Tsk, tsk, Zeno…you’ve got a lot to learn about blackmail. First of all, you threaten to release the photos to the press and family and then ask for the money to prevent that from happening; you don’t get the pictures published everywhere first.
Secondly, the photos have to look something like me. OK, there is a dim resemblance in the one on the left, but I have an alibi—I was nowhere near New Zealand at the time. The one on the right is clearly very old from the costume, which is from my days in our band* back in the 1970s, before I married my wife. And she knows about the relationship. And it was just a fling. And I was hopped up on molluscan pheromones anyway, and didn’t know what I was doing. Besides, as you can see, that squid was something of a tramp.
Anyway, if anyone ought to be blackmailed, it’s that guy Steve O’Shea. Here’s a photo from the Tongarewa Massage Parlor in Wellington—look how relaxed that squid is!
*I have no musical talent; the band was called Evo Devo, and we specialized in highly complex music that was built up from randomly generated and contingent processes, shaped by constraints on their interactions and functions. Well, actually, we were more interested in the interconnections between the instruments than any sound that might come out—our concerts consisted of several hours of finding objects on the stage and stringing and tracing cables between them, culminating in the sound check. We were never very popular with the audiences, but the roadies loved us.
“the band was called Evo Devo…”–eeek! A friend of mine (who I’ve sadly lost contact with) was, in the mid-’80s, into “music” he called industrial noise and cited Evo Devo as an inspiration. (Or so I now recall, over 20 years later.) I don’t recall every hearing any Evo Devo, but I did hear some of his, ah, “music”, and it sounded similar to what I imagine Evo Devo could have sounded like.
The band sounds like it’s fake, but the description is cool anyways.
If the band Evo Devo does not exist, it will be necessary to invent it.
blf, you must be thinking of Devo. Devo was a real band, one I actually rather liked; EvoDevo is only my fake, imaginary band that ought to exist.
Blake and PZ,
my 14 yr old’s band calls itself Evodevo. This week, anyway.
They’re heavily influenced by Green Day and the Chili Peppers. Kids these days… and their “music” — it’s just noise!
Aw, jebus, PZ; here I was waiting for you to hit us with your rhythm stick! ;^)
Curses! My evil plans went awry. I guess it’s not too surprising. My blog is certified only 37% evil, so I guess I lack the knack.
I strongly recommend you introduce them to some profound and uplifting music, particularly Boards Of Canada, Pigface, Buckethead, Arlo Guthrie, Ministry, and They Might Be Giants.
“you must be thinking of Devo…”–You could easily be right, especially since I’m trying to recall the alleged inspiration for some (IMO) truely ghastly clanging whining and grinding noises over 20 years ago. But the name “Ev…De…”, or “Evil D…”, or something like that, does sound very familar. I do recalling hearing some Devo but cannot actually recall what they (it?) sounded like.
I wouldn’t exactly call Ministry “uplifting”. How about the Shins?
When PZ climbs in bed with a squid, he’s no longer a boneless creature.
Apparently massages with squids include “happy endings”.
Another term I could have continued to be ignorant of. Just as I wish creationists didn’t promise “me dodo you long time”.
Another term I could have continued to be ignorant of. Just as I wish creationists didn’t promise “me dodo you long time”.
Massive props, llewelly, for stringing these three names together in sequence. (“Gorillaz, Neko Case, The Cure… Megadeth, Black Star, Cat Power.”) And to you, PZ, for the enormously painful red wine snarf. (Ow.)
blf: Einstürzende Neubauten?
And massive metaprops to you, Molly, for your eh, very interesting suggested triplets.
As for me, I have turned the boy on to the Clash and Stiff Little Fingers, but for some odd reason he remains unimpressed by Stereolab. Ignorant wee git.
Errr… Tool, Wilco, Jenny Lewis? Sonic Youth, Gordon Lightfoot, Frank Zappa? Mindy Smith, The Raconteurs, Living Color? Franz Fernandez, Sufjan Stevens, The Yeah Yeah Yeahs?
Hmmm, I’m not very good at this. :-D
Oh man, I could do this all day. (Those first two were just the first six bands to come up in iTunes’ Party Shuffle.)
Goodie Mob, Queens of the Stone Age, Leonard Cohen. George Jones, Tom Jones, Tom Waits. The Shins, The Sadies, The Streets. Or, in ABC order, Al B. Sure!, Alice Cooper, Alison Krauss.
Props massifs to you, MrsTilton, on the Stereolab.
“Anyway, if anyone ought to be blackmailed, it’s that guy Steve O’Shea.”
The guy just loves Neil Diamond. You can’t blackmail people like that.
-David
but I have an alibi–I was nowhere near New Zealand at the time
Were you on the moon with Steve?
Mrs. Tilton:
Get the kid some Blind Guardian. It may not be too late.
And as far as the “just noise” comment, which I *hope* was self-parody, goes, I suggest you [acquire] a few Nightwish or Dream Theater tracks. Those’ll go even farther towards convincing you of the opposite.