Andy Borowitz reveals that in an effort to duplicate New Gingrich’s success in the primaries, Mitt Romney has decided to have an affair.
“Republican voters have sent the message that they want to vote for an adulterous scumbag and I have heard them loud and clear,” he said. “I promise that I will engage in a world-class extramarital affair that will make all of us proud again.”
According to one senior advisor, the Romney campaign was already holding focus groups and conducting special polling to determine the best person with whom Mr. Romney should conduct his extracurricular dalliance.
Will this new strategy reverse Romney’s fortunes? Stay tuned!
I vote for Callista. It worked for Newt.
Poor Mitt. It won’t work. People already think all Mormons are polygamous.
But Newt is not just an adulterous scumbag. He’s a racist scumbag and a homophobic scumbag and a hypocritical scumbag and so much more. Romney will continue to fall behind if he just imitates Gingrich’s adultery without indulging in the rest of the scumbaggery.