Whether you love Christopher Hitchens or hate him, there’s something here for you: you can read Hitchens’ account of getting a full Brazilian. There are photos (don’t worry, nothing to make one stagger to the fainting couch).
I think I’m going to have to cancel my appointment, though. It sounds like it hurts.
Ah yes, the famed “Back, crack and sack” procedure. This allows Hitch to swim faster in the nude. So add to the list of atheist, polemicist, author, and contrarian: Really fast naked swimmer. I think his career is really about to take off…
I will never understand women’s desire to punish themselves for beauty.
Chris,
When its bald, trust me, it isn’t that beautiful. I’ll admit I went there once, notwithstanding the pain to which, comparatively, giving birth to three children was a breeze, my husband took one look, shrieked and “12 year old girl”. Never again.
…as for Mr Shrek, he insists his “bollocks are beautiful the way they are”.
I’d point out that it’s even less beautiful when it’s covered with snot that’s oozed out due to the hairs irritating the inside of someone else’s nose, but the last time this topic came up five or six people just stuck their fingers in their ears and went “LA LA LA LOLITA THING LA LA LA YOU JUST DON’T LIKE DOING IT…”
That said, I still consider waxing a sign of insanity. O.o
To be fair, the last time this came up it was because the Australian girl had multiple side effects that made her genitals seem like Baboon anatomy.
Everytime I read something by him, I conclude that Hitchens is a fabulous writer. That he could make something like THIS interesting, and fun, and even profound, is testament to that fact.
The phrase “sandpaper handjob” will stay with me for a long time.
Hitchens is a drunken fool who feels a little guilty that some kid took his Iraq propaganda seriously, signed up, and got killed over there.
But he excuses himself by saying the kid VOLUNTEERED.
He also writes about that in Vanity Fair.
Hank,
The last time male waxing was on UK TV, one of the TV critics used the phrase “it left his scrotum looking like a napalmed hamster” which kind of put me off the concept!
How appropriate that Hitchens recounted his adventures in Vanity Fair.
I’ve seen better-looking teeth on a 25-year-old Quarter horse with an addiction to candy bars.
Doesn’t a full Brazilian include a bung hole bleaching??
Once again, there is a difference between being fabulously cultivated (as Hitchens is) and being civilized (which he isn’t). Seduced by the prodigious wordsmith, Hitch’s fans profess surprise or disappointment at his public missteps. They shouldn’t. This is what you get when you mix intellect with ruthless narcissism.
I don’t know, PZ, about making us think of Ann Coulter and Hitch getting a Brazilian wax on the same day. Now, I’ll be imagining Hitch getting a Brazilian wax from Ann Coulter. (shudder)
All I could think was “Yeeeeeee-oooooowwwwwwchhhhhhhh!!!!!”
Lana, as an antidote, try thinking about Ann Coulter being entirely encased in wax.
Oh, that’s only the beginning.
The full, back-room, deluxe Brazilian involves having every organic molecule in your body replaced with the ceramic of your choice.
Lady, every time you write a post about your husband, I gag. This time, I pulled out all the stops and plastered my monitor with projectile vomit.
Having experienced the nasty locker-room trick of having just a few little hairs pinched off the back of my leg by sniggering bullies I can’t imagine willingly allowing anybody to apply hot wax to any of my hirsute regions for any reason. My eyes watered just reading Hitch’s narrative.
Lana, as an antidote, try thinking about Ann Coulter being entirely encased in wax.
Funny, I’m under the distinct impression that Ann Coulter *was* entirely encased in wax.
Right. It sounds as stupid and pointless and painful as it is. Just as much so as for women. Any man who prefer women to have this done, I refer to this article. Case closed, in my opinion! Time for this fad to die!
Hitch’s latest is a good post on Slate about Mitt Romney & the Mormons: http://www.slate.com/id/2178568.
The waxing makes wearing mormon underwear seem more appealling.
“The full, back-room, deluxe Brazilian involves having every organic molecule in your body replaced with the ceramic of your choice.”
Do you get your feet bound too?
Iono – if I wasn’t so stingy, I might go for it. I don’t like dingleberries. And the hair on my back does make me selfconcious.
I guess I could just pull a few hairs out of my nose with tweezers. I’m sure that’d make the pain feel less in comparison.
This reminds me of the day the realisation that I was old hit me. I was getting a haircut and the hairdresser told me “Hold still.” – I assumed she was gonna tidy the edges around the back of my neck with the razor, but she proceeded to trim my eyebrows.
I hope–for his sake–he was drunk at the time of the procedure.
Hell, sounds like the result of a drunken bet, doesn’t it? (with Hitchens losing said hypothetical bet)
Yikes.
The teeth were a bit of self-improvement, at least.
I recall Oprah saying her getting a Brazilian would require a morphine IV.
Waxing? No way. I do admit, however to using an electric trimmer and then a razor occasionally. There are a whole lot of nerves in the skin of the junkular area that are simply not able to be stimulated while foliated. I am by no means so exacting as a wax devotee, but it’s no big deal to jump in the shower and neaten up. N.B., the first time a guy shaves his nethers, there is usually alcohol involved, and even a saftey razor can be rather unforgiving while soused.
Also, once you start, if you don’t keep up with the mowing, you get painful scrotal velcro.
Oh, for fuck’s sake…
Is this man a moron? Did he get “laser acupuncture” just because he thought it would make good copy?
Of all the ridiculous “alternative medicine” I’ve heard of, this takes the cake.