If Pastor Drake’s curses are fizzling, I know exactly what he needs: a blessed medallion made from an eggplant to potentiate his jebus-power. It’s true: this miracle occurred spontaneously, and is exactly the holy artifact any righteous smiter would want on his side.
I will also call your attention to an important and obvious fact: this eggplant did not say “Gott” or “Dieu” or “Dios” or “Ðог” or “Deus” or “Dio” or “祔 or “اÙÙÙ” — no, it says “God”. Therefore, God chooses to speak in English.
Either that, or it’s the natural language of eggplants.
What’s pathetic to think is that in the good old days this kind of crap would get wrapped in hammered gold and stored in a reliquary in a pilgrimage church, and the faithful would endure danger and hardship to walk hither and yon to see it.
When I was a kid my parents dragged me to a bunch of the churches on the St John of Compostella(*) pilgimage route through the south of france. The displays were kind of like a tackied-up version of the Objects of Veneration at Hard Rock Cafe. Poor medieval rubes would give everything they had for a glimpse of the alleged finger-bones of some saint that had died in some unfortunate Roman-induced accident…
Good thing we’re not stupid like THAT anymore, huh? huh?
(*patron saint of mulch?)
To me it appears to say “GoO.” Who is this GoO and what does he/she/it want of us?
“Pennsylvania’s Felicia Teske is offering eBay buyers an eggplant slice that may bear the word “God.” Starting price: $1,000. Plus $20 for shipping.”
For one grand they can include the shipping?? That isn’t being a good Samaritan…
I think it says “Gap.” Perhaps it’s a marketing ploy for a new eggplant-colored polo tee.
I thought it said “gob”, which in some parts of the English speaking world (i.e. the bits that invented the language) is slang for mouth. As is “shut your gob”, or “I’m going to smack you one in the gob”.
What a beautiful language we invented.
Bob
AUUUGGGGHH! It says “GoP!” It’s a Republican eggplant! Kill it! Hit it with a stick!
You can get a T-shirt with a squid on it (today only) at http://shirt.woot.com/ for only $10…that seems like a better deal.
If you cut off a slice of God and fry him for a few minutes he’s delicious!
There’s a dot over the center letter – it’s clearly an i! It says “Gid.” This is a sign, carried across the internet, that my life has meaning. Back in the days of Pentium IIs, my brother and I played Dungeon Keeper on our parent’s computer. We would leave each other mocking messages in the high scores list as we completed levels. The one that stays with was something like “I AM THE GID” from him to me, with GID being a typo for GOD which he didn’t notice until I asked him what it meant. Almost every jab from then until we stopped playing involved the word in some way.
It looks a bit like it’s been cooked, though I would never suggest that these people would prey on the gullible.
Though it does suggest an idea for those of us who would…
I don’t know what you people are looking at, it plainly says “GoG”, who as everyone who is anyone knows, is the supervillan who repeatedly kills Superman.
Oh I know… Several people may point out that there are references to Gog in the Hebrew book of ghost stories, but really, ghost stories? I prefer Superman. Lois Lane makes a much better love interest than someone named Hagar or Esther (present Hagars and Esthers excepted of course).
KC
If God wants to speak english that’s God’s own business. Seems like the perfect language to pick if you ask me. God could have used aramaic, of course, but then who would notice it? No, the problem with this eggplant is that God would definitely have used a more impressive font. Blackletter would have been oustanding, though why God goes through all this nonsense and doesn’t simply send us an email I’ll never know.
Then again it would probably get caught by my spam filter.
Nah, the eggplant speaks Swedish and it’s merely a quality label–“god” = “tasty”.
wtf? what age are these people? 2?
claiming their god autographed a fucking eggplant?
i am stumped as to the utter base simple-mindedness and…
…oh fuck it. it’s like dealing with the fucking living dead.
Hypothesis: religion makes you stupid.
GOA? Huh?
Now, if it had indeed said “Dio” I’d be impressed. An eggplant with a penchant for heavy metal and devil’s horn gesture would really be something.
Looks like “GIA” to me. A dead supermodel is trying to tell us something… about eggplants?
#16, Russell, you are so right. Pygmies/dwarves argument again? rofl.
Well, at least our outdated woo merchants in the good ‘ol U of K gets down with popular opinion at last : http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/news-headlines/princess-diana-better-than-jesus-says-archbishop-20070815347/
Note: Heavy satire approaching with link. Apologies if it doesn’t work, I am an internet idiot. But at least I am a REASONable idiot…!
Oh, and it’s definitely Goo. As most Aubergines turn out to be whenever I try and eat ’em…
And why do my American cousins call ’em eggplants anyway? They don’t look eggy…. Sorry, a mindless question from a mindless, non-scientific, non-horticulturalist…
Holy mother of aubergines! I thought I would cut open an eggplant that I had in the ‘fridge, y’know, ‘just in case’, and this is what I found!! Surely it’s the best example yet of an omnipotent being contacting us about eternal salvation via the media of food-stuffs? Do you think I could sell it on EBay based on the pic alone??
oh and check out the Horoscopes : http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/category/horoscopes/
Ok, I will spam no more.
What if we really never cared for eggplant? Does that make it a false god?
You are all wrong. You are looking at the slice from the wrong side. Flip it over and you see it says “and” in rather florish script. Actually, the final “D” looks like a “6” to me. So does the “G”. It says “6e6”. Maybe it says “666” be they rubbed down the the middle six to get it past us.
I see “Gif”. Maybe an artefact of holy compression.
Cid, not God. Clearly a sign for us to stand firm in the War on Brown People.
I look at it, and it clearly says: “This eggplant medallion is a bit overcooked.”
More of this from the Muslim cuisine at
http://www.anvari.org/cols/Islam_Miracle.html
CoƆ̣, in the unlikely case this displays correctly.
CoƆ̣, in the unlikely case this displays correctly.
Personally, I see it as “Cod”. Perhaps the eggplant is suggesting a side dish for itself.
You’re all looking at it the wrong way, so say it with me now:
FOR A THOUSAND BUCKS, IT SAYS WHATEVER THE HELL YOU THINK IS SAYS, THANK YOU COME AGAIN!
“If English was good enough for Jesus Christ, it ought to be good enough for the children of Texas.”
– Miriam Ferguson, Governor of Texas, c. 1925
Can you imagine? You’re the creator of the universe, aware of and present in every one of the billion trillions of chemical reactions happening at every moment, and you wish to prove your existence to the primates of some insignificant planet. What do you do? Giant blazing letters across the sky? Gauche. Parting an ocean? Tired. Making a reasonable approximation of your name in English appear in a half-fried slice of eggplant? Brilliant! They didn’t make you the all-powerful creator of the universe for nothing!
“From GoO to you”? Or “from woo, GoO”? What would a GoO believer say it means?
Another one to the zoo of woo.
“From GoO to you”? Or “from woo, GoO”? What would a GoO believer say it means?
Another one to the zoo of woo.
Caucasian Jesus sez: God speaks exclusively in English. But not with those durn godless British and Canadian accents.
If god speaks english, what does the Devil speak? Arabic? Russian? German? Chinese? English also because it’s the lingua franca of the supernatural? So tricky.
Dianne, that was almost too easy. According to Caucasian Jesus, the preferred language of Satan is of course French.
It’s 666.
Reminds me of the subliminal message craze of the 60’s, when we searched Nabisco crackers for subtly embossed words like SEX, and ice cubes in liquor ads for skulls.
I still see them today. Doesn’t everyone?
Who said they are reading it the right way around? If you turn it through 180 degrees it reads doo to me, which says it all.
Looks like “GAA” to me. As in “GAA! Eggplant AGAIN?”
Here is the eBay link.
And why do my American cousins call ’em eggplants anyway? They don’t look eggy…. Sorry, a mindless question from a mindless, non-scientific, non-horticulturalist…
Behold; the Italian Eggplant:
http://www.hormel.com/images/glossary/e/eggplant_italian.jpg
Centuries of selective breeding have increased the size and increased the purple colouring of the eggplant, so the “egg” less resembles “Chicken” than “Alien”
Sooo that’s what those things they fed me were! I spent a year in France as an exchange student, and I got confused here and there when I couldn’t find direct translations for certain words. I didn’t even realize that the problem might have been the American/British divide until near the end of my year. My host family took me to visit a couple they knew, and the wife was English, and during the talk about dinner she tried to explain to me what a certain onion-like vegetable was, but I just couldn’t get it. I finally got out the battered French-English (American English) dictionary I had carried around with me all year, and when I found that the things were what I knew as “scallions,” the English woman just said “Oh, bloody hell!” Apparently she thought they were called “shallots” or something. Strange.
So, aubergines = eggplants. Thanks.
If Brits call scallions shallots, what do they call shallots> As I know them, scallions are thin, green onions and shallots have a papery onion skin, that’s sort of off-pink, with an almost grey flesh.
Actually we only corrupted a dialect of somebody else’s language.
2000 words:
Scallions
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Scallion.jpg
Shallots
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Shallots_-_sliced_and_whole.jpg
Definately says GoO.
Clearly an omen of Nyarlathotep, the Crawling Chaos.
For those not Lovecraftianly inclined, I should have mentioned that Nyarlathotep is the servitor for the Great Old Ones (GOO).
English? Unlikely. If you’d bothered to learn languages other than english, you’d have known that God is perfectly good dutch, which was, as we all know, what Adam and Eve spoke!
(According to this guy anyway:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johannes_Goropius_Becanus)
If the specific eggplant/aubergine/brinjal (hey, we’re sciency types, lets call it a Solanum melongena) that this post relates to is God trying to get in touch, then who’s behind this one? Richard Nixon?
All true artists sign their work. This is why if you sliced open this woman’s brain, you would find the word KOALEMOS (god of stupidity)
I saw GI6. So I googled it and the one link that said simply GI6 was this one
My day is complete.
It’s merely a proclamation from the plant world of the best Sonic Youth album.
(“Daydream Nation”? Please.)
When I was living in Uganda, I cut open a beautiful eggplant to find a large, juicy, maggot inside. I cut that part out and cooked the rest, but I never forgot the amazing gift I was given by our insect overlords that day.
Some others, not understanding the full import of the message, might have gilded the maggot, or sold it on eBay, but we Hymenopterians (the only true Insectans) understand that idol worship is the first step to finding yourself between the pedipalps of Arachnor, Spinner of Lies.
May your chitin remain resilient, and your mouthparts unfurl to the four sacred flowers.
No, no, no. It’s upside down.
And clearly anatomical.
There’s a better picture of it here, along with a video. It seems that the proud couple (not that I would ever accuse a good christian couple of being media whores who are only out for a buck) didn’t have time to finish cooking their eggplant/aubergine before the tv people showed up. I just find it funny that people are stupid enough to buy this stuff. If a friend of mine gives me something special, my first thought isn’t to sell it. Maybe gifts from imaginary friends are different but I would think that this alone would tip off your average buyer. Fundies sure are special, aren’t they?
BTW, I think that it looks like it says “Goop”, which is what it looks like this slice is turning into.
Bah. Just looks like a minor prophesy to me; as Zeno and others said, it obviously says “GoO” which is what it will turn into soon enough.
I agree that it says “Gia,” which is my dog’s name (no connection to the supermodel). I am still waiting for the long line of kibble-bearing worshippers to line up around the block so they may fling themselves at her kennel door.
Still waiting….come on, people.
Scallions AKA ‘spring onion’ bear no resemblance to shallots.
Some people eat the leaves (green part). To others this is akin to eating babies.
Reminds me of The Joy of Welsh Cooking, where every recipe starts with “First, you take a leek”.
What’s that Lassie? God is trapped inside an eggplant?
Children, children…! It is obviously a portrait of the Sacred Family. See Virgin Mary on the left, the Blessed Child in the middle and Joseph the Carpenter on the right.
This is the way they used to carry portraiture on burros. If there was rough going on the road to Egypt the eggplant slices were used as nutritious snack.
Children, children…! It is obviously a portrait of the Sacred Family. See Virgin Mary on the left, the Blessed Child in the middle and Joseph the Carpenter on the right.
This is the way they used to carry portraiture on burros. If there was rough going on the road to Egypt the eggplant slices were used as nutritious snack.
What’s a God-fearing Christian™ doing eating eggplant anyway? Eggplants are PURPLE!
Aren’t all purple things gay? Or is that only oversized-toddler-alien-things (that, in fact, look a lot like giant eggplants)?
The Great Almighty would surely never lend His name to the homosexual agenda, so it must be Satan’s doing!
Lord Have Mercy! You atheists are something else.
I don’t know what language you’d expect He would speak if not English–mexican??!?!
What part of One True God don’t you understand?
If we go by the numbers, shouldn’t God be speaking Mandarin?
So, according to the Doctrine of Signatures, eggplant is good for curing us of god?
An Episcopal priest once showed me how to create a “holy” tortilla. Just scratch the design on the (flour) tortilla and heat up on a griddle. The design will burn into the tortilla. Add fajita meat and sauteed vegetables, salsa, guacamole, sour cream and pico de gallo. The taste is Divine!
Not sure what it spells but it certainly stinks of desperation. Or Snake-oil…
It obviously says “DoG”, but then I am mildly dyslexic.
Otherwise it appears that the eggplant prefers goofy-looking font. But I would not be surprised in the least if the markings were ‘assisted’ by human agency to make them a tad more ‘legible’. All for the Greater Glory and all that, of course, since He obviously needs all the help He can get.
truth machine #15: Good hypothesis. I will also accept this as hard evidence.
Damn! All I can say is that Robert really knows how the game is played. With critical discernment skills like his, he could get a job as master of divine objects in the Vatican’s central reliquary depository.
We should kneel before him.
Sorry Zeno, but Robert is mostly wrong. He is correct in discerning that the character on the right depicts a carpenter, but it’s Richard, not Joseph, making the character on the left Karen and the figure in the middle her drums. (Adult Contemporary iconography can be distinguished from that of the early Disco period by the former’s tendency to not represent keyboards on sacred medallions as they were widely believed to be made from the “Devil’s Teeth”. Theologians continue to debate whether Cyndi Lauper’s synthesizer work on She’s So Unusual confirms or invalidates this belief.)
You’d think God could at least forestall the oxidation of His Word with a squirt of lemon juice ;)
I think it reads HOAX
Here’s another one. Though this one definately says Goo.
Am I the only one that can see that the rightmost character is actually a lowercase f? Sure, the crossbar isn’t level, but compare it to the crossbar on the capital G and you’ll see that I’m right. “Gof” means nothing to me, though, so I think that the eggplant actually says “Gif”.
Beware of geeks bearing gifs.
If those aren’t words to live by, I don’t know what are.
*patron saint of mulch?
add my voice to the chorus – that’s t-shirt/bumper sticker worthy.
Thalarctos! Comment 60 –
ROTFLMAO!
Come on, folks. You’re all looking for textual explanations, which is just confirmation bias.
Clearly, this eggplant depicts the early 1986 lineup of Metallica. That’s Cliff Burton on the left, James Hetfield in the middle, Kirk Hammett on the right, and the little smudge at the top is Lars Ulrich at the back of the stage.
actually, the Fortean Times featured holy eggplants on a regular basis in the late 90’s. Every month, another holy vegetable. Oddly enough, they were all in Arabic.
Clearly, it says “GOL”, which means it’s a spanish-speaking soccer (football) fan.