The Edinburgh festival fringe has people vote for the best one-liner jokes and the winning ones feature puns aplenty. Here are the top 10.
- I tried to steal spaghetti from the shop, but the female guard saw me and I couldn’t get pasta – Masai Graham (52%)
- Did you know, if you get pregnant in the Amazon, it’s next day delivery? – Mark Simmons (37%)
- My attempts to combine nitrous oxide and Oxo cubes made me a laughing stock – Olaf Falafel (36%)
- By my age, my parents had a house and a family, and to be fair to me, so do I, but it is the same house and the same family – Hannah Fairweather (35%)
- I hate funerals. I’m not a mourning person – Will Mars (34%)
- I spent the whole morning building a time machine, so that’s four hours of my life that I’m definitely getting back – Olaf Falafel (33%)
- I sent a food parcel to my first wife. FedEx – Richard Pulsford (29%)
- I used to live hand to mouth. Do you know what changed my life? Cutlery – Tim Vine (28%)
- Don’t knock threesomes. Having a threesome is like hiring an intern to do all the jobs you hate – Sophie Duker (27%)
- I can’t even be bothered to be apathetic these days – Will Duggan (25%)
Previous top tenner (winner, maybe, can’t be bothered to google) that stuck in my mind:
“Hedgehogs. Why can’t they just share the hedge?”
Okay, now I want to know more about Olaf Falafel….
For me, #3 is the best.
I had no idea what an Oxo cube was and had to look it up. It’s instant bouillon of the hardly any flavor and lots of salt variety. I did an image search and if it ever sold in California, I never saw it. Bouillon. Stock. Funny!
Use Better Than Bouillon brand instead. Almost as good as using a pressure cooker to make you own.
Here’s a favorite:
“How do you know the CIA didn’t kill Kennedy? He’s dead.”
I used to tell one-liners.
I still do sometimes, but I used to, too.