Friday Cephalopod: that’s the weirdest octopus I’ve ever seen

This is the Octoprof. Do not be shocked at its frightful appearance.

The Octoprof is a Lesser Blue-Ringed Octopus (Hapalochlaena maculosa), who is a postgraduate at the University of the Gulf of Mexico, Shallow Waters (not her native habitat; she’s Australian, but emigrated to be closer to larger populations of her research subjects). Her focus of study is the reproductive biology of the invasive terrestrial species Homo sapiens – an animal which has of course been a source of tremendous concern amongst terrestrial biologists over the past thousand-ish lunar cycles, especially those whose research has a conservation focus.

Owing to a peculiar birth defect which gives her a faint but noticeable resemblance to the detested Homo sapiens (she has a serious malformation of the mantle and of two of her tentacles, which gives her a ‘face’ and ‘hands’), the Octoprof feels a strong and frankly embarrassing affinity for her research subjects. She has been criticized heavily for this unprofessional attitude by her fellow academics, most of whom would understandably prefer all research funds concerning homo sapiens to be focused on eradication measures.

It’s going to appear at the Minnesota Fringe Festival, 3-13 August, and is apparently trying to raise money to attend the event. I hope it can raise a surplus and use the excess to pay for cosmetic surgery.

How does it breathe? I don’t see a siphon, unless it’s those two tiny holes in the front of its cephalon — they’re so small it certainly can’t use them for propulsion. Poor thing.


  1. blf says

    So that’s what happened to it! The mildly deranged penguin found a dust bunny trying to eat a pea the other day — the pea was winning — and managed to shoo both of them off the planet by the careful application of horses. (Don’t worry, the horses were later incinerated in the usual manner.)

    The odd thing here was the pea wore a disguise, very similar to that shown in the OP.

    It was clearly a pea as the local kraken all jetted away screaming, throwing out a huge inkscreen. The sudden departure of the kraken disappointed the early-season sun-drying long pigs on the beach, who were obviously not going to be dragged into the sea and eaten.

    The dust bunny is still missing, or at least, presumably, still off-planet…