There was considerable excitement in the Christian theological world when a Harvard scholar announced the discovery of a papyrus fragment that seemed to imply the possibility that Jesus had a wife because it ended with the phrase “Jesus said to them, ‘My wife . . .’ “.
Naturally the Vatican newspaper has claimed that it is a forgery since their entire structure is based on denying women equality with men, though to be fair, other scholars have questioned its authenticity as well.
Since the fragment is very small, there are other possible interpretations for its words. But Paul Rudnick has the managed to get hold of a much larger segment that tells the entire story of how Jesus and Melissa (that’s his wife’s name) got together and explains the ambiguous phrase in the original papyrus fragment
He kindly provides us with a translation of the full text that begins as follows:
Fine, now you know: Jesus was married and for many years I happily answered to the name Mrs. Melissa Christ. I met Jesus when we were both teen-agers, at a Young Hebrews mixer in Bethlehem. I was there with my best friend, Amy of Nazareth, and we were getting ready to leave, because we were sick of all those chubby Orthodox boys in rough burlap robes and untrimmed sideburns coming up to us and saying things like “I hope you’re not menstruating, because I’d really like to touch you.”
But then, across the room, I saw this beautiful guy with gorgeous flowing hair, wearing a simple white linen tunic and swaying gently to the music with his eyes shut, which was especially impressive because the band consisted of two elderly men rhythmically squeezing a goat.
Read the rest. It’s a very romantic story.