I hate to admit it, but this theory actually makes a kind of sense to me.
Challenging long-held views on the origins of divinity, biologists at the University of California, Berkeley, presented findings Thursday that confirm God, the Almighty Creator of the Universe, evolved from an ancient chimpanzee deity.
The recently discovered sacred ancestor, a divine chimp species scientists have named Pan sanctorum, reportedly gave rise over millions of years to the Lord Our God, Maker of Heaven and Earth.
“Although perhaps not obvious at first glance, there are actually overwhelming similarities between the Supreme Being of today and this early primate deity who preceded Him,” said Dr. Richard Kamen, a leading biologist who also heads Berkeley’s paleotheology department. “The holy chimp moved around on all fours, but its descendants eventually began walking upright to expend less energy while foraging across the infinite reaches of the universe. This of course led to the bipedalism of modern-day God.”
That’s rather odd, to say the least, as human are not descended from chimps, and they are made in God’s image. So no, I don’t find it plausible.
Okay, Mister Smartpants Scientist? If God came from a monkey god, then why are there still monkey gods?
Checkmate atheists!
But riddle me this, evilutionists: how could it ever come about, except by some miracle of the meta-god, that one occupies all of space and time simultaneously, hmm? (And what would it mean to occupy different times “simultaneously”?) If omnipresent human-gods came from monkey-gods, why are there still monkey-gods?
I just want to point out that, seen from the right perspective, my comment was earlier than Akira’s.
I do wonder when our ancestors first conceived of gods.
@Nemo,
The development of the concept of gods was closely related to the development of language. Specifically it arose when the first toddler passed through the first “Why?” phase. After the 27th consecutive why, our proto-theologian blurted out “Because god!”, and religion was born.
Nemo @ #5 — Of course, theists would laugh at your question. Humans didn’t conceive of god, it was the other way around. No one has answered the when question as far as I know, though it’s surprising how quickly paleontologists and archeologists can jump to the conclusion that an ancient artifact with anything remotely symbolic on it is an expression of ritual and indicative of religious sentiment.
What a Maroon @ #6 — Having gone through the many “Why? phases and after many more than 27 consecutive why questions, the answer wasn’t “Because god!” but “Because I said so.” I guess that makes me god…
Chimps are known for throwing poo. So that’s probably the tithes that are to be paid to the great chimp-shaped sky faerie — a continuous rain of shite.
Visitors to the temple are encouraged to carry a spare umbrella.
I sense something tugging at my leg…
Re: robro @ #7….
Just hark back to the classics…go read “Digging the Weans” by Robert Nathan.
Chimps have a god ? They must be Pan theists.
More likely, the chimp-god intends to improve himself, and he’s running simulations to improve evolution, so he can re-form himself in our vastly-improved image.
Certainly we’re not the final simulation. The dead end simulations all end up being ruled by some sort of trump. (Pardon my French.)
blf, that’s why the universe is expanding – it needs to accomodate all that divinely flung poo.
well I be I thought that chimps were Taoists just like cats and dogs.
uncle frogy
Nope, Dogs are Cynics.
#3: Monkey-gods all the way up!
Then who made the original primordial god, huh? The only logical solution is that an eternal Super-God exists that created all subsequent gods.
LOL @11 Jacksprocket for a Goodall round chimp joke.
Excellent work @11, Jacksprocket.
Shouldn’t it be contracting? More poo is more mass which is stronger gravity which causes the Universe to go crunch. Or perhaps more likely, squish — yuck!
Blasphemy! I shall pray to The Great Ones for you all.
Clearly Gods are descended from Onions, they all make you cry.
Nonsense, God was intelligently designed by people. Oh wait no!
Can the Great Chimp God produce a poo so great that he cannot fling it ?
How did the god learn?
jack16
God did not evolve from a chimpanzee god! Everyone knows they both evolved from a common ancestor god…
“… bipedalism of modern-day God….”
I thought that she was apedal?
Otherwise why would she have needed to evolve omnipresent ubiquity?