Well, I am delicious, so I guess I could hardly blame her


Not for sensitive stomachs, but if you’re interested in what your pet will do if you happen to up and die on ’em, here’s a survey of post mortem scavenging by pets.

I am not at all surprised about the cats.

Cats get a bad rap for being the most eager to eat their owners, and anecdotally, some emergency responders say it’s pretty common. When it happens, cats tend to go for the face, especially soft parts such as the nose and lips, says forensic anthropologist Carolyn Rando of University College London.

“It doesn’t surprise me, as a cat owner,” she says. “If you’re sleeping, they tend to swat your face to wake you up.”

See? No one is surprised about cats wanting to eat your face off. Which is why I’m going to replace our cat with a goldfish.

Comments

  1. says

    I have a friend who’s an insurance adjustor. Apparently, the pictures adjustors share among eachother are pretty horrifying. She was telling me once about how they had to hire someone to wash through some dog’s poop because a person had died and the dog, trapped in their apartment with them, had gotten hungry and had a bit of finger-food and consumed a valuable ring in the process.

    One of my former cats was actively trying to kill me by parking at the top of the stairs, then she planned to eat me when I tripped, fell down them, and broke my neck. It was a brilliant strategy because she was too old and feeble to take me out any other way. Sadly (for her) I caught on to her scheme in time.

  2. says

    Back in 2011 a couple near Springside, Saskatchewan were found dead in their home. They had been dead for several days, and the couples’ seven dogs began to eat their remains after their food ran out. The Saskatoon SPCA ended up with the dogs, and were going to rehouse them. I never heard whether they did find new owners for them, but at the time I wasn’t sure it was a good idea.

  3. lither says

    This is why I like cats. It could interfere with my friend’s plan for a funeral company that puts the dead into crab traps, but there’s probably enough room for both. Seriously, after I am no more, the meat might as well be put to use.

  4. chigau (違う) says

    The article says they can’t figure out why the critters always it the face and head.
    Really?

  5. Marissa van Eck says

    Meh. Maybe this is a symptom of raging chronic toxoplasmosis but if I die and no one comes for a while I *want* the cat to eat from my body. That will let it stay alive long enough to be rescued, hopefully.

  6. Rich Woods says

    @andybutula #8:

    Couldn’t agree more.

    One of the classes at the primary school I attended used to have a pet hamster in a cage in the corner. Being stuck in a room with 40 noisy kids probably isn’t an ideal environment for a such a creature, and unsurprisingly it died. One of my mates, who was a cynical bastard even at the age of 8, reckoned the hamster was only there to teach kids about death. He spoke to the kids in the two older classes and found out that, yes, their hamsters had died when they were in our class too. The teacher refused to say which pet shop she’d bought the replacement hamster from, so we couldn’t go and check with the owner to see if he kept a stock of two-year old hamsters especially for the local schools…

  7. microraptor says

    I’ve heard that dogs are much more likely to scavenge dead owners than cats.

    As far as attacking the faces, I figure that it’s probably just a matter of the face being an easy place to get at soft tissue that isn’t covered by clothing.

  8. says

    Better pet food than worm food I guess, but I don’t really want to be buried anyways. If my remains can be used to feed something, or help someone (organ donation) that’s great, whatever is left can be turned to ash so as not to waste space.

  9. blf says

    The mildly deranged penguin says this is why you should die on a primed trebuchet. When the cats decide you are the contents of the mysteriously not-opened can, they (and you) get a free flight to greener pastures. And there is, perhaps, a face plant. Or at least a half eaten face plant.

    Also saves the cost of a burial.

  10. komarov says

    See? No one is surprised about cats wanting to eat your face off. Which is why I’m going to replace our cat with a goldfish.

    This post is just a setup for a new horror genre, isn’t it? The man-eating goldfish of Morris. Murder might be involved, or something much, much stranger.

  11. blf says

    The man-eating goldfish of Morris.

    Good point! This is, of course, a zebrafish servant, so why would he be using goldfish!? Huh? Huh?? Clearly a distraction, whilst the giant kraken being bred in his numerous underground / undersea hollow volcano bases are yet another distraction.

    What is the real plan here? An army of mutant zombie evilutionists… nah, too obvious, and easily defeated with firm whack by an Origin of the Species or an enraged Galapagos finch. More probably, since he is known to have a heart reinforced with iron parts, and has been taking many practice flights, a plot that involves setting off all the world’s airport metal detectors at once…

  12. ebotebo says

    My sweet Bichon Frise has been instructed that upon my demise, to take me to the driveway, and set me ablaze, without qualms.

  13. jimzy says

    I am destined to be reduced to debris. First, all reusable parts removed then to a anatomy lab for further dissection and multiple bisections. Then parting off to medical device research firms, etc. Presumably the highest bidder. Then parts will likely end up scattered around the planet with some eventually ending up in jars, my skull on someone’s desk, in landfill, ground into anatomy lab floors, and other various places. Maybe even some “properly” cremated. A building I worked in was formerly an implant manufacturer – someone’s dog pulled out part of a human femur from the bushed. Oopsie.
    I would be disappointed if I knew my “value” would be reduced by a marauding animal.
    My concern wouldn’t be falling down the stairs, dying and being scavenged by a cat. It would be falling down the stairs, being paralyzed, and then being scavenged by a cat.

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