An organization called American Family Patriarchy Values wants to demonstrate that the world is actually just as bigoted as they are, so they’ve put up an internet survey to get “data” bolstering their views. I think we should help them out.
Radical homosexuals claim YOU support same-sex marriage, special job rights and promotion of homosexuality in schools. Please fill out the survey below and let your voice be heard.
1. Should businesses, schools, churches and daycares be required by law to hire and advance homosexuals or face prosecution and multimillion-dollar lawsuits?
2. Do you support the use of taxpayer dollars for AIDS-awareness programs and homosexual research grants?
3. Should homosexuality be promoted in school as a healthy lifestyle choice rather than leaving education on such matters up to the child’s parents?
4. Do you support same-sex “marriage” or marriage-like benefits for homosexual couples, such as adoption?
5. Should the U.S. Supreme Court overturn traditional marriage between one man and one woman?
I notice they do a little skewing of the questions, but ignore that; the first one in particular is dishonest, since no one is advocating requiring that homosexuals be hired, only that they not be discriminated against. But yeah, the rest are cool.
Unfortunately, they don’t publish any of the stats — you’re basically signing a petition that they want to flaunt at congress and claim that Americans really do hate gays, so let’s make more laws to discriminate against minorities. They’re unclear on the concept of democracy in multiple ways, I’m afraid.
I think they’re going to have to throw out their poll or lie about the data after we’re through with them.
(via JT)
I think those questions might be loaded.
Well the completely invented Bob Fisher of 90210 [only ZIP code this Brit knows!] answered yes to all, despite the first question being quite diabolically worded.
I’m British and want to help out this poll, what format does a zipcode have?
marko – I was about to say the same. “Should the U.S. Supreme Court overturn traditional marriage between one man and one woman?”
Of course not?
It’s not possible to sign the petition. Clicking on that jumps to their web page.
Zip codes are 5 digits. You can have mine – 75233. That’s in Texas, though, so you might not want to be associated with it.
My favorite part about this survey is that they misspelled their own goddamn name at the top: “United State’s.”
Yes (x5)
Jesus
Christ
jdawg@heaven.god
77777
They have to listen to that guy, don’t they?
Yes, Marko, they are loaded. In the loaded diaper sense.
Well I’m hetro and don’t consider laws to treat people as equal as particularly radical but I don’t think they’ll like my answers to the survey. Their web site shows one disadvantage of the internet – it’s very easy to only be exposed to like minded views to the extent that you think they are logical and normal.
“homosexual research grants”?
I didn’t even know research grants had sexual orientations…
I’m with marko, some of these questions are loaded. The first one in particular is a bad question. I mean, if one says yes, then it seems that person supports special rights for homosexuals in the work place. And if one says no, then they are more for equal rights. It is designed so that everyone, or most everyone, would pick no.
So, of course, I answered yes. I mean, I don’t think anyone should be treated differently because of any arbitrary reason. The first question is meant to play on the persecution complex of many homophobic people.
The rest, I believe, are meant to be loaded. But they are written from a point of view that already sees homosexuals has second class citizens.
What the hell is a homosexual research grant and what has it got to do with AIDS awareness?
Surely the research is about homosexuality? It isn’t the research which is homosexual or the grant for that matter.
That is one scary website.
Those questions are seriously loaded. They are wording everything in such a way that the correct answer may not actually be what I want to convey by clicking just a Y/N/Unsure.
Like this one:
Well of course not. Nobody should be required to hire homosexuals. But noone should have the right to refuse candidates for a job just because they are homosexual. There is a huge difference between those, and I have a feeling that if I answer that truthfully as ‘No’, they will interpret it as if I have just said that companies have the right to discriminate against homosexuals for hiring. Which of course, they do not.
Or this:
Well no. But then again, I don’t see any class either where promoting the strictly monogamous one man – one woman for life thing would be right either.
And let’s not even get started on the supreme court overthrowing traditional marriage question.
I could fill that thing in truthfully but that would just play into their hands when they ‘interpret’ the results.
That is one crappy poll.
Typical, lots of loaded questions, misrepresenting real issues, worded in such a way, that the answer is mostly “No”. Liars for Jesus at their best/worst.
[sarcasm] But they would never do this. Of course not. they simply want honest answers to honest questions. [end sarcasm]
Just vote “yes” on all of them anyway. Just to see them squirm.
Apparently proper punctuation isn’t a traditional value.
That’s a horrible question – it exposes their belief in the dichotomy of heterosexual marriage or homosexual marriage, they can’t imagine that anyone might like both.
Done. Loaded bs questions deserve bs answers. I think Mickey Mouse and a few of his friends are about to answer it, too. Spoiling a crap survey is better than letting it stand.
that website is… quite something; “Forced Sodomite Marriages”?
O.o
As a raging, radical homersexshul I took this survey. And Im going to pass it along to all of my queer, and or queer friendly friends. Hooray.
Eternally, or not, I remain;
KJ
An meine deutschen Nachbarn,
I can’t.
I can’t submit that survey with 5 Yes replies because I do not agree with the questions as worded.
Liars for Jeebus they may be, liar against Jeebus I am not.
*rolls eyes*
I used (MN) 56267 as my pretend US zip code, since that’s where the sanity seems to cluster…
I’m a homosexual. I can haz research grant?
sorry P.Z.
I gave them zip code 02134 rather than my own.
12345 is also valid, with no pop culture references as far as I know (it’s a neat string that happens to be assigned to Schenectady, N.Y.)
You can also use my Zipcode from New Hampshire 03304!
The page seems to be running slow. Hopefully it will accept my survey of all Yes answers.
I read each question, figured out what answer they were begging, and then answered the opposite even if the question itself was was about as useful as a Jubilee in a mountain division and made less sense than Palin, Bachmann and Perry combined.
I guess that makes me a radical heterosexual? (Seeing as I’m straighter than a West Kansas road and all)
We appear to have temporarily overloaded their server.
Einida Mann has answered “yes” to every “question.”
To y’all furriners: a zip code is a five-digit location code used by the US Postal Service. Often, a website will validate the code before accepting a submission. 90210 is pretty funny; here are a few more (all in California):
95814
95815
95816
(pretty liberal ones, those – urban Sacramento)
95841
95860
95678
(Citrus Heights and Roseville – more conservative)
95746
95630
(Granite Bay and Folsom – rich as hell and wayyyy conservative)
Have fun!
@Baktru.
Of course, I could not answer “yes” to these questions in good conscience either. Except for question 4 and maybe 2, whatever homosexual research grants are. These are not honest questions, they do not deserve an honest answer.
The result will be milked by them either way.
If most answers are “no” : the American public is against gay marriage etc..
If most answers are “yes”: See how the radical homosexuals want to oppress us. We always told you so.
Okay…
Let us consider these well formulated questions they ask…
1. Should businesses, schools, churches and daycares be required by law to hire and advance homosexuals or face prosecution and multimillion-dollar lawsuits?
Yes the law should be applied in insure that they are not actually discriminating against homosexuals.
Nobody said anything about ‘advancing’ anyone, just not handicapping someone because of who they might love.
2. Do you support the use of taxpayer dollars for AIDS-awareness programs and homosexual research grants?
Absolutely required for AIDS research…not sure about research programs into homosexuality…I thought kinsley kindda already did all that years ago!
Although regular consultation with the ‘teh ghey’ community might not be such a bad idea!
3. Should homosexuality be promoted in school as a healthy lifestyle choice rather than leaving education on such matters up to the child’s parents?
No one suggesting promoting anything…but information and open discussion should be the norm at school and at home.
4. Do you support same-sex “marriage” or marriage-like benefits for homosexual couples, such as adoption?
Yes no problem except for the rabid bigotry from xian clones.
5. Should the U.S. Supreme Court overturn traditional marriage between one man and one woman?
Were they planning to?
I think they should insure that lesbian and ghey couples should experience the same level of respect from authority and society as heterosexual couples presently do!
But we all know from the ‘tone’ of the questions which greasy little shit stained stones this scum fest oozed out from under.
Dripping bigoted intolerance and vindictive attitude fuelled by scaremongering and innate ignorance is not a ‘value’ that should be encouraged.
This is a poll which is rigged by shallow cretins with little to no gumption about what homosexuality actually is…apart from un-biblical apparently!
Why do xians feel the need to blatantly lie about the folks they hate?
And make up scenarios that have never been suggested by anyone.
Are they really that lacking in self confidence and integrity?
Obviously they are, mind you with absolutely no trust or even sign of their supernatural hero, they feel kinda safe about lying and making nonsense up, well I mean they must do. they all do it after all…can’t stop, they treat it as who can spout the biggest lie and get away with it!
Can’t get to it from work: our webblocker has the domain flagged as a hate site.
Imagine that.
Or, far more likely, they will ignore the actual results of the ‘poll’ and insert brown numbers.
If I’m in favor of equal treatment, does that make me “radical”?
To the extreme radical religious and political right of the USA, yes. Yes it does.
huh i cant get on the website… have we broken it? Boo I wanted to bring morality crashing down
At the risk of sounding cynical, they probably noticed the hits coming from FTB and took the ‘poll’ down. They will still release ‘results’ but those will bear as much relation to reality as, say, the bible.
If you’re going to use US zipcodes, please use ones from Arkansas and Texas. :)
The best way to get a zipcode is to google for a hotel in a city. I.e.: best western lubbock texas
gives you: 79404
Dallas = 75207
Plano = 75074
Little Rock AR = 72209
I can’t get in! Damnit, pharyngulites, one at a time, please!
I love fucking up polls. I don’t know why. I get such a kick out of it. When a popular person can aggregate so many like-minded people to a ridiculous online poll, it’s a dream come true.
You could call me a sheep. But I vote exactly how I feel. PZ never tells us how we should vote. It’s a democracy. I voted yesterday in the Ontario elections – I am not a sheep!
Another good ZIP is 21782. Sharpsburg, MD. Heart of the Bible belt and filled to the brim with intollerant fundogelicals.
The most redically homosexual thing I’ve done all week is listen to a bit of the cast album from Wicked, so I hope I squeak through.
Should homersekshuls be boiled alive, or should they be boiled after they are stoned to death? (Y/N)
//If most answers are “yes”: See how the radical homosexuals want to oppress us. We always told you so.//
Who cares, they need some luggage lifting. God I hate bigots, it’s not even something to get upset about. It’s just about two guys have sex, what is the problem with that. grow up you ignorant Americans, the rest of America accepts gay as okay, time to join the group.
the way they use scary quotes around “marriage” reminds me of the way Chinese media use them for the Taiwanese “president”, the “defence minister” and irony of ironies, the democratically elected “Legislative Yuan”.
Just for the record – my favorite ZIP code in the US is that of West Hollywood, CA, a city that was basically founded specifically to promote gay businesses (and is run by a weird combination of gays and Russian immigrants; go fig).
The ZIP for this wonderful place that houses the major gay clubs in Los Angeles as well as the famous parts of Sunset Strip?
90069
I love my town.
I picked 84104 in Salt Lake City as they are know for tolerances.
heh we need to fund the heck out of those homosexual research grants. We just don’t know enough about how that works as a society. I’m going to recommend a $12,000,000 fund be put aside for that very topic. Going to need lots of volunteers and SD cards to get this done right.
Weeee, that was fun! I do love skewing these silly things. Thanks for the heads up :)
Neither can I access the poll, but for those who can, but who need a valid US ZIP code, use the USPS site and pick a city:
http://zip4.usps.com/zip4/citytown.jsp
While many ZIP codes include a 4-digit suffix, that’s wholly unnecessary.
Crash away.
—
Stan
The website is not broken, but it is slow..I went over there and gave the loaded and bigoted questions the response they deserved. No doubt we will be treated to whining at a later date about those nasty Pharyngulites with their “homersexual agenda”…
I think I need an anomymous e-mail account for crap like this. Title it something like straight.to.trash or for.bullshit.site.
They’ll be hearing from Yuran Idyote and Bella Pooferbranes…
@Mike de Fleuriot
Or chicks.
Aww, the site appears to be busy. I was looking forward to being a gay for a day.
They probably don’t actually even need a valid (existing) email address. I just used crazy@fundy.org.
Answered All yes, but left as my email
“You’vereallytriedtoturnthisentirethingintoafalsedichotomybutIthinkyourealizethat@gmail.com”
Will they notice it or care? No.
But we can always fuck with their data.
I don’t think this is a poll as such. They’re not going to publish the results and I’d be surprised if they’re recording them. It’s a fundraising letter with a questionnaire attached.
The only point of the questionnaire is to get people emotionally worked up so that they’ll donate more money. It’s not even useful for information-gathering, the donors are just going to answer “Yes” to everything. (If they wanted to gather information, they’d find out exactly what sorts of anti-gay projects the donors want to give priority to.)
I have also just pretended to be an American citizen in order to answer ‘yes’ to all the questions. I do not concern myself with the crude, obviously loaded nature of the questions – I just like the idea of messing with their tiny, homophobic pin heads.
I am particularly entertained by the thought that, somewhere, a group of shrivelled up bigots are getting the vapours because their precious website has suddenly been besieged by a horde of what they would probably assume are ‘radical’ homosexuals.
Ahh, making fundies squirm. Always a good way to relax…
Afer they have found out that we have done this, they will probably add us to their hate list.
Oh, of course, how foolish of me. We are already on their hate list. I wonder which they hate more; homosexuals or atheists? Do homosexual atheists get double the hate, or is there some ‘conservation of irrational bigotry’ principle at work?
I absolutely refuse to give them my zip code, so I used 90210. Fucking bullshit loaded questions deserve the same level of respect, I reckon.
Nerd:
o.o
Okay, sorry. I thought this was Web101.
Every person should have at least 3 email addresses.
1. Junk email address at something like hotmail that you can give to advertising companies and such when required to fill one out. Check it once a week or so.
2. Low-security email address, either at a free service or at a paid one, that you can use for ordering things from online stores or for nominal interactions, like for facebook or instant messaging services or emailing friends or something. Check it once a day or so.
3. High-security email address (not a real word so it can’t be dictionary-scanned, not linkable to you unless you tell someone, etc.) at a paid institution (or, even more ideally, personally hosted) for critical things like banks, credit cards, utilities, etc. Check it as often as you want.
You can obviously have more – I’ve also got separate accounts for my consulting business, one for work (obviously), and a couple others for various other situations – but you should have at least these three.
And, yes, I know people will say “but I don’t have time to check even one!” This setup is, frankly, for the protection of your personal information. You’re welcome to do what you want, but here’s the thing: the only real weapon you have against having your information stolen is obscurity; the harder it is to find you, the safer you are. A setup like this places the most vulnerable/critical information in an extremely secure environment; however, keeping it secure means keeping it isolated from other factors, which is why you need to separate things out.
Plus, any “free” service – hotmail, gmail, facebook, twitter, etc. – is either paying for itself through direct advertising or by selling your email information to other companies; either of those opens you up to theft or through broad-targetted hacks. Further, any email you host on someone else’s environment is legally owned by the hosting company (it’s only “yours” if you download it and remove it from the host).
I realize this topic’s totally tangental, but it’s actually pretty important. I’m constantly surprised at how many people don’t know to do this, but it’s probably the difference of having been a techie all my life.
Hey fellow Pharyngulans, I don’t know if this is such a good idea.
The button at the bottom of the form is not “Submit Survey”, but “Sign Petition”. Do you want to bet that pushing that button ignores whatever you’ve selected in the “survey”, and instead submits this petition to your congresscritter, (identified by your Zip code)?:
http://www.traditionalvalues.us/gbsrpetition.aspx?cd=&pid=ts2
Worth a thought.
–James
Nice Questions (wayto@load.em) thinks homosexuals do deserve special rights and the supreme court should definitely overturn something that doesn’t exist because no one is asking for it.
Those questions are unanswerable. Notwithstanding, I answered all with YES, of course.
I used postal code 23010, my current age in days.
I await your congrats soonest. :)
If anybody would like to use my old home zip code, they can. That place could use some homosexual research. 83709
If people still want zip codes mine’s 19104 – West Philadelphia
As luck would have it!
Har, har.
Of course, the way questions are worded, if I answered them honestly the answers would have probably been No. Since the poll itself is dishonest bullshit, I answered the questions in the spirit they were asked. Or rather, the opposite. Therefore, 5 times Yes and signed with mail address gayagenda@rad.fem.
Savannah, GA zip code: 31415 (Pi)
Used my real name & zip. I’m on a couple of mailing lists for scum like this–as Jubal kinda says about television, they get worse if you DON’T watch ’em.
Signed (answering ‘yes’ to every question). Entered an email address of “niceloadedquestionsasshole@(my domain)”. (Gave my real name and ZIP.)
0.0
I hope you are wrong and that they are just stupid enough not to know the difference between a survey and a petition. Or that someone’s copypasta got away from them.
Geri Follwill ( geddit) from Florida 36401 here (can’t remember my zip code from West Palm Beach back when I lived there for a couple of years but I think I’ve got near enough to Generic Street, Crackerville).
All done good sir
I used the zip code 87655 – otherwise known as “troll”
mailinator.com is a great source of disposable email addresses.
Of course the questions are loaded. This is a fundraiser to extract money from their target audience of rubes: people who don’t recognize these as loaded questions because in their worldview, they’re not.
As nearly every previous comment has already pointed out in detail, these questions, if taken at face value, demonstrate either 1) a failure to grasp reality, or 2) a fabulous sense of humor.
Are you on God’s side? Because He loves you. Also, He needs money.
@62 I considered the fact that I might be signing a petition when I entered my personal information. I’m pretty sure the congress critter who see’s my signature will catch onto my intent when he/she sees it was signed by Fuck You and that Fuck You’s email is fuckyou@youscum.com
My mom calls me “little Bobby Tables”.
I voted “yes” for everything based of the intent of the questioner. If supporting traditional marriage means discriminating against same sex marriage, then sure, overturn this unfair concept. They assume that the opposite of what they propose means discrimination against gays, I vote yes to stop the discrimination.
Jesus Christ, that was a vile pole. I’ve scalded my own damn eyeballs just reading the questions.
Since there was no radio button for “Oh, I’ll do you one better than that. I think the Supreme Court should specifically overturn Christian one-man-one-woman marriages, force them to participate in same-sex orgies (both sexes can attend but all sex must be same sex), require them to adorn their vehicles with liberal bumper stickers (choice of “I support teachers!”, “Minimum wage = fair working wage”, or “My other vehicle is a hybrid”), increase sales tax on any items featuring a non-Semitic Caucasian Jesus, and compose a background score for the audio version of Hillary Clinton’s autobiography Living History. For French horn.” I simply clicked ‘Yes’.
And used a Bakersfield ZIP.
Also: anything-at-all@mailinator.com is a valid email address. Valid as in you can actually receive email there–but it’s only kept for a few hours, and anyone can read it. So it’s fine for signing up to read some silly website, or for “polls” like this, but don’t use it for anything you want to keep or would mind sharing. And of course most of what’s in your inbox over time will be spam, because mailinator’s most common use is to hand to sites that you worry will spam you.
“My” box there at the moment has things with subject lines about drugs for erectile dysfunction, fast food coupons, and urging me to take political action. “My” because at least one other person seems to be using it, based on how many of these have subject lines addressed to “John.” This is because I really don’t care about who else sees stuff there, and am using “me@mailinator.com” (it’s easy to type) rather than something longer that might be unique. It works for signing up, getting the “please click here to confirm” emails, and then using a site.
Vicki:
1) It’s always awesome when someone spells Schenectady correctly. :)
2) 12345 is the zip for the old GE turbine plant– as far as I’m aware, there are no residential addresses located in that zip. Cute aside: Letters to Santa often get routed there* and the GE employees answer them (or at least they used to. With only a few hundred employees left, who knows if they still do it.)
*Santa Claus
North Pole 12345
Also good zip codes to change it up a bit: 33880 – 33884. Polk County, Florida. You know, where the sheriff spends his time harassing atheists who question his spending county funds to buy basketball goals for churches.
They seem to have put a whole lot of effort into wording that poll.
“Should homosexuality be promoted in school as a healthy lifestyle choice rather than leaving education on such matters up to the child’s parents?”
I can’t say yes to that, I don’t see why any form of sexuality should be “promoted” in schools. We don’t want to be like Christians or Army Recruiters, going into school badgering children and young adults into joining a cult or the military.
You can educate and in case kids have questions about their sexuality, give them information or comfort, but promote one form of sexuality specifically?
But I guess that that wording gives away how warped these people’s minds are.
When we say, its ok to give students information about homosexuality, they hear it as us finding it ok to promote homosexuality and trying to convert straight kids to the gay lifestyle.
I’m guessing this warping of their view is mostly because to them, homosexuality is a choice for an evil lifestyle, rather then something you simply are.
And, because promoting a lifestyle is what THEY want to do and often find ways to do. They are the ones that go into schools and badger kids in and out of those schools into following their religion.
Seems to all come down to the same thing again.
The Religious are projecting.
On topic: I answered “yes” to everything except the last question, ‘cos who the fuck knows what the hell they were trying to say. I assume they were asking about the Defense of Marriage Act, but it was worded so poorly that it seems like SCOTUS is well on its way to forcing everybody into same-sex marriages. Anyway, I voted “unsure”.
Idiots.
I used a fake name, an old Gmail account that I no longer use, and the zip code for Clifton Park, NY (12065).
Trying to come up with a joke about religious projectile vomitting but, today being Wednesday (with the concommittant middle-of-the-week brain) I am flailing. Sorry.
I picked 79699 as my zip since I’m not American; just did a search for Texas zip codes and it was near the top, as well as being the zip code for Abilene Christian University.
@Atheist_German:
It’s easy to answer the questions honestly. They are simply poorly phrased instances of “Should homosexuals have the same rights and privileges as heterosexuals?”
It’s a internet poll, people. This isn’t science, nor will truth be revealed by it. Just don’t give them your real email address unless you have a good spam filter.
Y’all are really reaching if you think some of the places you’ve listed are bigot fundie central.
Here, let me help you out:
Paris, TX: 75460-62. It will take a while to list all their wrongs: 1) 24 y/o Brandon McClellan was dragged behind a pickup truck until dismembered there in 2007. 2) Black employees at one of the chief employers in town reported receiving hangman’s nooses, Confederate flags, and other assorted racist graffiti or harassment…for months after that incident. 3) A 14 y/o black girl was given a sentence of seven years in prison for shoving a school’s hall monitor; a white girl who was found guilty of arson just before it? She got probation and community service. 4) The US DOJ conducted a town hall meeting to sort out and cool down racial tensions; it turned into a vicious bigoted hatefest.
Jasper, TX–yeah, the place which made national headlines in 1998 after African-American James Byrd was dragged behind a pickup truck until he was literally torn apart: 75951
Grand Saline, TX, aka KKK Central, a town that as late as the 80s ran out any black family that dared to move within the city limits: 75140.
Winnsboro, TX: 75494. Long a hotbed for KKK/Neo Confederate scumbags.
Tyler, TX: 75701-13 Racist shit hole
Longview, TX: 75601-08, 75615 Drunken racist shit hole
The numbers are their ZIP codes. Use them when replying.
Ash: Excellent choice, as families being Christian is often just a form of going to Abilene.
I answered yes to everything, even the loaded questions, just to piss them off.
Well, in case it is forwarding to congress, Michele Bachmann’s home town is in 55082.
The hate-spew web site that the thing dumps visitors to afterwards justifies pharyngulating the poll.
Keyser Soze has just given his answers for the poll.
Randolph Cunningham of Casper, Wyoming (82602) wants to hand out Homosexual Research Grants.
Oh, I wish I was in the mood to build an automated tool to submit forms from every zip code in the country. Just don’t have the time.
I signed the petition. I should have used one of my junk accounts, but I was so used to entering my main one. So now .ca is the domain for California. And my zip is 90210 as well! I should leave a forwarding address for my kids.
At the top of the page it is called a survey, but the submission button on the bottom says “Sign Your Petition”. I get the feeling after you submit your answers, they will use your provided info and your answers to spin a computer-generated anti gay rights petition(regardless of whatever you answered, they must already have a phrase or paragraph that technically matches your answer but slants it their way). So I won’t fill out that clearly bogus survey/petition/whatever it’s supposed to be.
They happily accepted my made-up address at gop.com
Well I’m just a moderately radical heterosexual, but I’m fairly sure that radical homosexuals won’t mind me helping out.
BTW I think that any five random numbers work as a zip code if you are not from the USA. My five did anyway.
Public Advocate for The United States is an organization run by the unintentionally hilarious Eugene Delgaudio. Here’s an amazing fundraising email he wrote:
http://joemygod.blogspot.com/2011/10/email-of-day-eugene-delgaudio.html
“Dear Joe, Radical homosexual groups like the Gay-Lesbian Task Force and ACT-UP receive millions from the government. Hundreds of millions of tax dollars flow to homosexual activists through funding for so-called AIDS-awareness programs and research grants — and I just read in the paper, cash even went to build a strip club! One stormy night, I drove to a mailshop hidden deep in a nearly deserted stand of warehouses. I’d heard something was up and wanted to see for myself. As I rounded the final turn, my eyes nearly popped. Tractor-trailers pulled up to loading docks, cars and vans everywhere and long-haired, earring-pierced men scurrying around running forklifts, inserters and huge printing presses.
Trembling with worry, I went inside. It was worse than I ever imagined. Row after row of boxes bulging with pro-homosexual petitions lined the walls, stacked to the ceiling. My mind reeled as I realized hundreds, maybe thousands, more boxes were already loaded on the tractor-trailers. And still more petitions were flying off the press. Suddenly a dark-haired man screeched, “Delgaudio, what are you doing here?” Dozens of men began moving toward me. I’d been recognized. As I retreated to my car, the man chortled, “This time, Delgaudio, we can’t lose!” Driving away, my eyes filled with tears as I realized he might be right. This time the Radical Homosexuals could win”
I don’t see any pool numbers coming up. This doesn’t look like your typical online pool. I don’t think we will see any published results. As for petition, there was no petition. Could they just be counting all submissions as supporters of their cause? I don’t know what to make of this. Harvesting e-mails for their spam?
On second thought, I filled it out, using mailinator as suggested here and an obviously fake name. It was accepted.
Anyone having trouble with fictional names/Pin codes need a random word number generator? You know so that you could generate such stuf as
First name: Eeester
Last name: Ieate
Pin code: 73429
(I hope that is not a real person)
Anyone looking for information to use in that survey, I note that the organization’s own contact information is:
Public Advocate of the United States
5613 Leesburg Pike, Suite 17 · Falls Church, VA 22041
(703) 845-1808
Just sayin’. :)
Santa doesn’t have a ZIP code, he has a postal code: H0H 0H0.
And Canada Post has a dedicated program to ensure letters sent to him are answered, in the language they were written in.
and Berkeley, CA zip codes are 94709-94720
Is this going to put me on their mailing list?
Vicki:
And nowbody mentioned It Came From Schenectady? http://www.sff.net/people/bblongyear/ItSchenectady.html
(Hint: https://secure.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/wiki/Schenectady,_New_York#In_popular_culture)
Seems that’s also the name of a music group, at least there is a http://itcamefromschenectady.com
For that matter, several years ago, someone on German radio mocked F&SF for invented funny names, and his prime example was the title of this book. Journalistic research, where have you gone?
Holy shit
Either this is a Poe, or, um, ding-ding-fucking-ding, this particular closet is practically falling in on itself from wetrot.
If you go to the main website, there’s the “Family Advocacy Poll for 2011”. The answers to all the questions are “no” except for this one:
Yes, I can respect homosexuals as people. No, I do not oppose the political agenda of the homosexual lobby.
Ok, filled that in. Wonder where my German zip code (we also use 5 digits) puts me …
That’s not a poll, it’s propaganda.
Nevertheless, earlier this morning I signed on, figured out what the black, shriveled hearts of the pollsters were trying to accomplish and voted the opposite.
Here’s a zip code from Rexburg, Idaho, which is the whitest, most mormon, most conservative small city in the USA: 83460
No no no, Delgado. It was a “dark and stormy night”. Don’t you even care about the hallowed traditions of purple prose?
Well a quick look-up to the website’s address reveals that one Eugene Delgaudio from some Public Advocate of the US organization based in Falls Church, Virginia. Yes, that is supposedly a city, and not a church.
I hope they value these opinions. That one e-mail address is mendel@savemarriage.org is going to be especially puzzling.
Zips used were in UT, KY, and MO
Atheist_German, 15:
My honest answer to the first would be “無” but to the rest of them it’s “yes.”
Even the third, unless and until the entire rest of society becomes significantly less heteronormative. A 10-year-old’s life could be changed — for the better — merely by knowing homosexuality is a thing.
Whoops, meant to write:
Well a quick look-up to the website’s address reveals that one Eugene Delgaudio from some Public Advocate of the US organization based in Falls Church, Virginia, registered the website. Yes, that is supposedly a city, and not a church.
Nah, he’s too busy with his purple-headed prose.
A Mr Dead Caribou from Wasilla Alaska (Zip 99654) answered yes to all the questions despite the loaded and dishonest language just to mess with their poll.
Sheesh, you guys have no imagination. The name I gave them was “Fuck You” for the first name and “Assholes” for the last.
#5 overturn heterosexual marriage?
interesting question.
Maybe we should have a kind of “don’t ask don’t tell” policy when it comes to being married.
I’m not sure how that would work but it sounds like it could be great fun.
First name: Billyjoe
Last name: Jimbob
I love loaded questions
Didn’t I go to high school with you?
Nemo @121, “Don’t ask don’t tell” already works in a lot of bars on Saturday night.
nemo the derv #121
It’s called “Las Vegas”.
Somehow, the site looks more comical than hateful.
Signed with my own name and everything
For those outside the U.S. who are wondering, ZIP codes are postal routing numbers for our postal service,
or they are the coded instructions telling FEMA which death camp you go to. It depends on how much Kool-Aid you’re drinking.(Yes, there are people who actually believe this.)
Notta Bigot voted yes on all questions and used Bachmanns zip code.
Where do they get the indoctrinate children BS? Even my religious homophobic Mother knows that’s ridiculous.
nemo, most countries that aren’t microstates, do have ZIP codes. I think even New Zealand, which didn’t have some 15 years ago, has them now…
Equalrights@forall.com worked just dandy for the e-mail address.
The acronym stands for “Zone Improvement Plan”, but probably not one in 100 USAians knows that. For that matter, I didn’t either until I checked with Wikipedia. I knew it was an acronym, but had long since forgotten what for.
I accidentally posted this on a different pharyngula thread, but for the record: Lance N Keester sent in his survey.
As did Dick Forbush (who, for the record, is not gay).
I would like to thank you all for being so fantastic!
I never imagined in my 14 year old lesbian self that there were even other “perverts” out there (as my mom called me–and I feel bad about calling this out because my mom is a great defender of me now); I felt I was the only one. So to imagine there are people who are not “perverts” who will stand up for me? It makes me… so many emotions, all on the positive spectrum.
Now I have this international group of really intelligent people who fight tooth and claw for my rights.
Never in my life have I felt so confident. Maybe I don’t have to get egged walking down the street holding hands with my girlfriend, or be threatened in parking lots with shotguns. (Honestly, that only happened in my youth in Arizona but SO many times that I’m forever scarred by it.)
Maybe when I have conversations with the people I work with I can talk about my girlfriend as my partner and not just “my driver”. Or “my friend”. Or “my guide”.
It is true that most people have more in common than not, but so many of us are afraid to mention what we have in common. I want to thank you, P.Z. and the commentariat for the work you do.
One S. O’Shea from Bismarck filled out their poll with nasty yeses.
Well, of course the questions were loaded. What surprised me is that they were sufficiently neutral that I could just say “Yes, despite your question pushing me toward no” and not “Uh… Mu.”
pelamun:
Really? I’ve never heard of another country calling their postal codes “ZIP.”
Nentuaby, of course they go by a different name in every country, but the meaning of a sequence of numbers (or in the case of some countries some letters and numbers) associated with a specific location is pretty much obvious to anyone whose country has a similar system…
Jesus Rodriguez Gnumann can apparently be met at jesus@god.com. And he’s far more progressive than you would think from his e-mail.
Kind of obvious, anyway. It’s not alien, but it does tend to take a very short explanation. Like, say, “ZIP codes are postal routing numbers for our postal service.” :P
The things you say…you’re unbelievable.
Am I the only one greatly disturbed by “family values” that view adoption as a means of providing oneself with “marriage-like benefits”?
I filled it in, signing it as Lewis Zimmerman, email: lewis.zimmerman@jupiterstation.ufp
Well, crap. Now I wish I used a better fake name. (Say hello to Barbara Lee from Clifton Park, NY, everybody!)
I’ll have to give it another go when I get home.
So has anyone used the name Amanda Hugginkiss yet?
Audley:
Hello Barbara! I’m Sugarpuss O’Shea.
I wish they’d publish the results of the questions, but it seems there’s no way to view them that I’ve found.
@pelamun
I was posting for the joke more than anything else.
Whoever made this poll comes across to me as the Turner Diaries type.
Y’Know, The kind of person that would believe in “liberal elites” with their black helicopters mapping out the nation for the future round up of all white people who are not homosexuals, atheists and communists.
He reads Soldier of fortune in a cabin he built on a nature preserve and keeps an AK-47 under his cot for when the black U.N. peacekeeper arrives to take him away.
This poll has just the right mixture of desperate paranoia and hate to match this profile.
None-of-Your Fucking-Business of fakemail@yahoo.com (ZIP code 94110 – in the Outer Sunset district in San Francisco) has also filled out the poll.
I think that if anyone puts a legit name/email, you’re signing a PETITION, regardless of how one answers the survey…
Did anyone get a confirmation email from this who put in a legit email address? If so… I think we shouldn’t attempt to Pharynugate this one, since it’s going to backfire and support the religioustards PETITION.
Caine:
Hello Sugarpuss!
My brainz no wurk to gud at the moment*, so I can’t think of anything sufficiently rude/funny. I kind of like Barbara Lee— it makes me sound like an old school country singer.
*That first after-work beer feels reeeeeaaaaaal nice.
Audley:
It does have that country flavour. I lifted Sugarpuss O’Shea from Barbara Stanwyck’s character in Ball of Fire.
Question 2…
2. Do you support the use of taxpayer dollars for AIDS-awareness programs and homosexual research grants?
…Reminds me of an old Mitch Hedberg joke about survey questions are are shady in the way they ask the question…
“Have you ever tried sugar… or PCP?”
Well, I may not be gay, but I am pretty radical.
*Takes survey while riding skateboard and wearing sideways hat.*
Another good zip code to use is the zip code for Topeka, KS- home of decriminalized domestic violence & the Westboro Baptist Church. The zip code is 66601. :)
Yeah, I used mailinator. They accepted it. Some sites don’t accept it, but if you go to mailinator.com they have some other domains that are less obvious.
I was Kate Barlass. Just because.
Well, I used the Hugh Benhad for the name.
The zip? 83619, the zip code for Fruitland, Idaho, home of Gayway Junction.
I kid you not.
since it’s going to backfire and support the religioustards PETITION.
yup.
I can just picture it:
the questions are meaningless, what they WILL do is claim that you signed their petition by even TAKING the survey.
but that would be … dishonest!!!
oh noes!!
we’ve never seen bigoted asswipes be dishonest before, nevah!
I will not participate in their filthy poll. I have reason to believe, however, that my old friend Hiram Whickermeister III might have done so.
Bubba Gump thinks the questions were poorly written. However, he voted “Yes” on all of them. Bigots is as bigots does.
Well, I’m not sure if he’s a radical homosexual or not, but Chris Redfield (email: nomorezombies@makemetheking.com) from Raccoon Township, PA (zip: 15001) just registered a whole shitload of yes votes.
In honour of Jake and Elwood, I always use zip code 60613, since 1060 West Addison is there.
Sandy Klaus from North Pole, Colorado 80809 says hello.
Just taking the first question and replacing “homosexual” with “negro” says all that needs to be said.
As people have been pointing out, this is both bigoted and dishonest.
Looks like the slash command does not work.
[OT]
Janine, you need to use <strike> tags, here.
Janine
<strike></strike>
strikeBoy, am I ever having a time-lag problem.
Sometimes.
Thank you both, John and chigau.
Funny. Now that I am looking at the list, I see it. On the old site, all I needed was the “s”.
May I recommend the splendid fake name generator? It creates a complete, fictive, set of personal info, including a valid zip code. (In the case of forms like this that expect a “5-digit zip code”, the appropriate thing to do is apparently to strip the letters.)
Gov. Farren Ballonst of Wasilla, Alaska (99654) voted “yes” to all questions.
I filled it out with a fake name and an alternate gmail account of mine – a perfectly valid account – but it said “Improper email” as soon as I moved on to the next field. It seems to be fine with my real email address, but I’m not giving them that. I wonder why my alt account was rejected – it’s just some random alphanumeric characters @gmail.com.
That’s funny, rironin, it took my 10 Minute Mail addy without a skip.
rironin:
Try mailinator or MakeMeTheKing. The “survey” seems to accept throw-away email addresses.
It doesn’t look like they’ve sent anything to the disposable addy I gave them– I’ve checked back a couple of times and there’s nothing. These “American Family Values” douches are missing out on a prime spamming opportunity.
Jesus Christ. They can’t do anything right, can they?
Upon clicking that link, a big window popped up on my screen saying the following:
So glad I’ve got the “Web Of Trust” application.
René @63:
*uses calculator*
Happy Birthday!
And your age is the same as your comment number!
Bizarre! :D
[meta]
Jett, you had me going for a moment, that being comment #88721, then I realised what you meant. :)
(Sometimes, I am stupid)
Audley:
That’s good, because I used an ancient gcentral.com addy I had years ago when I was on dial-up.
Jett Perrobone:
How does this differ from conservative Christianity in general?
Alexis Nonymous of a former zip code of mine and an address from TempEmail.net said Yes, except she was Unsure why the SCOTUS would want to nullify a single heterosexual marriage.
@101: Great. Mr. Delgaudio is one of the Loudoun County (VA) Board of Supervisors. One of the businesses-can-do-no-wrong types. I never liked him, now I see he’s worse than I thought.
I bet it’s no coincidence Patrick Henry College is in his district. One of their class assignments seems to be to swamp local elections. Western Loudoun isn’t heavily populated, they generally have a significant effect.
Moggie @181:
The warning label telling you these things before you get involved…
@16. Rey Fox :
We-yell tarditionally folks that like that shite arrent all thet brainy-type ‘n literate y’know.
IOW, yeah, illiteracy seems kinda “traditional” for that mob.
PS. Australia has postcodes not ZIP codes but I think they are essentially the same thing by another name.
Suggested fake names if any one wants to use them:
Phuc Homofobeer
Suk Ma Kok
Fuk Beegots
Brad Ical-Gheyagnda
David Jonathanlover
(Yeah, I know Its late and I’m tired and somewhat drunk.)
That last one – wonder how they feel about these :
http://www.thebricktestament.com/david_vs_saul/jonathan_and_david/1s20_41b.html
&
http://www.thebricktestament.com/david_vs_saul/jonathan_and_david/1s20_42a.html
&
http://www.thebricktestament.com/david_vs_saul/jonathan_and_david/1s20_17.html
particular Bibble verses and what they imply?
Well that’s done. My “information was processed” just now casting a quintuple “yes” vote – & by mine I mean :
Phuc Homofobiya’s of the email address 1Samuel2042 -at- gmail-dot-com (it helpfully noted it was an improper address when it I forgot to add the gmail suffix – not yet a gen-gnu-wine address far as I know but accepted) from ZIP code 66601 of Westboro & Topeka infamy.
Thanks 156. Emily. :-)
I tried to answer their poll, but due to network problems here I’m not sure it went through. If it did work I answered as B.L Ob from zip code 90125. I wonder if Jon Anderson would approve.
I tried to be artistic with the spelling of “Alpha Kennybody”. Don’t want to load the ballot box.
@nemo
Who knew?
Hey folks,
No matter what you put down, this slime-mold Delgaudio will add your name to his petition. You will be used to promote homophobia whether you like it not. You’ll get added to his newsletter, too. Let’s just hope the “unsubscribe” link works, because any mail sent to his e-mail address bounces as undeliverable.
Jerry
Just came to the same conclusion as Jerry A (#191). Did anyone find an e-mail address that worked? They don’t have one on the site, and anything sent to info@traditionalvalues (or whatever @ traditionalvalues) bounces. I do NOT want my name on that petition. That is some serious hate right there.
My boyfriend and I each filled out the survey, ticking the appropriate civilized answers. However, we both received an email this morning from a one Eugene Delgaudio, “President of Public Advocate” *thanking* us for signing some hate-mongering petition of theirs. I shouldn’t be surprised, but how underhanded and misleading is that?! They misappropriated our information.
I’m sending them a letter demanding they remove our names from their petition, well.. along with a few other choice words. I tried to do so over email, but it came back undeliverable, despite a clear ‘reply-to’ email heading with the address..
eugene.delgaudio@traditionalvalues.us
If you’d like to give them a piece of your mind, or if this has also happened to you, here is their address and phone number:
Public Advocate of the United States
5613 Leesburg Pike, Suite 17
Falls Church, VA 22041
Phone: 703-845-1808
There must be something more entertaining to do with slime-mold Delguadio’s mailing list than simply demanding to be unsubscribed from it. Any suggestions?
I did more than just demand to be taken off the email list. I demanded written confirmation that our names would be removed from the petition, and that I would be making their mendacious practices known to the appropriate authorities, political representatives, and public fora.
Who handles petitions? We need to get this petition completely disqualified. I was so ANGRY when I got that email today stating that I signed this hateful, disgusting petition.
I am emailing the white house – alerting them to this petition and how they are using our names (and most likely the fake names as well) to sign this petition and inflate their numbers.
http://www.whitehouse.gov/contact
You can also find that dickhead in charge on facebook and ask him to remove your name from the petition – I have not received a response as of yet.
I second what everyone is saying about our names being added to their petition. We need to get our names removed, and these people need to be reported. Anyone who gets more information on the right people to talk to, please report here!