In yet another fit of petty vanity, Donald Trump wants to put his name on all of our paper money.

Would someone translate that from the Black Speech of Morgoth for the rest of us?
Don’t speak it aloud, though, I’m pretty sure it would summon calamity.

The U.S. Treasury Department plans to put President Donald Trump’s signature on all new U.S. paper currency, the agency announced on Thursday.

The move would be a first for a sitting president, since traditionally, U.S. paper currency carries the signatures of the Treasury Secretary and the Treasurer, not the president.

It’s the latest instance of Trump putting his name and likeness on American cultural institutions, following his renaming of the U.S. Institute of Peace, the Kennedy Center performing arts venue and a new class of battleships, among other tributes.

I can’t chisel his name off the Kennedy Center or the Institute of Peace, but I have an easy solution when he tries to scribble on the money in my wallet: I’ll scribble back. Every bill I get is going to have his name redacted. I’ve heard where some people are planning to add editorial comment, for instance, writing “PEDO” after his name. I don’t think I’ll be alone.

I don’t think the Treasury Department is prepared for the reality that all their paper money is going to be defaced very quickly.