Silly harassers


OK, you pests out there. Could you get some consistency? I routinely get odd magazines sent to me by someone subscribing me to them…I get a few issues, and then when I respond to their requests for money by telling them I didn’t subscribe to them, they fade away.

For a while, you were randomly subscribing me to gay lifestyle magazines. Then it was chicken fanciers, and I got a lot of information about building a coop in my backyard. Now it’s a bunch of motorcycle magazines.

Could you go back to the gay magazines? There at least I got useful grooming and clothing tips.

Although if I win the Free Harley Giveaway contest in this one, that could change.

Comments

  1. Janine: Fucking Dyke Of Rage Mountain says

    I was going to link to a video of Rob Halford riding a motorcycle on stage. But everything I see looks like it was recorded on a cell phone.

    Dammit, I have standards.

  2. says

    How many distinct classes of kook are currently going after PZ? To my knowledge, the five main lines of complaint seem to be:

    * Wah wah! PZ desecrated a cracker.
    * Wah Wah! Evolution is a lie.
    * Wah Wah! Climate change is a lie.
    * Wah wah! Those uppity bitches don’t respect my manhood.
    * Wah Wah! You aggressive shrill strident militant New Atheists are just as bad as religious fundamentalists.

    Are there any more?

  3. Pierce R. Butler says

    A bike mag without babes in bikinis on the cover?

    Somebody had to look long and hard (so to speak) to find that…

  4. says

    I get a lot of

    * Wah Wah! You gay Jews are destroying America!

    and

    * Wah Wah! How dare you reject my evidence for NDEs/UFOs/ZPE!

    and currently,

    * Wah Wah! Thunderf00t is a hero, and you didn’t let him Think Freely!

  5. Janine: Fucking Dyke Of Rage Mountain says

    * Wah Wah! Thunderf00t is a hero, and you didn’t let him Think Freely!

    What? Did you place a mind control chip in his head?

    Are you actually Maggie Walsh?

  6. fastlane says

    If it were sportbikes, I’d ask you to forward them to me. Not so much interested in Harleys, though.

  7. Illuminata, Genie in the Beer Bottle says

    Wah Wah! You gay Jews are destroying America!

    um . . . huh?

    yes, all I can manage in response to that is gutteral noises.

  8. proudmra says

    Harley-Davidson has been called “the most efficient way to convert fuel into noise without the byproduct of horsepower.”

  9. Janine: Fucking Dyke Of Rage Mountain says

    Audley, PZ has talked about the gay porn that has been sent in his direction. But I cannot recall if he specified what format it came in.

  10. Rev. BigDumbChimp says

    Gun and Garden. It’s a favorite in my household.

    Garden and Gun is a good mag actually. There’s a lot of fluff but it has some good writing and photography on food, drink, art and culture. It’s based here in Charleston.

  11. says

    Porn on paper is expensive. They don’t allow people to subscribe without money up front. I get signed up for mags that don’t have such a demanding requirement.

    The gay porn I get is copy-pasted stuff via email.

    ZPE=zero point energy, the hot new name for perpetual motion machines.

  12. Ogvorbis: The only post-Permian seymouriamorph says

    * Wah Wah! Thunderf00t is a hero, and you didn’t let him Think Freely!

    Wait. That was the version with PZ controlling his thoughts?

    And I feel so left out. The only thing I get in the mail is bills. And books from Amazon.

  13. Hurin, Midnight DJ on the Backwards Music Station says

    ZPE=zero point energy, the hot new name for perpetual motion machines.

    For anyone who didn’t know, zero point energy is real: its the lowest (but still non-zero) energy state in the potential well of a system with vibrational frequencies (i.e. a molecules, materials, etc.) in quantum mechanics.

    Silly crackpots and their quantum fails.

  14. says

    That’s just so damned lazy.

    I know. You’d have to be a world-class moron to fail to realize that anyone with access to the net can easily get bizarre porn to fit any peculiar weirdness that might hydrodynamically inflate a tentacle. Gay porn is just so vanilla.

  15. Hurin, Midnight DJ on the Backwards Music Station says

    ^^ Crackpots meaning the people who think they are going to harvest ZPEs as some kind of fuel.

  16. Sili says

    The PZ-hog would look nice, parked in the PZome.

    Pity the gay porn isn’t in paper form. I was about to ask if I could come visit. Perhaps you could just set up a mail filter to forward it to me?

  17. says

    But…but…but it’s got the word “energy” right there in the label! All we have to do is tap into ZPE and the world’s energy problems are all solved!

  18. sabazinus says

    Hmm, I kind of want the chicken fancier magazines–since I intend to have chickens in a couple years. Who do I have to offend to get on the mailing list?

  19. says

    … hydrodynamically inflate a tentacle.

    *giggle fit!*

    It’s incredibly sad that the most offensive thing these bozos can think of is gay porn. I mean, I understand if it doesn’t turn your crank, but talk about misreading your audience.

  20. Ogvorbis: The only post-Permian seymouriamorph says

    But…but…but it’s got the word “energy” right there in the label!

    Means nothing. Less than nothing. For an example, I give you Intelligent Design.

  21. rr says

    You can refuse US mail as long as any envelopes remain unopened. I just put a line through the “to” address and write “refused, return to sender, remove from mailing list” on the mailpiece, and throw it back in the mail. Works like a charm, and gets the sender’s attention since they have to pay for the return postage.

  22. steve oberski says

    Next time I’m in Texas it’s a free subscription to “Christian Cowboys for Jesus”* for PZ.

    * I am not making this up.

  23. steve oberski says

    @rr

    Works the same here in Canada.

    Got a letter from a collection agency once for someone who used to live at my address, did the return to sender thing, they sent it back, found the largest box that would fit in a mail box parcel slot, put a brick, empty wine bottle and a used toner cartridge in it, taped the letter to it and popped it in the mail box.

    I never heard from them again.

  24. Rev. BigDumbChimp says

    I know. You’d have to be a world-class moron to fail to realize that anyone with access to the net can easily get bizarre porn to fit any peculiar weirdness that might hydrodynamically inflate a tentacle. Gay porn is just so vanilla.

    Rule 34 an all

  25. morganakks says

    Have you thought that maybe the gay porn is from admirers hoping to turn you? You’d pull some serious ass at a Bear bar.

  26. says

    There’s a Christian car-crushing monster truck show advertised on page 2.

    (Blinks…)

    Well, I guess it’s no more incongruous than the Bahá’í funny car racing weekend I just attended…

    Seriously, y’know, there’s just something surreally beautiful about that very phrase, for some reason. It’s like something out of a McSweeney’s list.

    … And from the same one, of course, we have the abovementioned Bahá’ís in drag racers…

    … not to mention the Wahhabi pro wrestling throwdown, and the Rastafarian caber toss.

    (/The Hare Krishna rib cookoff was a bit of a bust, tho’.)

  27. scrutationaryarchivist says

    PZ,

    I’m pretty sure that Aron Ra is a motorcycle owner. Maybe you could ask him if he’d be interested in the magazines.

  28. Alverant says

    Good luck winning the Harley!

    If you do win, I hope you’ll drive around Sunday mornings in a church-heavy neighborhood showing off how loud the engine is.
    (Actually it is kind of dick-ish move. Let’s pretend I said it in jest and just imagine the reaction.)

  29. says

    Damn. I sent PZ my book. Now I can’t help but imagine it lost under a stack of biker mags. And porn. [sniff!] (At least my novel has titties on the cover!)

    I’m going to get PZ a subscription to California Farmer!

  30. janiceintoronto says

    You really, really don’t want the Harley unless you have the need for an overweight, underpowered tank on two wheels.

    If you win, I’d suggest you send it to Ken Ham. He deserves it.

  31. says

    Send any birding mags my way, especially Birds and Blooms. If you want an issue of UltraViolence, I’m friends with one of the editors.

    I’m always amazed by the specificity of some trade journals. I found myself in a dentist’s waiting room reading a copy of modern dental hygenist or something. (And that’s not that specific, anyone whose done academic journal hunting knows how crazy specific those get, e.g. Southern Annals of Pediatric Oncothyroidal Lacroscopic Surgery.) I’d like a chicken coop, too. Rescues only! :)

  32. Ogvorbis: The only post-Permian seymouriamorph says

    If you win, I’d suggest you send it to Ken Ham. He deserves it.

    Nah. Sell it and buy a Fiat 500.

  33. katansi says

    So if you were to get random magazines, which would you prefer? Because I can get a nice little pile of those inserts off the ground at B&N.

  34. F says

    Brownian says:

    What’s a magazine?

    Slight misspelling of the French word for “department store”.

  35. Janine: Fucking Dyke Of Rage Mountain says

    ‘Tis, given your background in the Navy, I am surprised that you did not give the naval definition.

  36. Illuminata, Genie in the Beer Bottle says

    It’s incredibly sad that the most offensive thing these bozos can think of is gay porn. I mean, I understand if it doesn’t turn your crank, but talk about misreading your audience.

    That’s exactly what I was thinking. Dudes fucking is the the worst thing these dipshits can think of? Seriously? That shows not only a worrying lack of imagination, but also sad and pathetic googlefu.

  37. koliedrus says

    Shit. Just shit.

    Now I’ll have an earworm constantly repeating that AC/DC song while images of two grown men “rassle” in motor oil.

    Also, I’ll need to see a priest so I can find out how to keep that combination from giving me a boner.

    You guys are KILLING me!

  38. birgerjohansson says

    PZ,
    I am not the one sending you gay porn.
    I am the one who occasionally sends you SF/Fantasy novels
    and the odd graphic novel from Amazon.com.
    (It is my diabolical plan to distract you from your work)

  39. cm's changeable moniker says

    Here’s a roundup of the world’s most bizarre magazines

    I will not have Modern Drunkard so maligned! ;-)

    Boozing with the Bomb

    In 1960 OCD scientists suggested in a memo, perhaps jokingly, that the ideal basement shelter would be constructed entirely out of cans of beer. The walls would be two cases thick, the ceiling four, and “by the time you drink your way out of the shelter, it should be safe to go outside.” And if it wasn’t, you probably wouldn’t care.

  40. says

    Re: proudmra 16 August 2012 at 12:23 pm

    Harley-Davidson has been called “the most efficient way to convert fuel into noise without the byproduct of horsepower.”

    My spouse, who rides a Honda, shares, “Rivaled only by the owners of said who are well known for impressive conversions of ethanol into noise.”

  41. koliedrus says

    Re: proudmra 16 August 2012 at 12:23 pm

    Harley-Davidson has been called “the most efficient way to convert fuel into noise without the byproduct of horsepower.”

    My spouse, who rides a Honda, shares, “Rivaled only by the owners of said who are well known for impressive conversions of ethanol into noise.”

    Crap.

    I work with a guy nicknamed “Harley”.

    Tomorrow will be tough.

  42. jkusters says

    Could you go back to the gay magazines? There at least I got useful grooming and clothing tips.

    Guffaw! That one had me laughing in my cube. Thanks, I needed that.

  43. tim rowledge, Ersatz Haderach says

    Four wheels move the body.
    Two wheels move the soul(*)

    And
    Happiness is not round the next corner, happiness is the next corner.

    (*)existence of ‘soul’ is not established by any scientificalismisty stuff. Not valid in all jurisdictions. No purchase necessary to enter, except in Quebec, just because. Know your limits and slay within them.

  44. a3kr0n says

    I like motorcycle magazines because of their layouts…
    Chicken magazines? I didn’t know there were such things?

  45. says

    Though i never subscribed to it and have never paid for it, I’ve been getting “Tactical Response” magazine for several years now.

    Every so often I actually glance at an issue. It’s all paramilitary gear reviews and ads, aimed at people who are in police SWAT teams and such.

    Guns, bullet proof vests, sonic cannons, crowd control and riot gear, etc.

    I never stopped to think about what the person who put me on the list was trying to tell me. But the subscription has somehow managed to follow me from NY to FL to NY to CA.

  46. John Morales says

    Free Harley Giveaway contest?

    Nice!

    I’d love to get a free Harley; then I could sell it and get a real bike!

    (Harleys:bikes::tractors:cars)

  47. jackiepaper says

    I once signed a friend of mine up for a certain male clothing catalog as a joke. It appeared to sell the ideal fashions for jiggalos and Lex Luther. Imagine my chagrin when his only response when I came clean was, “I wondered why two of those came this month.”

    PS He did look great in his leather pants. I shouldn’t have been hate’n.

  48. David Marjanović says

    There’s a Christian car-crushing monster truck show advertised on page 2.

    Christianity has jumped the shark.

    *imagines Jesus Haploid Christ Himself, aureole and all, on waterskis*

    ZPE=zero point energy, the hot new name for perpetual motion machines.

    QUANTUM perpetual motion machines, foolish poopyhead!!!1!1!

    BrrrRRRRMMMMbbbbRRrrmmMMMMMbbbbRRRRRMMMMMbbb—bbb–bbb–bbRRRRRMMMMMMM

    Thread won.

    No purchase necessary to enter, except in Quebec, just because.

    So true.

    Know your limits and slay within them.

    Interesting concept. Is it Klingon?

    (Harleys:bikes::tractors:cars)

    Ooh, burn. :-)

  49. carolw says

    H-D stands for “hundred dolla’,” because that’s what every little accessory and part you buy for one is going to cost you, at the very least.

  50. direlobo says

    I’m going to sign you up for YACHTING MONTHLY – once you get the grooming down, you will want to show off your new look on a fabulous yacht!