Apr 15 2012

Proof! Take that, cat lovers!

Categories:

Cephalopods, Humor

by PZ Myers

Many of you betrayed me on that cat/puppy poll, but here you stand corrected: the experiment has been done.

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55 comments

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1

Greg Laden

15 April 2012 at 8:45 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Its because cats have only four legs.
2

Troy Britain

15 April 2012 at 8:49 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Put that cleaver cephalopod on dry land and teach it what a harsh mistress gravity can be.
3

Troy Britain

15 April 2012 at 8:50 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Dammit! “Clever” cephalopod!
4

Stacy

15 April 2012 at 8:54 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Okay, you have us there.
5

Glen Davidson

15 April 2012 at 8:55 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

ID science for the win!

Glen Davidson
6

Sophia Dodds

15 April 2012 at 9:00 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Very cute – until I hit the brain twitch at them calling that a squid.
7

Ogvorbis: Insert Appropriate Appelation Here

15 April 2012 at 9:06 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

cleaver cephalopod

Ah, a fan of calamari.

=========

PZ, cats are far more intelligent than cephalopods. They have enslaved an entire species who now cater to their every need. Those octopi? Stuck doing the work for themselves.
8

consciousness razor

15 April 2012 at 9:12 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

PZ, cats are far more intelligent than cephalopods. They have enslaved an entire species who now cater to their every need. Those octopi? Stuck doing the work for themselves.

Well, it is true that cats are fascists, but that doesn’t mean they’re intelligent, just made of pure evil (and stupidity).
9

Naked Bunny with a Whip

15 April 2012 at 9:19 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Some of us are terrible mindless sheep.

Um, I mean, some unspecified individuals.
10

Ogvorbis: Insert Appropriate Appelation Here

15 April 2012 at 9:29 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Some of us are terrible mindless sheep.

Um, I mean, some unspecified individuals.

Hey! I’m down to only 2.5 cats.
11

Stacy

15 April 2012 at 9:30 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Fascists? Cats?

The furry little things with pointy ears and pointy teeth that are anti-authority to the core? those cats?

Now, dogs…dogs I can totally see fawning over a leader and marching in lockstep.
12

Naked Bunny with a Whip

15 April 2012 at 9:31 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

I’m down to only 2.5 cats.

Not even going to ask.
13

Cassandra Caligaria (Cipher), OM

15 April 2012 at 9:32 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

dogs I can totally see fawning over a leader and marching in lockstep.

Dogs? Marching? I can barely get mine to walk on a leash! :C
14

A. R

15 April 2012 at 9:37 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Troy Britain: There are videos of them on land!!!
15

Matthew

15 April 2012 at 9:39 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Cats are, at the very least, anti-authority, and possibly anarchistic. Depends on the cat, of course, which is further evidence of their individuality.
16

consciousness razor

15 April 2012 at 9:44 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Fascists? Cats?

Look, talk to Ogvorbis over there if you don’t believe me. I don’t claim to understand why they are so thoroughly evil.

The furry little things with pointy ears and pointy teeth that are anti-authority to the core? those cats?

Yes. They want you to respect their authority, but won’t submit to any other. You act like they’re libertarians or something. While that would be a slight improvement, this doesn’t work for two reasons: 1) it wouldn’t have allowed me to godwin the thread, but in fact I did; and 2) libertarians aren’t generally furry little things with pointy ears and pointy teeth.

I rest my case.
17

Ogvorbis: Insert Appropriate Appelation Here

15 April 2012 at 9:45 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

I’m down to only 2.5 cats.

Not even going to ask.

Dust, our large cat, has half a brain (seriously, he is really not that bright) but is the size of three normal cats (30 pounds). So he counts as 1.5 cats.
18

Caine, Fleur du mal

15 April 2012 at 9:57 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Hahahahahahaha. I likes it.
19

Caine, Fleur du mal

15 April 2012 at 10:00 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Stacy:

The furry little things with pointy ears and pointy teeth that are anti-authority to the core? those cats?

Pfffft, cats are lazy conformists. If you want anti-authoritarian, free-thinking heretics, it’s rats you want. Also, rats are great swimmers and can tread water for 3 days.
20

earlycuyler

15 April 2012 at 10:01 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

I ran the same experiment with two empty aquariums and five mice each. The mice in the squid aquarium gained an average of eight ounces each, and the mice in the cat aquarium lost so much weight that measurements could not be done.
21

AussieMike

15 April 2012 at 10:06 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Professor Zapinsky – PZ – I see what he did there!!!
22

Rumtopf

15 April 2012 at 10:11 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

I second rats!
Because they give me kissies.

Ferrets too, for they also give me kissies.
23

consciousness razor

15 April 2012 at 10:13 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Pfffft, cats are lazy conformists. If you want anti-authoritarian, free-thinking heretics, it’s rats you want. Also, rats are great swimmers and can tread water for 3 days.

That’s a real mark of intelligence. Two-thirds of the planet is covered in water, so one would expect an intelligent animal would learn to swim in it. But sprinkle a couple of drops on a cat, and it practically wets itself. They clearly think too highly of themselves.
24

Rabid

15 April 2012 at 10:18 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

cleaver cephalopod

Ah, a fan of calamari.

Funny, I didn’t envisage it quite that way.

- – - – -

“Calamari 2: The Revenge”
Quadruple the limbs.
Quadruple the pain.
Tonight it’s YOU on the menu.
25

arctic

15 April 2012 at 10:23 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Asking that cat to predict the winner of the FIFA World Cup was unfair.
26

andyo

15 April 2012 at 10:37 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Now, dogs…dogs I can totally see fawning over a leader and marching in lockstep.

Paraphrasing old Seinfeld joke: If extraterrestrials came and saw one creature walking behind another picking up its poop, who’d they think is master?
27

Sili

15 April 2012 at 10:40 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

I hate how hipster it makes me, but I liked Wulffmorgenthaler better in the beginning. Possibly the lack of pants, since that seems to be what’s been added for the international audience.

Anyway, things might turn out differently, if the ‘pod wasn’t given the advantage.
28

Stacy

15 April 2012 at 11:12 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

this doesn’t work for two reasons: 1) it wouldn’t have allowed me to godwin the thread, but in fact I did; and 2) libertarians aren’t generally furry little things with pointy ears and pointy teeth.

I rest my case.

[mutters to self]Damn it! consciousness razor has bested me with hir crafty reasoning and impeccable logic.[/mutters to self]
29

Troy Britain

15 April 2012 at 11:13 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

A.R. @14: There are videos of them on land!!!

And there are videos of cats in water (of the non-drowned sort).

Regardless; of course some cephalopod can make short squishy forays onto terra firma but soon the tiring effects of relentless gravity on their boneless carcasses (the “cuttle bones” of certain species notwithstanding) and a lack of water to bath their delicate gills soon drives them back into their moist, weightless, sanctuary.
30

Stacy

15 April 2012 at 11:16 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Caine, three days?

That’s impressive. Hardy li’l critters.
31

Trebuchet

15 April 2012 at 11:16 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Put that cleaver cephalopod on dry land and teach it what a harsh mistress gravity can be.

Not necessarily. http://zapatopi.net/treeoctopus/
32

Troy Britain

15 April 2012 at 11:27 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

“Medieval Artillery” @31: Not necessarily. http://zapatopi.net/treeoctopus/

Bah!
33

Caine, Fleur du mal

15 April 2012 at 11:33 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Stacy:

Caine, three days?

Yep. They can also swim 1/2 mile in open sea and they can dive 100 feet underwater and hold their breath for as long as 15 minutes.

That’s impressive. Hardy li’l critters.

They are indeed. They impress me every day, my fuzzy li’l heretics.
34

Daniel Schealler

15 April 2012 at 11:52 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

You wonder that you have been betrayed?

Any master who instructs more than one apprentice in the ways of the dark side is a fool. In time the apprentices will unite their strengths and overthrow the master. It is inevitable; Axiomatic. That is why each master must have only one student.

Darth Revan
35

Stacy

15 April 2012 at 11:53 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Land–sea–we’re all related.

http://comicstriplibrary.org/display/9
36

Victor

16 April 2012 at 12:58 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

The cat used is not the appropriate species. Cats developed catfish for just this type of problem. Also to eat.
37

DLC

16 April 2012 at 2:41 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Reminds me. What if I were to reply to “Praise Jesus!” with “Cthullu FTGN! may you be consumed first!” ?
38

salahhesali

16 April 2012 at 2:56 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

This looks like a Muslim science experiment.
39

nms

16 April 2012 at 3:02 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

1) it wouldn’t have allowed me to godwin the thread, but in fact I did; and 2) libertarians aren’t generally furry little things with pointy ears and pointy teeth.

If cats in general are inclined towards libertarianism, then I estimate that in fact the vast majority of libertarians are furry little things with pointy ears and pointy teeth.
40

duvelthehobbit666

16 April 2012 at 4:11 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Yet some animals also seem to have a similar problem
41

Catnip, Not a Polymath

16 April 2012 at 7:31 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

What’s all this talk of cats?
42

macallan

16 April 2012 at 7:36 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

That’s not a squid – it’s an octopus, cthulhudammit!
43

Dick the Damned

16 April 2012 at 8:09 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Trebuchet, 31, & Troy, 32, i see that link is associated with the Wild Haggis Conservation Society. Not bad.
44

s agould

16 April 2012 at 10:21 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Cat obviously is related to magician Teller. Pretending to be dead in the water, clearly made a deal with octopus. They are plotting something…
45

sc_f70984cc3a287b48474ecc5c052c9d4a

16 April 2012 at 11:13 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Cat’s are lovely sociopaths. Who can’t love a sociopath?
46

Michael Simpson

16 April 2012 at 11:15 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

I have no clue what that user name was above, but I do enjoy sociopaths.
47

FilthyHuman

16 April 2012 at 12:39 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

@sc
#45

Cat’s are lovely sociopaths. Who can’t love a sociopath?

Hm… that would explain cat’s propensity to adopt dwarves. Sociopathic pets for sociopath.
They also love cat-meat roast, with cat tallow, cat heart, cat liver. And wear cat leather armor with cat bone bolts to battle.
48

interrobang

16 April 2012 at 12:44 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

My cats are definitely not fascists. I have an easily-startled codependent cuddle monster and a surfer dude in a cat’s body (“Hey, Hyoomin, what’s happening? Cool, catch you later.”). Any honest to goodness fascist would hate them, one for being a decadent, weak coward, and the other for being an anti-authoritarian who refuses to recognise hierarchy. My cats are also not believers in a palingenesis of catkind, or the inherent inferiority of women.

I mean, just ponder the fact that cats domesticated themselves, and have the overarching mission of infecting the entire human population with toxoplasmosis so we’ll give them endless amounts of food, snuggles, and soft places to sleep. (Sounds like a great weekend to me, but I’m already a thrall.)
49

pedantik

16 April 2012 at 1:40 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

How does Schrodinger’s equation apply in such situations?
50

Ogvorbis: Insert Appropriate Appelation Here

16 April 2012 at 2:17 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

How does Schrodinger’s equation apply in such situations?

Is a clear box an allowable deviation for Schrodinger and his cat/not cat?
51

tim rowledge, Ersatz Haderach

16 April 2012 at 9:05 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Og –

PZ, cats are far more intelligent than cephalopods. They have enslaved an entire species who now cater to their every need

They’re ferociously smart biochemists – what else could explain their creation of toxoplasmosis?
52

dwhatley

16 April 2012 at 10:35 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Ogvorbis, you have OBVIOUSLY not become an octopus food slave … ;>)
53

Kristjan Wager

17 April 2012 at 5:57 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

It should perhaps be pointed out to those people complaining about it being called a squid that the comic makes are Danish, and in Danish the word for squid and octopus is the same (“blæksprutte” = ink squirter).
54

craigore

18 April 2012 at 10:10 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

I told you to mark my words, PZ…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcNJVBB8Dow
mmm, num num squid!
55

felixmeister

19 April 2012 at 8:05 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

“PZ, cats are far more intelligent than cephalopods. They have enslaved an entire species who now cater to their every need. Those octopi? Stuck doing the work for themselves.”

By this logic, wheat is even more intelligent. It’s managed to not only enslave an entire species to be devoted to it’s every need, we even completely rebuild the environment, to our own detriment at times, just to suit it.