Regular old physical mail, that is, paper with a stamp. Anyone remember Michael Korn? The nut from Colorado who threatened biologists there, and then sent email to everyone at my university offering to meet them for a fistfight out by the flagpole? He sent me a bunch of tracts … and a poem.
Here’s the letter and poem.
Dear Professor Myers,
These martyrs uffer enormous pain to uphold the ultimate Truth that you strive mightily to denigrate, deride, and destroy. Yet these simple people seem to have so much more wisdom than a proud American professor, who will inherit the Vale of Tears for all his malevolent efforts to ridicule their Faith, while they receive Eternal Bliss.
My heart truly grieves for you as I peruse
This tribute to Christian triumph over abuse
These martyrs gladly suffer for Supreme True
Confident their Faith is no mere ruse.
With full knowledge of going to their Heavenly Reward,
Eternity with God means the pain they can afford.
But you, O proud Paul, who battles the Truth,
Inflicting the deprecations of a skeptic’s Muse,
What eternal hope lives buried in your heart?
A cold dark place from God set eternally apart!
Awake, O Soul, and find your way back home!
To the True Shepherd’s embrace that alone,
Can satisfy the desperation that ravages your soul
And seeks like a lion to consume you whole.
Praying for you,
Israeli Christian Evangelist
PS Look at the picture of the deer. Do you really think something so stunning developed by chance? If you see no Divine Poetry in nature, is is not because it is not there. It is because your heart is closed even as your eyes survey the horizon.
With this letter was included the ripped out cover of a magazine called Blue Ridge Country with a cute fawn, another sheet of Christian screed telling me about unpardonable sin (which makes me wonder what the point of this mailing was—I’ve committed all the unpardonable sins he lists), a magazine called “The Voice of the Martyrs” that is full of horrible stories of deluded fanatics hauling bibles and christian literature to remote regions of the globe where people had mercifully been free of this crap, and a tract decrying the bible codes. It’s all very random and inane.
I can just throw it all in the trash where it belongs, but bad poetry is a sin against the muse Euterpe, for which he will suffer the torments of Tartarus.
I know you read this, Korn. Don’t bother sending me your insane ramblings anymore: they don’t persuade me of the existence of any gods, but they do convince me that you are a certifiable kook.
By request, here are the “unpardonable sins”:
Deliberately ascribing the Holy Spirit’s activity to demonic agency
Deliberately refusing the help of the Holy Spirit when it is available to save him from denying Jesus
Deliberately lying to or testing the Holy Spirit
Deliberately rejecting the witness of the Holy Spirit concerning Jesus
So I’m afraid that if you haven’t been paying any attention to an invisible, proselytizing ghost, you’ve committed an unpardonable sin.