OK, @ZachWeiner, you are not helping. This comic is too perfect a reflection of my mood right now, and it’s not funny.
If you’re going to do comics that aren’t funny, they should at least be reassuring and non-challenging and merchandisable, like Garfield. When someone buys a Garfield plushy, they are making a clear statement to the world that their soul is dead inside, that they are a bundle of reflexes marching through the world making superficial decisions. What would an SMBC plushy say about me? That my soul is dead inside too, but at least I know it, and I have found a symbol for my pain?
Come to think of it, there may be a huge marketing opportunity here, for a niche that promises to grow exponentially in the weeks to come.