Once upon a time, my brother beat me in a rap battle on my own blog, and I just ran out of sauce for it. But this sucks. How can I speak with any authority upon this throne of lies? I have to beat him again. It looks like a battle of words, but really it’s a battle of whose life has the most hectic crap in it draining our mental resources.
Round two! And anybody who wants to snatch a crown can do so as well, in the comment section. Throw down!
Draw down, said Wyatt Earp
and skin that smokewagon
Little baby get burped
cuz u drank from my flagon
Biting my style just like ya mom’s titty
Now u get kicked out of Paradise City
And welcomed unto the Axl Rose Jungle
I’m Faith No More and you’re Mr. Bungle
Get a piece of these rhymes
For the price that I’m sellin’ ’em
Is kind of a crime
Zero dolla felon ‘n’
You too could be rich like me
If you can rhyme this tight
But can’t be a hot bitch like me
So I bid you good night
–
“Beat him again”? bro, you just sound silly
This game’s 1-n-0, son, cuz my flow comes filthy
Speaking of flow, I’ll leave you bleedin’ on the flo’
Sanitary napkin for your rhymes cuz you rap like a ho
I got buckets of couplets to leave you flailing in public
Leave ya flummoxed on your stomach cuz your brain smooth like hummus
Y’all see what I’m contending with? A smooth criminal?
My bro ‘Fingers pretending with wit minimal
For a rap battle should I suspend my ableism policy?
Maybe it’s worth it for classic rap quality
On the other hand you make one exception and nope
It’s another half dozen on the slippery slope
Whatever, sometimes rules gotta fly out the window
Just like ya brain fogged without any Indo
Tired of busting your soggy lil stanzas
So sorry to see your ass dying in Kansas
i meant “try to” beat him again but missed a few words
some blog poasts are gems, but some will be turds
Crip walk your ass to the neighborhood pharmacy
Pickup your Haldol, cuz your delusions of harmin’ me
Got you looking like Elmer in them ol’ Looney Tuneys
You and me beefin’ like the Shiites and Sunnis
Take this to heart, bitch, cuz I mean it sincerely
Leave this rap game alone cuz you suck so clearly
I can’t believe you’re up this late, but your rhymes are half-cocked
Fell asleep in your chair watchin’ reruns of Matlock
Now that chair you’re sittin’ in got your back and hips clickinin’
I’m the fucking Highlander and I’m here for your quickenin’
Soup’s gettin’ sickenin’
Rhymes start to thicken an’
In your pants you’re shittenin’
You might think you’re fittin’ in
But your crew’s all slippin’ in
Now I gotta go to bed cuz my brain straight trippin’ an’
didn’t notice your comment caught in my spam filter
the swine in these rhymes sounds a little off-kilter
highlander? please, i’m the princes of the universe
guillotine your team cuz u know that you’re rhymin worse
decapitation got your big nugget rollin
down in the street like some nastier bowlin
thought you were a hiphop head
now you’re just clipped-top dead
removin that cranium
deplete your uranium
thought you were bein sly
til you met the samurai
yeah you best give up and tuck into bed
wario’s gonna ween til you’re mario red
slicin your neck into hundreds of pieces
watchin your head fly like canadian geeses
but i’ll make it quick, i’m not tryna be mean
still I do wonder, can a severed head dream?
That started out weak sauce but the last line was flawless. You win. Last time that’s gonna happen, so relish it.
guess that makes it 1-1. ;_;