Enhancing the dignity of the office


It’s simple improvement: every vice president should have an octopus on their head. And I don’t just mean in the paintings, I mean at every public appearance.

We should also judge their fitness for office by how healthy they keep their head octopus.


  1. blf says

    Well, the octopus is smarter than the entire chamber of politicians, and has plenty of arms with which to keep its bearer gagged and under-control (with a sharp beak if it gets a bit feisty), so where’s the downside?

  2. Bob Merlin says

    The arrangement certainly doesn’t enhance the dignity of the octopus!

    I’d like the arrangement better if I could choose the what veep got what octopus. Let’s give Cheney a cute little blue ring octopus and retroactivate it to 1984.

  3. jrfdeux, mode d'emploi says

    I work as a director, so I’m not an executive. I only rate a sea cucumber.

  4. dianne says

    I have to say, Quayle’s octopus looks disgruntled. Like it was hoping to get Jefferson or Adams or at least Stevenson and got stuck with Quayle instead. Biden looks totally in to having an octopus on his head.

  5. Isaac LeGuin says

    I don’t know. I’d worry about the health of the octopus if it has to sit out of the water all the time. We need to move Washington, DC underwater for this to work. Hmm . . . of course, that might have a negative effect on the health of the humans. But I have a solution for that, too: Do away with the human element altogether and just appoint an octopus as the vice president! It’ll be an all-around improvement.

  6. Nick Gotts says

    Surely the octopus would fall, or crawl, off? Need to secure it to the head – with a vice!

  7. Artor says

    Isaac @12
    The solution is that anyone visiting the Veep gets to give them a swirlie in the executive bathroom. It’s the humane thing to do!

  8. dhall says

    #12 – maybe with climate change and rising sea levels, DC will just end up underwater. No need to move it.

  9. Lofty says

    Trebuchet, vice is an acceptable spelling in most civilised countries ;-)

    an appliance for holding an object while work is done upon it, usually having a pair of jaws

  10. says

    It makes perfect sense. If you can’t keep a head octopus healthy (when you can control just about all the variables) then how are you going to manage a messy thing such as a country where variable are always changing value.

  11. shouldbeworking says

    I think all the congressional leaders should wear one as well. They way they’ve been behaving, anything would raise the dignity of their office too.

  12. badgersdaughter says

    Hey, I thought we weren’t commenting on people’s appearance around… Oh, hey, nice octopus. :D

  13. blf says

    They way [elected politicians] been behaving, anything would raise the dignity of their office too.

    Raise? Once you are inside the Stoooooopidity Radius, it doesn’t matter whether you stop digging or wear an entire fleet of octopodes, you can’t escape the Blockhead Hole.