I have evidence that spiders are posting on the internet


This ‘person,’ David Love, is definitely a spider.

Female spiders possess structures in their reproductive tracts called spermathecae that are used to store sperm. Humans lack them, and in fact, the human female reproductive tract is hostile to the survival of sperm. From this, I am forced to surmise that David Love is, in fact, a spider — and further, a female spider.

Alternatively, many other invertebrates have spermathecae, so it’s possible that he is instead a hermaphroditic earthworm.

Comments

  1. Silentbob says

    Why are these people so fucking obsessed with insemination??

    (Rhetorical question. Because Gilead is an end goal.)

  2. hellslittlestangel says

    His lower body is rather conveniently cropped out of his profile picture.

  3. Snarki, child of Loki says

    I’d guess “dung beetle”, except that dung beetles perform an important ecological role. Now if dung beetles were called that because they PRODUCED dung, then the term would fit…

  4. says

    I really wonder where people get these weird notions about women’s bodies. Half the time, I think it’s entirely made up to rationalize the bad sexual behaviors of other men.

  5. says

    From this, I am forced to surmise that David Love is, in fact, a spider — and further, a female spider.

    Or, you know, maybe just an obnoxious moron spouting stupid BS about things he only wants to pretend he understands…?

  6. springa73 says

    I’m not sure what surprises me more – that people have such ignorant ideas about what is true, or that they are so confident of their ignorance that they broadcast it to the world.

  7. says

    Half the time, I think it’s entirely made up to rationalize the bad sexual behaviors of other men.

    Or as an explanation for how that kid is totally not mine.
    Nuh-uh. Must have been that sperm she was keeping from that other guy. Yeah, that’s the ticket. Why are you all laughing?

  8. numerobis says

    I dispute your conclusion. You have evidence that David Love copulates with spiders. Not that he is a spider.

  9. numerobis says

    Or as an explanation for how that kid is totally not mine.
    Nuh-uh. Must have been that sperm she was keeping from that other guy. Yeah, that’s the ticket. Why are you all laughing?

    The theory is quite seriously used in some muslim areas to avoid stoning widows to death when they get a new partner.

  10. mordred says

    numerobis@13
    Considering what female spiders sometimes do with their partner, I think we should encourage him!

  11. John Watts says

    If true, this would be very scary news to all the guys who had brief flings in their youth with women whose names they’ve long since forgotten. Imagine the damning Facebook posts — Hi, Wesley, this is Buttercup, remember me? No? Well, my uterus remembers you. Congrats, you’re gonna be a dad!

  12. wanderingelf says

    He looks pretty mammalian to me – perhaps he is part bat? If I remember correctly, some hibernating bat species have delayed fertilization. The female has the ability to store sperm, so they can mate in the fall but delay fertilization until spring. Other species have delayed implantation, where the fertilized egg remains dormant in the uterus for a period before implanting in the uterine wall.

  13. WhiteHatLurker says

    My first thought was about Hymenoptera – this process seems to be popular in that clade.

  14. birgerjohansson says

    Maybe it is Stephen Miller’s species? I think he was the original inspiration for They Live.

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