Delicious Brains…

The delicious brains of Jessica Hagy, that is. I can’t believe I had never seen her site before Pharyngula posted this one:

I commented there, but added a few more stanzas here…

We struggle in vain to distinguish a Mass
From your typical Zombie behavior
As they guzzle down red by the bottle or glass
And delight in Filet of Our Savior.

Perhaps it’s a matter of what’s on the menu;
Your Catholic is more of a snacker,
But if you feel teeth on your shoulder, why, then you
Know zombies want more than a cracker.

When Jesus said “This is my blood that you drink,
And this is my body you eat”
Did something he knew of their tastes make him think
They were zombies, and lusting for meat?

Did the Catholic Church, from the time of Saint Peter,
Rejoice in the words that he said,
And at least once a week, become Zombie flesh-eater
And feast upon Jesus Undead?

I worry it’s some sort of slippery slope
Where they struggle ‘gainst gravity’s chains
And I wonder if Ratzinger got to be Pope
By eating the Cardinals’ brains.

oh! I mentioned in a comment yesterday, but some people don’t read comments (silly them!)–if any of you added me to your blogrolls while I was overseas, please let me know so I can reciprocate!

Those Rude Atheists!

So the Secular Coalition for America wondered whether they were welcome in the Democratic Party. Yeah, I know, it shouldn’t even be a question–we are a secular nation, after all, aren’t we? But an Interfaith Gathering (yup, with Capital Letters and everything) was being held, and with a name like that it implies that those without faith (or is that Without Faith?), if they are being polite, should ask first whether they are invited:

Dear Rev. Daughtry:

I am very concerned about the Interfaith Gathering at the upcoming Democratic National Convention.

This event is described as a “unity” event to stress the “big tent” nature of the Democratic Party; however, I have received complaints by people who identify as atheist and humanist who feel that this event excludes them as full participants in the convention.

(excerpt, from the link above–go read the whole thing)

This polite inquiry could not offend anyone, could it?


A few atheists have their panties in a twist once again, this time fussing that an atheist leader wasn’t invited to speak at an Aug. 24 interfaith service that’s part of the Democratic National Convention.

The service will feature Christian, Muslim, Jewish and Buddhist speakers. The official reason for the interfaith services is “to honor the diverse faith traditions inside the Democratic Party,” which could easily include atheists. If they aren’t welcome, it’s probably because they’re rude.

Democrats will nominate a Christian gentleman who respects others. It’s likely they didn’t invite atheists to their faith service because they didn’t want embarrassing guests. Atheists might bring pseudointellectual proselytizers, who are intolerant, self-aggrandizing and rude. Atheists should fund universities and hospitals. They should feed and clothe starving kids. They should act more like Christians and Jews. If they do some of that – if they contribute to a diverse humanity – they might get better party invites.

And the author defends his ignorance against a handful of intelligent individuals commenting on his rant. (Seriously, the comments are worth reading!)


I think my words were misconstrued
I wasn’t meaning to be rude
I only simply asked if you’d be letting others in.
I did not mean to cause you grief
But still, you seem to have a beef
With those of us who lack belief—you tell us that we sin.
It seems to me that you, not I
Are being rude—the reason why
Is that your statements all imply your view’s the one that counts,
And mine’s irrelevant, I’m told—
A view, if I may be so bold,
I’ve heard so much it’s growing old—my aggravation mounts.
The arguments you sometimes see—
Is God one part, or is He three?—
They simply don’t apply to me; I do not hold those views.
To have the government maintain
One view is right, is just insane;
For if one faith is set to gain, all others, then, must lose.
A secular society,
I think religions must agree,
Maintains each church’s right to be possessed of their belief.
To separate belief from state
Should really be beyond debate—
For me to be accused of hate for saying so? Good Grief!

Old Time Religion–or, Worshipping Greta Christina

A couple of days ago, one of my favorite bloggers actually wrote me and alerted me to her post here, a fun bit of wordplay and parody toying with that old classic “Gimme that old time religion”. Go ahead, follow the link and read her post–great fun, that. I’ll wait.


Back so soon? Anyway, I wanted to collect my responses there and put them here before I forget them, and to alert any regulars here (are there any left? Sorry I was gone for so long–summers are weird.) to try their own hands at the game. And to point out that Greta Christina’s own verses are superbly crafted and worth reading.

But read hers on her blog. I’m just gonna put my own here.

My first set:

To me, there are no gods like the Greek gods. They are just so… so human. So delightfully carnal, a celebration of the whole human experience, warts and all.

At the Temple of Apollo
Some will lead and some will follow
Some will spit and some will swallow
And that’s good enough for me

When we follow Dionysus
Then no matter what the price is
We’ll engage in all our vices
And that’s good enough for me

With Athena in her armor
So that mortal man can’t harm’er
She is such a gorgeous charmer*
And that’s good enough for me

And the thunderbolts of Zeus’s
Are the least of his abuses
Leda talks about his gooses
And that’s good enough for me

Let us all revere Poseidon
Cos he’ll find you where you’re hidin’
And your ass he’ll soon be ridin’
And that’s good enough for me

When we speak of beaux and Eros
Our perspective rather narrows
Though it pierce us to our marrows
It’s good enough for me

Let us follow Terpsichore
As she leads us all to glory
Every dance will tell a story
And that’s good enough for me

We need never wonder why, men,
We will strive to do and die**, men,
At the service of dear Hymen,
And that’s good enough for me

*alternate line—“I would plow her like a farmer”
**well, a little death, anyway.

Then a few, as per Greta Christina’s recommendation, regarding the modern skeptical deity-equivalents:

Let us follow the immortals
Till we pass through Heaven’s portals
And deliver them our chortles–
That’s good enough for me!

If we laugh ourselves unsteady
And keep criticism ready,
Flying monsters of spaghetti
Are good enough for me!

Though invisible, it’s pinking–
It’s a unicorn, I’m thinking–
And the atheists are winking
And that’s good enough for me!

Though I have no God vendetta,
I would sooner worship Greta,
Though in truth, I’ve never met-a
She’s good enough for me!

I am now in such fine fettle
That I think I have the mettle
To bow down to Russell’s kettle
Cos it’s good enough for me…

If I bow before some entity
And call it heaven-sentity
Please check on my dementity
That’s good enough for me

And lastly, just for fun:

Let us toast to Quetzalcoatl
With the contents of this bottle
Not a little, but a lot’ll
Be good enough for me

We will toast the feathered snakey
Till the world is blurred and shakey
Then pass out ’til wakey-wakey,
That’s good enough for me

If your deity is serpentine
Please check what you are slurpin’- find
A label that says “turpentine”?
That’s good enough for me

So have at it–add more, and visit Greta Christina’s site and add them there as well!