Take A Number

If you don’t like what I have to say: take a number, get in line and kiss my ass.–Christopher Hitchens

He was cynical and venomous, and famously uncouth;
He refused the path to heaven—ah, but now he knows the truth!
I can only hope he saw the light, before he had to pass
—Take a number, get in line, and kiss my ass.

So beloved an opponent, when we met in fierce debate;
He was far, far, too intelligent to meet a heathen’s fate!
Now he’s hectoring Saint Peter, cos Hitch had balls of brass
—Take a number, get in line, and kiss my ass.

He was secretly a Christian, in his hidden heart of hearts
You could see it in his essence, which was greater than its parts
Like the picture that emerges from the fragments of stained glass
—Take a number, get in line, and kiss my ass.

In his essays and his arguments, he always held out hope
Which confirms his similarity to Christians like the pope
If he weren’t so gosh-darned stubborn, we’d have seen him there at Mass
—Take a number, get in line, and kiss my ass.

Is it really so impossible to think, perhaps, he died
Without ever seeking Jesus—no, not even “deep inside”?
He expressed it for himself, you know—like this, succinct and crass:
—Take a number, get in line, and kiss my ass.



  1. den1s says

    PZ only penned his subject just shy of 4 hours before you published this. I am cuttled with sudden respect.

  2. Cuttlefish says

    den1s, 4 hours ago I was still asleep. This took maybe half an hour. “We don’t need no steenkin’ quality control!”

  3. San Ban says

    Well done, sir! (While they’re at it, they can kiss mine, too – the line isn’t nearly as long, but I’m working on it!)

  4. Cuttlefish says

    One cannot steal what is freely given.

    (actually, though, when you copied it you left off the first stanza!)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *