Lyle Jeffs, of the infamous polygamous Jeffs clan, has disappeared from house arrest. His lawyer has an explanation.
As this Court is well aware, Mr. Jeffs is currently not available to inform his counsel whether or not he agrees to the Continuance,she wrote.Whether his absence is based on absconding, as oft alleged by the Government in their filings, or whether he was taken and secreted against his will, or whether he experienced the miracle of rapture is unknown to counsel.
I’ve got to remember this excuse.
“Hello, officer. Oh, a bank was robbed in town? How sad.”
“That big pile of money I was rolling around in? No, that’s not from the bank. That was immanentized into existence by the divine will of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. He loves me very much.”
“Yes, my face might be on the security cameras, but that’s because the FSM is such a jolly prankster — He probably put it there for a laugh.”
“Bye! Hope you catch the robber!”
At least now I’ve got the name of a lawyer, Kathryn Nester, who will be happy to back up my defense.