Another dangerous terrorist foiled

A school district has suspended a 9-year old for making ‘terroristic threats’. What kind of terrorist threat could an elementary school student make that would make school authorities take it seriously and issue such a punishment? I am glad you asked.

Kermit Elementary School officials called it a threat when the 9-year-old boy, Aiden Steward, in a playful act of make-believe, told a classmate he could make him disappear with a ring forged in fictional Middle Earth’s Mount Doom.

The Stewards had just watched “The Hobbit: The Battle of Five Armies” days earlier, inspiring Aiden’s imagination and leading him to proclaim that he had in his possession the one ring to rule them all.

Aiden claimed Thursday he could put a ring on his friend’s head and make him invisible like Bilbo Baggins, who stole Gollum’s “precious” in J.R.R. Tolkien’s fantasy series “The Lord of the Rings.”

The idea of terrorists getting hold of nuclear weapons is enough to frighten a lot of people. How much more dangerous it is if they could actually harness magic. They should throw the book at this child to deter other potential troublemakers. And come to think of it, why is Ian McKellen allowed to still walk around freely?


  1. says

    “I’m embarrassed that such a childishly stupid thing could take place at a school named after me,” Kermit the frog said when reached by phone at his home.

  2. anat says

    And since they categorized it as a terrorist threat zero tolerance rules kick in. The kid has to be careful not to say anything even remotely threatening the coming 9 years or so or he may end up expelled.

  3. Kimpatsu says

    And come to think of it, why is Ian McKellen allowed to still walk around freely?
    Because you don’t mess with Magneto.

  4. smrnda says

    Texas. Are they prosecuting the open carry loons as terrorist threats? They’ve got actual weapons and brandish them.

  5. moarscienceplz says

    it’s been nothing but headaches for Aiden. He’s already been suspended three times this school year.
    Two of the disciplinary actions this year were in-school suspensions for referring to a classmate as black and bringing his favorite book to school: “The Big Book of Knowledge.”
    “He loves that book. They were studying the solar system and he took it to school. He thought his teacher would be impressed,” Steward said.
    But the teacher learned the popular children’s encyclopedia had a section on pregnancy, depicting a pregnant woman in an illustration, he explained.

    “You all think you were delivered by storks? Hah! Give me all you juice boxes or else I’ll expose you to the truth, and YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!”

  6. Mal Wilson says

    This is when we non-Americans roll our eyes and mutter, ‘Only in America!…’
    The other suspensions mentioned in the linked story are equally insane.

  7. Trebuchet says

    And come to think of it, why is Ian McKellen allowed to still walk around freely?

    Especially since he’s gay therefore hates America. Or something.

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