Botanical Wednesday: It’s getting to be that time of year »« A new Molly-fication

Episode CCLXXXI: Contrived outrage!

Ah, Fox & Friends joining forces with the War on Christmas — can it get any more ludicrous?

It’s a holiday tree. It’s a christmas tree. It’s a pagan relic. It’s gaily decorated fluff. It’s a dead tree. Call it whatever you want! Jeebus, people. Are you going to tell me I can’t call it a big-ass stick with glitter?

(Episode CCLXXX: Islamic silliness.)

Comments

  1. Tyrant of Skepsis says

    As long as it’s a big-ass Christian stick, you’re fine. I don’t know about the glitter, though. A stick with glitter sounds like a bit too much gaiety…

  2. SallyStrange, Spawn of Cthulhu says

    These are changes I want to make anyway. I don’t think learning to be more organized and financially responsible is something that’s going to obliterate my identity, except inasmuch as my identity is someone who doesn’t understand money and budgeting. Which is ridiculous, because I can understand basic math just fine, I get the concept, I just need practice actually doing it. And I’ve been stuck in this apartment that I could barely afford, until I couldn’t afford it anymore, only I didn’t tell anyone until it was too late. Anyway, if I were dating me I think I’d probably feel the same way. I mean, I do feel the same way. I think about getting a pet sometimes and I’m like, I can’t afford it. I don’t know where I’ll be a year from now. If I judge myself too unstable to adopt a kitten, I don’t really hold it against anyone else to judge me not ready to start a family.

    I’m tired, got to nap now. That was supposed to be just a heartfelt acknowledgment but then it turned into more thinking out loud. Again thanks, and encouragement to julian and gilliell. Five years from now let’s all have beers, eh?

  3. says

    That can’t work. Respiration happens in the cells, if they have such a thing. We produce water and carbon dioxide in our mitochondria. They’d produce silicon dioxide. Sand/silt/clay everywhere in their bodies.

    Well, maybe they can make silicic acid and somehow manage to keep its concentration very low. That would probably require living in freshwater, and that’s just for starters.

    The one way digestive system isn’t their respiration, it’s their excretion. Though i suppose in theory they could have an equivalent of a lymph system that shunts the waste from respiration to be expelled in that cavity as well.

    So from the site it seems they’d have to life in an acidic Sulfer gas atmosphere at very low temperatures. Seems to fit.

    In the game world non-organic naturally occurring life forms are rare (there are at least 2.5 species that are artificially made: 1 is a race of androids that outlived the extinction of their creators and for all intents and purpose are that race now, another is a race of companion androids that their creators grand equal status and the .5 one is a race that never leaves their home-world and travels via android avatar) but these guys have the only known planet of non organic life.

    The second closest the setting has is a race that uses bio-silica as sense organs.

    Now my real question is that in a sub zero, sulfuric acid atmosphere, would projectile weaponry as we know it still work, or would the chemistry necessitate a different sort of mechanism?

  4. says

    It’s a BFS with glitter.
    Scooter Walker, your friendly Christian governor right next door, decided the holiday tree in Madison is really a Christmas tree. I wrote him requesting a Festivus pole of equal height be placed next to the Big Fucking Stick with glitter, but I haven’t gotten a response yet.

  5. The Laughing Coyote (Papio Cynocephalus) says

    What do you define as ‘projectile weaponry’?

    I mean, a rock can be a projectile weapon, as can a computer guided ‘smart’ missile, right? I imagine a thrown rock (or spear) is going to fly in whatever atmosphere or temperature, with maybe some variance afforded by gravity or wind resistance.

    If you mean ‘projectile weaponry’ as in guns and missiles though, which I assume you do, wouldn’t it just be a matter of getting something that combusts/explodes in the atmospheric conditions you describe?

    IANAE

  6. The Laughing Coyote (Papio Cynocephalus) says

    Or, thinking further, how do we know projectile weaponry isn’t just sort of a ‘human thing’ anyways? What if instead these guys mostly had really nasty, skin dissolving, brain melting, eye-bleeding chemical weapons?

    Physics and chemistry aren’t my thing, but I loves me some speculative alien biology.

  7. madarab says

    In extremely cold conditions ice is pretty much just another stony substance. You could conceivably make projectiles out of ice. I don’t have any idea what kind of propellant you might use as chemical reactions get slower the colder it is.

  8. wjasonschaal says

    I’m confused: Some of these comments don’t seem to have anything to do with a Christmas Tree.

    Leyden is right! It is in fact a Christmas Tree. In which case, it has no place in a government building. Simple as that.
    ~wjs

  9. Tethys says

    I propose that Caines comment #651 completely refutes the notion that the world would be better off without her existence.

    It’s also my birthday, so I get to assert my opinion as fact.
    —-

    Sally

    I think you should write. You’re very good at it.

  10. DLC says

    See, to him there are no other winter holidays, despite the fact that nearly every culture has at least one. For him, Everything must be lablled Christmas, or else it is an attack on christmas

  11. says

    So I’m very late, but after @kristinc asked for us to reassure Bella that she is not alone with her family in being an atheist, I started mulling over some stuff that’s been in my head for a while now, after reading lots of “Why I am an atheist” posts.

    I wrote a different kind of thing: why I stopped being an atheist and how I became one again. Feel free to direct Bella to it if you like; it’s not addressed to her directly, but she may be able to see herself in the pressures I felt to be religious.

  12. David Marjanović says

    It’s over. At the end, everyone sank away in smoke, while the killed Don Giovanni reappeared and, smiling, smoked a cigarette. Dad broke out laughing and compared this to Berlusconi’s several comebacks.

    I can’t believe that you didn’t check here first.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silicon-based_life#Silicon_biochemistry

    *sigh* I didn’t check there either. Why do I keep underestimating Wikipedia.

    I’d be more inclined to believe in some manner of digital, semiconductor based life à la Startrek.

    Fun is, one Star Trek episode did have a silicon-based aerobic life form that tunnelled through rock by means of acid, was intelligent, and was able to communicate with Spock by means of Vulcan mind-meld.

    Five years from now let’s all have beers, eh?

    No.

    *slowly broadening toothy grin*

    Beer is an abomination. :-)

    I propose that Caines comment #651 completely refutes the notion that the world would be better off without her existence.

    Good point.

  13. The Laughing Coyote (Papio Cynocephalus) says

    John Morales: OK, but ING didn’t even specify ‘explosives’. Just ‘projectiles’. I assume he wants something more ‘advanced’ than a bunch of sandpoop-digging octopods throwing rocks/ice at each other. But really, if you have some way to launch an object in order to cause damage, BOOM! there’s your projectile.

    Is there anything that could be considered ‘elastic’ in this hypothetical atmosphere? Do the sand pooping octopods have ‘rubber bands’? Or another alternative could be something like a blowgun, relying on air pressure.

  14. rogerbraun says

    You crazy Americans… It’s a christmas tree alright. Christmas is not necessarily a religious holiday. For a lot of people, it’s just being together with your family, having a tree, feeling nice.

    Being angry about it being called a holiday tree is stupid. But calling it a holiday tree in the first place is not really that smart, either.

  15. changeable moniker says

    … we had a very soft spot in our heart [sic] for that tree

    Yeah, then you chopped it down and killed it.

  16. chigau (違う) says

    At the end, did the talking head say that they had a “live” tree?
    As in not a cut-off dead tree?

  17. John Morales says

    TLC, if there’s sufficient technology to allow for androids (why not gynoids?) then I would suggest hand-held railguns. ;)

    (It all boils down to storing energy and releasing it quickly)

  18. says

    No, wrong.

    It’s a christmas tree. You can call it that, and it would be very silly for anyone to try and tell you you can’t.

    It’s also a holiday tree. The governor can call it that, and it would be silly for him to insist that you can’t call it anything else.

    What you don’t get to do is dictate that it must be called a christmas tree, even by people prefer to call it a holiday tree.

    What next? Shall we have a holy war over whether fizzy drinks should be called “pop” or “soda” or “coke”? (the correct answer is “pop” and if you call them anything else I get to declare a fatwah and a jihad.)

  19. says

    Giliell:

    I’m having a real moment of cosmic irony here.

    Pffft, do it and take the money! If you can get away with it, charge him a little more. While you’re doing it, consider it as doing a cuss word on the pulsewarmers. :D

    Tethys, Happy Birthday! I hope it’s grand and the coming year brings all good things.

  20. says

    I see a whole bunch of Endless Thread comments are confusing people.

    Here’s what happened folks: PZ keeps The Endless Thread going endlessly. TET is an all-topics-welcome, no-holds-barred thread. People commenting in reference to the previous chapter of TET can be confusing at first. See the link to the previous chapter just below the video caption.

    (Episode CCLXXX: Islamic silliness.)

  21. says

    rogerbraun:

    Christmas is not necessarily a religious holiday.

    Mmm hmm. Try telling that to all the Christians who think there’s a honest “war on Christmas” because not everyone says Merry Christmas.

    You moronically scold us with “Crazy Americans”* without paying attention to the context of the whole mess.

    *Pharyngula is not made up of all Americans, ya know.

  22. ariamezzo says

    You’re all fucking wrong. It’s a goddamn Picea tree. I’m fucking tired of people and their War on Taxonomy with their invention of bullshit confusing common names. Where’s the taxonomist in this discussion? Nowhere. Typical.

  23. Dhorvath, OM says

    There is no way to call something a christmas tree that will make it clear to random other people that you aren’t christian. Calling it a holiday tree, or seasonal decorative arborage or what ever doesn’t preclude people thinking that you may be christian, but it at least informs them that you don’t expect christians to have extra importance at mid winter.

  24. Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden says

    Tethys #10

    I propose that Caines comment #651 completely refutes the notion that the world would be better off without her existence.

    It’s also my birthday, so I get to assert my opinion as fact.
    —-

    I think, and fortunately I can trust her to correct me if I make an important error, that you have what she said really wrong.

    I think she wasn’t saying the world would be better off without her. I think she was saying she would have been better off without the world. I made the same mistake at first, but her reply to me when I made helped me see my error (I hope).

    Anyway, I don’t think we need to worry about Caine. Express empathy for some crappy stuff in the past (okay, bad adjective, but I can’t think of one that is appropriately horrific to convey the real magnitude…and that is just for what I know, which I’m sure is far from everything), sure, do that. But it sounds like what she says about her present gives us no reason to worry about her, nor even think that she might need any reassurance.

    Okay, gotta go, though I’ve been procrastinating a lot today, so I might not stick this flounce…

  25. says

    Ragutis @16, thanks for those links. The Jon Stewart take on the whole issue was spot on.

    Not did did he ridicule the self-righteousness of the Fox News anchors and reporters, he proved that they were actually wrong.

    That’s right, facts were ground up, spit out, and changed beyond all recognition by Fox News. Chief Pompous Female delivered in high dudgeon a defense of the Pilgrims who came here for religious freedom, and what would they think if they now saw religious freedom so perilously on the rocks that governors were calling Christmas trees “Holiday trees” — oh the pain of it all.

    So Stewart shows a historical document in which the Pilgrims outlawed Christmas, promised to fine anyone saying “Merry Christmas,” and called Christmas trees a satanic symbol.

  26. changeable moniker says

    My #18 is now going round my head to the tune of “Still Alive”*.

    * Portal, not Pearl Jam**
    ** Yes, I know that’s just “Alive”, sheesh

  27. Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden says

    ZOMG, PZ, there’s a woman who used to be a friend of mine for a number of years, but we don’t live in the same country, so we kind of drifted apart. Anyway, she used “soda” instead of “pop” (which was normal for her context, but none the less wrong). That usage would have stood out anyway, but that goofy, goofy, accent! Imagine pronouncing soda any way other than how the word is said in the Pacific Northwest of the USA? Silly, silly foreigners! Some of them even think that they have the more “authentic” version of American than we do!

    But I digest – the point is when I saw you use “soda” in that generic way (even just to point out how wrong, wrong, and more wrong it is), I suddenly heard her voice saying in just that wrong way.

    Lulz – I have to e-mail her again. Good thing? She also lives in the same country as Ms Crush, so it wouldn’t be too outrageous to think we might finally see each other again after 6 or 7 years…

  28. Nutmeg says

    ariamezzo @27

    Thank you. I hate Christmas, and mocking it keeps me sane. Eighteen bloody days to go…

  29. says

    Help ! google fu fail here, there is a flowchart of some kind floating around on the net, that lists all the armorous/sexual relations listed and allowed in the Bible, does anyone know where to find it ?

  30. says

    From previous…

    RevBDC:

    Bill seeks to ban abortions based on race or gender

    I seek no such thing! You take that back this instant!!

    What? Oh, that kind of “bill.” Well, that’s very different then. Never mind.

    ***
    Dhorvath (@various):

    As a middle-aged male who’s never been in a position to personally confront the issue of abortion, I should probably just STFU, but you might be interested to know I was wrestling with some of the same questions as you. I certainly agree with Crip Dyke that preemptively declaring that disabled people deserve to die is fucked up… but I’m not at all sure that’s what’s going on in women’s minds when they’re making this decision.

    While it’s foolish (if not downright evil) to make preemptive judgments about the “worth” of people who don’t even exist yet (I assume there’s wide agreement here that, as you pointed out, a fetus isn’t a person), I don’t think that’s the way we view other kinds of abortion decisions. As you put it…

    [@630] How is it perfectly okay to say: I don’t want a child, but morally questionable to say: I don’t want a child who has a disability.

    I think nearly everyone here would defend a woman’s decision to abort because she feels, for whatever reason, that she’s not ready to be a parent. She may weigh all sorts of factors — her age, her emotional state, her material resources (and prospects for same in the future), her own physical wellness, etc. — and it would be foolish to pretend that the additional emotional and material toll of raising and caring for a disabled child wouldn’t be part of that calculation. But concluding that “I’m not ready (or able, or even willing) to have a disabled child” is just a special case of “I’m not ready (or able, or even willing) to have a disabled child”… neither of which is tantamount to saying “the child I would have is not worthy of life.”

    FSM knows that raising even non-disabled children can be heartbreaking at times, and nearly always involves some subordination of one’s own self. The decision to become a parent (and here I do have some personal experience) invariably involves weighing the amount of heartbreak you’re willing to risk, and the amount of yourself you’re willing to give up. It is my baseline assumption (though I’m sure it’s not true in every case) that this self-evaluation is the basis for most women’s abortion decisions. I would not presume to judge them, no matter what choice they make.

    All that said, I’m deeply troubled by the idea of abortions that are driven by the fear that the culture the woman lives in will be intolerant of her or her child (e.g., because of sex or race/racial mixing or physical/mental disability), but in that case, what I think is fucked up is not the woman who makes the decision but the culture that drives her to make it: Being driven to abort by fear that you or your child will be persecuted is, it seems to me, very nearly as horrible as being forced to give birth.

  31. chigau (違う) says

    Happy Birthday Tethys!!!
    —–
    (What the fuck is a “Doocy”? google is my friend)
    —–
    Think the Governor is going to buy a tree from the smug tree-farmer next year?

  32. Rev. BigDumbChimp says

    No, wrong.

    It’s a christmas tree. You can call it that, and it would be very silly for anyone to try and tell you you can’t.

    It’s also a holiday tree. The governor can call it that, and it would be silly for him to insist that you can’t call it anything else.

    What you don’t get to do is dictate that it must be called a christmas tree, even by people prefer to call it a holiday tree.

    It’s a monkey tree

  33. says

    SallyStrange:

    Forgive me if I’ve missed something essential in the process of speed-reading the last TET, but I have a bit of a bone to pick with StrangeBoyfriend: I don’t know in what particular ways your feces might be non-collocated, but why is getting your shit together a precondition for partnership?

    Wouldn’t it be more partner-like if he said, “come, let us work together on getting your shit together,” rather than “yeah, call me when you’ve got that worked out.”

    Your business, of course, and maybe I’d think it was a perfectly reasonable condition if I knew all the facts. But I’d be more psyched on your behalf if he were offering to help you now rather than withholding full partnership ’til after you fix yourself.

    However it works out, I wish you nothing but joy….

  34. joed says

    jesus fuckin’ h. christ, what’s this world commin’ to!
    the christians are really defencive. and it’s no wonder.
    reason and critical thought can not be denied except by ignoramuseses.

  35. insightfulape says

    Jeremiah 10

    10:1 Hear ye the word which the LORD speaketh unto you, O house of Israel:
    10:2 Thus saith the LORD, Learn not the way of the heathen, and be not dismayed at the signs of heaven; for the heathen are dismayed at them.
    10:3 For the customs of the people are vain: for one cutteth a tree out of the forest, the work of the hands of the workman, with the axe.
    10:4 They deck it with silver and with gold; they fasten it with nails and with hammers, that it move not.

    Do they ever read the bibles they thump?

  36. says

    It’s funny…I don’t recall the collective aneurysm my state had a couple of years ago when the then Republican governor sent out this invite…

    http://blogs.wpri.com/files/2011/11/Carcieri_holiday_tree_2009.jpg

    I don’t remember Fox News covering the story either. Weird. I must have missed it.

    As the True News Source, Jon Stewart, pointed out, Fox News simply claimed that previous governors had called it a Christmas Tree and had invited people to a Christmas Tree Lighting event.

    Wrong. False. A Lie. A fucking easily checkable lie. A lie not corrected by Fox.

    Fox News, Unbalanced and Uncorrected.

  37. says

    Bill:

    Wouldn’t it be more partner-like if he said, “come, let us work together on getting your shit together,” rather than “yeah, call me when you’ve got that worked out.”

    Yeah, that’s why my #651 previous incarnation. I had a cousin whose fiancé put pretty much the same conditions on her. It worked out…for a while.

    There’s a lot to be said for enthusiasm in person contemplating a future life partner. Oh well, it takes all kinds to make the world go ’round, right?

  38. Part-Time Insomniac, Zombie Porcupine Nox Arcana Fan says

    insightfulape: Of course they don’t! If they did, these people would be forced to consider that maybe the bible isn’t the infallible word of nor, nor inspired by him. Can’t have that now can we, when there’s money to be fleeced so Pastor Dick can buy that spanking new “Lamborgini for the Lord.”

  39. The Laughing Coyote (Papio Cynocephalus) says

    I like the little biology fails in the babble.

    Just read some of the crap in the whole ‘kosher’ segment. Grasshoppers are described as four legged, bats are a type of bird, and I have no fucking idea what ‘four legged birds who creepeth upon the ground’ are supposed to be. Flightless gryphons, maybe?

    “Whales are a type of fish” is something you wouldn’t expect from the guy who supposedly CREATED ALL OF BIOLOGY, but it’s perfectly understandable coming from a bunch of bronze-age people with very little understanding of the world around them.

  40. Tethys says

    Fun is, one Star Trek episode did have a silicon-based aerobic life form that tunnelled through rock by means of acid, was intelligent, and was able to communicate with Spock by means of Vulcan mind-meld.

    I remember this episode. I wonder if they based the idea on rock boring invertebrates
    ____

    Caine and Chigau. Thanks!
    _____

    Crip Dyke

    Um..about that over analyzing thing? Happy happy joy joy!
    ____

    Soda, soft drinks, and pop are all acceptable. However there is no such thing as sprite-coke, pepsi-coke, mountain dew-coke or coke-coke, and I will tease all ya’ll who abuse language in that manner.

  41. 'Tis Himself, OM says

    The Faux News Christians are feeling unpersecuted, so they’re trying to manufacture some form of persecution. The point that Lincoln Chaffee left the Republican Party (he’s officially an independent) has nothing to do with Faux’s complaints about him.

    And if you believe that, I have some ocean front property in Manitoba you might want to invest in.

  42. carlie says

    I find it hilarious that they’ve rallied around the one symbol of Christmas that is probably the most pagan of all of them. Ha!

  43. The Laughing Coyote (Papio Cynocephalus) says

    God I get sick of the christian persecution complex. Gotta pretend to be good little martyrs, always suffering for the lord, and all that happy horseshit.

    Back when I’d chat in christian chatrooms, how often would some brimstone and hellfire asshole come in, spout a bunch of bigoted horseshit, and then when even the ‘progressive’ christians decided they couldn’t stand him, say something like “Jesus said we’d be persecuted for our beliefs!” or similar?

    Too many fucking times to count. Back in those days, I learned a lot about the various flavors of christian hate. Maybe someday it’d be a fun thought exercise to categorize them in my head.

  44. Brother Ogvorbis, OM, Demoted says

    Yeah, I’m gonna try to post sans typos. Will it work?

    I wish that this was a Poe or a joke. But, sadly, it appears to be real. Of course, it is Texas, so part of me understands.

    From the artidle:

    A League City woman is accused of striking a high school student with her car in Houston and driving off after throwing him a Christian booklet.

    Aida Hillen, 52, was charged with failure to stop and render aid on Nov. 30 and a warrant for her arrest has been issued.

    According to the probable cause document, on Oct. 14, around 5:15 p.m., a Milby High School student was crossing Broadway Street near his school and was about to step on the curb when he was struck in the right side by a car traveling southbound on Broadway Street causing him to fall.

    The 15-year-old student stated that the driver of the car stopped briefly and asked if he was OK. When he replied “no,” the woman tossed a Christian booklet out of the window and drove away, he told police.

    Another Milby High School student who had witnessed the accident ran after the car and tried to wave down the woman, according to the court document. However, the suspect allegedly just waved back. The witness wrote down the car’s license plate number on his arm and called the police.

    The student who was hit was treated by the Houston Fire Department and released, but a few days later he went to an emergency room with chest pains and was diagnosed with bruised ribs, according to the document. His medical bills caused by the accident reportedly amount to about $730.

    The student picked Hillen out of a photo line-up. When police talked to her, she admitted to driving but denied hitting anyone, according to the document.

    Houston police spokeswoman Jodi Silva said Hillen has not yet been arrested.

    Actually, it is a short article, so there’s the whole thing.

    First comment? “I blame the co-pilot.”

    Arrr, I really need to work, I’m so behind. If I show back up, commence slapping.

    We can send food and liquid via USB. Can we sent slaps? Or do we have to use email for that?

  45. David Marjanović says

    Over here, there are so few kinds of carbonated beverages that there simply isn’t any cover term for them in the entire German language (or French for that matter). If you want one, you have to be specific.

    At the end, did the talking head say that they had a “live” tree?
    As in not a cut-off dead tree?

    Well, actually, cutting a tree off doesn’t kill it at all. It then slowly dries to death.

    Wouldn’t it be more partner-like if he said, “come, let us work together on getting your shit together,” rather than “yeah, call me when you’ve got that worked out.”

    Definitely, but he had to move elsewhere and isn’t available to help.

    Do they ever read the bibles they thump?

    Jehovah’s Witlesses do. Consequently, they consider Christmas trees satanic.

    IIRC, they don’t celebrate Christmas at all. They’ve been waging their own War on Christmas for 170 years now, fnarr fnarr.

    Fox News, Unbalanced and Uncorrected.

    “We’re unbalanced! That’s unfair!”
    – Fox News helicopter pilot on The Simpsons shortly before the helicopter crashes.

  46. David Marjanović says

    Lincoln Chaffee left the Republican Party

    Oho!

    We can send food and liquid via USB. Can we sent slaps? Or do we have to use email for that?

    No, no, no. To administer slaps, thou must reach through the tubes of the Internet with thine own two hands.

  47. The Laughing Coyote (Papio Cynocephalus) says

    Shit David, that joke almost makes me wanna start watching the simpsons again.

  48. Brother Ogvorbis, OM, Demoted says

    No, no, no. To administer slaps, thou must reach through the tubes of the Internet with thine own two hands.

    What do we use for lubricant?

  49. John Morales says

    TLC:

    and I have no fucking idea what ‘four legged birds who creepeth upon the ground’ are supposed to be.

    That’s nowhere in the Babble.

  50. chigau (違う) says

    Well, actually, cutting a tree off doesn’t kill it at all. It then slowly dries to death.

    quibblequibblequibble

  51. The Laughing Coyote (Papio Cynocephalus) says

    Brother Ogvorbis: We do it the old fashioned way.

    *NNNGGGGHHHHHHHKKKKKK* *HAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWKKKKKKKK*…

  52. Brother Ogvorbis, OM, Demoted says

    WD-40 or KY, whichever is handier.

    Don’t use WD-40. That stuff turns gummy after a while. And my internet connections are slow enough already. Kentucky Jelly it is!

  53. The Laughing Coyote (Papio Cynocephalus) says

    John Morales: Maybe I was reading a bad translation, but I explicitly remember seeing mention of ‘four legged birds which creepeth on the ground’, if not in those exact words.

    It’s POSSIBLE it was originally supposed to mean something like ‘birds which dwell on the ground like four legged animals’, but I’m not so charitable to something that claims to be the infallible word of god.

  54. Brother Ogvorbis, OM, Demoted says

    We do it the old fashioned way.

    *NNNGGGGHHHHHHHKKKKKK* *HAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWKKKKKKKK*…

    Nah. I try to stay away from non-mineral natural lubricants.

    It’s POSSIBLE it was originally supposed to mean something like ‘birds which dwell on the ground like four legged animals’, but I’m not so charitable to something that claims to be the infallible word of god.

    Maybe the bible was magically describing that weird theropod with the wings on the back legs that was discovered a few years back?

  55. John Morales says

    TLC, I suspect you’re recollecting Leviticus (41-44):

    41 All small animals that scurry along the ground are detestable, and you must never eat them. 42 This includes all animals that slither along on their bellies, as well as those with four legs and those with many feet. All such animals that scurry along the ground are detestable, and you must never eat them. 43 Do not defile yourselves by touching them. You must not make yourselves ceremonially unclean because of them. 44 For I am the Lord your God. You must consecrate yourselves and be holy, because I am holy. So do not defile yourselves with any of these small animals that scurry along the ground.

    Note the stated basis, i.e. ceremonial uncleanliness.

    (As always when dealing with the Babble: bah)

  56. The Laughing Coyote (Papio Cynocephalus) says

    That’d be cool if it was true Brother Ogvorbis.

    IIRC though, microraptor is turning out to be less weird as more avian dinosaurs are discovered to have had flight feathers on their legs.

    Anecdotally at least, the presence of domestic birds of various kinds (chickens, pigeons, canaries, etc) with feathers on their feet seems like evidence that they weren’t lost that long ago.

    And in my chickens I can tell you the leg feathers are long, and arranged in two layers running down the shank and toe and pointing to the side, and look VERY similar to vestigial flight feathers. I know this is bad science, but I think it just looks too much like the fossils to discount. Somewhere on my computer is a pic demonstrating what I mean.

  57. The Laughing Coyote (Papio Cynocephalus) says

    John Morales, I was gonna say I think it’s in leviticus but it’s been a long time since I’ve been able to quote any part of the babble by verse, even as an xtian I wasn’t very good at it.

    That’s similar to what I read, but I swear the version I had mentions four legged birds which creepeth along the ground. As in, specifically birds with four legs. I think it might have been a slightly different part.

  58. Brother Ogvorbis, OM, Demoted says

    TLC:

    I am fascinated by the feathered theropods and agree about the asymetric leg feathers on barnyard fowl. I was just tryong to make a joke about the idiots who cherry pick their chosen holy book and try to claim that the ignorant goatherds were aware of, say, Cretaceous fossils from China. Humour attempt fail. Again.

  59. Brother Ogvorbis, OM, Demoted says

    As in, specifically birds with four legs.

    Back in the 70s, we used to be able to get three-legged chickens at the grocery store in Flagstaff. Evolution in action? Four legs to three to two? And then boneless?

  60. The Laughing Coyote (Papio Cynocephalus) says

    Brother Ogvorbis: Nah, I got the joke, it’s just that you hit on one of my ‘nerd spots’.

    I love that I have birds with recessive ‘dinosaurian’ features that I can recognize from fossils, even if it’s not wing claws or rows of needle sharp teeth but just vestigial flight feathers on the legs.

  61. Brother Ogvorbis, OM, Demoted says

    Um, note that John the Baptist supposedly ate locusts and honey.

    (Apparently, they don’t count. Guess he was not eating the hoppers!)

    Wow. Who knew that Hoppism was predicted in the bible?

  62. says

    Leviticus, Chapter 11, Revised Standard Version

    20 “All winged insects that go upon all fours are an abomination to you.
    21 “Yet among the winged insects that go on all fours you may eat those which have legs above their feet, with which to leap on the earth.
    22 Of them you may eat: the locust according to its kind, the bald locust according to its kind, the cricket according to its kind, and the grasshopper according to its kind.
    23 Buut all other winged insects which have four feet are an abomination to you.

  63. says

    DrDMFM:

    Definitely, but [StrangeBoyfriend] had to move elsewhere and isn’t available to help.

    Right. Except that it occurs to me that if they’re contemplating a long-term partnership, collocating[1] will be an essential early step in that process and might be a nontrivial part of helping Sally get her excrement conjoined.

    But of course, there may be many perfectly cromulent reasons why that’s not an option.

    ***
    [1] This, BTW, is the word many people spell co-locating… but, counterintuitive as it may be, collocating is actually correct, as I have had reason to learn for my Day Job™.

  64. chigau (違う) says

    King James Bible (Cambridge Ed.) Leviticus 11:20 says:
    All fowls that creep, going upon all four, shall be an abomination unto you.

  65. cicely, unheeded prophetess of the Equine Apocalypse says

    Happy birthday, Tethys!

    insightfulape, I was just thinking this evening, as The Husband and I watched the recording of Jon Stewart’s brilliant “War on Christmas” show, that someone needs to do posters, or banners, or billboards (or even all of the above) saying, “If you insist that it’s a Christmas tree, then you are disobedient to your God. Jeremiah 10:1-4″

    Mightn’t go too badly as a tee shirt, even.

    Printing “Suck on that, Christards!!!” underneath it and in contrasting color and fonts would be optional, depending on just how obnoxious you are wanting to be.

    23 Buut all other winged insects which have four feet are an abomination to you.

    Which means that normal insects are menu-able. Perhaps it is only the mutant insects that are abominations.
    -

  66. John Morales says

    <checks>

    chigau, you have it right. I stand corrected.

    (Stupid Babble and its many translations. bah)

  67. The Laughing Coyote (Papio Cynocephalus) says

    Well John, it probably is nothing but a translation flub of some sort…. birds which creep on the ground like four legged animals turns into ‘birds which go on all fours’.

    But I’d still rather assume it’s talking about an extinct subspecies of the common Gryphon that lost the ability to fly sometime after the flood.

    Think about it. Gryphons, owing to their rock-hard eggs and macropredatory habits, would be uniquely suited among all the avian mammals to become flightless. Even without the constraint of an isolated island habitat.

  68. says

    Brother Ogvorbis (@56):

    That story gave me chills, not least because League City and Milby High School are very near my old childhood stomping grounds (Friendswood). I wasn’t as finely attuned as I am now, when I lived there, to what fuckwits many Texicans can be. Also…

    First comment? “I blame the co-pilot.”

    Internet fucking won!!

    ***
    Quick bits:

    1. I can’t say how delighted I am to be participating in a string of quotations from The Music Man over on Greta Christina’s FB page. An underappreciated American classic (the show, I mean, though you could say the same about Greta).

    2. I’m bummed to report that, after I crowed about having eaten at the restaurant of one of last night’s Chopped contestants…

    *SPOILER*

    *SPOILER*

    *SPOILER*

    *SPOILER*

    *SPOILER*

    *SPOILER*

    *SPOILER*

    *SPOILER*

    *SPOILER*

    …he cut himself (without realizing it) during the first round, got blood in his food, and was chopped because the judges couldn’t safely taste what looked like it was probably the best of the 4 dishes. 8^(

  69. Brother Ogvorbis, OM, Demoted says

    Well John, it probably is nothing but a translation flub of some sort

    But it is the inerrent word of gods and cannot be flubbed and if we do not understand it or see a contradiction that is because our little minds are incapable of grokking gods in fullness.

    what fuckwits many Texicans can be

    Well, you gotta know the territory!

  70. chigau (違う) says

    I own only three or four versions of the bible and can’t always locate them on short notice but I use this* as my online looker-upper.
    The last time I tried to include the link, my comment disappeared.
    Trying again but tricky
    http://bible.cc/

  71. says

    John:

    Yes, a cooking show, but his dish was sushi, and the blood was also smudged on the plate. It was a minor cut on his palm, which I guess he didn’t feel; he didn’t realize (until too late) that the red on his hands was blood because one of the ingredients they were working with was harissa, which is about the same color.

    I’d be shocked if small amounts of blood didn’t find their way into food from restaurant kitchens all the time, BTW, and I’m guessing the risk of anything bad happening is incredibly low (IANAD, but AFAIK most blood-borne diseases aren’t easily contracted from ingesting small amounts of blood), but they’re hypercautious about food safety on this show. No doubt they’re trying to model good practices for home cooks.

  72. Brother Ogvorbis, OM, Demoted says

    Stop it! I’m runnin’ outa’ internets to award!

    If you’re outa those, I’ll take cash for merchandise!

    And now, off to bed.

  73. chigau (違う) says

    John Morales
    Nice bible site.
    I like bible.cc because when you look at a particular verse it provides about 16 different versions for instant comparison.

  74. Brother Ogvorbis, OM, Demoted says

    Urrk! Does HTML FAIL count as an offering to Tpyos?

    I think that Borkquoth is in the pantheon, but I’m not sure of the relationsips.

  75. craigore says

    PZ said:(What next? Shall we have a holy war over whether fizzy drinks should be called “pop” or “soda” or “coke”? (the correct answer is “pop” and if you call them anything else I get to declare a fatwah and a jihad.)

    yay fizzy-based jihad, which also means I get to keep all the plunder and womens I can handle because Mardok commands it. are you calling Mardok a liar? also Mard-k demands that all pop machines be replaced with bottles of Tennessee’s finest.

  76. Dhorvath, OM says

    I have one of them there monkey trees in my front yard. It’s about three feet tall, but someday, someday…

  77. says

    I like bible.cc because when you look at a particular verse it provides about 16 different versions for instant comparison.

    The word of god indeed.

  78. Brother Ogvorbis, OM, Demoted says

    Powerful, but monolingual.

    But not cunning lingual. They don’t approve of that.

  79. John Morales says

    craigore:

    I get to keep all the plunder and womens I can handle

    Women ain’t “plunder”, any more than men are.

    (And slavery is detestable)

  80. John Morales says

    “cunning lingual”?

    As in many other interpersonal endeavours, less is more, when skilfully applied.

    (You want to push buttons, not hammer things)

  81. Brother Ogvorbis, OM, Demoted says

    That sucks. I cannot think of a single thing I’ve seen him in in which he was not good or great. He was excellent in John Wayne’s good movie.

  82. Brother Ogvorbis, OM, Demoted says

    (You want to push buttons, not hammer things)

    True, but the biblical folk tend to prefer the hammer. How many dominionists or Christianists really do nuance?

  83. tainthammer says

    Am I the only one who was struck by the uncanny resemblance of the Fox commentator to the picture they showed of Gov. Chaffee? Admittedly, I haven’t read all the comments, so I may not be.

  84. Aquaria says

    San Antonio makes the news for being stupid (again):

    Natalie Johnson is a 27-year-old student and, until last week, worked at the River Center Macy’s.

    On Nov. 30, a teenager shopping caught her attention.

    “I made sure to keep an eye on him because he was shopping for women’s clothing,” remembered Johnson.

    “I had to just straight forward tell him, ‘You’re a man,’ and of course that made him really got him steamed,” said Johnson.

    But the group of people he was with supported the shopper, arguing Macy’s policy allows transgender people to change in the fitting room of the gender they associate with.

    “I’ve made my choice the other day,” Johnson told her manager. “I refuse to comply with this policy.”

    Johnson said she was let go.

    Johnson filed a complaint with the federal employment commission, claiming her religious beliefs prevent her from recognizing transgender people.

    “There are no transgenders in the world. A guy can dress up as a woman all he wants, that’s still not going to make you a woman,” said Johnson.

    A response from the retail giant said, “Macy’s does not comment on personnel matters. At Macy’s, we recognize and appreciate the diversity of our customers and associates.”

    Johnson hopes the company will amend their policy.

    BTW, Macy’s policy does allow for transgendered people to choose the dressing room they identify with.

    Sucks to be you Natalie, christard bigot.

  85. cicely, unheeded prophetess of the Equine Apocalypse says

    In other news, Harry Morgan died. :-(

    :(

    Am I the only one who was struck by the uncanny resemblance of the Fox commentator to the picture they showed of Gov. Chaffee?

    No; I see it, too.
    -

  86. Dhorvath, OM says

    Starstuff,
    Why do people do anything that involves intense sensations? It’s invigorating! I love spicy food, I love that sensation, it’s a good hurt.

  87. chigau (違う) says

    Harry Morgan :-{
    —-
    Without a sign on the door, how can you tell if a change-room is a girl or a boy?
    —-
    StarStuff
    Eat some rice!
    or bread
    or pasta
    Drinking water doesn’t help.

  88. Dhorvath, OM says

    Yeah, or something with fat in it, capsaicin is oil soluble and many fats will pull it off your tongue and lips.

  89. Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden says

    Janine –

    you might want to check out my last post on the Baizley thread.

  90. Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden says

    Wow – Aquaria, thanks!

    That just effing rocks. I’ve heard so many stories of mistreatment and never once have I heard the corporation say, “And so we let the jerk go…”

    That’s it. You treat a customer wrong, you shouldn’t be in retail. You hurt your employer’s sales, get the f* out of town. I know the story had to start with bad treatment, but me, I actually see that story as a frickin’ step up!

  91. Rev. BigDumbChimp says

    Dairy is the best thing for spicy food. Drink a big glass of milk if you can not handle the heat.

  92. Dhorvath, OM says

    Rev,
    Maybe it’s the rate at which milk passes through my mouth, but I have never found it particularly helpful. I do drink skim though…

  93. chigau (違う) says

    Yeah, or something with fat in it, capsaicin is oil soluble and many fats will pull it off your tongue and lips.

    That’s it! Grab a neighbour’s dinner roll and lick the butter off.
    (They’ll never invite you to dinner again.)

  94. Brother Ogvorbis, OM, Demoted says

    Bravo, Macy’s.

    (This is from Wife (so you know it will be good)).

    No surprise that Macy’s supports LGBT human rights. After all, it is the Macy’s Gay Parade, right?

  95. John Morales says

    chigau:

    That’s it! Grab a neighbour’s dinner roll and lick the butter off.

    Butter?

    Bah — were it not for this taboo against anthropophagy, the by-products of liposuction would be a fine ingredient; god knows there’s enough of that in America.

    <runs away>

  96. janine says

    Janine –

    you might want to check out my last post on the Baizley thread.

    If it is like the other posts directed at me on that thread, I would rather not.

  97. Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden says

    There really is an American Patriarchy Association? And it’s not a Poe? o.O
    I’m ox-gored.
    I’m pole-axed.
    I’m I’m okay, I’m out of old-timey patriarchal expressions of surprise that involve the letter X.

  98. Nerd of Redhead, Dances OM Trolls says

    In other news, Harry Morgan died. :-(

    Always the second banana, but doing a great job. IIRC, I saw him on December Bride back in the B&W days of TV. Nowadays, an actor is lucky if they are on two good TV shows during a career. I think he had four or five.

  99. The Laughing Coyote (Papio Cynocephalus) says

    @TLC

    I meant fire arms or some equivalent. I do suppose that if they couldn’t get combustion an automated cross bow system would have worked for them until they developed the rail gun.

    I like that, because I could easily imagine a railgun (from my understanding gleaned from the link John Morales provided) being like an electrified ‘evolution’ of a crossbow, though more ‘in spirit’ than in actual function.

  100. Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden says

    Janine:

    It is actual the American Family Association. But we call it by a more truthful name here.

    Burrrrrfff!!

    Tea now on trackpad.

    How did I miss that? I thought I was aware of all internet traditions?

  101. Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden says

    Janine @ 138

    You’re welcome.

    You might wanna hold that thanks, though, until you find out how much of that rum is backwash. The Villainy were passing it around a while back…

  102. janine says

    The Villainy were passing it around a while back…

    If that is the case, backwash is the least of the problems. Nerd could tell you stories about the Pullet Patrol.

    (Avoiding the steely gaze of the Pullet Patrol.)

  103. The Laughing Coyote (Papio Cynocephalus) says

    My mouth loves spicy food. My stomach is ambivalent about it.

    And you do NOT want to know what my ass thinks of capsaicin.

  104. Nerd of Redhead, Dances OM Trolls says

    Nerd could tell you stories about the Pullet Patrol.

    Yeah, but I need to get to sleep. Yesterday was the last opera for the calendar year, and with the rebuilding of Wacker Drive in front of the Lyric, had to wait for the train, and got to bed after 1:00 am.

  105. says

    TLC, you are right.

    Leviticus, KJV:

    11:20 All fowls that creep, going upon all four, shall be an abomination unto you.
    11:21 Yet these may ye eat of every flying creeping thing that goeth upon all four, which have legs above their feet, to leap withal upon the earth;
    11:22 Even these of them ye may eat; the locust after his kind, and the bald locust after his kind, and the beetle after his kind, and the grasshopper after his kind.
    11:23 But all other flying creeping things, which have four feet, shall be an abomination unto you.

    ***

    No slaps, I’m done working for the night!

  106. Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden says

    Caine:
    No slaps, I’m done working for the night!

    Oh good, I was going to ask – I didn’t want to jump the gun.

  107. says

    I’m a huge fan of spicy food. My stomach doesn’t mind it; my mouth gets irritated occasionally but not severely (and milk and bread put the fire out).

    I’ve only ever suffered from a ‘ring of fire’ due to capsaicin once. I overestimated the density of pickled jalapeño slices; I bought a pound of them from a deli, expecting to get maybe a half cup. Instead, I got a large container. And I ate most of ‘em.

    My ass was not happy the next day.

    ####

    I’m thinking I may have tonsil stones. I keep feeling a foreign object in the back of my throat, and coughing to get rid of it inevitably leads to gagging.

    Suggestions on how to get rid of the stones (if they’re there)?

  108. says

    Rat chat…Rubin is doing well on his 2nd day in the studio. He’s still overwhelmed and being a skitterbiscuit, but he happily discovered salad, peas, blueberry muffins, crackers and tea. Esme still bullies him, but he’s learning to hold his own and likes cuddling with Chas.

    Esme is doing fantastic, she’s been demonstrating her trust in me all day, melting my heart in the doing.

    Chas is just grand, as always. He’s always up for a happy, brux and boggle filled cuddle and his obsession with peanut butter continues.

  109. John Morales says

    Benjamin, whatever it is, it ain’t “stones” — those are concretions of minerals in organs.

    (If it persists, see a doctor!)

  110. The Laughing Coyote (Papio Cynocephalus) says

    I once hawked up a tonsil stone after a long day of running around in the bush.

    And before I knew what it was, I bit into the thing.

    And that’s all I know about them really. Sometimes they come up on their own. Try looking for it in the mirror with a flashlight?

  111. says

    Benjamin, whatever it is, it ain’t “stones”

    Hmmm… my daughter gets tonsil stones. At least, that’s what her doctor calls them.

    Benjamin, AFAIK they just work their way out on their own accord; when you find gritty little peas in your mouth, spit them out.

  112. chigau (違う) says

    Benjamin Geiger @155
    The article just confirms that the human body is a digusting pile of goo.

  113. The Laughing Coyote (Papio Cynocephalus) says

    tonsilloliths are mineralised stink. Foul.

    As far as I know I don’t get them anymore.

  114. Nutmeg says

    Tonsilloliths, eh? I’ve been wondering what that weird white spot in my throat is for years. It’s small and has never bothered me, but I was always puzzled about why it didn’t go away when I took antibiotics for ear and throat infections.

    That’s my bit of trivia for the day.

  115. welcomeforum says

    Coming to an Earth near you this holiday, everyone arguing and hating everybody about what to call a tree! Nothing new for that crazy old crew of homo sapiens!

  116. kristinc, ~delicate snowflake~ says

    I get tonsil stones, have for over a decade. They are no goddamn fun, and nothing I have found will get rid of them, I just have to cope.

    Oh and don’t Google them because then everywhere you go online, banner ads will follow you screaming “DO YOU HAVE TERRIBLE BREATH???? TRY PRODUCT X!!”

  117. kristinc, ~delicate snowflake~ says

    As far as removing a given stone that’s bothering me, I’ve found that massaging the outside of the throat up around the area of the tonsils has the most effectiveness with the least incidence of gaggation.

  118. John Morales says

    OK, I have learnt something! ;)

    So, Benjamin, treatment is noted in your very own link (Caine’s too, of course!).

    PS If people here are trying to get internet diagnoses out of rorschach (not saying you are), diane or other medical people here, then you’re bound to be disappointed, generally speaking.

    (Diagnosis doesn’t work that way, and they’re professionals)

  119. says

    If people here are trying to get internet diagnoses out of rorschach (not saying you are), diane or other medical people here

    They can’t afford me John.

  120. theophontes, Hexanitrohexaazaisowurtzitane Wielding Tardigrade says

    Happy Birthday Tethys!!!


    Seconded!
    Thirded! {Bangs gavel on table…}

    Bible quotes:

    1 Corinthians 1:20-21 I don’t think Gawd ™ approves of Free Thought Blogs:

    Where is the wise? where is the scribe? where is the disputer of this world? hath not God made foolish the wisdom of this world?

    Ok, Lawd …we’ll just stay stooopid to please you.

    For after that in the wisdom of God the world by wisdom knew not God, it pleased God by the foolishness of preaching to save them that believe.

    (Emphasis mine, not god’s) That babble shit really does not scan.

    @ PZ

    The ultimate xmas present for an Ebil Oberlawd: Lobster Bike – linkies.

    @ Pharynguphotophiles (yes, that is a real word … look it up dammit.)

    Linky to a husband-and-wife photo team that travelled 25 states in 5 months to photograph 50 woman coping with economic hard times.

    @ Pharynguhippophiles
    (No, not a real word, I just made it up … why did you ask)

    I put a tenner on horse 6 in the sixth race and won at 14,5 to 1. I haz’ded a cheeseburger with the proceeds. :)

    @ Josh

    For my last loaf I went with the suggestion of my cousin to leave the dough really wet. (The beauty of the Le Creuset is that it won’t stick.) After 25 minutes, I removed the lid to see the loaf had swollen up like a giant steamed bun (baozi) but completely uncooked. I then left it in for 35 minutes (an extra 10 minutes) and it came out absolutely perfectly.

  121. SallyStrange, Spawn of Cthulhu says

    I just had a strange experience – signed up for a shift with the security company I work for, and ended up working at the end-of-semester tradition, the Naked Bike Ride. Not so many bikes this year, since the college is discouraging it (naked road rash in the cold? eugh. and the liability!) but there were LOTS of naked people.

    Funny thing is I heard all the (clothed) guys around me saying that they felt so much better about their manhood now. Can you hear me rolling my eyes now? They were far more shocked than they should have been at the relative smallness of a bunch of dudes’ penises who were running around inthe snow! There should be a lot more collective nakedness, maybe then dudes could relax and stop worrying about how big their goddamn peepee is.

  122. says

    Funny thing is I heard all the (clothed) guys around me saying that they felt so much better about their manhood now. Can you hear me rolling my eyes now?

    Nude beach 10 minutes from my house here. Fixes this kind of problem really good. Swing by some time…:-)

  123. Gen Fury of the Desolate Furies says

    Carlie, 54

    I find it hilarious that they’ve rallied around the one symbol of Christmas that is probably the most pagan of all of them. Ha!

    I can’t stop giggling at that part of it either. O Tannenbaum O Tannenbaum…

    Aquaria @ 117

    Sucks to be you Natalie, christard bigot.

    Yeah, I will get the world’s smallest violin or something. Bigot. Good for Macy’s for letting her go.

    SallyStrange
    I must admit at the risk of sounding really insensitive, I’ve never really “gotten” the whole penis size thing. It leaves me completely mystified why some guys are so obsessed and/or measure their self-worth with it.

    FTR, I am *tiny* in stature. I most certainly DO NOT prefer a large penis.

  124. SallyStrange, Spawn of Cthulhu says

    FTR, I am *tiny* in stature. I most certainly DO NOT prefer a large penis.

    Right? I don’t like having my cervix bumped during sex.

    The doodz stared at me in confusion when I said there was such a thing as a penis that’s too big.

    Seriously, there needs to be, like, a year-long sex education module directed solely at teaching young boys how not to freak out about their penis size.

    If it ain’t erect, it doesn’t count.

    Hordes of young running men with erections… now that would be worth watching.

  125. The Laughing Coyote (Papio Cynocephalus) says

    Insecurity, Gen Fury.

    We are men. We must be the manliest of menz. But the pen0r is only one measure of a man. Others include risk taking behavior, AGGRESSION, and ‘getting pumped’.

    And remember, bigger is always better. Bigger penis, bigger truck, bigger gun, bigger swords.

    Those countless women who have told me, both online and in meatspace, that they prefer average sized penises and find huge dongs frankly painful, are not to be listened to, they’re just trying to protect our egos. Somehow or other they got the idea that our egos are fragile, can you imagine that?

  126. theophontes, Hexanitrohexaazaisowurtzitane Wielding Tardigrade says

    @ John M.

    theophontes, wow! Cheeseburgers sure are expensive, where you are.

    Hong Kong. To put it in perspective: 10.00 HKD = 1.25 AUD (so my winnings where all of 145.00 HKD = 18.13 AUD)

    Special days at the races are an incredibly cheap form of entertainment. 10 HKD to get in, 10 HKD minimum bets. Cheap beer, cheeseburgers, fireworks (!) and horses going round and round in circles. What more could one ever wish for…? The whole evening out cost us (theaphontes and I) all of about 20 AUD.

  127. theophontes, Hexanitrohexaazaisowurtzitane Wielding Tardigrade says

    @ Sally

    Hordes of young running men with erections… now that would be worth watching.

    … and betting on.

  128. Minnie The Finn, avec de cèpes de Bordeaux says

    theophontes @178:

    So, who’s the winner, the biggest penis or the fastest runner?

    I want to haz a cheezburger too.

  129. The Laughing Coyote (Papio Cynocephalus) says

    I just ate two excellent cheeseburgers. With bacon. Now I’m drinking a vanilla coke.

    You can’t get those in canada no more. :(

  130. theophontes, Hexanitrohexaazaisowurtzitane Wielding Tardigrade says

    @ Minnie The Finn, Fan of Modern, Sinful Dancing

    So, who’s the winner, the biggest penis or the fastest runner?

    Everyone thinks they’re a winner as they run around in circles, waving their penises in the air. (Hong Kong really is no different than the rest of the corporate world.)

  131. The Laughing Coyote (Papio Cynocephalus) says

    Imagine if humans had a penis bone, instead of the ‘hydraulic’ system evolution gave us.

    There would be no such thing as erectile dysfunction.

  132. julian says

    There would be no such thing as erectile dysfunction.

    Yeah and I’d be terrified every time my wife came.

    Well, I suppose it would be fun walking around with a penis cast.

  133. theophontes, Hexanitrohexaazaisowurtzitane Wielding Tardigrade says

    @ TLC

    (via birgerjohansson’s Linky)

    Hai TLC … this is how I imagine you in the kitchen: Carnage Stew

    And for pudding: Chocolate cake.

    (cover your ears for some of the language.)

  134. Minnie The Finn, avec de cèpes de Bordeaux says

    I’m sitting on my hands here doing my best not to link to a Finnish delicacy called mustamakkara after Birger’s Obama sausage. I may have a dirty and non-pc mind but you don’t need to suffer for it.

    .
    .
    .

    *crickets*

  135. John Morales says

    theophontes @182, yeah, that’s a good’un.

    [anecdote]

    I once tried the McDonalds “Big Mac”, when I had a 2 for 1 voucher, back in the early 90s, back when I was on night shift.

    Took ages, since I can’t stand the sweet pickles or the sugary ketchup they put on it, and I saw multiple people being served as I impatiently waited in the sidelines. I took them (and their packaging) back to work and consumed them (mediocre and small but dense is the best I can say), then they sat like leaden weights in my stomach for the rest of the night.

    Never, ever again!

    (Unless I were starving and had absolutely no choice)

    PS Falling Down – I want breakfast — too true.

  136. says

    rogerbraun
    I think the problem is that American christians need to shove “the saviour’s birth” down everybody else’s throat. I’m German, and I celebrate christmas. I’ll soon be shopping for a christmas tree, and I’ve been buying and making christmas presents those last weeks. I don’t have a problem with a nativity scene on public grounds because it has become much more cultural than religious.
    But I understand that it’s important for American non-christians to put their foot down and make a stand on this issue.

    Caine
    I did. I have to make new ones anyway since I gave the pair I listed on the shop to Mr. I’d make the customer “Justin Bieber” pulsewarmers, too, and if I end up making Jesus-pulsewarmers for his whole church they’re going to get a discount.
    But it’s still funny. Not only aren’t there that many grown men in Germany who’s run around with “Jesus” anywhere on their clothes, as opposed to men running around with tribal dragons, the fact that this person managed to find a atheist (OK, that’s not too hard) to do it for him is funny.

    Aquaria

    BTW, Macy’s policy does allow for transgendered people to choose the dressing room they identify with.

    If I were in the states I’d make sure to stop there the next days, buy something and make sure they knew that I like shopping there because of their cool attitudes and write an email to their customer service.
    I think often the biggots get what they want because companies assume that the people who don’t raise their voices agree with them. If they know that they also gain customers by standing against the boggots, that might help.

    +++++++
    Some more thoughts on the issue of abortion and disability:
    I think the problem is not that this issue affects fetuses that are aborted because of X. I couldn’t care less for them.
    The problem is that the attitude hurts people who are here and alive, especially in a cold and unfeeling society in which the misfortunes you suffer are your problem and yours alone.
    So, just like the issue of sex-selective abortions in India and China needs to be fought by empowering women so that being a girl isn’t something bad anymore, the issue of disability-selective abortions needs to be adressed by empowering disabled people who are (by definition) out and about and alive here and today.

    ++++++++

    Cutting oneself while cooking
    If the knife is really sharp you might actually not notice.
    Happened to me once and fortunately I was cutting brocoli. Had it been red bell peppers I might have bled to death (yeah, I know) before I noticed.


    Happy Birthday Tethys, from me too

  137. The Laughing Coyote (Papio Cynocephalus) says

    I actually like Mcdonalds cheeseburgers. Like a hyena likes the stink of carrion. Or perhaps more accurately, like some dogs just seem to like eating shit no matter how revolting it is. Though, I usually go for the absolutely heart-clogging double quarter pounder.

  138. says

    Mmm cheezburger. O wait, we just ordered pizza. Weird gourmet ones.

    Maccas is gross. I make my own cheezburgers with fresh lean mince, and a nice sharp cheddar.

  139. says

    Giliell:

    I’m having a real moment of cosmic irony here.

    Pffft, do it and take the money! If you can get away with it, (…)

    … make it an ambigram, reading both “jesus” and “satan” at the same time! Here is a good generator, but there are more to be found online.

  140. says

    SQB
    Cool, never knew what those things were called.
    And, of course, no I won’t
    First of all, I can’t “make” such things. Machine embroidery means that I have to feed my machine a digitized design. In order to make them myself I’d have to buy the adequate software, which doesn’t come cheap (several hundred to a thousand €) and then I’d have to learn some basics about digitizing itself, and not to mention the problem of getting designs in the first place. I know some incredibly talented people who create them and then digitize them and then I buy them.
    If the future of planet earth depended on my ability to draw 10 recognizable animals, I’d book a trip to the moon, one way.

    Secondly, me being an ass would only change his opinion about me, not about baby Jeebus ;)

    Plan:
    1) breakfast
    2) call study counsellor
    3) depompoeiify the flat
    4) dedicate time to Jesus (I always wanted to say that, I’m planning to make the most out of this joke)

  141. birgerjohansson says

    Hmm… I thought being a big prick was an insult, but since big schlongs apparently are a matter of status maybe we should begin to use it as a compliment.

    So the winner in the GOP primaries should be referred to “The biggest Putz in the GOP”.

    The winner in American Idol will be “The Ultra-Mega Prick”

    Oscar/Nobel Prize winner: “The Prick of Pricks”.

  142. says

    41 All small animals that scurry along the ground are detestable, and you must never eat them. 42 This includes all animals that slither along on their bellies, as well as those with four legs and those with many feet. All such animals that scurry along the ground are detestable, and you must never eat them. 43 Do not defile yourselves by touching them. You must not make yourselves ceremonially unclean because of them. 44 For I am the Lord your God. You must consecrate yourselves and be holy, because I am holy. So do not defile yourselves with any of these small animals that scurry along the ground.

    Always reminds me of the way Mojo Jojo talks.
    ====
    Happy birthday, Tethys!
    ====

    Wouldn’t it be more partner-like if he said, “come, let us work together on getting your shit together,” rather than “yeah, call me when you’ve got that worked out.”

    QFT (again).
    ====
    Giliell, that’s too bad. About the software, I mean, since the ambigrams can be subtle enough that you don’t see ‘em if you don’t know they’re there. (“There, there, dear, they’re there” — but how do I work ‘their’ into that? Rembember, “Noe’s nose knows no noes”.) Anyway, try the generator.
    ====
    Crip Dyke, I met my wife in an online chatbox in the mid nineties. We’ve been married for seven years now.
    ====
    rorschach, this flowchart? (Keywords: flowchart bible relations → images, 2nd entry (safe search off)).

  143. Illuminata, Genie of the Beer Bottle says

    (the correct answer is “pop” and if you call them anything else I get to declare a fatwah and a jihad.)

    That is the correct answer. Praise Cthuthlu!

    Fuck the Democrat DINObots. Fuck Obama.

    interesting that a man who has daughters rapidly approaching the age where they might start needing this would not see the harm he’s doing by rejecting this.

    He really does think people will vote for him no matter what, huh. I’m reconsidering now.

  144. Rev. BigDumbChimp says

    Hordes of young running men with erections… now that would be worth watching.

    … and betting on.

    Don’t get cocky

  145. Rey Fox says

    Without a sign on the door, how can you tell if a change-room is a girl or a boy?

    More to the point, why does it even matter? All the rooms are private, you go in one with clothes on, you come out with other clothes on.

    I think people here are probably making too much of Macy’s decision to fire her. I don’t think they really care much about trans issues, just that one of their employees was openly hostile to a customer, and we all know that customers are holy in retail. And that retail employees don’t have the clout of pharmacists, nor a lot of political momentum behind this particular issue. If this had been customers complaining about a trans employee who couldn’t “pass” well enough, then Macy’s might be singing a different tune.

    Now I’m drinking a vanilla coke. You can’t get those in canada no more. :(

    What, you don’t have any old-fashioned soda jerks around? Any burger joint with any nod towards “retro” should be able to make you a vanilla coke, no problem.

    The venerable local burger joint near my old home makes a “Scotch and Soda”, which is 7-Up with caramel syrup added. Mmmmmm.

  146. birgerjohansson says

    “Hormone therapy making comeback; Doctors say risks can be minimized” http://medicalxpress.com/news/2011-12-hormone-therapy-comeback-doctors-minimized.html

    The menopause: I am surprised it has taken until now to find a safe middle way for hormone-replacement therapy.

    -Some cancer-related news:
    “Drug combination highly effective for newly diagnosed myeloma patients, study finds” http://medicalxpress.com/news/2011-12-drug-combination-highly-effective-newly.html
    “Big promise is seen in 2 new breast cancer drugs” http://medicalxpress.com/news/2011-12-big-breast-cancer-drugs.html

    “Nipping metastases in the bud: A novel strategy for fighting cancer targets secondary tumors” http://medicalxpress.com/news/2011-12-nipping-metastases-bud-strategy-cancer.html

  147. says

    Rey Fox:

    The only issue I see is that in some stores, the changing rooms aren’t particularly well divided. You could feasibly peek over or under the wall (like bathroom stalls). While it’d be obvious if someone were doing so from outside, it might be harder to detect if done from another stall.

  148. peter says

    Assuming it really was (not is) a tree, I expect that nobody on Fox took note that it was a former relative of theirs, which had had its bottom chopped off. There are good reasons to get a plastic ‘tree’, if you insist on decorating, though what I just said is not one such reason (for example, since the turkey you eat is a much closer relative). Perhaps the gov should have referred to it as a “long-lost distant relative”, to see what dumbass TV would say then, though understanding what he was implying about his scientific ‘beliefs’ would likely have been beyond most of them. And those beliefs, if they exist and were revealed, might guarantee non-re-election.

  149. Illuminata, Genie of the Beer Bottle says

    Well, kids, apparently hell does exist and I’m stuck right in the middle of it.

    My brother is getting married soon. I like his fiancee fine, and she is an atheist, just as my brother is.

    I learned recently that she is not, however, a skeptic. I got an invitation to the bachelorette party (which is a little weird, since I’m IN the wedding, but wev).

    Instead of the stereotypical night of drunken debauchery in public, the party is going to take place at another bridesmaid house. And, what is the main activity planned for the evening?

    A fucking psychic. A fucking psychic that charges $45 to lie.

    There’s no way out of this is there. I’m going to have to shell out $45 to have some lying quack throw at me what she thinks I want to hear, aren’t I.

  150. Predator Handshake says

    Illuminata, maybe read up on cold reading techniques so you can be just as psychic as the professional? You could at least potentially have some fun with the bullshit if you must be subjected to it.

    Side note, is it actually weird to be invited to a bachelorette party when you’re in the wedding?

  151. Minnie The Finn, avec de cèpes de Bordeaux says

    Illuminata @211:

    When you meet the psychic, grasp her hand tightly, then close your eyes for a moment. Then, look her deeply in the eyes and say in a quiet, sober voice: “Oh dear, I’m so sorry for you”. Refuse to comment further, just shake your head and sigh deeply.

    Having said that, I’ve read Tarot cards at a friend’s hen party, but all present knew I’m no psychic, nor did I ‘tell’ them anything they (and I) didn’t know before. It was good craic and turned into a kind of a stand-up routine. I hope that’s what your future sister-in-law is aiming at, too.

  152. Illuminata, Genie of the Beer Bottle says

    @Predator Handshake –

    is it actually weird to be invited to a bachelorette party when you’re in the wedding?

    I meant weird that I got an invitation, because I’m a bridesmaid and was there when the group of us planned the bachelorette party. ( The psychic thing was decided on later, evidently. ) Meaning, I knew all about it already, why waste the postage?

    I really like the idea of studying up on cold reading beforehand. My Aunt and I – both single women – joked about wearing fake wedding rings into the reading just to throw the “psychic” off.

    @SQB –

    Actually she may still be a skeptic. Or did she plan her own bachelorette party?

    She did plan it. She’s basically done everything herself that the MOH is supposed to do.

    As for her still being a skeptic: I don’t think so, and here’s why:

    The bridesmaids gathered at my brother’s house (fiancee lives with him, but he owns it) to make the favors for the shower. I got there a little bit late.

    When I got there, Fiancee was dangling a threaded needle over her hand because – get this – the way the needle moved indicated what the sex of your future children will be. And you had to keep doing it until the needle stopped, or was interrupted, etc.

    As the Horde may remember – I want no kids. Fiancee, however, desperately wants a boy. So, when she did the needle thing – it stopped dead. Every single time. When I did it, I got to four kids(3 boys and a girl). So, she kept trying over and over and over again.

    At the time, I put it down to baby fever. Now, coupled with the psychic thing . . . . . ugh. . . .

  153. chigau (違う) says

    Illuminata
    I’d pay $45 for a chance to spend several hours of quality time with a psychic.
    Minnie’s suggestion would be only the beginning…

  154. Predator Handshake says

    Maybe they wanted to send you one for posterity? Something like when my mother insisted I send her an invitation to my college graduation so that she could put it in her box with my homework from elementary school. I sure am defending the sending of unnecessary invitations here.

  155. Sili says

    Fun is, one Star Trek episode did have a silicon-based aerobic life form that tunnelled through rock by means of acid, was intelligent, and was able to communicate with Spock by means of Vulcan mind-meld.

    I meant the real Star Trek, not that Shatneriffic abomination.

  156. birgerjohansson says

    > > And since when do Xenomorphs reach full adult size
    > > within minutes without feeding or anything?

    > The first one grew to adult size in hours, though I
    > always presumed it had eaten their food supply off screen.
    > There’s actually supposedly a deleted sequence where they
    > find food wrappers and stuff, implying that the little guy
    > had gotten into their food supply, and also apparently making > it appear
    > like more time has elapsed between the chestburster
    > sequence and the adult Xeno.
    >
    > Or so I’ve heard.
    — — — — — — — —
    This was a confusing aspect of the first film, but apparently they got things right in the script, alas the scene was cut. In Alien 3 there was a very short time between emergence from the dog to attacking and killing the first inmate.

    For some really frightening alien badasses, see the books by Neal Asher; the Prador, the many and varied predators on the world Masada and just about all the organisms on the world Spatterjay.

    And don’t forget Peter Hamilton’s “Immotiles” at “Dyson Alpha”
    — — — — — — —
    The Modhri mind parasite dreamed up by Timothy Zahn is scary not only because it can take over your body, it can actually do it *without you being aware of it*.
    We make sense of a chaotic world by often retro-justifying irrational choices (for instance Bachmann does not need to make stuff up, but she does it anyway and refuses to back down from ridiculous claims). Thus , a Modhri mind fragment in your brain can plant a suggestion for an action in your mind, you will perform it and you will afterwards come up with a justification for what you did.

    If the body is expendable, the parasite can assume hands-on control for a length of time that cannot be satisfactorily rationalised for the host. The host will then be killed. Since the parasites are telepathic, they can transfer their memories from one host body to another and are thus not required to keep their hosts alive…
    A Modhri mind fragment can be made up of all the host bodies within reach of telepathic communication. They/ it thus have a very fluid sense of “self” and mind fragments passing each other (on meeting trains, on the streets or on the sidewalks) continually swap memories and other information. This makes the Modhri essentially un-killable. It only dies if the whole species is wiped out. And if not stopped, it will infiltrate every sentient host species it meets.
    The fear it instils is not a matter of claws or acid, but of the “pod people” aspect.

  157. Brownian says

    Minnie’s suggestion would be only the beginning…

    [Excitedly] “You’re a psychic? Like Stephen Hawking? OMG, this is awesome! So, can you tell us all about how black holes form? What’s a quasar? How is a Schwartzchild radius different from an event horizon?
    What’s that? Oh, psychic, right. [Deflated] So, you’re gonna tell us if we’ll find true love, like one of those folded paper thingies we made in grade school? That’s, uh, that’s cool too, I guess. [Loudly] Is there anything to drink here or what?”

  158. Brownian says

    I want someone who can interpret chicken entrails.

    Anyone can do that. Without even looking at the entrails in question, I think I could claim they say “this chicken is dead” with a high amount of accuracy.

    Or, did you mean you want someone who can interpret them according to some sort of fixed guidelines for interpretation?

  159. janine says

    Or, did you mean you want someone who can interpret them according to some sort of fixed guidelines for interpretation?

    I also want to be able to wear the intestines like a scarf around my neck at the bachelorette party after the interpretation.

  160. Minnie The Finn, avec de cèpes de Bordeaux says

    I’ll read chicken entrails if the price is right.

    Hell, I can read them and then EAT them if you pay enough.

  161. Minnie The Finn, avec de cèpes de Bordeaux says

    Janine:

    ok, let’s make it horse entrails, I’m sure the Patrol won’t mind that?

  162. Brownian says

    ok, let’s make it horse entrails, I’m sure the Patrol won’t mind that?

    If they’re in your bed it means you’ve royally pissed off the Don.

    That’ll be $50, please.

  163. chigau (違う) says

    I want to start a neo-Puritan sect who are required to respond to “Merry Christmas!” with a kick in the shin and a “Bless your heart!”

  164. Brownian says

    The Pullet Patrol is in your bed? Even they want teh ghey secks with Brownian?

    You know, I’m not even sure anymore. I really need an executive assistant.

  165. janine says

    You know, I’m not even sure anymore. I really need an executive assistant.

    For planning or executing all of teh ghey secks.

  166. Minnie The Finn, avec de cèpes de Bordeaux says

    I can draw neat flow charts for Brownian to organize his ghey secks activities (I can even used Excel *spit*), but I’m afraid I won’t be able to help on the, um, delivery side of the busibess.

  167. says

    #225: Eh. Pokealot can play Conservapædian all he wants; it just makes him look petty and stupid. I’m more annoyed at the blatant attempt to derail a thread. Just ignore him. I’m sure he’ll find himself endungeoned with good cause eventually.

  168. janine says

    Just ignore him.

    But I cannot. I guess I will have to play with him until there is nothing left.

  169. Minnie The Finn, avec de cèpes de Bordeaux says

    chigau:

    yup, noticed that eventually too, I was just too embarrassed to call it out myself =)

  170. cicely, unheeded prophetess of the Equine Apocalypse says

    Holly shit! Why do people enjoy really spicy food?

    My theories:
    1) masochism
    2) lack of innervation in the mouth and lips
    3) lack of sensitivity in the nerves of the mouth and lips
    4) there’s a reasonable chance that any food-borne diseases and/or parasites have already died screaming before they can get into your mouth, let alone your GI tract
    5) they’re damned show-offs.

    I recommend a serving of full-fat ice cream, stat. Roll it around in your mouth as it melts.

    I love spicy food, I love that sensation, it’s a good hurt.

    No. Masochist.

    Bah — were it not for this taboo against anthropophagy, the by-products of liposuction would be a fine ingredient; god knows there’s enough of that in America.
    <runs away>

    Gives a whole new meaning to “You can bite my big, fat ass!”, doesn’t it?
    *also runs away*
    -

  171. Brownian says

    For planning or executing all of teh ghey secks.

    Sure. Maybe. Both?

    I want one of those situations where I stride from my office on my way to another liquid lunch when my EA stops me to tell me to remember I’ve got a 1:30 on the other side of town, dinner reservations with my wife at Le Coûteux at 7:30 (my tux is back from the cleaners and in the closet), and by the way, here’s the present I’d picked out for my child’s piano recital has just arrived, all delivered with a Brooklyn tang à la Annie Potts in Ghostbusters.

    The details of what I actually do that I need an EA to help manage never seem to get fully explained before the exposition is interrupted by space aliens causing explosions.

    [Brownian gets a dreamy look.]

    Boom! “It’s the Rataxians! They’ve found me! Quickly, get everyone in the building into the escape pods,” I’d tell my trusty EA, “and meet me on the roof! Wear your Juggernaut suit!”
    “But the Juggernaut suit is only a prototype! We haven’t fully tested it yet!”
    “If we survive this, we’ll send R&D a memo letting them know we’ve fast-tracked the testing phase. See you in Dimension X, old friend!” [Leaps through the eightieth-floor window while tapping a secret button on the left shoe, activating jet-suit with Gatling lasers]
    “You’ll never obtain the Neutro-sphere, Commander Klaxx!” Pew-pew! Pew-pew!

  172. chigau (違う) says

    Brownian
    With all that going on in your head, how do you get anything done in meatspace?

  173. Richard Austin says

    Brownian:

    All the while, Carry On Dancing plays in the background. (I’ve always thought that would make an awesome James Bond-ish theme song.)

    I love spicy food. I don’t generally register it as pain. I don’t get indigestion from it (or from anything, really). I’ve also never really noticed a ring of fire. But I love the flavors in spicy food.

  174. janine says

    Mmm. Ghey secks with aliens? Go on.

    John Zorn made a soundtrack for a Japanese porn movie with that plot.

  175. Minnie The Finn, avec de cèpes de Bordeaux says

    janine:

    I knew that tentacles were about to enter the conversation sooner or later, given the forum.

  176. Brother Ogvorbis, OM, Demoted says

    This has to be the case, as otherwise you’re faced with the absurdity of sellers living for centuries with no buyers around to purchase from them.

    Ah. You are trying to sell a house in the US then?

    Oh! Shit!

    I think the Pullet Patrol is pissed off at me!

    They’re quick. I’ve even heard it said they are faster than a speeding pullet!

    Holly shit! Why do people enjoy really spicy food?

    Because it is good?

    I love chilis. I’m okay with mustard. I detest horseradish (maybe it’s the ‘horse’ part, ’cause I like radishes).

  177. Minnie The Finn, avec de cèpes de Bordeaux says

    janine:

    what, not all Japanese porn involves tentacles?

    I must google harder.

  178. janine says

    Minnie, I once saw a Japanese porn that had a drill bit.

    Actually, it was a horror movie. You can guess what the drill bit was.

    It was a rather disturbing movie.

  179. Illuminata, Genie of the Beer Bottle says

    I, personally, ADORE spicy food. To the point where I put cayenne pepper or hot sauce on just about everything. Scrambled eggs, tuna fish, salad. Adore!

    According to Cracked.com, its an addiction. Don’t look at me like that. Cracked is clearly a scientific journal full of scientific truth!

    Sidebar:

    Who demoted Ogvorbis and why?

  180. Brownian says

    With all that going on in your head, how do you get anything done in meatspace?

    I don’t. I’m somewhat likeable enough to make up for my uselessness, though.

    Mmm. Ghey secks with aliens? Go on.

    A Rataxian defector who understands that the junta cabal of rir↑* species would not handle the Neutro-sphere responsibly and falls in flhrrrik with an Earth-meat? I like the cut of your jib, Minnie.

    All the while, Carry On Dancing plays in the background.

    A highly-stylised rooftop fight scene at night amid drizzling rain? Can we afford to cast Jennifer Garner? Do we want to?

    *Rataxian genders are…complex. In English, pronouns are marked with arrows corresponding to directions as on a cartesian plane, double arrows up or down are used for the z-axis genders, and a lower-case ‘O’ to indicate the pregnant, or ‘origin’ gender.

  181. ibyea says

    I like spicy food a lot. There is a limit for me, though. Eating one of those green peppers has allowed me to experience one of the worst pain to ever afflict my tongue. I can’t imagine what pepper spray is like.

    What is amazing though, is that the old Koreans like my dad can take it. They eat eat peppers like it is candy. How can they do that!?

  182. Minnie The Finn, avec de cèpes de Bordeaux says

    Spicy’s not for me. BoyToy puts it in practically everything he cooks* (and he cooks practically all the time), to the extent of me not being able to eat some of the hotter varieties.

    Luckily the spawn are cool with chili, I can always grab a sandwich instead, or go hungry. Leaving the chili out appears not to be an option.

  183. Brother Ogvorbis, OM, Demoted says

    Who demoted Ogvorbis and why?

    I did. Lack of ability to spell. All of my curses, due to mispellings, failed.

  184. cicely, unheeded prophetess of the Equine Apocalypse says

    I’m thinking I may have tonsil stones. I keep feeling a foreign object in the back of my throat, and coughing to get rid of it inevitably leads to gagging.

    I’ve never heard of tonsil stones, but I frequently get that “foreign object in the back of my throat” feeling; actually, the side-back, usually on the left. There’s a fold behind the base of my tongue, and stuff (sometimes as big as a baby aspirin) gets lodged in it. I can sometimes get it to move along by sorta writhing the base of my tongue near it, or by opening the area as wide as possible while vigorously agitating water through the area. If neither of those works, I’m afraid that it’s a matter of waiting for erosion to take care of it. Not pleasant.

    I do know that trying to knock it loose with finger or q-tip leads to gagging just as surely as trying to cough it out.

    ok, let’s make it horse entrails, I’m sure the Patrol won’t mind that?

    “I’m cicely, and I approve this message.”

    If they’re in your bed it means you’ve royally pissed off the Don.

    I thought that was the horse’s head.

    (And I don’t imagine the horse would be best pleased, either.)

    Brownian
    With all that going on in your head, how do you get anything done in meatspace?

    Kinda explains the slow processing rate of the “Ghey Secks With Brownian” line, doesn’t it?

    But I love the flavors in spicy food.

    There are no flavors in spicy food. They all burn off before entry.

    It also releases endorphins.

    So, you think I should add
    6) overly-robust endorphin production/delivery system
    ?
    -

  185. David Marjanović says

    Huh. Tonsil stones. I had no idea there was such a thing.

    Shit David, that joke almost makes me wanna start watching the simpsons again.

    Go ahead. You know you want to.

    SPRINGFIELD COUNTRY FAIR

    WARNING: FUNHOUSE MAY HAVE CHRISTIAN MESSAGE

    Right. Except that it occurs to me that if they’re contemplating a long-term partnership, collocating[1] will be an essential early step in that process /and/ might be a nontrivial part of helping Sally get her excrement conjoined.

    Sorry, I forgot you weren’t on teh Thread for so long. They lived together for months or years. Only a few months ago did StrangeBoyfriend move away. If he didn’t manage to help her during that time…

    …actually, I’m not sure which conclusions exactly to draw from that…

    whichever is handier

    :-D

    John Morales: Maybe I was reading a bad translation, but I explicitly remember seeing mention of ‘four legged birds which creepeth on the ground’, if not in those exact words.

    Well, definitely not in those exact words. Creepeth is old for creeps; “birds” and “creeps” don’t go together.

    Gryphons, owing to their rock-hard eggs and macropredatory habits

    Protoceratops wasn’t a predator.

    (…Well, maybe it was some kind of omnivore… but “macropredatory habits” doesn’t fit.)

    Borkquoth

    Month saved.

    Holly shit! Why do people enjoy really spicy food? I don’t understand. My mouth is on fire and I can’t even finish my meal.

    Pavlovian conditioning. They have learned to associate pain with good taste, so now they somehow enjoy the pain itself – the concept of “it’s a good hurt” is born.

    I bet masochism in sexual activities works the same way.

    Oh, wait. There’s one other thing about spicy food, though I suspect it doesn’t have much influence on present company: manly men must prove they can tolerate any level of pain, so they must, in some cultures, eat at least as spicy as possible. In Serbia, Real Men™ are expected to eat pepperoni, just so, out of their hands, without any bread or anything.

    Why do people do anything that involves intense sensations?

    Intense joy and intense pain don’t have anything in common if you’re not conditioned otherwise.

    Rev,
    Maybe it’s the rate at which milk passes through my mouth, but I have never found it particularly helpful. I do drink skim though…

    That must be why.

    (Pet peeve alert: skimmed milk is one of the stupidest inventions of the last 100 years.)

    I had some milk. It put the fire out in my mouth, but my stomach is still burning.

    Oh for crying out loud, what have you eaten.

    How did I miss that? I thought I was aware of all internet traditions?

    PZ invented the tradition of reading “Family” as “Patriarchy”.

    For after that in the wisdom of God the world by wisdom knew not God, it pleased God by the foolishness of preaching to save them that believe.

    (Emphasis mine, not god’s) That babble shit really does not scan.

    I bet the word order is that of the Greek original.

    Can you hear me rolling my eyes now?

    Oh yes.

    They were far more shocked than they should have been at the relative smallness of a bunch of dudes’ penises who were running around inthe snow!

    Men don’t get many opportunities to see other mens’, and the whole culture tells them that women are obsessed with length. It’s considered the pinnacle of sophistication to “know” that women are obsessed with girth instead.

    Besides, I suspect the variation in flaccid length is a lot greater than the variation in erect length — but, as I just said, I have no access to a relevant sample size.

    FTR, I am *tiny* in stature. I most certainly DO NOT prefer a large penis.

    Right? I don’t like having my cervix bumped during sex.

    Well, they don’t have to stick theirs all the way in, do they?

    The doodz stared at me in confusion when I said there was such a thing as a penis that’s too big.

    :-D :-D :-D

    Seriously, there needs to be, like, a year-long sex education module directed solely at teaching young boys how not to freak out about their penis size.

    :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D

    Imagine if humans had a penis bone, instead of the ‘hydraulic’ system evolution gave us.

    There would be no such thing as erectile dysfunction.

    Why do you think so? The bone is thrust back and forth, and the forth-thrusting part – the erection – may of course dysfunction.

    I reckon the Japanese have it right with their trees.
    Godzilla would win any war on christmas : http://kotaku.com/5866209/godzilla-vs-baby-jesus/gallery/2

    ROTFLMAO!

    Dr. Cox of Scrubs already swears to Godzilla.

    There’s no way out of this

    Just say no.

    When you meet the psychic, grasp her hand tightly, then close your eyes for a moment. Then, look her deeply in the eyes and say in a quiet, sober voice: “Oh dear, I’m so sorry for you”. Refuse to comment further, just shake your head and sigh deeply.

    That’s another option!

    Perhaps answer questions with “you know exactly what I mean” and sob. B-)

    My Aunt and I – both single women – joked about wearing fake wedding rings into the reading just to throw the “psychic” off.

    Not bad!

    I meant the real Star Trek, not that Shatneriffic abomination.

    Two words for you: Jean-Louc Picâ.

    (…um… actually… I don’t take sides in the Great Trekkie War. I’ve watched almost no TNG because Sister 1 likes Young Kirk so much. The best, obviously, is Enterprise, the one from a sane age when the writers had finally learned from their past stupidities and cultural complexes.)

    4) there’s a reasonable chance that any food-borne diseases and/or parasites have already died screaming before they can get into your mouth, let alone your GI tract

    …Oh, yeah. That, too.

    dinner reservations with my wife at Le Coûteux

    ROTFL!

    I’ve always thought that would make an awesome James Bond-ish theme song.

    “Your brother is dead. *1-second pause* Keep dancing.”

  186. Brother Ogvorbis, OM, Demoted says

    [WARNING: FIRE STORY FIRE STORY FIRE STORY]

    Some years ago I as at a forest fire in Oregon. We were based out of the rodeo grounds on an Indian reservation. I was working security (which (at this fire) meant sitting in the sun for 12 hours a day controlling camp access.

    Luckily, one of the tribal elders was in charge of the reefer — fresh fruit, bagged lunches, water, Gatorade, and ice. The camp crew were all locals and, when family members came by, I could send them over to the reefer and, since he knew everyone in the town, he could make the judgement call to let them walk back to supply (or wherever in the camp) or wait at the gate.

    One day, a young woman with two little girls drove up. She parked off to the side (not blocking traffic) and I sent her over to the reefer while the kids waited in the car. She came back and said her boyfriend would be out in about ten minutes and they waited in the (almost) shade of the fly.

    The younger of the two girls (they were about two and five) loudly announced she was hungry. So mom sent the five-year-old into the car to get here a snack. She came out with a couple of green chile peppers. They looked spicey. They smelled spicey. And she handed one to the two-year-old while mom looked the other way.

    I wasn’t quick enough to warn mom. The two-year-old took a big bite (and, four feet away, my eyes began to water — these were hot!), smiled, and took another bite. She ate two peppers and smiled through it all. What went through my mind? Wow, I’m glad I don’t have to change that diaper.

    A few days later, one of the townsfolk go permission to set up a Navajo taco/fry bread trailer outside the camp. I remember, with fondness, the Navajo tacos out in Tusayan (at the now-gone RedFeather Lodge) when I lived in Arizona, so I wandered out to get one. They came in three levels of spicey — hot, mild and anglo. I chose mild and, while absolutely delicious, it made me sweat for an hour. Like taking a sauna.

    [FIRE STORY ENDS FIRE STORY ENDS FIRE STORY ENDS]

  187. Pteryxx says

    Spicy food preference isn’t necessarily genetic; you can adapt to it. Via culture and maternal diet during pregnancy, of course, but also as an adult. Since my natal fundie sect believed in bland food (not just no heat, but no *spices* – not even garlic or ginger), I didn’t taste spicy chili or Oriental or African food until college. At the time, even one-star food was too hot for me. After more than ten years of gradually increasing exposure, now I can handle (and favor) three- or even four-star chili sauce heat. Still can’t handle anything from the mustard family, though; so I suspect they activate different receptors.

  188. ibyea says

    @pteryxx
    For me, there are different kinds of spiciness. I can stand the pepper spiciness, but if I eat wasabi, I find it a horrible experience.

    @Ogvorbis
    Wow, it is incredible to think that it might be possible that they are more resistant to spiciness than the Koreans.

  189. says

    Oh, I missed this:

    Seriously, there needs to be, like, a year-long sex education module directed solely at teaching young boys how not to freak out about their penis size.

    Yes, this please! It’s hard enough not wanting the damn thing half the time I can’t imagine how it would be to want one and not think yours is adequate. (Though, perhaps TMI, I’ve been told mine is… *ahem* rather large)

  190. David Marjanović says

    TV evening news: apparently a secret CIA prison has been discovered in Bucarest. The Romanian authorities deny everything.

    They’re quick. I’ve even heard it said they are faster than a speeding pullet!

    X-D

    I detest horseradish

    *clenched-tentacle salute*

    What is amazing though, is that the old Koreans like my dad can take it. They eat eat peppers like it is candy. How can they do that!?

    Like the Serbs: machismo compels them to decades of hard training. Then it works. Apparently the pain-sensitive nerves in their mouths are actually destroyed in the process.

    So, you think I should add
    6) overly-robust endorphin production/delivery system
    ?

    No – it’s like runner’s high and bungee jumping: when life becomes absolutely unbearable, all feelings are switched off because they’re useless anyway, and bliss sets in. Some people get addicted to that.

    will be an essential early step in that process /and/ might be

    Oh. The slashes happen when I copy text in italics into a Thunderbird e-mail and then change it to plain text.

  191. janine says

    The current topic is begging for this song.

    Big Ten Inch Record

    Youngsters, 78 RPM records were, ahem, ten inches wide. And most of the blues songs were to be found on those.

    This was from an other lifetime, back when Aerosmith was a good band. Hard to believe, ain’t it?

  192. ibyea says

    @David Marjanovic
    If eating green pepper like that is what it takes to be a Real Man TM, then I don’t think I want to be one. Granted, I bet it looked funny when I was scrabbling to get the glass of milk while I was yelling and cursing in agony.

  193. kristinc, ~delicate snowflake~ says

    I’ve heard/seen people describe the flavors different hot foods have (comparing different kinds of peppers and so on). I don’t get it. To me, hot food just tastes … hot. I can taste practically no other flavors while the hotness fills my mouth. So I don’t eat spicy food, because I like to taste things and I don’t see the appeal in covering up all the other tastes with burn.

  194. Muse says

    DDMFM

    Pavlovian conditioning. They have learned to associate pain with good taste, so now they somehow enjoy the pain itself – the concept of “it’s a good hurt” is born.

    I bet masochism in sexual activities works the same way.

    I would venture to suggest that you are incorrect here.

  195. Dhorvath, OM says

    Cicely,

    I love spicy food, I love that sensation, it’s a good hurt.

    No. Masochist.

    The two don’t work at once.
    ___

    And I suspected I would hear from David M on that note too. I maintain that there are sensations that feel good to me, as in I enjoy them, which are described as pain by many other people. Wasabi, capsaicin, DOMS, isopropyl alcohol on a fresh wound, temporary muscle failure. I don’t deny that this is at least in part a result of the specific experiences that make up my past, but I also know that I am not alone in having those interpretations. I don’t recall not liking certain types of pain, generally sharp and always below the threshold where nausea is a result, and so it makes me curious if there might not be a physiological effect as well as a psychological one.
    _

    Also, I get that many people don’t like skim milk. I like milk, I drink it by the litre and I am happy that I like skim milk as it saves me a lot of fat that I would consume and not notice. I could just as easily drink homogenized milk, it tastes fine too, but an extra 35 grams of fat is just not something I am lacking.

  196. Pteryxx says

    There’s a point at which spicy-heat sensation starts to drown out other flavors. For me, at three-star level now, that point’s around four- to five-star. It feels a lot like too much raw onion, or too much garlic (or even too much strong cheese) where the one flavor just blows everything else away, complete with wincing and cringing. I think that setpoint varies though, because back when I had barely any heat tolerance at all, the blow-away point was around two-star. I’m also not one of those folks who *needs* chili sauce in everything for it to have a taste – I like the zero-star just fine too. But hot spicy food is something you can relax into, like a rough massage, or a really emotional movie. It’s also awesome in cold weather.

  197. Minnie The Finn, avec de cèpes de Bordeaux says

    Has an OM, tells Fire Stories(TM) and drinks skimmed milk by the litre?

    I haz an internet crush.

  198. Brother Ogvorbis, OM, Demoted says

    I’ve heard/seen people describe the flavors different hot foods have (comparing different kinds of peppers and so on). I don’t get it. To me, hot food just tastes … hot.

    Oh, just with chile peppers there are so many different ‘hots’ — for me, anyway. Jalapenos have a spicey-grassy flavour. Serranos have a fresh, clean biting hot (Serenos, however, just dig up dinosaurs and archosaurs and other neat things). Passilla chiles have a flavour similar to a smokey raisin. Poblanos are rich, almost meaty. Habaneros have a bright spicey sting. My palate is not well developed (for anything), but for some, different peppers are as different as wines. But far more useful.

  199. David Marjanović says

    TV evening news: apparently a secret CIA prison has been discovered in Bucarest. The Romanian authorities deny everything.

    They’re quick. I’ve even heard it said they are faster than a speeding pullet!

    X-D

    I detest horseradish

    *clenched-tentacle salute*

    What is amazing though, is that the old Koreans like my dad can take it. They eat eat peppers like it is candy. How can they do that!?

    Like the Serbs: machismo compels them to decades of hard training. Then it works. Apparently the pain-sensitive nerves in their mouths are actually destroyed in the process.

    So, you think I should add
    6) overly-robust endorphin production/delivery system
    ?

    No – it’s like runner’s high and bungee jumping: when life becomes absolutely unbearable, all feelings are switched off because they’re useless anyway, and bliss sets in. Some people get addicted to that.

    will be an essential early step in that process /and/ might be

    Oh. The slashes happen when I copy text in italics into a Thunderbird e-mail and then change it to plain text.

    chile peppers

    Chili has nothing to do with the country of Chile and isn’t pronounced that way in Spanish.

    @pteryxx
    For me, there are different kinds of spiciness. I can stand the pepper spiciness, but if I eat wasabi, I find it a horrible experience.

    Similarly, my mom doesn’t like spicy food, but doesn’t notice that green pepper is spicy at all.

    Penis size preference chart

    1) “Enjoyable” is less than “satisfying”?
    2) “Ideal (perfect)” length only starts above 7 inches. Someone on this very Thread once said the average is 6 inches, and one of the comments to the chart says the average is 5 1/2 inches. (Yeah, “very satisfying” starts just above 6 inches, but still. Minority complexes come from “I’m not perfect”.)
    3) Why the literal fuck circumference and not diameter? Diameters are much easier to imagine. *sulk*
    4) …So, the poll sample is from an Internet forum. It’s an Internet poll. *sigh*

    If eating green pepper like that is what it takes to be a Real Man TM, then I don’t think I want to be one.

    *clenched-tentacle salute*

    To me, hot food just tastes … hot. I can taste practically no other flavors while the hotness fills my mouth.

    When the hotness gets halfway serious, it’s the same for me. As long as it’s rather ridiculous, I can largely ignore it and concentrate on the flavor… and things like black and green pepper do have very good tastes. The best curry I know is so hot that I can only use it in pitifully small amounts.

    I would venture to suggest that you are incorrect here.

    Then how does it work? I’m the first to admit that my imagination is limited.

    I also know that I am not alone in having those interpretations

    I never said you were. I know you’re probably even in the majority.

    I don’t recall not liking certain types of pain, generally sharp and always below the threshold where nausea is a result, and so it makes me curious if there might not be a physiological effect as well as a psychological one.

    AFAIK, the receptors for mechanical damage, heat and acid all feed into the same nerves, and AFAIK spicy substances attach to one of those receptors.

    Also, I get that many people don’t like skim milk. I like milk, I drink it by the litre and I am happy that I like skim milk as it saves me a lot of fat that I would consume and not notice.

    I notice the fat: in healthy amounts, milk helps against hunger. Skimmed milk not only tastes worse, it makes me more hungry than I’m used to.

  200. opposablethumbs, que le pouce enragé mette les pouces says

    I love spicy food!!!! But I’m the only one in the family who does :-((((

    On the other hand, I will concede that it can sometimes go too far. I was once walking along the street eating some pakora I’d just bought from a branch of Ambala when I bit into a significant piece of chili and – I kid you not – went blind for maybe 15 seconds (well I couldn’t see, so I’ll call it going blind. It sounds more dramatic that way).

    Also, I want to watch that film. Brownian can be in it or script and direct, or all three, à volonté.

    I so wish there were more actual m/m and f/f romances on the screen, mainstream, without anyone pretending it means the end of the world or something. We get bloody bombarded by m/f romance all the bloody time, why can’t we have a change sometimes dammit.

  201. Illuminata, Genie of the Beer Bottle says

    kristinc – that is fascinating to me because I feel exactly the same way about food that isn’t spicy. It always tastes like its missing something to me. Always seems slightly wrong.

    ++

    Re: the Size discussion:

    TMI WARNING: You have been warned.

    Count me in with the not liking the BIG ones group. I am a petite woman. Cervix bumping hurts, sometimes really badly. There’s even a relatively popular position I can’t handle because even average sized penii hit the back wall that way. I’m a light-weight BDSMer and, frankly, that’s just the wrong and bad kind of pain.

  202. Brother Ogvorbis, OM, Demoted says

    and drinks skimmed milk by the litre?

    Er, no. The only time I drink milk is when I put it on my boring shredded wheat biscuits (which also are useful to add some texture to bread). And I drink milk by the cup, pint and quart. I ain’t no furriner. I’s a ‘Mercun!

  203. dianne says

    Oh, dear, it looks like I’m going to have to be a moderate in the spice/no spice debate…I like spices, but I don’t like overwhelming spices. Subtle amounts of pepper flavoring food, great, pepper so strong I can’t taste anything else, bleh. If the food’s so spicy it overwhelms your taste buds and you can’t taste it anyway, what’s the point? OTOH, food without any spice is kind of…boring. To me at least.

    My anecdote about spicing of food and culture…I used to live in Germany, back in the 1990s when they didn’t seem to favor spices much*. My partner and I went into a Thai place we found and asked for our order “scharf” (sharp, spicy.) The waiter looked at us dubiously. My partner said (in English): “It’s ok. We’re Americans.” They looked relieved and came back with some yummy, nicely spiced food.

    *At least not of the sort I was used to. I eventually learned to appreciate the subtler flavors of central European cooking, but it took a while.

  204. kristinc, ~delicate snowflake~ says

    Then how does it work? I’m the first to admit that my imagination is limited.

    Speaking just for myself and hoping it’s not TMI, the flaw in your hypothesis is that I never had to “learn” to connect pain with pleasurable sexual feelings. The two were deeply linked for as long as I can remember having sexual feelings.

  205. Minnie The Finn, avec de cèpes de Bordeaux says

    Ogvorbis: oh, my bad, a serious case of ‘nym confusion.

    Now I have two internet crushes, apparently.

  206. Dhorvath, OM says

    David,
    I was a little vague there, I notice the fat in terms of mouth feel, although I don’t prefer one over the other. I don’t notice it in terms of satiety, a litre of skim fills me up just as well as a litre of homogenized.

  207. Illuminata, Genie of the Beer Bottle says

    is that I never had to “learn” to connect pain with pleasurable sexual feelings. The two were deeply linked for as long as I can remember having sexual feelings.

    Seconded.

    I have always wondered where it came from though. Internalized societal cues? This was before the bad shit happened, so I can’t pin it on that.

  208. David Marjanović says

    I’m also not one of those folks who *needs* chili sauce in everything for it to have a taste – I like the zero-star just fine too.

    One of the best dishes I know is very lightly battered haddock with rice and butter. Very bland – with a very fine, subtle taste. :-)

    Serenos, however, just dig up dinosaurs and archosaurs and other neat things

    :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

  209. Gen Fury of the Desolate Furies says

    LOL, speaking of “contrived outrage”, some gems from Emrysmyrddin‘s link @278:

    Hi Lauren,

    I’m disappointed in you. I’m disappointed that I haven’t gotten a response to my voicemail and text messages.

    FYI, I suggest that you keep in mind that emails sound more impersonal, harsher, and are easier to misinterpret than in-person or phone communication. After all, people can’t see someone’s body language or tone of voice in an email. I’m not trying to be harsh, patronizing, or insulting in this email. I’m honest and direct by nature, and I’m going to be that way in this email. By the way, I did a google search, so that’s how I came across your email.

    Hey there! I’m a non-creepy, non-stalkerish totally safe and caring individual who would never try to control you or your behaviour! Keep me in mind for future dates!

    I assume that you no longer want to go out with me. (If you do want to go out with me, then you should let me know.) I suggest that you make a sincere apology to me for giving me mixed signals. I feel led on by you.

    Things that happened during our date include, but are not limited to, the following:

    You’re a horrible person and a TEASE! I demand an apology! If you wanna go out with me again, lemme know!

    -You played with your hair a lot. A woman playing with her hair is a common sign of flirtation. You can even do a google search on it. When a woman plays with her hair, she is preening. I’ve never had a date where a woman played with her hair as much as you did. In addition, it didn’t look like you were playing with your hair out of nervousness.

    -We had lots of eye contact during our date. On a per-minute basis, I’ve never had as much eye contact during a date as I did with you.

    -You said, “It was nice to meet you.” at the end of our date. A woman could say this statement as a way to show that she isn’t interested in seeing a man again or she could mean what she said–that it was nice to meet you. The statement, by itself, is inconclusive.

    -We had a nice conversation over dinner. I don’t think I’m being delusional in saying this statement.

    In my opinion, leading someone on (i.e., giving mixed signals) is impolite and immature. It’s bad to do that.

    Of course, it’s difficult to predict what would happen, but I think there is a lot of potential for a serious relationship developing between us one day (or least there was before your non-response to my voicemail and text messages).

    I think we should go out on a second date. In my opinion, our first date was good enough to lead to a second date.

    You wanna talk mixed signals! Well two can play THAT game, princess!

    Okay, I’ll stop now or I’ll be pasting it all. This is priceless. So, do you think this is
    A.) a case of legitimate non-neurotypical obliviousness to social cues
    or
    B.)Entitled douchebag being entitled (and whiny, good Godzilla, the whininess!) who may or may not have read too many books/websites about Game and the MRA?

    Obviously, having an Autism spectrum family member doesn’t make me an authority, but I’m gonna go with B here.

  210. Brother Ogvorbis, OM, Demoted says

    :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

    Yes, that was included just for you, Herr Doktor!

  211. Brother Ogvorbis, OM, Demoted says

    Gen Fury:

    I’ll go with an extremely privileged ‘b’ on that one.

  212. Dhorvath, OM says

    So, do you think this is
    A.) a case of legitimate non-neurotypical obliviousness to social cues
    or
    B.)Entitled douchebag being entitled (and whiny, good Godzilla, the whininess!) who may or may not have read too many books/websites about Game and the MRA?

    Based on what I read this morning: Just don’t like the answer I am so going with B.

  213. Gen Fury of the Desolate Furies says

    Illuminata’s TMI in 287
    Word! Well, except for the BDSM part. I’m all boring vanilla, I’m afraid. Which brings us to

    hot food
    I simply cannot. Even the most mildy spicy food burns the crap out of me, to the point of tears streaming down my face and gasping for breath. THE MILDEST!

    Now that kristinc mentioned it, the juxtaposition of these two things seems really incredibly fascinating.

  214. David Marjanović says

    the flaw in your hypothesis is that I never had to “learn” to connect pain with pleasurable sexual feelings. The two were deeply linked for as long as I can remember having sexual feelings.

    I see. ~:-|

  215. says

    A woman playing with her hair is a common sign of flirtation.

    :eyeroll: 10 to 1 it’s more often an anxiety response. A lot of people mess with their hair as a way of dealing with nervousness, and are often completely unaware of doing it.

  216. John Morales says

    craigore:

    @John Morales
    and you are obviously lacking in the humor department.

    Oh, I dunno about that — I have plenty of phlegm and bile.

  217. Illuminata, Genie of the Beer Bottle says

    B.)Entitled douchebag being entitled (and whiny, good Godzilla, the whininess!) who may or may not have read too many books/websites about Game and the MRA?

    OOOhhhhh yeah. Plus some extreme entitlement issues.

    Isn’t eye contact, particularly prolonged eye contact, one of the things avoided by the former group?

    I’m going with read PUA books too many times because her completely ignoring him is a very clear GTFO from her. This long, whiny, assholey letter is just his way of trying to neg her into relenting.

    I hope Cthuthlu she didn’t respond to this. Gavin DeBecker would be very “disappointed” if she did.

  218. Pteryxx says

    as long as we’re TMI’ing,

    Heck, I adore penii and I like size, but for petes sake* I have sex with PEOPLE not dicks and I’ll go with whatever they bring to the table, so to speak. Big ones are better for anal than oral; small ones the reverse. If it’s a game-breaker, just buy a gigantic strap-on and get on with it, sheesh. They even make hollow ones.

    (*case in point.)

    I never had to “learn” to connect pain with pleasurable sexual feelings. The two were deeply linked for as long as I can remember having sexual feelings.

    …I dunno about *sexual* feelings per se, but I’ve always found low-level pain to just be not that big a deal. Little things like walking barefoot on sharp gravel, or ice, getting chomped on by various critters, scraped by branches or rocks, never bothered me as a little kid. Apparently I have a high pain tolerance as well (see: ice hockey) and I’m always getting cuts or bruises that I didn’t notice at the time. I suspect some of it’s inborn. (Partner and I suspect I might enjoy a little SM if I can get over the PTSD… we shall see.)

    Conversely, I haaaate hate hate light touch, such as tickling. Isn’t there some link between pain tolerance and insensitivity?

  219. Dhorvath, OM says

    Pteryxx,
    A second on mechanical assistance. Toys come in every which size, use the ones that work.
    _

    Also, I too don’t deal well with light touching. Hmmm.

  220. Gen Fury of the Desolate Furies says

    :eyeroll: 10 to 1 it’s more often an anxiety response. A lot of people mess with their hair as a way of dealing with nervousness, and are often completely unaware of doing it.

    Yeah but Caine, dood clear out stated that it was NOT nervousness. He knows these things, obviously!

    (Well, okay, he said it didn’t look like nervousness. Let’s do be fair.)

  221. says

    Gen Fury:

    He knows these things, obviously!

    Mmm hmmm. I am so impressed with his level of ignorance. I’m sure, in his book, there simply isn’t anything a woman can do that isn’t interpreted as “oh man, she wants me!”

  222. janine says

    Well, my hair is long and unruly. Unless I use extra hold mousse, it will do what it wants.

  223. Muse says

    David quoting I’m not sure who (sorry)

    the flaw in your hypothesis is that I never had to “learn” to connect pain with pleasurable sexual feelings. The two were deeply linked for as long as I can remember having sexual feelings.

    I see. ~:-|>

    David, for many folks kink is orientative, it’s as much an orientation as their sexual orientation.

  224. Esteleth, Ph.D. of Mischief, Mayhem and Hilarity says

    Oh, so it is TMIThursday?

    I had a truly shocking realization about eight months ago. For as long as I can remember, I’ve had this baby doll. Cloth body, hard plastic head. Well, I was just thinking about my habit – from as far back as kindergarten to when I graduated from high school, I would “play” with this doll. That is, I would masturbate with it.

    I realized that this was what I was doing RECENTLY. *facepalm*

    WRT the neurotypical and asshole vs. clueless and on the spectrum debate, I’m going to come down squarely in the “asshole” side. Speaking as someone on the spectrum who knows many who are also on the spectrum, the author of that email has “self-entitled jerk” written all over him. I just not getting an autism-spectrum vibe from him.

  225. John Morales says

    Illuminata,

    I’m going to have to shell out $45 to have some lying quack throw at me what she thinks I want to hear, aren’t I.

    Nope. There is no such need.

    My Aunt and I – both single women – joked about wearing fake wedding rings into the reading just to throw the “psychic” off.

    Um, what makes you imagine there won’t be any “hot” reading, especially when the suckers guests are known beforehand?

  226. Illuminata, Genie of the Beer Bottle says

    More TMI: You have again been warned:

    @Pteryxx

    Specifically for me, BDSM has helped with left over anxiety from the shit that’s happened in the past. It’s a way to be totally in control of not being in control, if that makes any sense. With a trustworthy partner, the ground rules are laid out before hand and nothing ever happens that I don’t want to happen (same goes for him). Yes, boundaries are pushed, but never the ones deemed off limits. And, its freedom to explore, but with someone who can be trusted not to hurt you.

    Its helped me a lot to come back out of the shell that my abusive, rapist ex caused me to retreat into. Helped me face my fears related to the opposite sex (as I’m straight), that he gave me, and work passed them.

    I’m not advocating for it for everyone, mind you, just thought it needed to be said, as there can sometimes be a lot of misunderstanding of what BDSM is.

  227. Illuminata, Genie of the Beer Bottle says

    Um, what makes you imagine there won’t be any “hot” reading, especially when the suckers guests are known beforehand?

    Damnit. You’re right. Plus, they asked for your birthdate ahead of time too.

    I’m going to have to do it because all the other bridesmaids are doing it and I already pleaded with the Bride to not do the goddamn bouquet/garter toss. I’m the ONLY single bridesmaid and one of the only single women that will be there. All the single men that will be there are related to me. I told her I’d go for a “smoke” during it, if she did it. Now, I’m obligated to do the damn psychic.

  228. says

    Re: size/comfort

    Count me in with the not liking the BIG ones group. I am a petite woman. Cervix bumping hurts, sometimes really badly. There’s even a relatively popular position I can’t handle because even average sized penii hit the back wall that way.

    Here’s a me too: count me in on the definitely-average-at-most group. I can’t imagine how frustrating it would be to have to be careful during sex with a man with a largish penis to avoid discomfort. Although based on what I’ve heard elsewhere and what I’m reading here, I really think my cervix is kind of in a non-typical configuration.

    Am I correct in assuming that for most of you, the cervix is at the very back of the vagina? Cause mine isn’t. I’ve never had doctor say anything during checkups, but I’m starting to think I have a less common variation here.

    Re: Spicy foods

    Like most kids, I was pretty averse to spicy foods and I find that as I get older, I have more tolerance for them and prefer more spice in my cooking. When making chile verde now, I use more chiles than I would have when I was younger. I just figured that was a function of fewer taste buds over a lifespan.

  229. Brother Ogvorbis, OM, Demoted says

    The masochist said, “Spank me!”

    The sadist said, “No.”

    (sorry)

  230. cicely, unheeded prophetess of the Equine Apocalypse says

    Gen Fury @296, I’ll go with B, although I suppose there’s no reason not to include a C) all of the above.
    -

  231. opposablethumbs, que le pouce enragé mette les pouces says

    JM: I have plenty of phlegm and bile.

    :-D :-D :-D

    You do indeed seem to be a humorous bloke. Dry humors, of course :)

  232. kristinc, ~delicate snowflake~ says

    Specifically for me, BDSM has helped with left over anxiety from the shit that’s happened in the past. It’s a way to be totally in control of not being in control, if that makes any sense.

    Yeah, sometimes BDSM with good boundaries, exquisitely careful communication and a partner I trust feels a lot less threatening and difficult than “normal” interaction. ‘Course, everybody has different triggers ad stuff.

  233. says

    Oh, and the email, huge creepy asshole. I think that @Dhorvath is absolutely right and this is very much a case of understanding just fine, but not liking the answer. Basically it’s rape culture all over.

  234. Illuminata, Genie of the Beer Bottle says

    feels a lot less threatening and difficult than “normal” interaction.

    100% co-signed. This is precisely why I can’t do casual hookups. If I don’t know them, I can’t trust them, so I sure as shit don’t want to be that vulnerable around them.

    I’m got very lucky with the current FWB. He’s very experienced with BDSM as both a dom and a sub and he’s game for just about anything. So we can explore pretty much anything we can think of. Its remarkably liberating.

    Though, I have to admit, it makes me worried that I’ll never be able to actually settle down, as it were, with anyone. Men like him are – in my experience – way to few and far in between.

  235. says

    Illuminata:

    Though, I have to admit, it makes me worried that I’ll never be able to actually settle down, as it were, with anyone.

    I wouldn’t worry about that too much, there are lots and lots and lots of BDSM peoples about and lots and lots and lots settle down. I’m one, settled 30+ years.

  236. Pteryxx says

    (more TMI) @Illuminata and whoever: I maybe should ask y’all about really beginner BDSM, because I don’t know yet what my boundaries actually are. There’s been a time or two when partner tried something that I thought I was fine with, with my explicit permission no less, that still ended up causing a panic attack. (And few things ruin sex like panic attacks, srsly.) But discussion of BDSM always seems to start from the presumption that you actually know HOW to determine your boundaries already. (Also, abuse counselors don’t seem to know much about it…)

  237. Tethys says

    This is an excerpt from the best comment on the reddit link.

    EDIT 4: I apologize for my earlier outbursts and think I should remind you how compatible we are. I am a male, you are a female, so obviously the dirty bits line up. According to private eye that I hired you’re roughly the same age as me which pretty much means we should be together forever. Judging by previous posts you’ve made on reddit you know your way around a computer. Clearly this is love at first type. If you apologize I will go out with you.
    Post Script: I am less attracted to you now, and you should know that and really think hard on it, because I need you to think that I’m a catch and in belittling you and telling you that I’m not into you this will totally make you fall for me because women definitely want unavailable men, that’s what I read in the Mystery Method.
    EDIT 5: Somebody please just hold me.
    EDIT 6: I may be about to expose all my insecurities to you, but I feel like I should let you know I make ass loads of money. This alone qualifies me as a desirable mate. If you’d like to copulate due to all the money I have in the bank please feel free to dial me at xxx-xxx-xxxx. If you need assistance, dial the operator. $$$$$ BLING BLAO DOLLA DOLLA BILLS YO! CHACHING! CASH REGISTER SOUNDS.

    I vote entitled asshole.

  238. says

    @Pteryxx, I seem remember that Holly at The Pervocracy had written some stuff about that process when you first figure out what you’re interested in and how to get involved with a local kinkster scene if you wanted to.

  239. opposablethumbs, que le pouce enragé mette les pouces says

    … although come to think of it, phlegm and bile are the moist humors, aren’t they? Is choler a dry one? And … can’t remember … what about blood?

    Stoppit, back to work dammit.

  240. John Morales says

    Brother O:

    The masochist said, “Spank me!”

    The sadist said, “No.”

    The masochist said, “Thank you!”

  241. Muse says

    Pteryxx – It’s hard figuring out what you like and what you don’t like, especially if there is trauma somewhere. Saying, “I’d like to try this, but i don’t know how I’ll react, please take x, y, and z reactions as a safe-out, even if I can’t manage English” is fine. You don’t have to know everything and it’s okay to say “well, didn’t like that, was much hotter in my head”

  242. Esteleth, Ph.D. of Mischief, Mayhem and Hilarity says

    Tethys,
    I think that goes beyond “entitled asshole” and lands squarely in “raging douchebucket” territory.

  243. says

    Pteryxx, that comes to exploration and negotiation. You should talk about new acts before doing them, that way you can often discover a potential trigger beforehand. As you aren’t sure of all your boundaries at this point, spur of the moment new acts should be off the table.

  244. kristinc, ~delicate snowflake~ says

    Pteryxx: I am no fan of a lot of stuff Jay Wiseman says about BDSM and power differentials, but in his book SM101 he wrote a really good suggestion/instruction for erotically hitting someone for the first time. It involved hitting very lightly for 10 strokes (barely taps), getting feedback/taking a break. Then if the bottom agrees to it, 10 strokes very slightly harder (still really gentle), feedback/break; if the bottom agrees, 10 more very slightly harder and so on. The feedback system he suggests includes a 1-to-5 rating of how much the bottom feels they’re struggling with each set of strokes. Maybe you can find the excerpt online, he seems to have a lot of articles floating around in various places.

    From my own experience it seems like a good way to avoid fear or panic attacks is to not combine a new sensation you might be nervous about with a level of powerlessness you might also be nervous about. So if you’re going to play with some erotic pain maybe make it absolutely clear that anyone can stop at any time and make sure you have control over what you’re experiencing: “OK can we try this now?” “I liked that but it was too high on my thigh” and so on. I’ve always been a fan of the “trip through the toybag” experience where the bottom and the top experiment together playfully with new things, with no pressure or obligation. Mixing intense sensation with obedience or bondage can always come later when you feel more confident about it.

  245. says

    The one thing I’ve always admired about those who write about BDSM openly and constructively is that they stress and “get” consent so well.

  246. Illuminata, Genie of the Beer Bottle says

    But discussion of BDSM always seems to start from the presumption that you actually know HOW to determine your boundaries already.

    This was definitely not true for me, when first getting into this. I didn’t have the triggers for anxiety that I have now. But, I was into it, then shamed and humiliated out of it by asshole ex (who from now on will be called Jawbreaker, because that’s what I call him IRL.), and then got back into it with my FWB several years after finally getting away from Jawbreaker. So, there were triggers associated directly with BDSM.

    its important to take it one step at a time. Don’t combine sensations that can trigger with situations that can trigger. Try making a mental checklist of what you feel is non-negotiable. For me, that’s – certain language, for example. I’m all for talking dirty, but bust out one “slut” or “whore” and you’re ass is on the curb. I also can’t handle having my mouth covered. Its still very much trial and error.

    Bottom line: Self-care is the most important thing.

  247. Esteleth, Ph.D. of Mischief, Mayhem and Hilarity says

    Agreed, slignot.
    I used to know a guy who was a textbook MRA. Asshole, entitled, raging misogynist.
    Said that he’d just heard of BDSM and wanted to get in on that. Find a real woman, a submissive.

    Yeah, that didn’t work well. He went to an event and got tossed out like 10 minutes later. See, people in BDSM are big on consent. The dom must have the explicit consent of the sub. Coerced consent is not okay.

  248. cicely, unheeded prophetess of the Equine Apocalypse says

    If you’d like to copulate due to all the money I have in the bank please feel free to dial me at xxx-xxx-xxxx.

    Or why not cut out the middle-man and just copulate with the cash?
    -

  249. Brownian says

    Or why not cut out the middle-man and just copulate with the cash?

    Credit cards cut, bills are filthy and tear, and coins tend to lead to embarrassing explanations to ER docs on a Friday night.

    Thought you people were supposed to be the empirical type.

  250. says

    @Dr. Esteleth, yeah, that has always been the scary side to things: the risk that you’re going to be with someone who doesn’t come into the relationship with good intent. It should be roleplay, not a desire to actively oppress a woman, and I get creeped out just at the thought of it.

    I remember having a bit of a lightbulb moment reading something Holly Pervocracy wrote where she explained that in many ways, the sub has much more power than the Dom specifically because of consent. It is in the hands of the sub to say what is okay and when it stops because it needs to be.

    It’s great that MRAs like the one you mention are rejected. I like the idea of well policed kink communities, although I don’t think that spouse would be comfortable enough to play at a play party; he’s just not the exhibitionist type.

  251. kristinc, ~delicate snowflake~ says

    See, people in BDSM are big on consent. The dom must have the explicit consent of the sub. Coerced consent is not okay.

    I wish this were true in my experience. Having been victimized myself as a kink newbie and been attacked and vilified when I came out in the open about it, and having observed the same vilification happening to other people who have come out in the open about being victimized, I have to conclude that in practice, consent is about as important in BDSM as it is in the non-kink world. That is to say, there are good people who really believe in it, there are other people who give lip service to it, there are scum who don’t even pretend to care about it, and the whole microcosm exists in the larger context of a rape culture.

  252. Brownian says

    My contribution to the spicy thread: I like some spice, but too much and I regret it all over again in 4-10 hours.

    But wasabi makes my head float. In the good way.

  253. Muse says

    I think the kink community is better about being explicit about it, but we’re not perfect. We live in our culture as much as the rest of society.

  254. Tethys says

    Esteleth

    I think that goes beyond “entitled asshole” and lands squarely in “raging douchebucket” territory.

    It’s a good parody of the original letter. Men who blatantly tell you they’re a good catch because they make lots of money while alternating between belittling you for avoiding them and begging for a second date are beyond creepy.

    It is annoying how many people in the comments try to justify his behavior as Aspergers.

    I see it as possibly warranting a restraining order.

  255. kristinc, ~delicate snowflake~ says

    It is annoying how many people in the comments try to justify his behavior as Aspergers.

    Yeah, people with Aspergers can be assholes too, just like people with cancer can be assholes and paraplegics can be assholes. You only get that kind of freakish entitled douchebaggery when you have Aspergers PLUS asshole.

  256. says

    @kristinc,

    the whole microcosm exists in the larger context of a rape culture.

    That’s the worst fucking part of rape culture is that no matter how much you want your community to be better, patriarchy fucking spoils everything.

    I’m sorry that happened to you, and I’m sad to have yet another hopeful bubble of sex-positivity pricked.

  257. Brownian says

    Oh, we’ve moved on, I see.

    In that case, did I ever mention the list of “Things Not to Rub on Your Scrotum” I compiled back when I was a wee lad of nineteen or so? The trick was that I had to personally test all substances before adding them to the list, so it mostly consisted of things people might normally rub on their skin. (It was born out of experimentation with Vick’s VapoRub and my eyelids.) Alcohol-based muscle liniments were the worst. Correction: Alcohol-based muscle liniments and previously having had shaved my scrotum with a razor was the worst.

    I had issues as a kid.

  258. Gen Fury of the Desolate Furies says

    Tethys

    I see it as possibly warranting a restraining order.

    Right! The whole “hey I googled your e-mail since you won’t take my calls” thing? EEEEEEEK! And then throwing in “not going on a second date may just be the biggest mistake of your life (paraphrased)”… HIGH OCTANE NIGHTMARE FUEL!

  259. kristinc, ~delicate snowflake~ says

    That’s the worst fucking part of rape culture is that no matter how much you want your community to be better, patriarchy fucking spoils everything.

    Speaking as a feminist who is also a hetero submissive woman, FUCK YEAH, EXACTLY.

  260. julian says

    I see it as possibly warranting a restraining order.

    Yeah I wish people would stop using things like autism to justify harassment, stalking and the like. Not only is it bullshit and insulting to everyone it’s increasingly making me more apathetic to legitimate cases of Aspergers (which I recognize is my own failing).

  261. Pteryxx says

    My contribution to the spicy thread: I like some spice, but too much and I regret it all over again in 4-10 hours.

    *cough* Trick for that: bowl of oatmeal as the meal before the spicy one. (As my main gay character likes to say, “We bottoms think very highly of dietary fiber.”)

    Credit cards cut, bills are filthy and tear, and coins tend to lead to embarrassing explanations to ER docs on a Friday night.

    So… take several fat rolls of bills (to a diameter of one’s choosing), tie securely, lay end-to end, unroll two or three good-sized condoms over all. Presto, world’s most expensive dildo. Bonus points: can be excused as either a sex toy or smuggled payoff.


    Everyone else… thanks for the responses, all saved for calmer perusal.

  262. Esteleth, Ph.D. of Mischief, Mayhem and Hilarity says

    Ugh, Julian.

    Yes. Speaking as someone who does have Aspergers, I am pissed at the tendency of assholes to justify their assholishness by claiming to have Aspergers.

    Fuckers. Your attempts to escape the consequences of your jerkass ways are giving me and other Aspies a harder life.

  263. Brownian says

    (As my main gay character likes to say, “We bottoms think very highly of dietary fiber.”)

    I was just thinking about fibre in this context. I’ve been trying to counteract all the holiday parties and treats and shit with massive doses of chickpeas and wild black rice.

    Hot wings with bleu cheese dressing, while awesome, tend to take their time leaving the building.

  264. julian says

    @Dr. Esteleth

    I really don’t want to, even unconsciously, be contributing to a more hostile atmosphere for you. This may sound strange but, is there any tell tale signs of when someone is using what would otherwise be a legitimate condition to get away with disregarding those they’re interacting with?

    The impression I’ve been getting (and I’ll freely admit it’s likely being shaped by my frustration, prejudice and own general insensitivity) that they’re bordering sociopathy.

  265. Gen Fury of the Desolate Furies says

    LOL!

    News from the frontlines of the War on Christmas:

    Skeleton Santa Crucified

    A Virginia town is grappling with a controversy pitting free speech advocates against Christmas defenders after a vandal wrecked a crucified skeletal Santa Claus displayed on public grounds, according to The Loudoun Times.

  266. cicely, unheeded prophetess of the Equine Apocalypse says

    @Brownian: Autoclave it. Autoclave it all. Or whatever other and better methods may be appropriate.

    Clearly some of it might be more appropriately used for purposes of stimulation other than penetration. For instance, I would like to explore the stimulating possibilities of rubbing hand-fulls of large denomiation bills all over my body.
    -

  267. Dhorvath, OM says

    I would like to explore the stimulating possibilities of rubbing hand-fulls of large denomiation bills all over my body.

    Sometimes bigger is better.

  268. Sili says

    I hate tonsilstones too. The advice I’ve heard is to work them out with the back of your toothbrush when they bother you.

    I’ve adopted the – well, not nuclear option – but nearly. I massage my tonsil directly every morning when I’m in the shower anyway.

  269. Brownian says

    But why is everybody going on about Brownian’s grey socks?

    Climb inside one. You’ll see.

  270. Brownian says

    I massage my tonsil directly every morning when I’m in the shower anyway.

    Don’t you have to get ribs removed in order to do that?

  271. Tethys says

    I massage my tonsil directly every morning when I’m in the shower anyway

    My gag reflex engages slightly just reading that sentence.

  272. Tyrant of Skepsis says

    @The Laughing Coyote

    Hi, do you remember your idea to make an oyster mushroom soup? I just made one, rather minimalistic, and I did it thusly:

    – Fried some oyster mushrooms in a pan in butter until they are nice and brown,

    – added some salt and pepper

    – deglazed the pan with some bock beer (I thought about doing a wine version, but was in a beer mood and there was a nice local bock on sale).

    – put the whole in a pot, add water and some more beer,

    – added some garlic, nutmeg, and puréed it.

    – put it off the stove and add some cream, stir, and there you go.

    Bottom line: Tastes very nice, the only criticism I have now that I should have put only half the garlic because it is a little more prevalent than I wanted. The only remaining challenge is cosmetics, because the whole thing is basically greenish-brown. Input is appreciated :)

  273. Emrysmyrddin says

    I never ‘learned’ a pleasurable pain response either; I discovered during the usual childhood/adolescent self-experimentation that certain painful physical sensations were also very pleasurable – as if they fired on the exact same neural pathway as sexual pleasure. I’ve never been exposed to violent abuse.

    Also, I’d vote a B) for the e-mail. Just creepy personal details, and laser-intense focus on interpreting actions, and the aggressive insecurity, and the simultaneous put-downs and pick-ups…loving the comments though; the Interwebz contains smart peoples.

  274. opposablethumbs, que le pouce enragé mette les pouces says

    I had never heard of “tonsil stones” until today. Never imagined such a thing could exist … where do they come from/accrete from?

  275. Pteryxx says

    data point: currently eating leftovers spiked with extra chili sauce, specifically to help against panic. Coincidence?…

  276. Brownian says

    Now you’re no longer a kid.

    I didn’t say I no longer had issues. Just that I had them as a kid as well.

    ______________________________________________________

    “I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.”–Mitch Hedberg

  277. julian says

    This may sound strange but, is there any tell tale signs of when someone is using what would otherwise be a legitimate condition to get away with disregarding those they’re interacting with?

    And I just remembered how incredibly obnoxious it can be to ask someone to provide some magical insight into the group they belong to. Sorry…

  278. Brownian says

    Well, surely you can understand that there’s no way I could leave that setup alone.

    I would have lost respect for you if you had. ;)

  279. Esteleth, Ph.D. of Mischief, Mayhem and Hilarity says

    Julian,
    I appreciate the sentiment. I’m trying to think of useful tells, and the best I can come up with is a definition: autism-spectrum disorders are characterized by an inability to read social cues. An inability, not a lack of desire to.
    Most of the stuff I can come up with is symptomatic, and like everything symptomatic, it varies from person to person. Repetition (that is, doing the same thing again and again) is common. Due to the inability to read social cues, many people on the spectrum learn “rules” and abide by them. Conversation Type A follows steps 1, 2, and 3, for example. Some also tend to use very precise language and diction. This makes us seem awkward and stilted. Many people on the spectrum are very enthusiastic about something and enjoy going on about this and don’t really notice when others aren’t as enthused. Stimming is common, but most people on the spectrum know that this is seen as socially unacceptable and will only stim when very upset or when surrounded by known and trusted people.
    Uh.
    Basically, you want a hard-and-fast way of telling the difference between someone who’s actually on the spectrum and someone who’s just a jerk? Good luck. The best I can think of, again, is that a person on the spectrum can’t tell that the social cues are saying x, the jerk can tell and doesn’t care. This can look the same.

  280. says

    @opposablethumbs, I’m now wondering if get tonsil stones, although I’m still leaning toward no. What I got from looking them up makes me think you notice where they come from and feel them in your tonsils.

    I get something that looks similar (as does my dad), but that feel like it comes up my throat instead; I’ve never felt or seen them near my tonsils. I always figured they were tiny compressed phlegm from my upper respiratory system since I have seasonal allergies that act up during the year. But I could be wrong.

  281. Esteleth, Ph.D. of Mischief, Mayhem and Hilarity says

    Unrelated: I just realized that one of my plants (a gardenia, FWIW) has spider mites. Google brings me up a lot of info about pot (????) and the non-pot related suggestion of gently washing the plants with warm soapy water. Does this work? Does anyone have a better suggestion?

  282. Esteleth, Ph.D. of Mischief, Mayhem and Hilarity says

    At least, I think it’s spider mites. I can’t see them, of course, but there are little webs on some branch points and under some leaves. Also, the plant is sickly.

    Caine, I’ll check out the store and see if I can’t find some insecticidal soap.

  283. Tyrant of Skepsis says

    Oh cool, wikipedia says that spider mites are also haplodiploid. Imagine we had that – no father-son talks ever…

  284. Brownian says

    Imagine we had that – no father-son talks ever…

    I believe that would have gone a long way towards mitigating some of the issues Rey Fox won’t let me move beyond.

    [Runs crying from the room.

    Not because of anything TET-related: it’s how Brownian always ends his work day.]

  285. says

    Now, now, David Marjanović, I’m sure you know perfectly well that skimmed milk is an ancient invention. You skim off the cream and feed the remainder to the pigs. Or to desperately poor people.

    I actually prefer skim milk in cafe-made coffee, because I like just a little dash of milk, but all the usual cafe espresso drinks have a lot of milk in them. Too much fat makes it seem all sticky. Ick. But in cold drinks, I prefer full fat milk.

    Spicy food is awesome. There is very little that is not improved with chilli or mustard or wasabi. Endorphins? Bring ‘em on. Err, not the habanero slices, though.

    As to the letter – hey, it could be an asshole who also coincidentally has Aspergers! Why dichotomise?

    Logical OR vs XOR pedantry aside, though, I could see one of my aspie friends *starting* this letter: “Please explain, I don’t get it, are my rules broken?” But as it goes on it just gets worse and worse, and the aspie hypothesis becomes very much less plausible. I’d just go for the plain old douchebucket option. It has all the smell of the kind of sexist pseudo-rationality that you often see in the mensa scene.

  286. chigau (違う) says

    Esteleth
    APHIDS!!!
    Kill them now!
    If it’s a potted plant put the whole thing in a sink or bucket of soapy water and leave it for 20-30 minutes.

  287. Esteleth, Ph.D. of Mischief, Mayhem and Hilarity says

    Chigau,
    It is not aphids. I have kept roses and know what aphids are like.

  288. Brother Ogvorbis, OM, Demoted says

    Brownian’s grey socks?

    I wear a grey (and green) uniform and have brown socks. Does that count?

    And, tonight, I am going to a jazz concert at one of the local colleges. Girl plays trumpet in the band.

    No solo, though. Trumpet or strumpet. Either one. None.

  289. says

    @changeable moniker, I’m always terrified of something going after my books. My library must be kept safe and whole; books are precious.

  290. chigau (違う) says

    Esteleth
    OK. not aphids.
    The bucket of soapy water works for spider mites, too.

    changeable moniker
    Aphids stay outside???
    I’ve never seen any outside, only on my houseplants.
    (I live in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada)

  291. Sili says

    Tethys says:

    My gag reflex engages slightly just reading that sentence.

    I guess I should get a boyfriend.

  292. carlie says

    Fucking tonsil stones.
    Finger, q-tip, or, in one particularly annoying and difficult case, blunt end of a butter knife. Yeah, there was gagging. Didn’t care. Worth it. Can’t manage a toothbrush that far back, though.

  293. The Laughing Coyote (Papio Cynocephalus) says

    @The Laughing Coyote

    Hi, do you remember your idea to make an oyster mushroom soup? I just made one, rather minimalistic, and I did it thusly:

    – Fried some oyster mushrooms in a pan in butter until they are nice and brown,

    – added some salt and pepper

    – deglazed the pan with some bock beer (I thought about doing a wine version, but was in a beer mood and there was a nice local bock on sale).

    – put the whole in a pot, add water and some more beer,

    – added some garlic, nutmeg, and puréed it.

    – put it off the stove and add some cream, stir, and there you go.

    Bottom line: Tastes very nice, the only criticism I have now that I should have put only half the garlic because it is a little more prevalent than I wanted. The only remaining challenge is cosmetics, because the whole thing is basically greenish-brown. Input is appreciated :)

    Tyrant of Skepsis (is that a Dark Crystal reference btw?) I never thought of using beer for deglazing, though I always use it when I make filling for meat pies. I had this idea that it wouldn’t be good with the cream or something. My main flavor came from the bacon and mushrooms frying together, I honestly think that Bacon and Mushroom are made for each other, though it can be overpowering if overused much like garlic. Perhaps next time I’ll add a little garlic too, now that you mention it.

    No idea where the green coloring may come from.

    BDSM: (TMI Warning)

    I dunno if this counts or not, but the ex and I used to indulge in some pretty savage tooth and claw play. Blood was drawn (from me).

    She usually ‘won’ these little sex games, but only by virtue of her better weaponry. One week she grew her nails out and then filed them into razor points and painted them with hardening goop. She was very disappointed when most of them broke the first time she used them.

    We’ve outgrown this kind of stuff though. Neither of us are as vicious or reckless as we used to be.

    On a side note, I have a bit of a theory that this ritualized aggression is the reason we never actually had a real full on ‘argument’ or shouting match, despite all the bad stuff that happened over the years.

    TMI OVER.

  294. David Marjanović says

    FYI, I suggest that you keep in mind that emails sound more impersonal, harsher, and are easier to misinterpret than in-person or phone communication.

    Well… that’s the kind of thing I could have written 15 years ago (if I had fallen in love at the age of 14, LOL). Remember, this sentence applies to itself

    (Well, I wouldn’t have written “I suggest”.)

    I assume that you no longer want to go out with me. (If you do want to go out with me, then you should let me know.) I suggest that you make a sincere apology to me for giving me mixed signals. I feel led on by you.

    Things that happened during our date include, but are not limited to, the following:

    I think that’s beyond me. Demanding an apology most definitely has always been.

    -You played with your hair a lot. A woman playing with her hair is a common sign of flirtation. You can even do a google search on it. When a woman plays with her hair, she is preening. I’ve never had a date where a woman played with her hair as much as you did. In addition, it didn’t look like you were playing with your hair out of nervousness.

    -We had lots of eye contact during our date. On a per-minute basis, I’ve never had as much eye contact during a date as I did with you.

    What – he’s had dates before???

    And he’s extremely optimistic about the difference between his wishful thinking and his realistic expectations. *shudder*

    In my opinion, leading someone on (i.e., giving mixed signals) is impolite and immature. It’s bad to do that.

    Impolite? Seriously, I can stop identifying with that guy already. And expecting it to be the other person’s fault when he doesn’t understand a social situation… *headshake*

    You wanna talk mixed signals! Well two can play THAT game, princess!

    It’s obvious he didn’t think that far.

    Why doesn’t he at least phrase it as a question?

    Okay, I’ll stop now or I’ll be pasting it all. This is priceless. So, do you think this is
    A.) a case of legitimate non-neurotypical obliviousness to social cues
    or
    B.)Entitled douchebag being entitled (and whiny, good Godzilla, the whininess!) who may or may not have read too many books/websites about Game and the MRA?

    How about both? They’re not mutually exclusive.

    Yes, that was included just for you, Herr Doktor!

    ^_^

    Illuminata’s TMI in 287
    Word! Well, except for the BDSM part. I’m all boring vanilla, I’m afraid.

    …Don’t feel obliged to answer, but… didn’t you just contradict yourself? Are you the M part of BDSM, or are you not?

    Isn’t eye contact, particularly prolonged eye contact, one of the things avoided by the former group?

    Yes, unless they’re aware of it. After my first scientific conference, someone told me I’d stared into people’s eyes too much. I had overcompensated for the fact that I don’t feel a need to look anywhere in particular in a conversation as long as I don’t expect a visible reaction.

    penii

    If you actually want to keep it all Latin, the plural is penes.

    If it’s a game-breaker, just buy a gigantic strap-on and get on with it, sheesh. They even make hollow ones.

    The things I learn on Pharyngula… :-)

    (*case in point.)

    ?

    Little things like walking barefoot on sharp gravel, or ice, getting chomped on by various critters, scraped by branches or rocks, never bothered me as a little kid. Apparently I have a high pain tolerance as well

    You’re repeating yourself.

    As you can imagine, I have great trouble walking barefoot on gravel. Once I had to run through snow barefoot (5th-grade sports); it didn’t feel cold, it was just pain, pain, pain.

    Conversely, I haaaate hate hate light touch, such as tickling. Isn’t there some link between pain tolerance and insensitivity?

    Insensitivity to what? – I’m extremely ticklish. Attempts to nudge me out of the way can become very uncomfortable for me.

    Yeah but Caine, dood clear out stated that it was NOT nervousness. He knows these things, obviously!

    (Well, okay, he said it didn’t look like nervousness. Let’s do be fair.)

    I’m indeed quite surprised that he thinks he can tell with such certainty. Again, why didn’t he at least phrase it as a question?

    David, for many folks kink is orientative, it’s as much an orientation as their sexual orientation.

    I understand… I still can’t imagine, but I suppose I understand now.

    I realized that this was what I was doing RECENTLY. *facepalm*

    May I ask what you played that required you, as part of the plot, to put the doll there?

    Specifically for me, BDSM has helped with left over anxiety from the shit that’s happened in the past. It’s a way to be totally in control of not being in control, if that makes any sense.

    That makes a lot of sense – but it’s the BD part, not the SM part.

    I’m not advocating for it for everyone, mind you, just thought it needed to be said, as there can sometimes be a lot of misunderstanding of what BDSM is.

    I appreciate the explanation. Not being anywhere on those spectra, I don’t know them firsthand, nor do I actively seek out information on them. I brought up masochism because we’ve already had a pain/pleasure discussion involving food and sex on TET.

    Am I correct in assuming that for most of you, the cervix is at the very back of the vagina?

    That’s where all illustrations put it. It projects some distance into the vagina, though. Could yours be a little longer than average?

    (…Heh. Take that last sentence out of context if you haven’t already. X-) )

    Like most kids, I was pretty averse to spicy foods and I find that as I get older, I have more tolerance for them and prefer more spice in my cooking. When making chil[i] verde now, I use more chiles than I would have when I was younger. I just figured that was a function of fewer taste buds over a lifespan.

    Can’t be taste buds, because hotness literally is pain. It’s not a flavor. The substances in question (capsaicin is one of them) attach to pain sensors and make them fire*, sending a pain signal to the brain; they have nothing to do with the taste buds.

    That’s why it hurts in other places than inside the mouth. Around the strengths where halfway serious hotness probably begins for other people, I can feel the pain on the outside of my lips, pretty far up and down sometimes.

    * Just like how menthol attaches to sensors for mild cold, IIRC 8 – 10 °C.

    there’s another shooting, thankfully smaller so far, at Virginia Tech.

    Hooraaaaaaay. *facepalm*

    Oh, and the email, huge creepy asshole. I think that @Dhorvath is absolutely right and this is very much a case of understanding just fine, but not liking the answer. Basically it’s rape culture all over.

    I think it’s a case of not understanding but being stupidly optimistic about the answer because the rape culture tells him to.

    Strange that such a nerd as I hypothesize would have such high self-esteem, though. …Well, he’s had dates before. *shrug*

    The masochist said, “Spank me!”

    The sadist said, “No.”

    The masochist said, “Thank you!”

    Genius.

    Or why not cut out the middle-man and just copulate with the cash?

    A good question with an even better answer!

    Yeah, people with Aspergers can be assholes too, just like people with cancer can be assholes and paraplegics can be assholes. You only get that kind of freakish entitled douchebaggery when you have Aspergers PLUS asshole.

    Seconded.

    In that case, did I ever mention the list of “Things Not to Rub on Your Scrotum” I compiled back when I was a wee lad of nineteen or so?

    Now I dimly remember… :-)

    Right! The whole “hey I googled your e-mail since you won’t take my calls” thing? EEEEEEEK!

    I wondered why I didn’t get the same reaction (assuming it really was just the e-mail address).

    Then I found out I do. I just was too thick-headed to grasp the fact that he already had her phone number and therefore knew she explicitly didn’t want to talk to him. I wouldn’t even have asked for a phone number, I’d have asked for an e-mail address instead! That he googled her e-mail address after all this means he doesn’t take “no” for an answer. Not safe to be around. A restraining order sounds like a likely outcome.

    Worse yet, he doesn’t even understand he was given an answer at all. Look how he complains: “In my opinion, not responding to my messages is impolite, immature, passive aggressive, and cowardly.”

    And then throwing in “not going on a second date may just be the biggest mistake of your life (paraphrased)”… HIGH OCTANE NIGHTMARE FUEL!

    In context, that doesn’t read like a threat (…yet, because who knows what Google told him about her and how far he’s willing to go… and apart from the fact that she’ll now need a partner if she ever wants to go to the Philharmonic again while he’s still running free). It sounds like just another facet of his (probably literally) insanely high self-esteem, what with him considering himself “a philosopher/writer” in addition to “an investment manager”. Can narcissism be diagnosed through the tubes of the Internet?

    There’s one sentence in that e-mail I agree with: “If you give information, at least I can understand the situation better. I might even learn something that is beneficial.” Unfortunately, it has to be expected that he wouldn’t learn shit because he’s not capable of that. That’s how he’s evidently behaved so far.

    Near the end, he says he prefers phone over e-mail because the latter is misunderstood more easily. That may be so, but on the phone, in real time, it’s a lot easier to pressure and corner people. It’s not likely (clueless as he is), but entirely possible, that he’s conscious of that.

    I like the currently first two comments:

    “Damn, this pretty much ensures that I will never go to the philharmonic on my own.”

    “It pretty much ensures that I WILL go to the philharmonic on my own. If he’s my competition…”

    And there’s this one I found while randomly scrolling down:

    >>
    I went on ONE blind date with a douche like this. He was so narcissistic that he could not accept it just wasn’t there for me. He was a financial guy (so am I) but he “fell” into his job more or less where I worked my through the ranks. We started out at a fancy steakhouse. He insisted on ordering for me. Pet peeve #1. I wanted fish. He told the waiter I would be having steak. I don’t like dry wine. Even though I told him this, He said “well, you will love this brand!” Proceeded to ordered a bottle. (That is 2). The whole dinner convo was about how much money he made, his car, his condo, yada yada yada. (That is 3) I don’t think I got one word in. There is a little strip near the restaurant that has some upscale bars so after dinner he suggested we there. I thought what the hell, how much worse could he be? So we each drove in separate cars. (I needed an escape plan). He got completely WASTED. He was telling everyone there I was his future wife. (I just met you!!!) He was just sloppy falling all over the place. (That was 4). After an hour I was done. I told him I was leaving. He insisted on walking me to my car. As we were walking, he spun me around and shoved his tongue down my throat. It was summer in FL and about 104 degrees. He was all sweaty and I could feel the slobber and droll all over my face. I smacked him to push him off me. He says “What? I like you.” I go something like this “Look. I just got out of a 5 year relationship. I am not ready for all this yet.” He yelled at me for wasting his time and who did I think I was. Blah blah blah. I just walk to my car and drive home. Well the next day, douche bag starts calling. I figure he was just calling to insult me or maybe to appolgize for his behavior. Nope. He calls 6 times in a row, no message. On the 7th, he says that he had a great time and he forgives my attitude at the end of the date. To show he has no hard feelings, he will take me out again. LMAO. I was not going to waste my time even calling him back. So I continue to get texts and phone calls for weeks. This happened this summer. On Thanksgiving, I get a phone call from a blocked number. I answer and guess who it was wasted. He says that he felt like I led him on and was angry about it. But now it has been enough time for me to move on from my ex so he will give me another chance. I proceeded to laugh at him and explain the whole date from my point of view. I told him until he learned how to act like a gentleman that he would never find a woman. He started calling me every name in the book. I just started laughing again and told him I was having a great thanksgiving with MY BOYFRIEND and I hope he has a great one alone with all his money. And then I hung up and laughed about it with my boyfriend.
    <>
    Lauren,

    I cannot believe you have defamed me like this. I am hurt and heartbroken, etc. I was a little put off when you ignored me, but from this its very clear you are getting my messages, voicemails and texts, etc. This was supposed to be a private message to you, not to all of reddit. Thats why I googled your name and found your email address and didnt post this to twitter or facebook, etc. Please remove this as I am very hurt by your lack of respect for both my interest in you along with my advances toward you. Why is it so easy for you to talk to all of reddit about this and not myself? Please have a conversation with me personally, etc.

    Regards, Michael
    <<

    If that's genuine, it's more of the expected cluelessness.

    (For instance, does he really expect Lauren will ever see that comment? It's one of 941 as of this writing!)

    So… take several fat rolls of bills (to a diameter of one’s choosing), tie securely, lay end-to end, unroll two or three good-sized condoms over all. Presto, world’s most expensive dildo. Bonus points: can be excused as either a sex toy or smuggled payoff.

    :-D :-D :-D

    I was just thinking about fibre in this context. I’ve been trying to counteract all the holiday parties and treats and shit with massive doses of chickpeas and wild black rice.

    How about chocolate?

    I massage my tonsil directly every morning when I’m in the shower anyway.

    ~:-|

    My gag reflex engages slightly just reading that sentence.

    That, too.

    I could see one of my aspie friends *starting* this letter: “Please explain, I don’t get it, are my rules broken?”

    Yeah. The difference is he doesn’t ask. He simply assumes she‘s broken.

    I’d just go for the plain old douchebucket option. It has all the smell of the kind of sexist pseudo-rationality that you often see in the mensa scene.

    Again, not incompatible with the autism spectrum.

  295. Brownian says

    I’ve never seen any outside, only on my houseplants.
    (I live in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada)

    Are you on the smack? Did you not go outdoors this past summer? It was the aphidcalypse!

    This was the first year I’ve ever had to regularly scrape a car windshield in July because of overnight bug goo. And they ate the leaves off of the pepper and tomato plants I worked so hard at neglecting.

  296. opposablethumbs, que le pouce enragé mette les pouces says

    I want to ask if Girl favours any particular flavour of jazz (sonspawn loves Wayne Shorter … among about a million others at the moment. And lives for that whole business of playing around, taking turns to solo) but it’s gone midnight here and I probably won’t be around to read any possible answer until tomorrow :(

  297. says

    So I’ve been watching livereporting of the Prop8 appeal hearing on video/recusal because I’m that kind of person, and I am continually struck by how bumbling the proponent counsel always seems to me. It’s just fucking routine for them to offend judges, and that’s never helpful.

    The previous ruling by Judge Ware was that not only did Judge Walker not have to recuse himself for being gay/in a relationship, but that the arguments used by proponents were insulting to the extreme. Proponents are trying the same arguments again and it’s really pissing off (conservative appointed) Judge Smith. It’s funny but kind of pathetic. Some highlights (livestream crazily overtaxed so I’m relying on live reporting via the trial tracker, although there’s some of my editorial snarkiness here):

    Cooper [for proponents]: In May of 2009, when Judge Walker read allegations of complaint, he knew something the litigants did not know. He knew that he too was a gay resident of California in a serious relationship.
    Hawkins [judge]: So a married judge could not hear a divorce?
    Cooper: Not sure how that’s related
    Hawkins: Would he have to disclose that he was married for 28 years and had some difficulties? (Laughter) That’s what you are arguing here.
    Smith [judge]: Do we have anything in this record, any evidence that Walker desired to marry? You all talk about if he desired, but I saw nothing that said he desired.
    Cooper: We don’t have any direct evidence. Well, he could have been in this position of the plaintiffs.
    Hawkins: I’ve read your briefs. What standard of review would I use for Judge Ware’s ruling?
    Cooper: Law.
    Hawkins: They’d have to be illogical, implausible or without support.
    Cooper: (sheepish) Yes.
    Hawkins: What is the correct legal rule that Judge Ware did not apply?
    Cooper: [vague legal rule reference]
    Hawkins: That does not mean anything to me. What law did he not apply correctly?
    [Here is some whining about how mean old Judge Walker didn’t tell anyone he was gay at the time, stuff that isn’t relevant here because they’re arguing proper weight of Ware’s decision, not having the Ware hearing from scratch. Judges Smith and Hawkins are obviously pissed]
    Cooper: We submit to you that Judge Ware abused his discretion.
    Smith: So what he (Ware) did was illogical, implausible and had no support in the record? It isn’t an abuse to apply law to facts. And Ware applied the law you offered. Where is the abuse?

  298. Pteryxx says

    Basically, you want a hard-and-fast way of telling the difference between someone who’s actually on the spectrum and someone who’s just a jerk?

    (Currently I’m following a rule “let the specific person asked have the first chance to answer”. After that, my two cents: )

    – Most people care about others’ feelings, including folks on the spectrum. Someone who says or does something to be hurtful, not merely careless, is being a jerk. Particularly if they ignore another person’s clearly expressed wishes to do so.

    – Most people on the spectrum know they’re likely to be misperceived by neurotypicals. They’ll work to *resolve the miscommunication*, for clarity, or to demonstrate their point through discussion, not to gain victory over the other person. Someone who focuses on how right they are, or how wrong the other person is, most likely is being a jerk.

    – And, most people on the spectrum don’t attempt to manipulate others. Manipulation requires good practical understanding of social cues and subtext. Manipulation tactics tend to identify a jerk.

    Entitled reddit letter: It’s focusing on controlling the other person, not on solving the ostensible miscommunication. Never once does the letter inquire about the other person’s feelings or opinions, but constantly assumes and ascribes, often with belittling language and inferences. And, all the claims made in the letter are justifications for the writer’s actions, opinions, and preferences, without ever admitting the possibility of error. In fact it leaves the recipient no “out” except by direct contradiction. In my opinion, this is most likely an entitled, self-absorbed jerk cultivating an image of honest cluelessness. (He might be on the spectrum *too* of course.)

    Disclaimer: I’m not formally diagnosed as aspie/on the spectrum, though I’ve been INformally diagnosed by multiple counselors and learning specialists. (Is “aspie” an impolite or outmoded term now? That’s usually what I call myself.)

  299. David Marjanović says

    Fuck. An 18-screener with one too many <blockquote> quotes and deeply silly < failures in it. The first quote that begins with >> should have ended in <<, and here’s all the rest (which of course shouldn’t have been in italics):

    ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░

    I fear there’s more than one of precisely such scary people out there.

    A bit further down there’s this comment by Too_Gullible:

    >>
    Lauren,

    I cannot believe you have defamed me like this. I am hurt and heartbroken, etc. I was a little put off when you ignored me, but from this its very clear you are getting my messages, voicemails and texts, etc. This was supposed to be a private message to you, not to all of reddit. Thats why I googled your name and found your email address and didnt post this to twitter or facebook, etc. Please remove this as I am very hurt by your lack of respect for both my interest in you along with my advances toward you. Why is it so easy for you to talk to all of reddit about this and not myself? Please have a conversation with me personally, etc.

    Regards, Michael
    <<

    If that’s genuine, it’s more of the expected cluelessness.

    (For instance, does he really expect Lauren will ever see that comment? It’s one of 941 as of this writing!)

    So… take several fat rolls of bills (to a diameter of one’s choosing), tie securely, lay end-to end, unroll two or three good-sized condoms over all. Presto, world’s most expensive dildo. Bonus points: can be excused as either a sex toy or smuggled payoff.

    :-D :-D :-D

    I was just thinking about fibre in this context. I’ve been trying to counteract all the holiday parties and treats and shit with massive doses of chickpeas and wild black rice.

    How about chocolate?

    I massage my tonsil directly every morning when I’m in the shower anyway.

    ~:-|

    My gag reflex engages slightly just reading that sentence.

    That, too.

    I could see one of my aspie friends *starting* this letter: “Please explain, I don’t get it, are my rules broken?”

    Yeah. The difference is he doesn’t ask. He simply assumes she‘s broken.

    I’d just go for the plain old douchebucket option. It has all the smell of the kind of sexist pseudo-rationality that you often see in the mensa scene.

    Again, not incompatible with the autism spectrum.

  300. says

    I’m way behind the thread, but:
    kristinc, Illuminata, I feel the same way, except from the other side. I noticed from a very, very young age that women who were tied up made my funny parts tingle. I don’t think its social conditioning. (5 – 8 years old? I didn’t even know I had funny parts.)
    ++++++++++++++++++
    I didn’t much care for spicy foods until I moved from the Midwest to the Southern climes. The hotter it got climate-wise, the more I enjoyed spicy foods. It wasn’t ‘Oh, it hurts, give me more’ or ‘I iz a manly man, I can take it’ it was just ‘wow, this is amazing!’

    Since I’ve moved back to the Midwest my taste for it has abated, even in my own cooking. (I had to scale down my White Chili recipe so I can eat it.)

    I’ve heard that spicy food is more popular as one approaches the equitorial climes because you sweat more and then cool more. May be bullshit. But brighter colors, hotter spices … there maybe something to it.
    +++++++++++++
    “It’s a way to be totally in control of not being in control, if that makes any sense.”
    It makes perfect sense.
    ++++++++++++++
    FIRE STORY, oh, wait, it’s not a fire story, it’s BDSM advice; don’t just establish a safe word, establish two levels of safeword. One is ‘I’m not sure I like where this is going’, the other is “STOP!”

    My partners pick which ones, but Yellow, and Red seem to work. And you can clearly delineate them from behind a gag.

  301. chigau (違う) says

    Brownian
    The only thing in my garden that gets aphids is the dill and only late season.
    I don’t park under a tree so no aphid-shit on the truck.
    or maybe I’m in a better neighbourhood ;)

  302. Illuminata, Genie of the Beer Bottle says

    <blockquote
    .Don’t feel obliged to answer, but… didn’t you just contradict yourself? Are you the M part of BDSM, or are you not?

    You’re not quoting me there, David. That was a response to me.

  303. Illuminata, Genie of the Beer Bottle says

    Fucking keyboards. how do they work?

    Brownian – you have made me pull an ab muscle with laughter in this thread.

  304. Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden says

    Some also tend to use very precise language and diction. This makes us seem awkward and stilted. Many people on the spectrum are very enthusiastic about something and enjoy going on about this and don’t really notice when others aren’t as enthused. Stimming is common, but most people on the spectrum know that this is seen as socially unacceptable and will only stim when very upset or when surrounded by known and trusted people.

    I am decidedly not autistic, and lived too early for Asperger’s to be recognized in the US. So as a kid was diagnosed with neither. As an adult, people competent to diagnose feel that it’s very possible /probable that if we went through the process that I’d be diagnosable/diagnosed.

    But as an adult, there’s not really treatment, and I’ve developed my coping skills over decades, they aren’t likely to change now.

    All of which is to say that my fantastically long posts are just an expression of exactly this type of mind. One of the things I love about the internet generally and P in particular is that I can type up all the details that I think are so fabulously interesting and relevant…and no one has to be bored by them if they don’t want to. I’m not running over conversational boundaries by writing a long post. People just don’t respond to it if they don’t want to.

    Anyway, I’m careful about saying I’m Aspie b/c I don’t have any “official recognition” (women and asperger’s have an interesting history anyway, in some communities more likely to be diagnosed in many communities, less), but so many things that are part of common Aspie experience are also central to mine.

    And that paragraph quoted above? Me to a frickin’ T.

  305. says

    It’s absolutely official: Boies (Olson’s counterpart in seeking to overturn) is my fucking hero. I am absolutely in awe of him as a speaker and litigator. Seriously:

    Boies: In all cases cited by either party for conflict/recusal when Judge says things about case outside of court, judge had fiduciary conflict. Judge’s clerks involved. None of these is present here. The other side comes up with a new idea that because a minority might be impacted, the judge is in conflict. The law is the opposite. In class action, even when judge or family part of class, not sufficient to recuse.
    Reinhardt: Your position is that if Walker had disclosed that he wanted to get married after trial, he would not have to recuse.
    Boies: That is the law, Your Honors. (Cites law.) There is no authority that judge had to disclose something not a basis for recusal. If he had no interest in getting married, he did not have to say that. We believe the law is that even if he did want to marry, did not have to disclose.
    Smith: My reading of law is that judge reviewing case has to look at law.
    Boies: Yes, your honor. That’s why courts defer to district court. Defendant claims that this is not targeted at minorities. Cooper said that even judge who supports institution of marriage, not just his marriage, need not disclosed. 5th Circuit says that for every claim is counterclaim. The defendants argue that gay marriage so threatens the institution of marriage that they must be denied access to the institution. By the defendants’ logic, any straight judge with such a view would have to recuse. Only people who can judge here according to them is gay or straight judge who does not have an interest in marriage.
    Boies: The majority typically defends exclusion because it is based on tradition, religion. All used to exclude African Americans. Used to exclude gays from institution of marriage. Defendants argue that since many members of the minority want access to marriage, must disqualify unless they have no interest in marriage. Consider how disruptive and corrosive if every majority judge were required to disclose any interest and then meant that judge might not be able to rule impartially. Consider how impossible it is to have majority judge who does not want to change status quo does not have to recuse, but minority who does want to change status quo. The law is that judges don’t have to do that. But even if it’s not the law, the facts of this case, Ware examined legal principles, law and concluded that no basis to question impartiality of Walker.
    And what do we have from defendants? They say he’s in committed relationship. He cites that 64% of gay coulpes want to marry. Says nothing about length of relationship being indicator of desire for marriage. Says nothing about whether they want to marry.

    Side note, everyone watching points out that the judges are content to let Boies argue without peppering him with questions, something untrue of every other attorney today. He’s amazing.

    Please forgive my geeking out and spamming TET, BTW.

  306. Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden says

    So… I”m so behind b/c I have a new crush and have been on the phone with her every single night for multiple hours during what is often my prime writing time. I have a paper that just has to get done b4 tomorrow and an article that is supposed to be done tomorrow but really could be e-mailed any time before Texas’ business day on Monday. So I should be writing my brains out, but I’ve been here a lot this week.

    While I’ve been here, the new Molly came out (for A. Noyd, to whom I say conga rats and you didn’t have one before?) and I ended up learning about the voting (after making a fool of myself) and other things. I’d looked through the order before, but never before this morning did I feel myself so missing the links to actual comments. While some of the nominees have links this month, not all do, but more important, there are a whole lot of winners in the OM up there and very few have links to why they won.

    I bring this up for 2 reasons: smashing trolls and bad arguments is a particularly common reason for giving an OM, but there aren’t very many examples of it to which PZ has links for my reading enjoyment.

    and
    2) It made me which for some serious stupidity so that it would generate some serious excellence around here. After all, it was the most compelling stupidity (3d4k was only the last example of this before I lept in & started commenting, but it was things like this, way back to the CrackerCaper, that got me reading here) that really motivated me to be here and enjoy this place… or at least the responses to that stupidity.

    Is it bad that I almost bristle for a fight. There is so much stupid out there, I love it when Stupid tries to drop by for a cup of tea and a conversation about our personal lord and savior to find that this charming place of intellectual discussion is quite a den of lions. And, um, porcupines.

    But anyway, back to everyday life…

  307. Tethys says

    Brownian

    This was the first year I’ve ever had to regularly scrape a car windshield in July because of overnight bug goo. And they ate the leaves off of the pepper and tomato plants I worked so hard at neglecting

    Aphids are sap-sucking insects, so I think something else was eating your peppers and tomatoes. Or you grow some enormous mutant aphids in the great white north.
    ___

    Pine-sol in water at a 1:100 dilution ratio is an effective treatment for soft-bodied insects and spider mites.

    *do not spray in full sun/ impatiens don’t like it.

  308. says

    Hah! Take that, Cooper! I love seeing arguments reframed like this:

    Stewart: If proponents’ views were correct about disclosure, a woman judge of child bearing age re: abortion would have to disclaim use of abortion.

  309. Pteryxx says

    …Holy moley David, speaking of length!

    Pteryxx: Little things like walking barefoot on sharp gravel, or ice, getting chomped on by various critters, scraped by branches or rocks, never bothered me as a little kid. Apparently I have a high pain tolerance as well…

    David M: You’re repeating yourself.

    Not necessarily. I assumed that when other kids cried and screamed when bitten by a grass snake, it was because of OMG SNAAAAKE and not because the little teeth actually hurt that much. Other kids not going barefoot on rocks or ice, I ascribed to OMG SHOES MANDATORY and so forth. …I’ve never been good with rules that made no sense *to me*. Hence, atheist…

    Am I correct in assuming that for most of you, the cervix is at the very back of the vagina?

    That’s where all illustrations put it. It projects some distance into the vagina, though. Could yours be a little longer than average?

    Cervixes are squirmy, though; they shift around, even in the same individual (just ask a gyno nurse *snaps speculum meaningfully*). Also, some … 20%, I think, of uterus-bearers have retroflexed uteri, where they lie behind the vagina instead of in front. The vagina also changes shape with muscle tension, experience, hormones… I’ve even heard that the cervix can retract further from the vaginal space with arousal. YMMV.

    penii

    If you actually want to keep it all Latin, the plural is penes.

    Heh, I know that actually, but I was screwing around so said “penii” for humorous effect. Which leads into:

    (*case in point.)

    ?

    because when I say “for petes sake” in my head I’ve meant “for penes sake” ever since I was a kid and learned that “peter” was another nickname for the male-mammal dangly thing. I have more respect for, and would rather swear by, my favorite sex organ than some holy dead dude. I had to camouflage it though, because fundies. (Yes I know there’s no apostrophe. There’s no apostrophe in “fer chrissake” either. Nyah.)

  310. says

    30C and sunshine and I have to work the next 10 hours !

    Hey Horde, I’ve been asked to comment on this guy, but I don’t know much about him. Looks to be just another “quantum” kook, Templeton-style, but I’ve never heard of the guy, and someone over here asked me about him the other day. Does anyone know more ?

  311. says

    Cervixes are squirmy, though; they shift around, even in the same individual (just ask a gyno nurse *snaps speculum meaningfully*). Also, some … 20%, I think, of uterus-bearers have retroflexed uteri, where they lie behind the vagina instead of in front. The vagina also changes shape with muscle tension, experience, hormones… I’ve even heard that the cervix can retract further from the vaginal space with arousal. YMMV.

    Yeah, there are some damn strong muscles there, but it’s definitely a malleable area in general. However, I guess I would try to describe mine as bumpily “on top” of my vagina partway in. I definitely don’t have a big one (hence the bigger-is-NOT-better preference), so I think it’s just a case of having everything connect together a little differently.

  312. Nerd of Redhead, Dances OM Trolls says

    Please forgive my geeking out and spamming TET, BTW.

    What’s to forgive? Open thread, and some (most I would guess) are interested in hearing the defenders of proposition 8 shooting themselves in both feet, both hands, and their buttocks.

  313. says

    @Nerd of Redhead, I’m always nervous that I fill up long quotes of attorneys talking and annoy people. It’s been my experience that when I geek out about this stuff with most people in person, they look at me like a crazy person. I have a full stenographer’s notebook of notes from Walker’s original wonderful ruling. As soon as the full text was out, I printed it out and pored over it with a highlighter and pen. Just amazing stuff.

    Today’s hearing was fascinating, for all that it was about releasing videotapes and appealing Ware’s decision not to piss on judicial neutrality. It was fun to see that at the very end, Cooper’s rebuttal got emotionally heated because he was pissed he is going to lose on Ware’s recusal ruling. It really was astonishing to watch him flail. It made Boies look so much more collected and polished by comparison (and I’m really sad the livestream got just trashed).

  314. Rev. BigDumbChimp says

    “Things Not to Rub on Your Scrotum”

    Habanero juice

    I know this from personal experience.

  315. says

    Crip Dyke:

    While some of the nominees have links this month, not all do, but more important, there are a whole lot of winners in the OM up there and very few have links to why they won.

    I try to provide links for each of my noms, but I haven’t always done it. The reasons and links in the Molly list are only there if we provide them in the OM nom threads. Oh, btw, PZ doesn’t handle the mollies anymore, he gave those over to Mary so they’d actually get done each month.

  316. Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden says

    @chigau -#362

    is there a reason you made this comment:

    The new Canadian $100 is made of plastic.
    Sharp! edges.

    On a thread discussing size, sex, bdsm, and guys who think that money is for sex?

    You’re not trying to tell us something, are you? Because you a) missed the TMI tag, but b) you don’t have to beat around the bush, we’re supportive here.

  317. says

    Well, the coverage is now over, Cooper got his last two minute rebuttal (though he wanted more). During it, he apparently lost it because it’s clear he’s lost; I’m so disappointed not to have been able to watch the hearing. He tried repeating the same arguments about how it’s fine to single out minorities as unable to judge other like minorities impartially, and was described by lots of people as shrilly furious. (If we were talking about a woman, I might be a little suspicious of the word, as an aside.)

    I think they know they’ve lost on the appeal re: recusal. I think that the 3 judge panel may rule in the proponents’ favor about video release to prevent broadcast, even though they did not object when it was admitted into court record. All in all a fascinating thing.

  318. Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden says

    Caine – #417:

    I noticed that you provided a link to every one of your noms. I actually very much appreciated it, but I didn’t want my comment to be about one person here being better than another person here. I like the links. I think they’re good. I appreciate learning history (even though I’ve been reading since just before crackergate, there was a long time when I never read TET where so many of the traditions round here are either created or cemented, so there’s a lot of history that I still don’t know). I want more. I just didn’t want to fight about it or make any folk feel like I was saying that they were somehow slacking. We all write exactly as much as we can and want to write. To say someone was slacking for writing some but not enough would have to be even more of an indictment of those who read without writing. Yet how could I name them? So it just seemed easier to go without names.

    But for the record, a lot of the history I’ve learned around here has been through your helpful engagement with my noobness and your wicked-strong google-fu.

    I hugz u.

  319. says

    Crip Dyke:

    I hugz u.

    Hugz right back. ♥ ♥

    The molly nom threads can be a hassle when things get busy, and you remember people, but only that. I try to keep a list and bookmark peoples, but I’m not consistent about doing it.

  320. onion girl, OM; imaginary lesbian says

    DC LOCALS:

    Just a quick reminder:

    mfheadcase (or mikefoxtrothow) is in DC for the next few week and would like to meet up with the local Horde. So, here’s the plan:

    Saturday, December 10th: Meet in front of the Smithsonian Castle at noon; museum(s) of choice or other sight-seeing TBD.

    Saturday, December 17th: Dinner in DC at a restaurant TBD. If you’re unable to make the Smithsonian trip, you can join us for dinner; please RSVP so I can get an idea of the head count.

    Wednesday, December 21st: Nancy already posted this, but just a reminder: Solstice gathering at Matthew’s 1600 in B-more.

    Please let me know (if you haven’t already) which events you’ll be able to attend so I can organize the logistics. :) (Also, if you’re coming this Saturday to the Smithsonian and don’t have my cell phone number, email me at oniongirlsays at googlemail dot com.

  321. Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden says

    I hope I’m not going to offend anyone, but I wanted to comment on the upthread size discussion.

    and…start the TMI:
    While the hollow strap on is a great idea for versatility in some situations, it doesn’t magically *reduce* size for other situations.

    But, and here’s where I might offend a lot of people, I’m trying to say this without judgement:

    I just don’t fucking get straight people.

    I’ve had sex with women and men and people who are neither. I’ve had sex involving male bodies, female bodies, and bodies neither male nor female in the everyday senses of those words. And there have been absolutely no shortage of things to do when there are no penes in play and no shortage of things to do when there are penes in play.

    But if a particular phallus isn’t going to work for a particular activity, why not skip the activity? Turkey basters can handle insemination and everything else is just about relationships building, emotional expression, being nice to bodies, and orgasms. You can even have mutual simultaneous orgasms when one person is stimulating oneself and another. I’ve actually found that Hitachi magic wands (and similar) can work wonders on male or not-female anatomy. There is so much to do. If doing one particular thing is going to cause unwanted hurt or discomfort, or even if it just doesn’t further or antagonizes efforts towards the goals listed above (it isn’t loving to cause unwanted pain, discomfort isn’t what brings orgasms, etc).

    So, yeah, I know that evolution and peer pressure cause a disproportionate focus on PiV sex, and if it works for you, even if it seems humdrum, milquetoast, or routine, I’m all for y’all straight people gettin it on that way.

    But if it doesn’t work, what is it that makes it so difficult to just ask, “So what were the actual goals/motivations for sex anyway? Once we know what those are, can those goals/motivations be met/satisfied by anything else? (And I’d be surprised if the answer was no).

    I’m not trying to troll. I guess part of this is advocacy of seeing sex differently, but part of this is just one giant WTF?

    Straight people, how do you work?

  322. Dhorvath, OM says

    Crip Dyke,
    It would be farcical of me to answer seriously for all straight people, but as most of my play fits the straight end of the spectrum I would start with a silly response: We don’t.

  323. Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden says

    mythusmage

    It all comes down to brain chemistry and what gets us fired up.

    Oops, no. I get that.

    But clearly, based on size discussion here but also based on lots of info from elsewhere, there’s pressure to make PiV work when it clearly isn’t working.

    I’m wondering why people seek something that clearly *doen’t* get at least half of the people in the room fired up.

    Also, I suppose I have to admit that my friends and lovers do not constitute a random sample, but I think that even if we start from a place of “one way sex must happen to be sex” that, since that’s straight sex which we aren’t having (often), we *have to* get passed it.

    Maybe my question is just as much for queer folk who can remember that transition from thinking that there was a type of sex that just has to be on the menu (and even has to be the main course)…so long as they also remember where that came from. I just think it would be easier if there are people who are closer to that dilemma when I’m looking for insight on that dilemma.

    Also, I said, “Straight people, how do you work?” because I wanted to say, “fucking straight people, how do you work” but I didn’t want to have that taken the wrong way.

    But actually, that latter question really would be the question to ask…if they weren’t too busy to be reading my posts on TET til they were no longer “fucking straight people.”

  324. says

    Crip Dyke, I think a lot of hetro peoples are adventurous and playful when it comes to sex. They end up being subjected to stereotypes too.

    When it comes to the whole penis size business (which has been a frequent subject of TET talk), I don’t care for the large ones either, my vagina being on the small and tight side. My ex had a very large one, 12″ and talk about pain…yeesh. I think a larger problem is cultural. Men (U.S.) are brought up that it’s taboo to look at other tonkers and that ‘bigger is better’. The whole ‘bigger is better’ thing is really about relating to other males, though, rather than anything to do with females. When it does come to relating to women, there’s a sense of pride in the size, so the woman is supposed to be awed and all happy about it.

  325. says

    Crip Dyke:

    Oops, no. I get that.

    Just a word here – ‘mythusmage’ aka Alan Kellogg is well known on Pharyngula, as a seriously fucked up person, a crackpot who tends to jump on newbs who don’t know who he is and will actually give him attention.

    Talk to him at your own risk, and don’t be surprised if there are many yells of shut the fuck up directed at mm.

  326. The Laughing Coyote (Papio Cynocephalus) says

    But clearly, based on size discussion here but also based on lots of info from elsewhere, there’s pressure to make PiV work when it clearly isn’t working.

    In my personal and admittedly limited experience, there’s quite a bit of variation as to how PiV sex can be carried out. Positions, obviously, but also rhythms and angles and such. Of course, this all applies to strap ons too. Except strap ons aren’t inundated with nerve endings.

    I think, from my hetero perspective, it’s as much a problem of half the hetero equation not listening to what the other half may like, or assuming they all like the same thing the same way, as PiV sex flat out clearly not working.

    Beyond that, I’m not sure how I can explain it. Instinct. For a guy who argued so vociferously for free will a thread or two back, I’m a very instinctive creature.

  327. Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden says

    “Talk to him at your own risk, and don’t be surprised if there are many yells of shut the fuck up directed at mm.”

    I don’t mind engaging until the f*d up comes out. I won’t be surprised by others’ admonishments either. To me it’s the internetz, what’s the worst he could do?

  328. Pteryxx says

    I guess part of this is advocacy of seeing sex differently, but part of this is just one giant WTF?

    Straight people, how do you work?

    *nodnodnod* though there *are* imaginative, open-minded straight people, too. (Or so I hear…)

    I can’t for the life of me figure out why mainstream culture, in America anyway, is so damn determined to stay sex-phobic. Sex can’t possibly exist! …Okay, it can exist, but only vanilla sex! Within male-female marriage! For purposes of breeding or male needs only! (not for FUN never ever EVER) With the man dominant! And there must be a Man and a Woman (or maybe women, plural) involved and all men are This and all women are That, No Exceptions, nothing In Between ever ever!!

    I mean, frick, people aren’t LIKE this. They’re just not. Nobody gets this wild hair up their butt about only one kind of sports, or cooking, or TV show, or career. I hate to blame it on religion, but dangit… I don’t know of anything else that involves this level of systemic silencing and disappearing. Except maybe racism… cripes, it may just come down to misogyny, after all. How dare two horny people deviate from the [M/F] script.

    *refocus*

    …anyway, I think a lot of straight people buy into the severely restricted narrative, while another lot learn surreptitiously, and neither of these groups will talk openly about sex at all, much less unconventional sex. So all of us get a skewed picture of what “normal” actually is, much less what the possibilities could be. Personally, withholding sexual education from people pisses me off as much as withholding formal education. It demeans us.

    And while PIV is overrated, yes, some of us really get off (so to speak) on penetration. It’s just neat to play with a body part designed to go inside places that feel good and are inconvenient to reach by yourself. (Though it’d be cool if we were snails. Woo, size!)

  329. Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden says

    Ohgodohgodohgod

    Caine you completely crack me up.

  330. Pteryxx says

    Of course, this all applies to strap ons too. Except strap ons aren’t inundated with nerve endings.

    …Get right on that, medical technology. *cackles*

  331. Part-Time Insomniac, Zombie Porcupine Nox Arcana Fan says

    Spicy food: Love it, much more so than when I was in high school. I once ate a whole bowl of spicy seafood noodle soup even though my lips and tongue were tingling like crazy, my face was red, and my eyes were red and watery. It was sooooo good (but my best friend was utterly worried).
    ————————————————–

    Size.

    Well, J is a pretty good size for me, although from certain angles it can start to hurt my cervix. I guess it’s one of those times when fantasy and reality don’t meet: Sure I like to fantasize about guys who are bigger than 5 or 6, but in real life that’s probably the best range for me.

    Surprisingly, I’ve found that my first ever dildo is about the same length and thickness as he is. I guess that worked out nicely.
    —————————————————

    Mom bought two boxes of Yodels last shopping trip. For some reason this reminded me of how I would fondly spend my Saturdays in college: Kickboxing in the morning, followed by lunch at a little Cuban restaurant, sometimes then followed by a trip to the 7-11 for a bottle of milk and Funny Bones.
    —————————————————-

    I must admit, I love this clip mostly because Dag is playing a guitar, very well, and then eats it when Norbert pisses him off. Plus, I love the simile he uses to describe Norb’s singing.

  332. says

    Pteryxx:

    and neither of these groups will talk openly about sex at all, much less unconventional sex.

    Oh, that’s just not true. Most people will happily talk about sex at every opportunity, regardless of orientation. Much to my surprise, your first category (the severely restricted narrative) tend to open up and talk themselves silly about sex when they find out I’m bi. That’s happened time after time after time.

  333. David Marjanović says

    I noticed from a very, very young age that women who were tied up made my funny parts tingle. I don’t think its social conditioning. (5 – 8 years old? I didn’t even know I had funny parts.)

    Blows Boggles my mind.

    I’ve heard that spicy food is more popular as one approaches the equitorial climes because you sweat more and then cool more. May be bullshit. But brighter colors, hotter spices … there maybe something to it.

    I’ve read the reason is disinfection… either way, except for Korea, the places with the spiciest cuisines are all hot in climate, with southern China and southern India having considerably hotter food than their northern counterparts despite otherwise similar cultures.

    …Holy moley David, speaking of length!

    I’m famous for it. I’ve written 23-screeners.

    Not necessarily. I assumed that when other kids cried and screamed when bitten by a grass snake, it was because of OMG SNAAAAKE and not because the little teeth actually hurt that much. Other kids not going barefoot on rocks or ice, I ascribed to OMG SHOES MANDATORY and so forth.

    Oh. I see.

    High pain tolerance has been claimed to often occur together with Asperger’s, BTW.

    …I’ve never been good with rules that made no sense *to me*.

    Same here!

    Cervixes are squirmy, though; they shift around, even in the same individual (just ask a gyno nurse *snaps speculum meaningfully*). Also, some … 20%, I think, of uterus-bearers have retroflexed uteri, where they lie behind the vagina instead of in front. The vagina also changes shape with muscle tension, experience, hormones… I’ve even heard that the cervix can retract further from the vaginal space with arousal. YMMV.

    Ah. All unsurprising in hindsight, but good to know! :-)

    at the very end, Cooper’s rebuttal got emotionally heated because he was pissed he is going to lose on Ware’s recusal ruling.

    :-)

    But if a particular phallus isn’t going to work for a particular activity, why not skip the activity?

    A lot of that is probably just cultural preconceived ideas about what sex is, but maybe I can help figure out where those ideas came from in the first place (other than the obvious factors: 1) the Christian and Roman idea that sex is strictly for procreation and mustn’t be enjoyed; 2) privilege means lack of exposure to alternatives to PiV, so people who aren’t naturally imaginative or curious about such things won’t discover them on their own; 3) those who are tend to be shut up by 1)…).

    See… as far as I know, I only have one place where touch can be sexual stimulation, whether it leads all the way to orgasm or not, and that’s the tip of my penis. (OK, I suppose that’s actually 2 places, the foreskin and the tip of the glans underneath, but… never mind, it’s so late at night at I don’t want to keep typing for too long.) I don’t know if my prostate would also work, but I’m not willing to try, because I simply can’t imagine I’d like that (hypersensitive as I am); and while apparently most men can be sexually stimulated at their nipples (as I learned here on Pharyngula a few months ago), I’m not one of those (if brief self-experimentation is a reliable guide… but I’m sure it is; I’m so sensitive I actually sometimes manage to tickle myself when I try). Apparently it’s possible to go all the way to orgasm from just fantasizing; it’s imaginable that I can do that, but I’ve never tried that hard (pun not intended), and apparently I only have wet dreams – or dreams that, much to my confusion till I wake up, suddenly turn sexual for no discernible internal reason! – when mechanical stimulation (from just accidentally lying in a stupid position while wearing too loose pyjamas) is already occurring. I’ve even on a few occasions woken up having an orgasm without any dream before it. So, any activity that is supposed to stimulate me sexually will probably involve the tip of teh pen0r touching something, exactly as the patriarchy wants it.

    …Um. I speak in the future tense because… you’re new to TET, so you probably don’t know it… I’m a virgin. And no, that’s not a matter of definition. I “blame” it on knowing very few people in meatspace.

    I’ve actually found that Hitachi magic wands (and similar) can work wonders on male or not-female anatomy.

    Vibrators?

    The whole ‘bigger is better’ thing is really about relating to other males, though, rather than anything to do with females.

    As far as I can tell, it’s a competition of “I am measurably more popular with teh ladeez than you, loser”, and it’s based on the premise that The Ladies Monolith really does think bigger is better.

    Beyond that, I’m not sure how I can explain it. Instinct. For a guy who argued so vociferously for free will a thread or two back, I’m a very instinctive creature.

    I’m quite sure there isn’t an instinct to insert tab A into slot B.

    and all men are This and all women are That, No Exceptions

    Obviously, people who believe this aren’t, on their own, going to get the idea that they could be wrong, so they simply won’t talk to each other. Then it won’t work, and they won’t know why.

    And while PIV is overrated, yes, some of us really get off (so to speak) on penetration. It’s just neat to play with a body part designed to go inside places that feel good and are inconvenient to reach by yourself.

    The discussion where this was explained in detail, with tons of TMI, was in the same thread as the one about nipple stimulation, right?

  334. says

    Hmm… I grok I may have missed the crest of the TMI/bdsm/capsaicin wave, but even so…

    First, let me preemptively apologize to all the actual kinksters here for even broaching the topic, because my own real-life sex life is (and seems likely to remain) about as vanilla as you could possibly imagine (that’s a sort of inverse TMI right there, isn’t it: “TMI about nothing”?)… and I’m guessing looky-lou wallflowers like me make your eyes roll.

    That said, pain play — specifically, spanking — features prominently in my erotic imagination. It would feature prominently in my (fairly modest) porn consumption, too, if I could only find the kind of thing I like. The thing is, it’s specifically the “pain” — the sensual/sensory aspect — that I’m interested in, rather than the dom/sub aspects: I want to watch people having sex where spanking is simply part of the sexual repertoire, just one more form of erotic touch. I really have no interest in the punishment/domestic discipline role play that dominates virtually all of the spanking porn I’ve seen (not to mention depictions of erotic spanking in mainstream films).

    I’ve actually seen exactly one video (sadly no longer available from the place I downloaded it from) that fits my imagination on this point: One woman laying into her lover’s ass with her bare hand, but with no suggestion of dominance or submission or punishment or humiliation or anything other than pure sensual pleasure on both women’s part.

    I’ve pondered this — Why do I think this is hot? Why do I imagine I would enjoy it myself? How could I explain it to someone? — and the only analogy I’ve been able to come up with is the very one that led TET down this path: hot spicy food.

    Dhorvath, you and I have really been on the same wavelength recently, because this…

    I maintain that there are sensations that feel good to me, as in I enjoy them, which are described as pain by many other people. Wasabi, capsaicin, DOMS, isopropyl alcohol on a fresh wound, temporary muscle failure.

    …is exactly it (almost exactly that same list, though I confess I don’t know what DOMS is). Those things — especially the foods — no doubt fire the sort of neural pathways that many, if not most, read as pain… but to me, in those contexts, they read as pleasure instead. It’s not that I like hot food because it hurts; it’s that hurt isn’t how I experience it.

    And that’s how I imagine erotic spanking, too.

    But probably I’ll never know.

  335. Pteryxx says

    Caine: quite a few straight folks will talk to me too, if and only if we’re somewhere safe and *I* take the first step into each level of TMI’ness. How the heck do they talk to each other, if they have to wait for someone freakier than them to go first? But again, I am in Texas currently, so I’m pretty sure everyone here’s more hesitant than in some places to go into detail unless they’re behind a safely closed door. I did link to that save-the-veggies ad earlier; they had a billboard up in Texas, so of course people complained about it. (Also, in anatomy study groups I had to explain a LOT of sex-based TMI to other students. Such as, how hymens work, how withdrawal doesn’t… yeesh, some of these folks had fiancees.)

  336. Tethys says

    A demain!

    *chortle!*

    I find a lot of people, and men in particular, are completely lacking in sensuality/eroticism/imagination when it comes to sex. In their impoverished minds, the penis wunderschwanz is the star of the show.

    See also- I did not have sex with that woman.

  337. Dhorvath, OM says

    So on the more serious front, I would say that education plays a serious role in why so many people end up with a messed paradigm of what constitutes sex. I was lucky in the exposure I received regarding what was possible and how little normal really means, but my first sexual partner had no clue and we ended up having many discussions to work out what was possible and spent much time sorting out what worked for us. Not everyone has that luxury and so you end up with people who think that sex means penis in vagina.
    I wonder sometimes if it’s not one place that being straight is a distinct disadvantage, everyone else has to go looking for their sexuality but most straight people just assume the script provided to them is accurate and try to adapt themselves to the script. It’s very sad, even with people trying to break out, it’s easy to fall into the same ruts. We end up with people barely making any progress due to trying to rediscover what others already know and could convey easily were frank talk about sexuality more common.
    We run into this with partners all the time, they aren’t thinking outside of porn if they are even thinking that far, they have sex by accident and then wonder why it’s frustrating or disappointing. As a society we could do better, but this sexual frustration seems to suit a certain group of people: they want people unsatisfied because it ties in well with guilt.

  338. says

    Pteryxx:

    But again, I am in Texas currently

    Ah. I have no experience with Texas. (And no desire to gain said experience.) It makes ND look positively orgiastic by comparison, though. ;D

    Generally, I’ve found people who have a “go with the flow” attitude to be open about sexual experience and more willing to learn and experience more than script sex.

  339. Dhorvath, OM says

    Bill D,
    Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness. The after effect of intense or unusual muscle training, generally peaking between 24 and 48 hours post exercise.

  340. Pteryxx says

    David M: Re self-experimentation, I’d mention that partner and I discovered quite by accident that types of stimulation we’d tried on ourselves, with little or no effect, suddenly became effective when performed on us by the other person. Nipple stimulation was the biggest surprise (so far). In fact, there’s a few tricks I can now use on myself because my partner ‘taught’ them to me, when they never worked before. Obviously I don’t know if that’d hold true for you, being capable of self-tickling and all, but it might… it sure startled us. Sexual response ties into imagination, socializing, communication, proprioception, reflexes… it’s just completely bizarre and fascinating.

    The discussion where this was explained in detail, with tons of TMI, was in the same thread as the one about nipple stimulation, right?

    …HOW DID I MISS THIS AWESOME DISCUSSION

  341. Weed Monkey says

    One year I had to evacuate my mother’s green room before the first serious frost, and then we ate quite a bit unripened capsicums. The green cayennes tasted mostly like peas, but the jalapeños had quite a bit punch even at that point.

  342. Dhorvath, OM says

    Caine,

    and neither of these groups will talk openly about sex at all, much less unconventional sex.

    Oh, that’s just not true. Most people will happily talk about sex at every opportunity, regardless of orientation.

    This has not been my experience, even getting people who have met with the intent of talking about sex is not easy.

  343. Pteryxx says

    First, let me preemptively apologize to all the actual kinksters here for even broaching the topic, because my own real-life sex life is (and seems likely to remain) about as vanilla as you could possibly imagine (that’s a sort of inverse TMI right there, isn’t it: “TMI about nothing”?)… and I’m guessing looky-lou wallflowers like me make your eyes roll.

    Naw, not at all. Not for me, anyway. Not everyone has to keep ramping the kinkiness up to find pleasure, much less try to out-weird each other. Vanilla’s just as valid a choice as anyone else’s, as long as it’s a choice and not enforced out of ignorance or shame.

    My main character (the horndog with all these NSFW adventures) has a grassy spot where he likes to lie in the sun after swimming, and he will fantasize about having an old flame there to dry off beside. That’s about as simple as it gets, after all the metahumans and aliens and whatnot. (Someday I hope to draw that scene, even.)

  344. says

    The good news:

    I have a confirmed A in Digital Image Processing.

    I’m probably going to get an A in Principles of Computer Architecture (if I did the math right).

    I’m going to get an A in Intro to Theory of Algorithms if I make better than a 56 on the final (and that’s assuming no curve).

    My other two courses are S/U (pass/fail), so they don’t count.

    So, as best I can tell, I’m one test grade away from a 4.0 semester.

    The bad news:

    I’m currently running a fever of 100.3°F. Oog.

  345. says

    @Crip Dyke, I absolutely love that you asked this question:

    Straight people, how do you work?

    I’m probably not the best person to explain the obsession with PIV sex being the only sex that “counts” right off the bat. Since my definition of “having sex” with someone doesn’t have to involve even touching the other person.

    I’ve honestly always been kind of creeped out by people who want to make PIV sex happen if it’s just not fulfilling for both people, and I’ve been very lucky with spouse to have open, well-communicated happy sex for years. But I think I blame the whole religious thing of sex=potential for children from God. Other types of sex were (and in many places still are) criminalized so they’re not “real sex.” It’s pretty much stupidity itself.

    That being said, I’m definitely on the end of the Kinsey scale straight, so I kind of understand really wanting PIV sex at times. There is something psychologically about the type of closeness you get from, say, the missionary position that is hard to describe.

  346. Dhorvath, OM says

    Or just as easily maybe it’s just me. Do you find it changes depending on it being just you or you with your partner? I am male and there is certainly a well earned reputation for men to take a conversation about sex as an invitation. I am now thinking that pressure could be at play at least for me given the situations I am familiar with.

  347. Tethys says

    David M

    I’m quite sure there isn’t an instinct to insert tab A into slot B.

    Um…nearly every member of the animal kingdom does have this instinct. It seems silly that humans alone do not possess sexual instincts. We just like to pretend we aren’t animals.

  348. says

    Dhorvath:

    Do you find it changes depending on it being just you or you with your partner?

    It does change if my partner’s in on the conversation, at least until it’s realized that he’s open-minded, easy going and kind.

  349. says

    DrDMFM:

    Can’t be taste buds, because hotness literally is pain.

    Hmmm… I would put it differently: I’ve come to think of what you’re calling pain there as raw signal data. What I think of as pain is more of a cognitive construct: what we end up with when we process the raw data. Sometimes some of us process the same data differently, and end up with pleasure instead.

    Which is not to say I don’t get your point that it’s a different physiological phenomenon than processing taste/flavor. FWIW, hot peppers have (IMHO) wonderful flavor in addition to the heat.

    ***
    Crip Dyke:

    Straight people, how do you work?

    Well, I guess I’m laser-straight, Kinsey 0, in that my erotic/romantic focus is entirely on people of the opposite sex[1]. In my experience…

    straight phallocentric

    In fact, in virtually all of my relationships. I’ve been the one advocating for less focus on PiV and more on… well, almost anything else (even though I’ve confessed just upthread to being boring vanilla, that’s a matter of circumstance rather than inclination); it’s been my partners (including my current mate of 27 years) who’ve been relatively more intent on “a little of the ol’ in-out.”

    Honestly, PiV is the least pleasurable aspect of sex to me (keeping in mind that “least pleasurable” is a completely relative term, and admitting that some of the most pleasurable also involve the P). It’s really not the case (at least, I don’t think it is) that straight folks are invariably nothing but piledrivers.

    ***
    [1] And I have no incentive to fudge on this point, since around these parts, all the cool kids are Kinsey Nonzero. I’d happily claim a step or two up the numberline, if I could do so honestly.

  350. Pteryxx says

    Or just as easily maybe it’s just me. (…)

    Well… for what it’s worth, most of my sex education has been in just the last few years, and during that time, I’ve been alone. The major meatspace conversations I’ve had with regular folks were mostly in the context of that anatomy class, with a mixed male-female study group of about 20… though now that you mention it, the women sure did ask almost all of the questions. I don’t know if the men were too embarrassed or just not interested (or, possibly, intimidated), but they were far quieter during that conversation than any of the others. Now I wish I’d paid closer attention.

    Bill:

    And I have no incentive to fudge on this point, since around these parts, all the cool kids are Kinsey Nonzero. I’d happily claim a step or two up the numberline, if I could do so honestly.

    …Personally, I’d love to hear MORE about sex from the straight/vanilla POV. Most of my learning’s come from the gay, lesbian, kinky or just plain odd communities (i.e. furries, natch.) Honestly, I feel like straight people are underrepresented on the topic.

  351. says

    Dhorvath:

    Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness. The after effect of intense or unusual muscle training, generally peaking between 24 and 48 hours post exercise.

    Ahh, you mean what happens when you start back at the gym after having slacked off for far to long, eh? Something that happens to me several times each year!

    I was a (too-small, entirely unskilled) football player for one year in middle school, and I would regularly get laid the hell out in drills during practice (I was a lineman, because even though I was too small for the line, I was too slow and uncoordinated for anything else). My memory is that that feeling of impact — of being crashed into — was really wonderful.

    ***
    Caine:

    And that’s how I imagine erotic spanking, too.

    But probably I’ll never know.

    Is it not possible to work that into your current repertoire?

    It’s not impossible, but I think it’s unlikely: My wife has given no hint of any erotic interest in pain, and she has a specific, very profound philosophical horror of corporal punishment. Now, my (hypothetical) kink is distinctly not about punishment, even in a role-playing sense, but I think that would look like a distinction without a difference to her eyes. I’m afraid even bringing the subject up would upset her terribly.

    Perhaps I’ll eventually hit on the right combination of courage and a creative approach, but in the meantime….

    Also, I gather that some people have outside play partners on a just bdsm play, no sex basis… but what I have in mind is all about sex, and so would definitely constitute cheating. So I won’t go there.

  352. says

    Bill:

    It’s not impossible, but I think it’s unlikely: My wife has given no hint of any erotic interest in pain, and she has a specific, very profound philosophical horror of corporal punishment. Now, my (hypothetical) kink is distinctly not about punishment, even in a role-playing sense, but I think that would look like a distinction without a difference to her eyes. I’m afraid even bringing the subject up would upset her terribly.

    Ah, but this isn’t about punishment at all. Has she never playfully given you a slap on the ass or snapped you with a towel?

    Part of being a loving partner is the willingness to listen to your partner and at least consider exploring new things. I don’t know, of course, but you might be selling your wife short here. I suppose you’ll never know if you aren’t willing to talk with her.

    Also, I gather that some people have outside play partners on a just bdsm play, no sex basis… but what I have in mind is all about sex, and so would definitely constitute cheating.

    BDSM is all wrapped up with sex for me, however, I’m not strictly monogamous.

  353. Dhorvath, OM says

    Bill D,
    With appropriate cycling of resistance, sets, reps, and exercises that sensation need not be abandoned by someone who is training regularly. Just sayin’.
    _

    I didn’t play any ball sports, or team events for that matter, but I think I can understand based on the things that I do pursue and the impacts related to them. Crashing off my bike is not something I seek out, but it is not always traumatic and sometimes basically fun and I could see how tumbling of that sort could trigger the same sorts of sensations.

  354. says

    Hey, DrDMFM, I already noted that you didn’t have to use XOR – in the actual post that you quoted!

    CripDyke, re: “But if a particular phallus isn’t going to work for a particular activity, why not skip the activity?” – Ouchies can happen by accident. You might not know that a particular position with a particular phallus will hurt, until you actually try it.

  355. says

    Caine:

    I don’t know, of course, but you might be selling your wife short here.

    Probably I am, though I think its more a matter of my own cowardice than any lack of regard for her. I often think I’m exaggerating in my own mind her likely reaction… but I also often think that the potential consequences of going for it and being wrong are less tolerable than the consequences of the status quo (i.e., of not going for it): It’s not killing me to forego this avenue of experimentation; screwing up my marriage just might.

    But (as I’ve quoted here before) “I am but an egg; waiting is.” Perhaps the time will come when I will see things differently.

  356. Pteryxx says

    Ah, but this isn’t about punishment at all. Has she never playfully given you a slap on the ass or snapped you with a towel?

    Um… that association of spanking with punishment might have to be un-learned on a deep basis before seriously considering it. I certainly couldn’t convince myself that a given sensation didn’t mean what my less conscious mind thought it meant, based on the rather extreme reaction I had. Much less bring myself to try it on someone else, even someone I love who’s asked for it. Maybe that’s abuse-specific and I’m making too cautious an estimation; but saying “even mentioning it might upset her” doesn’t sound good.

  357. speedweasel says

    Hey,

    Sorry if this has been asked and answered but have we organised Pharyngula tables for the Saturday night dinner at the GAC? If so, who do I see about getting a seat?

  358. Esteleth, Ph.D. of Mischief, Mayhem and Hilarity says

    Now that I’m back from my Medieval dance class…

    @CripDyke:
    re: autism. I was diagnosed at 22. FWIW. And while there’s not a lot for adults, true, there is some. Just having the right words to describe stuff, for example. Do you hang out around ASAN, for example? As someone diagnosed as an adult
    re: het sex. Well, speaking as a Kinsey 5.5, uh? I gotta say, the few times I’ve had sex with the male-bodied and -identified (like, all 3 times), penii were focal members only infrequently. There was finger play, there was mouth play, there was vibrator play (in both directions), and there was PIV. Of course, the fact that (1) my attitude towards penii can be summed up as “lolwut” and (2) overall, I prefer women probably skews my perspective.

    @David Marjanović way up in the 300s:

    May I ask what you played that required you, as part of the plot, to put the doll there?

    Well, I would masturbate. So, I thought masturbatory thoughts. Sexy stuff. Mostly featuring gay men (lolwut?!) for some reason. This pattern predates puberty and predates my learning just what, exactly, it was that men have. Make of that what you will.

  359. Esteleth, Ph.D. of Mischief, Mayhem and Hilarity says

    In other news, I can write a Ph.D. dissertation and defend it, but I cannot properly close an html tag. Go me!

  360. Esteleth, Ph.D. of Mischief, Mayhem and Hilarity says

    Neither can I properly finish a sentence, apparently. “As someone diagnosed as an adult re: het sex.” indeed.

    I’m going to bed.

  361. Tethys says

    I know of a SF series by Jacqueline Carey that has as it main character a women named Phèdre nó Delaunay who is termed an anguisette. (she also has an awesome tattoo!)

    .An anguisette is, to put the simplest terms, a person who literally gains extreme sensual/sexual pleasure and orgasmic release from pain.

    It’s called the Kushiel Series. The artwork on the cover is what initially attracted me to the book, but it was an enjoyable read and an unusual premise.

  362. The Laughing Coyote (Papio Cynocephalus) says

    hmmm, while the topic is still on sex, the girl I met on PoF and I broke it off earlier tonight. It was painless, drama free, and mutual. That’s… never really happened to me before. :/

    I’ve been thinking more on the PiV sex question, and I’ve come to the conclusion that a fair chunk of it is societal pressure. Before I ‘got enlightened’, I always subconciously figured that PiV sex was the only sex that really ‘counted’.

    However, I still wouldn’t deny that there’s a strong instinctive component.

  363. says

    Pteryxx:

    Maybe that’s abuse-specific and I’m making too cautious an estimation; but saying “even mentioning it might upset her” doesn’t sound good.

    Funny you should mention abuse. I’m pretty sure my wife was never abused — her mother is a wonderful person and both her parents were, AFAICT, loving and kind, if somewhat overwhelmed by raising 6 kids — but I believe she and her siblings may have been spanked, in the considered parental way that was still fairly common in the 60s and early 70s (and commonly considered normal, even though it might seem shocking today). I certainly was (though not very often, ‘cuz I was a good little boy), both at home and at school. Perhaps she was aware of friends and schoolmates who were punished more severely, if not outright abused.

    In any case, early in our marriage, when we were living in our first apartment in Houston, she became obsessed — staying-up-all-night-pacing obsessed — over a series of letters to the editor in the newspaper regarding the corporal punishment policy in the Houston school district. She knew I’d been spanked at school, and seemed almost angry at me for not being more upset about it. For a (very brief) while, I thought she might really “lose it” over this, and I was worried that our brand-new marriage was in trouble.

    Does any of this means it would be impossible for her to enjoy a little kinky fun? Of course not: First, there’s been a lot of water under the bridge since then. And, as Caine points out, I may well be underestimating her ability to wrap her mind around a new thing. But I do at least have some real predicate for worrying that the subject might upset her.

    The thing is, I’m not obsessed about erotic spanking: It’s just something I’m turned on by in theory, and think I might enjoy. As it stands now (and likely always will), I don’t need it badly enough to be worth the risk of freaking my wife out.

    OTOH, if a reasonable, safe-seeming opening were to serendipitously present itself….

  364. SallyStrange, Spawn of Cthulhu says

    Occupy Wall Street now has a political-science journal.

    More like a literary journal. But still interesting nonetheless. A bit woo-ish and more focused on the mytho-poetic experience of disliking capitalism than would be to my taste, but well done. “Occupy Theory” is a good idea, the first issue doesn’t have that much theory in it but I’m interested to see what comes next.

  365. chigau (違う) says

    Crip Dyke @418

    @chigau -#362
    is there a reason you made this comment:
    The new Canadian $100 is made of plastic.
    Sharp! edges.
    On a thread discussing size, sex, bdsm, and guys who think that money is for sex?
    You’re not trying to tell us something, are you? Because you a) missed the TMI tag, but b) you don’t have to beat around the bush, we’re supportive here.

    It’s late and my irony detector is in the shop so I’ll treat this straight.
    Upthread from my 362 were a number of comments about having sex directly with currency. My comment fits in.
    This is The Endless Thread (TET), the Thread™ was not discussing “size, sex, bdsm, and guys who think that money is for sex”, some of the comments adressed those topics, some did not.
    I haven’t beat around bushes since … ever.
    I know how we are here.

  366. Minnie The Finn, avec de cèpes de Bordeaux says

    Late to the thread, but Esteleth @375:

    neem oil. Sorry for non-linkage, I’m still trying to figure out the tags on FTB…

    It’s a pure, natural product, non-toxic to humans on smaller levels (and surely you’re not going to eat your gardenia, anyway?) and a small bottle goes a long way!

    Saved our, um, gardenias, last summer a couple of times.

  367. says

    If so, who do I see about getting a seat?

    That boat might have sailed already, I don’t know. The only person I heard from was Wowbagger, and he didn’t send me the required details yet, so I haven’t put in for any table at all.

  368. amblebury says

    Hang about, Rorschach, I contacted you via Facebook some weeks ago, and was told the table was for regular commenters only, and when I asked if it was full, received no reply – so I assumed it was.

    Did I get things completely wrong? One of the motivations for me traveling from NZ to Aus. is to meet more Pharyngulites. Sharing a meal would have been a good way to do that – although the cost was really high – I’m going to try and sell my ticket – and a handful of us are looking at a paupers’ meal elsewhere.

  369. amblebury says

    OK, I just checked my messages, and I wasn’t quite right. Rorschach, you were organizing a table for regular commenters, but didn’t want to do any other tables – fair enough, I guess. I asked you if the ‘regular commenters’ table was full, didn’t receive a reply, so I assumed it was.

    What other information does Wowbagger need to give you, other than ‘I’d like a seat at dinner.’?

  370. Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden says

    Oh, chigau, #486…

    I was trying to be funny.

    So sorry I failed. I do know TET talks about other things, I just…. It was just funny that that comment came up on the same thread as some of the other comments, including a comment about a guy skipping the middleman and literally fucking money. And after that were comments about paper cuts, IIRC.

    So… just funny to me. Tried to be funny back. Catastrophic fail. I’ll be funnier next time, I promise. ;-)

  371. Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden says

    So before 493 I wrote for 48 minutes on a comment and then lost it trying to get it to post.

    I’m not going to do it again. I appreciate the people who took pity on my and, solely for my good, I’m sure, were willing to about sex. My queer brain that was forced to get past stereotypes of sex is still very interested in how those stereotypes (or other forces) manage to constrain those they do.

    I’ll continue thinking about this.

    For David #442:

    When you asked “Vibrator” about hte Hitachi Magic Wand, the answer is: Yes. It’s a vibrator, but NOT a dildo.

    Here:
    http://www.goodvibes.com/display_product.jhtml?id=1-1-AB-BE01

    I’ve found that during use on the underside of the penis near or at the tip, male bodied people can certainly come gangbusters from just this. But of course, when you combine it with nipple play or kissing or whatever, it gets even better. The main use imagined for such toys is female use on or near the clit, but these are body massagers and they feel good almost anywhere on the body – on anyone’s body. Use along the labia, perineal area, on the gluteals or even the anus can all cause intensely positive and intensely sexual sensations. But some of those body parts are well developed in male bodies and, as mentioned, there are places uniquely male that can get quite a lot of fun from a vibrator like this.

    Because of my disability, I actually use one on my body non-sexually virtually every day. I also use it sexually sometimes, but it really isn’t a “sex toy” to me.

    However, this also causes problems for me. Despite the fact that Hitachi doesn’t like to advertise it as a sex toy, queer women 20-60 almost **all** know it as a sex toy, and many straight women, younger or older women, and other people will recognize the device as a sex toy and not, as Hitachi markets it, a general muscle massager.

    But me, I use it mostly as a muscle massager (far over 90%) and since it’s not inherently a sex toy, I’ve done things like take the thing with me when I have to spend a long day in the office/at school working on an article or paper. I plug it in and am running it over the outside of my leg trying to calm the pain by relaxing the muscle spasms and someone comes in & sees me reading some thick tome of technical commentary and running an Hitachi up and down my leg…and then excuses hirself immediately.

    I’m all, “Bwuh?” Then I start hearing stories that X walked in on me masturbating to academic-ese.

    Oy. This is one of the ways my aspie-ish self gets me in big trouble. Hey, it’s not *only* a sex toy. There’s no reason to leap to the conclusion that any use of it must be masturbation. I’m not using it to masturbate. I have a disability that it helps with. Easing pain makes me a more effective worker.

    Therefore, Hitachi at work is good for efficiency and I will be praised for my creative thinking not unthinkingly branded as a pervert. QED.

    It all made so much sense in my head. Apparently some people do think of the Hitachi *only* as a sex machine, regardless of its actual capabilities….

  372. StevoR says

    @1. Tyrant of Skepsis : 7 December 2011 at 4:42 pm

    As long as it’s a big-ass Christian stick, you’re fine. I don’t know about the glitter, though. A stick with glitter sounds like a bit too much gaiety…

    ROTFLMAO! Classic. Happy holidays mate (Raised beer salute to you.)

  373. says

    @ 491,

    The coordinator of the group must send in the following for each member of the group – name, confirmation number and dietary requirements (The confirmation number is found at the top of your receipt email).

    And I’ve lost interest in doing it now, I’ll just sit with whoever. People move around anyway. But to think that we had, what, 8 or 9 Pharyngula tables last time, and not a single one this time around, is slightly depressing.

  374. Illuminata, Genie of the Beer Bottle says

    Habanero juice
    I know this from personal experience.

    Dear gawd, Rev. Between nearly freezing them off, and nearly burning them off, they must be made of tempered steel by now.

    (Too bad I’m at work, because an embedded link to Iron Crotch would have been so funny right now!)

  375. chigau (違う) says

    Crip Dyke @493
    No problem :)
    I learned early in my life on line* that irony cannot be conveyed in text-only :(
    .
    *1993 or so on alt.rec.urbanlegends. You’d think Barb would have recognised witty banter o_O