Shocker: Vatican uptight about another pointless thing

Sometimes the Vatican likes to take a break from condemning raped little girls for their abortion and sending our progress with sex education in Africa back to the dark ages. Now its focus is on the movie Angels & Demons, the prequel to Dan Brown’s Da Vinci Code. Apparently they’re gearing up for a boycott (surprise, surprise). I still wonder how people can get so upset over works of fiction…but this is the Vatican we’re talking about, and they sort of specialize in having a hard time separating reality from fantasy.

Anyway, Angels & Demons has more important things to worry about than a Vatican boycott…mainly, that the Da Vinici Code movie sucked ass. Maybe they’re just hoping there are a lot of people like me out there who loved the books (and love sticking it to the Vatican) and are willing to pay nine dollars and masochisticly subject themselves to another horrible film.

Jen watches the Watchmen

Finally saw Watchmen tonight. Yeah, yeah, I know I’m lagging a bit behind…oh well. To be completely honest, I had never even heard of Watchmen before all the advertisement and internet buzz. I had to Wikipedia it to learn that it was a originally a comic book. But before you crucify me for saying that, keep in mind that I’m female. The fact that I was in love with Batman back when it was an animated series in the 90′s is about as good at you’re going to get.

In general, I thought it was a good movie. It was cinematically beautiful, entertaining, and had great characters. The plot seemed a little slow to develop, but I’ll let it slide since I was intrigued the whole way through. Now, even though I didn’t have any fangirlish images on how the movie should compare to the comics, I have been listening to hype for over a week, and I have to say, I’m disappointed over a two things:

1. Dr. Manhattan’s blue wang. All I’ve heard is how distracting it is, omg full frontal male nudity penis !!!111!!!one! Really? Most of the time I didn’t even notice it was there. From all the hype I was expecting dramatic close ups with his schlong taking up 3/4ths of the screen. Instead I had to squint to confirm that, yes, yes that is a penis. Oddly disappointed.Oh, but boyfriend splitting into two versions of himself for a threesome? Yes plz.

2. Not enough blood and sex. Yep, you heard me right. I was expecting exploding heads continuously throughout the movie. I had psyched myself up for the sadistic crackbaby of 300 and Sin City, so I was surprised when all I got was the occasional vaporized human. Actually, I’m glad this is all I got, since I’m pretty squeemish and girly when it comes to that sort of stuff. I’m proud of myself that I only had to close my eyes during one scene (I like my hands attached, thank you)!

And I had people telling me that Watchmen was basically porn. Um, what? Have you even watched porn before, people? If anything Watchmen gave us one of the most realistic sex moments the theater has seen in a long time with fumbly-McNervouspants Nite Owl (who is my new favorite super hero. I love superdorks <3). While the later sex scene was pretty awesomely gratuitous, it still didn't live up to my expectations of "Two superheroes going on a murderous rampage while fucking each other. No, seriously, like screwing and blood just splattering everywhere and they're totally getting off on it."

…Um, whoever told me this, did we watch the same movie? …Oh, you accidentally watched Sexxxy Blood Fiends 3000 instead? Well, that makes so much more sense! Honest mistake, really. …And yes, someone did say that exact thing to me.

The fact that I can come away from the movie with such a different opinion than someone else worries me a bit. Are they just that upset by sex and violenced, or have I become unnaturally numb to all of it due to years of subjecting myself to horrible fanfiction? Am I weird for wanting more blue peen? Or more importantly, am I allowed to fangirl Nite Owl without having read the comic?

Crazy Spring Break 09 Update!

Wow, spring break has been so crazy that I haven’t posted since Tuesday! …Oh wait, that’s right, I post when I’m procrastinating doing other things, so since I haven’t had anything to do, I haven’t posted! Amazing how that works. Luckily for anyone who’s reading this, most of the time I’m busy out of my mind…which means frequent posting!

But…yeah, actually, I don’t have much of an update. I’ve basically been sleeping all week. Today I attempted to make shepherd’s pie…key word, attempt. It wasn’t bad, but I had spent days fantasizing about out, so it didn’t quite live up to my mind’s expectations. Damn you Rachel Ray for giving me false hope! You may be able to make delicious food in thirty minutes, but it takes me an hour and a half to make something mediocre. Le sigh.

Speaking of boobs…

For those of you who don’t know me, I’m one of those girls with secret boobs. That is, I’m always wearing non-revealing Threadless shirts covered by sweatshirts, so no one notices that I’m a D cup. The few days I’m not bundled up under three layers of sweaters (blame Indiana weather) or wearing a v-neck, I literally get friends going “You have boobs!” Why yes, yes I do.

Why do this matter? Today I totally splurged and bought a couple hundred dollars worth of bras from Victoria’s Secret. Not only are some of them push up, but some are lacy and sexy. Look out, world. I’d say I wish I had someone to show them off to, but that would probably result in me getting lots of creepy emails…which I don’t need.

Boobs and Bad Statistics

Ok, who can point out what’s wrong with the following statement from this story:

“New Zealand women are getting bigger breasts, with D cups and bigger accounting for nearly half of Bendon bras sold in New Zealand last year.”

I know there has been a trend of increasing breast size, but this particular study is correlation, not causation. Maybe bustier women just buy more bras. If you want to know if actual cup size is increasing, you should probably go measure actual women. I’m sure there’s a disgruntled graduate student somewhere in New Zealand willing to do that.

Boards games + inclusiveness = Evil Homosexual Agenda!!!

So apparently some conservative Christians have their panties in a twist because the online version of The Game of Life allows you to be a homosexual couple.

One concerned mother wrote to WND about her experience with downloading the game to play with her daughter.

“You know how kids are,” the mother told WND. “My daughter noticed right away (even before I did) and clicked on one of the girls instead of one of the men and then asked, ‘Mom, how come I can marry a woman?’ And then that led into a lot more questions that, quite frankly, I was not ready to talk to my 6-year-old about.”

While I personally think there’s nothing wrong with young children knowing about homosexuality, why can’t this mother just dodge the question like parents do with other things they don’t want their children knowing about? How many little kids ask their parents where babies come from before their parents want them to know the grisly facts of life? Granted, I don’t think we should lie to children about that either…but the fact is, blaming an online game for something that’s everywhere is just downright silly. Why not blame Life for including babies in the game?

And like the article states, nothing in the actual board game forces you to be straight. You can put two pink pegs together in your little plastic car and cruise your way through life as a lesbian couple with four children (and damn those rugrats are expensive!). If mommy is so uptight about what her six year old sees, maybe she should check the game before she lets the kid play it.

And anyway, there have already been gay versions of the game of life available for kids:

Roses are red…because they're yucky?


A new study from researchers in Australia has found that red coloration in flowers is used to deter herbivores. Large red flowers have increased levels of cyanide, and herbivores learn to associate the bitter taste of cyanide with the color. Isn’t evolution cool?

I wonder if all red flowers are honest signalers, then. That is, do all red flowers have higher levels of cyanide, or are some just using Batesian mimicry in order to avoid being eaten as well? I smell a good research project…that someone else can do, because plants are boring.

One thing bugs me, though. The article claims this “disproves” the idea that colorful flowers are used to attract pollinators, but I disagree. Colors can be used for different reasons in different plants. Just because red acts as a warning doesn’t mean other colors aren’t used as attractors. If anything, it just adds another layer of complexity to how flowers convey information.

Roses are red…because they’re yucky?


A new study from researchers in Australia has found that red coloration in flowers is used to deter herbivores. Large red flowers have increased levels of cyanide, and herbivores learn to associate the bitter taste of cyanide with the color. Isn’t evolution cool?

I wonder if all red flowers are honest signalers, then. That is, do all red flowers have higher levels of cyanide, or are some just using Batesian mimicry in order to avoid being eaten as well? I smell a good research project…that someone else can do, because plants are boring.

One thing bugs me, though. The article claims this “disproves” the idea that colorful flowers are used to attract pollinators, but I disagree. Colors can be used for different reasons in different plants. Just because red acts as a warning doesn’t mean other colors aren’t used as attractors. If anything, it just adds another layer of complexity to how flowers convey information.

What's the cure for lesbianism? Rape, of course!

From this story:

“Lesbians living in South Africa are being subjected to ‘corrective rape’ and severe violence by men trying to ‘cure’ them of their sexual orientation, human rights groups have said.”

Obviously a woman who isn’t attracted to men will see the error in her ways once she’s brutally raped! Who wouldn’t love men after that?

The “logic” behind acts like this just amazes me. It’s bad enough that people think you can cure homosexuality at all – or that even if you could, that it needs curing. But it takes some twisted thinking to believe rape will have any sort of positive outcome. And I hate to say this, but it makes me wonder if these men are just looking for an excuse. Would they rape anyway, and now they just have easy targets? Does raping a straight woman = bad, while raping a lesbian = teaching her a lesson for the good of society?

People amaze me sometimes…and not in a good way.