tesla coil.

  24. says

    That poor kidnapped pickle. It was probably just happy hanging in the jar until Grampa God Thumper came along and went all Gitmo on his pickley ass.

  25. says

    Even setting aside the ludicrous analogy…

    “We Christians are special. Everybody else is dull and plain compared to us.”

    And this is the people who take offense when you question their beliefs.

    And this is the people we’re supposed to learn humility from.

  26. says

    At the end, he says, “don’t try to do this at home, because it can be very dangerous”.

    I like how he saves that safety warning for the very end.

    Because, you know, the young audience he is aiming at is so patient, and will sit through the entire video to hear it there, before wanting to try it out themselves.

    Yessiree, that’s why good technical writing and videos always save important warnings, precautions, and the like, for the end of the procedure.

  27. says

    The green bent pickle may be a processed foodstuff to you, but to us it is the penis of our lard, the great squid-herder in the sky. Electrocuting our penis is disrespectful of our beliefs, is blasphemy, sacrilege, and an terrorist attack on all we hold dear! To arms! To arms! Defend the great lard’s penis in the sky! Call the FBI, Mossad, Secret Service, MI6, and Leagues of Dog, defend the inquisition from the pickle electrocuters!!!1!

  28. says

    Well, he’s correct in saying that you shouldn’t try Christianity at home – it can be dangerous. You shouldn’t try it anywhere, in fact.

    This guy is creepy. I can see this guy on “to catch a predator” – he’ll just keep saying he only wanted to play with a pickle and help this kid see god. What is it with Christians and phallic symbols? Is it because their god is obsessed with phalli and foreskins, but we have bananas and pickles. When will some Christian just get to the point and pick up a dildo?

  29. Greg says

    What is it with these sadists? When I did this in school we used a couple of small nails and a Pyrex dish. We didn’t need to rig up some sort of weird medieval gallows and use huge multi-prong utensils in order to get the pickle to glow. This is what happens when you start venerating an instrument of torture and ritualized cannibalisms.

    Hmm, I wonder if he used kosher pickles?

  30. says

    I don’t know why i keep thinking about this, but I do.

    Basically, Grandpa John is saying that Christianity takes a perfectly good, perfectly edible pickle, turns it into a smelly, not very effective lightbulb, and then burns it to a crisp.

    And this is a good thing because… ?

    I agree with AJ Milne (#25). Worst. Apologetic. Ever. (Or a strong contender, anyway.)

    And Andrés Diplotti (#36) is right, too. The next time I hear a Christian say that atheists are arrogant, I swear I’m going to tie them down and make them watch this video a hundred times. (For one thing, I want to know what exactly it is Christians can do that nobody else can. Converse with animals? Control the weather? Leap tall buildings in a single bound?)

  31. Carlie says

    So… you’re only different when God sticks forks in you? Sadly, I have seen worse analogies than that about how christianity changes a person.

    Right at the beginning when he said “I bet all these pickles taste pretty much the same” I flashed on the Andy Griffith pickle episode. That was a good episode.

  32. Matt A says

    I saw Simon Singh do the electric pickle during James Randi And Friends at Conway Hall in London… Oddly, he failed to draw any metaphorical connection to religion. It’s almost as if, I don’t know, he had some grander point to make about Science and how cool it is. Obviously, though, I stopped listening at that point, because I as watched the yellow glow of sodium suffuse said sparking… gherkin, I couldn’t help thinking, “Isn’t that just like Jesus?” after which I left the Hall immediately to enroll in a Monastery.

    This isn’t strictly relevant, but Bad Analogy has been a major feature of my recent exposures to Christianity. At a recent wedding, the Vicar drew a painfully extended analogy between marriage and building a car – the point being essentially reducible to “marriage is a gift marked ‘some assembly required'” – and how the couple would build that car together, moving forward, yada-yada. It took all my English reserve to prevent me bolting from my seat and yelling “A House! The analogy you are looking for is A HOUSE! Then you can do a riff on how after you’ve built the house, you make it a HOME, yada-yada-yada.” I’d been tempted to heckle priests before, but not usually as a literary critic…

  33. Ed says

    That has to be one of the funniest things I have seen in a long time, It’s just insane, electro-pickle vs Jesus analogy? It just goes beyond words.

  34. Greg says

    Hey Matt, Didn’t you hear….the church is updating it’s story line. The sheep couldn’t relate to the whole carpenter thing so they’ve made him into an assembly line worker.

  35. says

    Capital wins this post’s comments:

    That poor kidnapped pickle. It was probably just happy hanging in the jar until Grampa God Thumper came along and went all Gitmo on his pickley ass.

    And no one has claimed Poe’s Law?

    It better be!

  36. Christophe Thill says

    Grandpa John is insane. I feel sorry for his grandchildren.? I think it’s time for him to close his house, and his little tv studio he made in the basement, and settle in a nice little home for the elderly, where nurses will keep an eye on him when he tries to plus pickles to a wall plug.

    What does he prove? That we’re all ordinary, plain, ugly pickles? And that with Christianity, we’re still ordinary, plain, ugly pickles, but emitting light, steam and oozing various liquids? And when a Christian is on the electric chair, does his head emit a distinctive light?
    But why did he stop just when it was becoming interesting? Would the pickle have caught fire?

    Now some more experiments would be possible:
    – Burn the pickle at the stake instead of electrocuting it.
    – Try with a banana.
    – Pull out the plug and replace the electric current with prayer.

    And I think The Electric Pickles would have been a great name for a psychedelic rock band 40 years ago (ok, we’ve had The Electric Prunes who were fine…)

  37. Jose says

    I’ve lit up the dill pickle several times in class

    That’s grounds for dismissal where I’m from. Can’t we find a less suggestive way to show the wonders of Christianity? How about an onion that can use an abacus, or an asparagus that curses like a sailor?

    Seriously, I can’t believe that there is more than one person who has lit a pickle. And who was the first? Who woke up and thought “Hmmm. I wonder if I can find a way to make a glowing pickle. That will surely cement my place in history?”

  38. foxfire says

    Initially I too thought this was a parody (perhaps of the Ray C. banana?). Come here little Billy and Sally….GrandpaTV wants to tell you about Jayzus…..ewwww (shudder).

    Hey PZ….will your cracker scenario involve a banana and/or a pickle?

  39. Christophe Thill says

    Oh, and his miniature SM rig is just crazy. I can picture him spending hours on it, assembling the pieces, polishing them, varnishing them… Grandpa John, is that how you use your free time now that you’re retired?

  40. says

    just what did the pickle do to deserve that kind of torture…?

    They all go completely unnecessary when a cracker gets kidnapped or even just threatened …but to give a pickle the electric prong for now’t really is christian justice at it’s very best…

    They are really scraping the apologetic barrel with this one…
    Totally barking…just like Christianity…so tis a fair example of the genre…when all is considered…

    ( these god bots have a terrible problem with rationality…or taste…or indeed reality…)

    Would you feel comfortable with this pickle wrangler …something is just not savoury about him…!

  41. says

    That is abuse of what is really a very cool science demonstration. I also remember doing that is school, 8th grade science I believe, and thinking it was really cool (this was before high school chemistry and getting to blow things up and sacrifice gummy bears). I have more I could say but I’m experiencing far more impressive electricity provided by nature and I don’t know if I’ll have power much longer with how strongly the wind is blowing.

  42. Beowulff says

    At Noadi, #56:
    So God’s threatening to get you in a pickle by cutting you off from your source of energy? (Sorry, couldn’t resist the bad pun)

  43. JoJo says

    Glowing pickles ain’t nuthin’! Check out any nuclear reactor. There’s a hot rock that just sits there and gives off massive amounts of heat. That’s PFM!*

    *Pure Fucking Magic

  44. says

    @Juan #48
    Which Poe’s Law? The one named for Edgar Allen’s cousin or the rational one?

    @Christophe Thill
    What with Ray Comfort and Gran’pa John here, I’m thinking not so much the Electric Prunes as Donovan:

    “E-lec-trickle banana
    It’s the latest craze
    electrical banana
    Ain’t no passing phase

    They call it Mellow Yellow …”

    (and Sparky Green, I guess)

  45. RamblinDude says

    It looked like a pickle glowing with the fires of hell to me.

    Interesting. If he had done this experiment a few centuries ago, Christians would have burned him at the stake for practicing witchcraft.

    Oh well, at least they accept enough science these days to believe in electricity.

  46. ajani57 says

    As an eighth grade science teacher I cannot even mention pickles. Pickles have connotations.

  47. Quidam says

    I wonder what would happen if you stuck forks into a communion wafer and plugged it in?

  48. Rick says

    The video laid out the fundamental difference between myself and Christians. Where they see a bottle of pickles, I see a jar. The breach is irreconcilable. This means war!

  49. max verret says

    Re: #17

    The author of the PZ blog on Witches and Scientists suggested that PZ was channeling Soupy Sales. He recounted how Soupy one day on his program asked the kids in his audience to go through their parents’ pockets and send him all the “green paper” they found. Some kids apparently did just that and it got Soupy suspended for two weeks.

  50. MH says

    Actually, it reminded me of the BBC TV series Look Around You, which “both satirised and paid homage to 1970s and early 1980s educational films and schools programmes, with a different scientific subject being discussed in each episode, or “module” as they are called in the series”. The difference being that Look Around You was meant to be humorous, and Grandpa John is unintentionally so.

  51. Kirk says

    #32 You beat me to it, love it!
    #43 Fucking hilarious, although I do NOT want to know how you found it!

  52. says

    I love that he makes his point about Christianity by saying the pickle represents a person, and then fixing it to a wooden frame with metal spikes so we can look at it.

    Good analogy, I though.

  53. spaceoops says

    This guy has less than zero authority to call that an “experiment”. All he proved to me was that he has no command of the scientific method, whatsoever… heh.

  54. Fiziker says

    At around 3:50 they show the pickle plugged in again but with the lights on. That’s right kids, the holy spirit not only makes you talk in tongues, it makes steam and fluids shoot out both ends. It’s like ebola… but infused with the the power of the christ.

  55. Wat Tyler says

    This joker, John Clayton, came to my small, East Texas town and gave lectures like “A Practical Man’s Proof of God.” One of his “proofs” was something to the effect of “The sun has only used up 2% of its hydrogen in thermonuclear fusion, and there is still hydrogen, therefore god exists.”

    He was a High School physics teacher for years, evangelizing to his students around the south with the whole “god of the gaps” argument–typical of Texas teachers. I was able to escape last year to a liberal arts college on the west coast though, away from the inane, nonstop drivel guys like this spew.

    PS: This is my first comment after more than a year reading this blog–just thought I’d give you all a little insight into the life of a(n) (ex?) Texan. ;)

  56. Canuck says

    @ Jose, #50.

    I light up the pickle in class because I’m showing the way different materials behave when you pass an electric current through them. It’s basic physics of conductors we are looking at. Another good one is a “lead” from a pencil. They glow red hot as you dial up the variac to higher voltage, then they burn. Nichrome wire (like that in your toaster) is fun too. Lots of things get “zapped” in my class. But the pickle is good because it glows due to the excited sodium atoms. Nothing to do with Jesus. And after 2000 years not even his penis would look that good.

  57. Hessenroots says

    Oh that is just rich!

    I love that he calls it an experiment.

    I think the message is pretty clear…

  58. says

    Does that mean that the Christians are the one going to hell? Since the pickle that is cooking is Christian. Yay! We atheists are saved ^_^

  59. dorris says

    So, you’ve got to stick a fork in your ass, then put your ass in a sling. Yep – that about sums up Christianity.

  60. Carlie says

    Electrocuting one pickle? Pansy.

    So, the important question is, where is the Gaiman writeup?????

  61. says

    This sort of reminds me of a rather outlandish Moody Bible Institute video I was shown in high school. The presenter had a board wrapped in aluminum foil, which he held in his hand while standing on some kind of high-frequency Tesla coil or magnetron tube; he set the board on fire with the current going through him and then cooked some eggs in his lap. His point had something to do with how the divine was imperceptible because it was out of phase with humanity, and also (in a roundabout way) that Jesus could have resurrected by turning into energy and phasing through the Shroud of Turin, and that was what caused the scorching on the surface of the shroud. Had me convinced, for a while, though I did eventually realize that if Jesus had done that, the ensuing energy would have blown the roof off the tomb and quite possibly wiped out most of Judea.

  62. says

    #17 & #65

    You could at least reply to yourself using a different name.

    And really, why would anyone here care what some new agey loon thinks of PZ?

  63. Inky says

    I sat at work with my mouth open.
    First … that was rather cool. The glowing pickle.

    Secondly … the analogy was so freaking STUPID that one whole hemisphere of my brain exploded.

    On the other hand, I also kinda interpreted that into “Jesus can turn you into a flaming phallus.”
    I’m sorry! It was the way he was holding it!

    Jesus turns you gay.

  64. says

    It reminded me of those commercials … this is your brain … this is your brain on drugs.

    This is you … this is you on christ – in the dark … all thought evaporating.

  65. tresmal says

    Grandpa, You’ll have better luck selling a bogus product by implying BIGGER pickles to your customers.

  66. Mercurious says

    My comment left on the video:


    Congratulations “Grandpa John” your stunning inanity has truly shown me the way.

    This is your pickle..
    This is your pickle on god… smoking, fried and useless to the rest of the world.

  67. DingoDave says

    One of the comments on the YouTube page;

    “ZOMG teh Ceiling Cat going stik fork in hed an fork in butt and lectricity? DO NOT WANT!! ”


  68. Max Verret says

    Re: #82 Nerull:

    Do you think #65 was an answer to #17? It wasn’t, it was an addendum to #17. That’s an add on. #65 could not possibly be an answer to #17 because #17 was not a question. And since the author of #65 was the author of #17 there is no need for him to invent a different name.

  69. says

    So being a christian is like being put on the electric chair? What?
    The pickle is blowing a lot of hot air out of its holes at the end of the clip… kinda like… I dunno…

  70. says

    The message I get from this is that Christianity leaves you a burnt out hollow shell of your former self. His comment that once the “power of god” is removed, you’re just like everyone else, but that poor pickle looked somewhat shriveled and dried out compared to the fresh one from the jar. Kinda like Jesus drains the life out of you.

    That’s my take, anyway.

    John B. Sandlin

  71. Breakfast says

    I actually thought the whole time it was an anti-Christian video and he was going to show you that even though it might make flash changes in someone’s life, what Christianity really does is cook you mercilessly and leave you a dribbling, steaming wreck. I only caught on about 3/4 of the way through the electrocution when he kept going on and on about how it makes you be able to do special things…

  72. Monkey says

    Just watched, laughed, and felt sorry for his grandkids. Holidays must suck with him around.

    But – somebody put this comment in the youtube page, and I wanted to highlight it. Best comment I have read in a long time.

    PascalForgetNerdz (10 minutes ago) Show Hide 0 Marked as spam Reply | Spam Wow! Electrocuting pickles seems so much fun! So becoming christian must be too!

    What’s next? A muslim is going to boil an apple? A jew is going to fry a carrot? Can’t wait!

  73. Ignignockt says

    Is this the example of the sophisticated and transcendental theology we’ve been promised? Apologetics will now be able to draw upon the irrefutable logic of the “Vlasic Argument™” for god?

  74. Scott D. says

    Would that make this video a cautionary tale of why one should not be overly religious?

  75. DLC says

    Uh, right. pickle analogy. No doubt ol Granpa John likes a good, big pickle. . . Sorry. . . there’s a Larry Craig joke there but I decided not to bother.

  76. eddie says

    @59 – Metro

    Thanks for the urban dictionary link, M. I only knew of definition 1.

    In fact, I call Poe on definition 2 there.

  77. Nurse Ingrid says

    “the electric yellow has got me by the brain banana!”

    –Officer Lou

  78. palmira says

    GrandPa John, actually John Clayton @ http://www.doesgodexist.org/, produced another electrical fluke named «Miracle Cures and Electric Fields». In this one he uses a turn of the (previous) century quack medical device he bought at a yard sale that was supposed to cure baldness. As it doesn’t, he concludes that the Bible, unlike science, never makes mistakes and that’s why he became a Christian.

    The irony of the thing is that the guy that produced the quack, Noble Murray Eberhart, was the son of a Clergyman and head of the Dept. of Physiologic Therapeutics at Loyola University, Chicago (a jesuit university).

  79. says

    It’s obvious that this guy is into some really messed up sex. I mean come on, a pickle in a sling that he had made? You know what he REALLY uses that sling for.

  80. Mike says

    If one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover a multitude of sins. God loves you, repent and return.

  81. JoJo says

    Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death

    I will remain unrepentant if only to save the lives of innocent, exploited pickles.

    No pickles were harmed in the composition of this post.

  82. Arnosium Upinarum says

    It’s no longer possible to anticipate what ingenuity is summoned to express stupidity.

    We have clearly crossed over into Bizarro-world. And I thought we were loitering around the Twilight Zone and still had a chance.

  83. Christophe Thill says

    Suggestion of a new project for Grandpa John Clayton’s amusing Christian physics class:

    Build a cross out of wood. Nail the pickle to the cross. Attach your electric wires to the pointed ends of the nails. Plug in.

    The metaphor will be even better and clearer.

    Or will it?

  84. Budbear says

    Damn! Why do I watch these things with my first cup of coffee? Now I’ve gotta clean up this mess. What a moron. Is he a “Jackass’ alumnus?

  85. Lindsay says

    Reminds me of this crap customer service thing they made me watch during my orientation.

    Why is it that every time I hear someone speak about Christianity, they always sound southern?

  86. says

    So, in the spirit of experiment, has anyone tasted a pickle after it has been, um, baptized? Consecrated? What did it taste like?

    Ya know, in certain parts of our dear United States, people eat deep-fried dill pickles. I regret that my daring and curiosity failed me once when I had a chance to try one in Hot Springs, Arkansas. Still, there must be braver souls than I in high-school science classes.

    Report from the front, please?

  87. Arnosium Upinarum says

    How in the heckle and jeckle does anyone like Mike (#101) expect anyone with half a brain to put up with their insufferable self-adulation? It’s like they insist everybody should admire their image in the mirror, that’s how obnoxious their narcissism is. It’s hard to imagine how anyone can live with such a grotesquely swollen ego.

    Because that’s what this religion crap all boils down to in the end: a pathological obsession with the self borne of an all-consuming fear of its end – namely, death – an absorption so complete that they care about nothing else but their all-important personal “salvation”.

    Everybody is scared shitless at the prospect of dying, but that universal human fear is also where we are most vulnerably weak. Religion capitalizes brilliantly on this circumstance. While many manage to grow up with some sense of practical fortitude and courage against this potentially all-consuming menace of mortality, by utilizing reason, a disconcertingly large proportion of the population fall completely to pieces. These are gullible enough to swallow the scam whole, turning them into hysterically insane neurotics who find comfort in socializing with the similarly terrified.

    I mean, just LOOK at this guy – this GrandpaJohn with his pickles and his “really neat demonstration” where “the pickle is gonna be tapped into a higher power”, talking to his audience precisely like preachers and clergymen always do, as if they’re a stern parent addressing frightened half-wit children. Adulthood? For them? Religion keeps them in a perpetual state of arrested development. With “issues”. Mental ones, of the delusional sort.

    Oooooh, the light, the light!!! WOW!!!

    It’s a frackin’ pickle plugged into a 120 socket.

    What’s really scary is that SO MANY people gobble this crap right up. They’ll believe ANYTHING if it promises they can be saved from death and live happily ever after in a paradise…that is, as long as they join the club. (Eternal punishment, of course, is reserved for anybody who doesn’t play along with their self-obsession game because, evidently, if you’re self-obsessed, you are also constitutionally incapable of tolerance toward any contrary opinions held by others, EVEN IF YOUR CREED INSTRUCTS OTHERWISE).

    It’s almost funny that no sane scientist or atheist would ever think of performing such a ludicrous carny demonstration even as a PARODY in order to show how nuts believers are: they wouldn’t think anybody was stupid enough to buy it. It actually takes a believer to do something so stupendously silly, and a bobbing-headed audience to listen…people who would actually find the comparison between Christians and electrified pickles to be dramatic and instructive – reminding them to “just stay plugged into God”.

    Religion: Oldest confidence game in the world, and we’re all paying dearly for the scam.

    Disgusting beyond bearing.

  88. Jason says

    I walked away with: Rather than being a productive member of the pickle society by being a tasty addition to sandwiches, being plugged full of electricity and baked from the inside out is the best fate for a pickle.

  89. peep says

    I think he’s trying to say that an electric pickle isn’t a good lightbulb, much like divine inspiration isn’t a good source of knowledge or wisdom, if I understand correctly.

  90. The Nameless Voice says

    Hell, now I want to try this at home just so I can see what an electrocuted pickle tastes like. Bet it’s /awesome/.

  91. hubris hurts says

    It seems as though Christians in general are phenomenally bad at coming up with analogies that make sense. My brother is the pastor of an evangelical church, and he always comes up with the most absurd analogies when talking about Christianity. I can’t remember most of them now, I suppose because they are so dumb and made so little sense. However, there was one that was so off the wall that I never forgot it.

    He was trying to convince me to become a Christian. Of course, the fact that it is impossible for me to believe in fictional characters such as god and Jesus didn’t make sense to him, so I tried a different tact. I asked him what becoming a Christian would do for me…would it make me happy? Wealthy? Wise? Joyful? Peaceful? He replied that it wouldn’t do any of those things (at least he was honest). So I asked him why I should become a Christian – what was in it for me.

    He replied that for me to become a Christian would be like someone who didn’t know that he had cancer taking cancer treatments. Even though he didn’t know he had cancer, the treatments would cure him and keep him alive. WTF?
    You know, I always thought that was an incredibly stupid analogy, because of course, cancer treatments (radiation and chemotherapy) can make you very, very, very sick, so if you undergo treatments when you don’t need them, you will end up far worse off that you were to begin with. However, now that I think about it, his analogy may have been very accurate after all, since I am certain that becoming a Christian would result in me being much worse off (mentally and morally) than I am now.


  92. says

    Hey Carlie, ever heard of typographical errors? I suppose you’ve never made one. Sometimes it’s not worth the time it takes to correct them.

  93. JoJo says

    Hey Carlie, ever heard of typographical errors?

    Hey westport, ever heard of striving for competence? If you’re going to insult someone, either misspell their name in an obviously derogatory way, i.e., “westdork,” or spell it correctly.

    The education people get these days. They don’t even know how to properly insult someone.

  94. westport says

    hubris hurts: Au contraire, you are much worse off now. God is not just a figment of someone’s imagination, but neither will He interfere with your free will. Seek Him (with a sincere heart) and you will find Him.

  95. westport says

    Chill out, JoJo. We’re talking about a stupid blog here. I didn’t think perfection was really necessary or required.

  96. JoJo says

    I didn’t think perfection was really necessary or required.

    The first three words are undoubtedly true.

    As for perfection, shouldn’t you strive for it at all times? Or are you one of those slugs with a “that’s good enough, why bother doing the best I can” attitudes?

    No wonder the country is going down the tubes. Too many people like westport just don’t care.

  97. charles says

    let us not lose site of the fact that the pickel was perfectly happy till it got plugged into god and now it’s dead

  98. FFFish says

    Someone should get 4chan or Something Awful to hold a video parody competition. Grandpa’s video is pretty much a parody already… but the bright folk on either of those sites can do better!