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Mar 03 2014

Why John Travolta will never be allowed to introduce me

Because my name is not Piotr Noses.

50 comments

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  1. 1
    Sili

    Still better than Meyers.

    - James Penjanin

  2. 2
    Sili

    Interesting. It gets stuck in a loop between “James Pattersant” and “Joss Pattersant”. I wonder if there are any true fixpoints.

  3. 3
    Sili

    What bollocks. “Idina Menzel” doesn’t travoltafy properly. The thing is obviously broken.

  4. 4
    bahrfeldt

    John Travolta can, and does, ruin a good movie, ruin a bad movie and it now seems, ruin a simple introduction. He is terrible. Worse even than Chuck Norris. Only David Caruso comes close and, fortunately, he does it a lot less often.

  5. 5
    HappyHead

    I liked the twitter response from @AdelaDazeem:
    “THANK YOU, JORN TROMOLTO!”

  6. 6
    marcus

    Magnus…I could live with that. Thank you JornTomolto!

  7. 7
    NelC

    Niven Cunningwham. Which by awful coincidence is how I’ve been signing my name for thirty years.

  8. 8
    Holms

    I much prefer my Carlos Danger name of Manuel Hazard.

  9. 9
    Inaji

    Depending on which language I use, I’m either Amelia Orteez or Craig Florzes.

  10. 10
    Daz: Experiencing A Slight Gravitas Shortfall

    Deacon Andresson.

    I feel oddly plain and let-down.

    Beer!

  11. 11
    subbie

    Poopyhead becomes “Mohammad.” Not sure what to make of that.

  12. 12
    fabianocaccin

    “Francesca Cozzins”. Try to beat that.

    Fran

  13. 13
    carlie

    Intrestingly, when I travoltified my name it came up with what I routinely get on junk mail and telemarketing calls.

  14. 14
    The Mellow Monkey

    I come out as Catherine Deeza.

    You know…I kinda dig it.

  15. 15
    Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    Crip Dyke = Craig Draw

    interesting, that’s suspiciously like absolutely nothing at all relevant!

  16. 16
    colnago80

    It should also be noted that Travolta is a Scientologist.

  17. 17
    Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    Good point, colnago80. But let’s not speak for him. Let’s permit him to say “Travolta the Scientologist” in his own words:

    Victoria Whayte

  18. 18
    alexmcdonald

    #12

    “Angel Mceezald”

    Howzat!

  19. 19
    Gregory in Seattle

    Mine came out as Gabrielle Gadbrooks. I think that would be a fantastic name, if I ever took up drag performing.

  20. 20
    Al Dente

    Mitchell Mozaleen

    Sounds like a brand of disposable mops.

  21. 21
    robro

    subbie @#11

    Poopyhead becomes “Mohammad.” Not sure what to make of that.

    Perhaps it’s a sign from above. Hallelujah!

    Your’s truly,

    Roan Brazent (with a name like that, I should have my on TV show)

  22. 22
    robro

    Sili @#3

    What bollocks. “Idina Menzel” doesn’t travoltafy properly. The thing is obviously broken.

    Really? When I tried Idina Menzel I got Adele Dazeem. Maybe they fixed it.

  23. 23
    chigau (違う)

    Christian Migiller

  24. 24
    JohnnieCanuck

    Jan Speerce

  25. 25
    gmacs

    I played around with different names. Oddly enough, I found that both Vladimir and it’s familiar form, Volodya, come out as “Victoria”.

    Gerhard, in a boring turn, comes out as “Gerard”.

  26. 26
    Merlin

    Mirren Harvis
    I am just not sure what to make of that.

  27. 27
    Jacob Schmidt

    Jakub Smoith

    I think I’m gonna use that ‘nym in forums from now on

  28. 28
    Holms

    Mine came out as Gabrielle Gadbrooks. I think that would be a fantastic name, if I ever took up drag performing.

    Better still: Gabrielle Gadzooks.

    …Hello? Is this thing on?
    :(

  29. 29
    thebookofdave

    I think I discovered the problem: when he delivered the introduction, John Travolta was speaking as “Jan Thozomas”. Probably caused by an impacted cluster of body thetans. Another auditing session should clear that right up.

  30. 30
    Kevin Alexander

    Maybe they should crank up the voltage on the e-meter.
    .
    Really, really way up.

  31. 31
    Kevin Alexander

    anyway, I got Kelvin Alexernder which leaves me absolutely cold.

  32. 32
    azhael

    Ruairidh Parkinsmack

    Fuck me, i think i win.

  33. 33
    episode

    Leo Kzing. I kid you not. I’m thinking of making it legal.

  34. 34
    rq

    azhael
    We may be related or married: I’m Imogen Parkinsmack…

  35. 35
    FossilFishy (NOBODY, and proud of it!)

    Idina Menzel

    Adele Dazeem

    Amelie Deeza

    Amelia Dorniels

    Alisha Dizzon

    At which point it begins to loop between the last two.

    Yes, I thought that was worth the time to do. No, I’m not high. Perhaps, it’s time for bed…

  36. 36
    loopyj

    And here I thought I was the only Parkinsmack! Joey Parkinsmack here, proud owner-operator of Park ‘n’ Smack International – franchise opportunities available!

  37. 37
    Don Quijote

    Dean Granite here. Heavy metal Singer or tough guy film star, can’t decide.

  38. 38
    thebookofdave

    Pro-wrestler.

  39. 39
    Ibis3, Let's burn some bridges

    Mackenzie Hoyll

  40. 40
    ButchKitties

    Beth Jernkins

  41. 41
    rq

    Park ‘n’ Smack

    … Where car meets baseball bat.

  42. 42
    Sili

    robro,

    Really? When I tried Idina Menzel I got Adele Dazeem. Maybe they fixed it.

    I think I pasted in a trailing space. That changes the output.

  43. 43
    Sili

    It should also be noted that Travolta is a Scientologist.

    Could you test this water for me? I’m not sure if it’s wet.

  44. 44
    irisvanderpluym

    Igor Sgardner. What.

    My porn name (first pet/street you grew up on version) is waaaaay better: Cleopatra Weathervane.

  45. 45
    David Marjanović

    Intrestingly, when I travoltified my name it came up with what I routinely get on junk mail and telemarketing calls.

    *pretends being able to raise one eyebrow*

    Fascinating.

    porn name (first pet/street you grew up on version)

    …Hm. I never had a pet, and… the street… that would be morbid.

  46. 46
    David Marjanović

    Could you test this water for me? I’m not sure if it’s wet.

    Win.

  47. 47
    bushrat

    Mia Weellass…I’m now off to start my life as a small Scottish woman. Thanks, John!

  48. 48
    Merlin

    @31 Kevin Alexander:
    Ermahgerd! Kelvin Alexernder!

    …and I’ll just show myself out. Thanks everyone, you’ve been a wonderful crowd, thanks for not throwing anythi-alright, leaving…

  49. 49
    Gvlgeologist, FCD

    Gregory in Seattle, apparently “Gregory” is consistently genderchanged to “Gabriella”, since I wound up with “Gabriella Mceezald”.

  50. 50
    Gvlgeologist, FCD

    Oddly enough, when I put in my nym, “Gvlgeologist” is translated to “Gabrielle” (“e”, not “a”), and FCD of all things goes to Florzes.

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