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Jul 15 2012

I Know as Much about God as the Pope Knows about God, Part I.

Really, I do. I know every bit as much about god as the Pope knows about god. The Pope probably knows a vast amount more about church rules, customs, bank accounts, and beliefs than I do, but this does not give him the right to talk about god. Because he knows he knows no more about god than I know about god.

Clearly, this must be the case. Indeed, I might know more about god than the pope knows about god.

The Pope claims god is against abortions, yet god is the biggest abortionist of all time, causing the deaths of many millions of petri people before they ever even get to be in petri.

With god being such an active abortionist, it is difficult to understand how His Holiness can say, with any kind of straight face, that god is against abortion.

The Pope says god is against condoms (rubbers in my time) or anything else that could possibly prevent any couple in coitus from making another little miracle. Thus, the Pope’s god (the god) has no problem over people getting sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) because they are trying to make babies as the god said they should do, even though the god may abort such babies after they get started as a fertilized egg. And in this reported view of god, it is, according to the Pope’s understanding of god’s thought processes, better to die of AIDS, or some other deadly STDs, than to wrap the tool of personhood implantation in latex (alternatives readily available for the latex intolerant) thereby preventing a fertilizing intent sperm from seeking its target and keeping disease and death outside of the heaven forbidden flexible shield.

Clearly that Pope knows less about the god than I know about the god. Because I do not think it rational to say that the god wants people to die horribly when they need not do so, and it is irrational to say that the god is against abortion.

God makes miscarriages, i.e. abortions, happen to a lot of washed-out-of-the-uterus little miracle embryos. Those that have gone down the drain of destruction were taken away by the Pope’s god. Some of those that do not go down the drain are frozen into “snowflake children.” Really. There are adoption procedures no doubt under way somewhere in “god has his reasons” land.

The Pope’s understanding of the will of the god is that the god loves each of these products of conception as real live “people” that should, by law, be given “personhood.” The Pope, as mouthpiece for the god, says it should be a crime to in any way interfere with the development of a kicking, breathing human being after the sperm of a male human has been planted like a spear in the egg of the recipient of his sexual urges, in this analysis a female human. This goes on all of the time. Humans seem to like to engage in activities that cause the release of sperms seeking eggs to fertilize, and male and female humans practice the art of creating this situation all of the time. The activity is particularly popular on Fridays, Saturdays, holidays, prom nights, and honeymoons.

We will, for the next few blogs or so, look at other obvious reasons why I, or you, know as much about god as the Pope knows about god.

Readers contributions to this dialogue are most welcome.

Edwin

Edwin Kagin, © 2012.

14 comments

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  1. 1
    Cal

    God is fickle

  2. 2
    had3

    Is it possible for one to know more about a fictional character than someone else can know? Obviously the author of a fictional character can be said to know more about it than someone who hasn’t heard of it. But that knowledge isn’t reality based. It’s an interesting word play on the meaning of knowledge. Lastly, to Catholics, the pope is closer to the author of god than you are, so they would disagree with you; much like Star Wars fans might give a Lucas disciple more credence regarding Hans Solo than they would give me, even though Hans is completely fictional.

    1. 2.1
      Ysanne

      Han! It’s Han! No s.
      And yep, I was going to make the point that I can easily know more about Wedge Antilles or any other obscure Star Wars character than someone else — but then again, the first and foremost thing to know about such made up characters is this: They’re fictional.

      1. had3

        Aw hit! Thank for the correction to my tar war knowledge.

        1. stargraves

          Hans Solo! I Love the idea of a teutonically tinged solo; “Hasta La Vista Vader. Yar!” Instead of his “Yeehaw” on the Death Star run.

          The carbon freezing chamber on Bespin:
          Leia: “I love you”
          Hans: “Yar I know. Besides eating isn’t cheating!”

          Cantina:
          Greedo: “I’ve been looking forward to this moment for a long time”
          Hans: “Fuck you Asshole!” BLAM

  3. 3
    Trebuchet

    Edwin: If you don’t believe in BigG, and the Pope does (not a certainty!); I’d say you know MORE about God than the Pope does.

  4. 4
    frankb

    As Edwin said, the Pope knows a lot about the literature that discribes the God. But the Pope also says that the God is real. The Pope doesn’t know it but those are two separate issues. Since Edwin knows the the God is not real and the Pope doesn’t know this, then Edwin obviously knows more about the God than the Pope. Don’t get too cocky, Edwin. Millions of people know more than the Pope too.

  5. 5
    brian

    I can’t say I know more, but I’ve got a bunch of ” I’m pretty sures” or ” Gods gotta be cool with this rights”. For example, I don’t need to learn things more than once, so once I’ve recieved the grace of his knowledge about helping the poor, I’m pretty sure that god would rather I give 10 bucks a week to the poor, than the church collection plate to pay for church art. Gods gotta be cool with selling the vatican properties, art collections, monastaries etc to raise the billions for the poor. I’m pretty sure, that once his message of helping others in my spare time was recieved; he would then rather me spend an hour a week helping others as opposed to going to church, again, and again. Thats the thing I’m seeing. The churches of today are more concerned that they get you every week, that they can steer you every week and that they can use the peer pressure of the parishiners ( didn’t see the joneses this sunday did we); rather than actually living the teachings. And that is why they are crap. I’m in the Bill Maher camp, as in I’m skeptical of all people selling certainty. I don’t know. I don’t have all the anwers, but were we to find the answers chances are it will be found by the dudes following facts, data, and provable predictions rather than showing up once a week to repeat memorized mantras. Gods gotta be cool with this right? But to conform to your piece, I’ll add some stuff I know. I know God wouldn’t have given money to the IRA like the catholic churchs in america did. I know that pregnant teenagers should be helped, since they carry what he cherishes, as opposed to being treated like whores. I know that my wife should listen to what i say, and I to her, but obedience either way is slavery. And I know, that since he above requires me to be the protector of my kids, to protect their purity and sancitiy and innocence, the last fucking place he’d want me to take them would be to church. I know that for sure.

  6. 6
    JanaTheVeganPiranha

    The Poop says “God is real” because he knows something we don’t- God is a CREATED fictional character, just like Bugs Bunny or any other. The Poops HAVE CREATED “Him” throughout the years to terrorise and manipulate their populations.

    The seat was stolen, from James the Just. Peter was a fraud.

    Furthermore, Isreal IS REAL- get it? It’s a fucking joke. The Kingdom of God is everything that’s real! A few HUMAN BEINGS IN COSTUMES control everything that IS REAL.

    Now, go pay your little tithes to the puppet master, or he won’t let you into his little movie about Heaven.

  7. 7
    palefury

    I think a good rule of thumb is
    - DON’T TAKE SEX ADVISE FROM VIRGINS

  8. 8
    calipso

    Not only the pope but all the other self proclaimed experts on god don’t know anything more than the other people.A friend of mine was apalled when I said that the priests are too arogant for pretending to speak for god.

  9. 9
    trazan

    Some poorly worded ideas:
    I do think the Vatican elite knows more than the average person about their profitable racket.

    Let’s not conflate a modern notion of “good” with the old ideas of good. Reading of Allegros “The sacred mushroom and the cross” (it’s so much fun), I found the idea that christianity is in part an old fertility cult. “Be fruitful and multiply” is very important. Viagra is good, contraception is evil.

    Priests cannot have legitimate heirs, the church riches would be spread too thin. But, you can put their offspring in an orphanage. Child molestation is a very old thing. Poor, suffering people is needed, so the christian can perform his good work.

  10. 10
    Marcus Ranum

    God is fickle

    God is an asshole. If there actually were such a being, we’d do well to hunt it down and kill it.

  11. 11
    Marcus Ranum

    Star Wars fans might give a Lucas disciple more credence regarding Hans Solo than they would give me, even though Hans is completely fictional.

    The star wars take on it is actually pretty good!

    Consider: if I work for LucasFilm, I can (if I’m correctly placed) add to the canon of Star Wars legends. If some random fan adds to the canon in a piece of fanfic, it most likely won’t be absorbed into the canon unless it’s really awesome. So, some guy who’s working on the next Star Wars game for LucasArts, might be able to invent new facts about, say, Han Solo (like, did you know that he stuttered when he was a kid and everyone used to rib him about it?) and thus they do know more about Han Solo than everyone else. Because they got to help make him up.

    The papacy hasn’t gotten to do much interesting in the way of adding to god for a while. They lost the initiative and their marketing stumbled pretty badly and hasn’t recovered.

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