Science, Religion Join Together To Locate Hell

Oh, Science has stories to tell
And Religion can spin them as well
But the two have combined
For a mind-blowing find–
Yes, they’ve finally located Hell!

From a press release reported by Digital Journal:

Rev. Dr. Michael T Santini’s work as an Aerospace Engineer and Pastor has given him unique authority to access both sides of the religion vs. science debate. In “Venus: Don’t Go There: What Science and Religion Reveal about Life after Death,” Santini calls on unambiguous evidence that points toward Venus as a prime candidate for hell (the lake of fire); urging all readers to accept the provision made by Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. One critic (BlueInk Review) has already hailed the volume as “strongly convincing.”

Another critic (Digital Cuttlefish) hails it as “complete bullshit”.

Apparently, the author’s scientific training made him wonder about all those pesky metaphors in the bible. Mightn’t they actually be literally true?

“After a long aerospace engineering career that saw me working on many satellites for government space programs, I started attending seminary at night and eventually obtained a Doctor of Ministry degree. At this point, my experience made it strikingly clear that science and religion were at unnecessary odds,” explains Santini. “I began to investigate that the traditionally-abstract heaven, Hades, and hell could, in fact, exist in our space-time continuum. Fusing the laws of physics with scripture, Venus began to emerge as the prime candidate for where unsaved people go after the Day of Judgment.”

Actually, my uncle is also an engineer, and also spends a great deal of effort trying to reconcile the bible with the world as science observes it. I had a conversation with him once about the role of the two hemispheres of the brain, and he was convinced that the time lag in communication across the corpus callosum was the basis for the biblical injunction to “let not your left hand know what your right hand is doing”.

Engineers love design, and designers. Perhaps especially intelligent ones.

But I know he’s wrong–the Weekly World News told me that there are recordings of screams in hell from a really deep well here on Earth (no, really!), and I swear I heard that story on Art Bell as well.

No wonder Amazon doesn’t have any reviews of the book yet.


  1. Alverant says

    I thought Hell was Texas. Hot wasteland, dangerous animals, ruled by evil. And then there’s Hell.

  2. Ed says

    What is the purpose of locating Hell and how would any hypothesis be tested ? It sounds like they’re just looking for extremely hot places ( Venus, the center of the Earth) and saying “hey, this place might be Hell'” What about the Sun?

  3. samgardner says

    I’d love to know how seriously they take this crap. Do they want to raise taxes to mount a rescue mission to Venus for all the lost souls? Our at least improve their condition?

    Even if those would be “against God’s plan”, what about going there to identify which souls are actually in Hell? That could be amusing.

  4. abusedbypenguins says

    Alverant, Hell is in Michigan where it’s colder than a well digger’s…… but Heaven, Texass is starting to heat up. So. Colorado is between heaven and hell and it’s a very nice day.

  5. OverlappingMagisteria says

    “One critic (BlueInk Review) has already hailed the volume as “strongly convincing.””

    BlueInk Review is one of those sites where the author pays a fee in order to get their book reviewed. I don’t know what their reputation is, but it would seem that this business model would lend itself to giving out positive ratings for anything. You don’t want to upset your customers!

  6. Pierce R. Butler says

    … Venus began to emerge as the prime candidate for where unsaved people go after the Day of Judgment.

    So present-day probes would find no souls there yet anyhow. (Besides, we still haven’t developed functional soulometers here, despite having >7B samples to work with – maybe “Doctor” Michael T Santini should turn his particular combination of talents to more earthly pursuits…)

    At any rate, this raises the question of where the spirits of Those Who Have Gone Before™ now await their Final Judgment “in our space-time continuum”. Classical mythology and alliteration alike suggest that Purgatory might be found on Pluto – whose inhabitants probably presently steam with indignation at their waiting room having recently lost its short but glorious claim to planetude.

  7. Trebuchet says

    Engineers. Groan. I’m also an aerospace engineer. In forty years, I ran across a good many with goofy belief systems. Creationists. Holocaust deniers. 9/11 truthers. Etc. Most very comepetent at doing their jobs.

    And then there are the doctors….

  8. tecolata says

    In Cosmos, Carl Sagan, describing the heat, pressure, and noxious atmosphere of Venus, said it was less a goddess of beauty than a vision of hell. Obviously, Sagan, a real scientist, did not mean it literally.

    Damn, these fundies aren’t even original.

  9. Ed says

    Jesus (or one of his biographers) said that if two or three are gathered in his name, he is with them.

    I say, wherever there are idiots trying to use “science” to discover the “real location” of Hell, it’s already there.

  10. johnhodges says

    You want to send a probe to Venus to identify who is actually in Hell? I’ll just point out that in Matthew and Luke, Jesus says that few will be saved. After compiling Jesus’ teachings, I understand why…. To have any hope of being among the few, you have to actually DO all the things that Jesus told his followers to do. Including things like giving all your wealth to the poor, practicing nonviolent Pacifism, following the entire Law of Moses except the dietary laws, and living a completely sinless life since hearing the gospel. (And after you DO all these things, you say “I am an unworthy servant” and hope that Yahveh will be gracious.) So, who’s in Hell, or at least going there after Judgment? Very close to everyone.

  11. grignon says

    Engineers, programmers, mathematicians, etc. are not, by dint of their training, scientists.
    The fields are just mathy hats that many people are loath to try on. Apparently a very stylish accessory
    to the holy spirit head candle.

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